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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My daughter and son in-law found out about my online relationship with a man who has been balancing and conforting to me. They say they will never speak to me again and that they hate me and I will die knowing they hate me.
If this were just about having sex talk or physical sex, I’d tell your kids to mind their own business. People with dementia have lots of tolerance to have physical affairs even in mcs, and you’re not doing that.
The salient question is whether this online male is really who he says he is, which can’t be ascertained without a meeting.
Scams are not always as blatant as asking directly for money. Scammers can use information you provide to them while chatting to engage in identity theft and rob your accounts, open accounts in your name, charge things to your accounts, and then disappear. Think of all the bits of information that you use as passwords and answers to security questions. They are things we talk about to our friends. But the scammers will use them to figure out passwords to hack you or answer the security questions to access your accounts. Past job you mention and where you went to school become your education and work history on a credit card or loan application.
Be careful with this. I was on a dating website just to check it out. Trust and believe, I got hit up by scammers right and left. I was so glad to get myself back in school for a short span of time to get the heck away from the nonsense. I consider myself an intelligent woman and these people were trying to get into my head like some type of mind control. A year later this person appeared in a friend's feed on FB. He started asking for money. When I refused. He or she told me not to contact them again. I got the feeling that it was one of those Nigerian Romance scams because he dropped the mask and started responding in broken sentences, poor grammar and hostility. They feed on loneliness. I prefer how we met men back in the day at dances, church and other socials. Sometimes the man you would meet was a friend of a friend.
Such a dramatic post, with no information, was confusing.
Problem is like everyone else says, the level of Internet Scams on elderly women is terrible. I've seen Dr. Phil try to convince stubborn senior ladies to stop believing the Scammer when he starts asking for money! He did several shows about it, and I was shocked how naive these lonely women are.
Normally intelligent women who are retired and live alone have given huge amounts of money to scammers, who use fake photos and promises. It's worse than the dating websites, also full of fakes. If you are vulnerable emotionally, you are easy to trick. Some lost their entire life savings!
Women gave these fakes thousands of dollars, without ever meeting them in person! Dr. Phil sent investigators to the addresses in other countries that they provided these naive women, and they found no person living at the addresses. Usually their adult kids would contact Dr. Phil for help in convincing their lonely mothers these guys were FAKES. It was hard to watch how stubborn the women were, believing all the "love talk" was real, yet they never had met the guy in person!
Now this all makes sense. Even if the OP places her husband in Memory Care, that doesn't mean she can instantly trust this internet stranger. Of course she is stressed, under pressure, hopeless and destroyed by her husband's worsening dementia, which is not an easy situation for anyone.
It would be much safer to see a psychiatrist her own Primary doctor refers her to. Or a Grief CounseIor.
I remember when I was a child, it was hammered into me by my Mother, "Don't talk to strangers." Apparently she is desperate and her daughter knows the potential for disaster is so easy these days with the Internet.
Dr Phil one of the biggest "scammers" especially for ratings. He probably had these senior women on partly for that, as well as for entertainment at their expense.
Be very careful that this "man" is authentic. There are too many AI scams that appear to be an authentic human. Tread carefully please.
I have mixed emotions and can see both sides. All actions have consequences. But everyone needs a social network. Is this person local? Can you attend support groups to give you an outlet with real people is similar situation as you. Or are you in need of a more romantic connection? I am sorry for your circumstances.
I had dinner with some ranchers who own land adjacent to the giant Villages complex in central Florida where a lot of senior citizens live.
Two physical banks within the Villages complex see 2 incidents of fraud by financial scammers to "online friends" a day and around 10 incidents a week at each physical bank location. The bank employees do their best to stop wire transfers to "online friends" but typically the senior citizens protest that they are sending money to their real friends. The senior citizens don't believe that they are communicating with fraudsters.
It is really sad. Some of the seniors have sent so much money to their online friends that they have had to move out of state and move in with their kids in another state.
It's understandable to be mad at a parent for emotional affairs. Please be aware that scams happen all the time. It's a good time to confess, put this past you and apologize to your family and block this "man" or scammer whichever it is.
Have you looked at this through your daughter’s eyes? She’s losing her father, slowly and painfully, to dementia. She’s grieving a loss that’s coming. She’s also watching you in some way seeming not to care, putting your priority elsewhere. When my mom was in a nursing home, a lady we’d long known was there with advanced dementia. Her husband had a girlfriend by this point, stating he’d mostly lost his wife and couldn’t take the loneliness. He’d visit his wife regularly, he did still care. His two sons were outraged at their dad, had little to do with him. The dad did permanent damage to those relationships due to his need for companionship. Of course you fully have the right to have this online relationship, you just also have to accept the consequences that may come with it.
The main concern for me as a daughter wouldn’t be infidelity, but money and what role if any the kids are expected to play in regard to incorporating this person into the extended family.
I don't see anything wrong with having an on-line friendship with a man. You are sacrificing a lot taking care of your husband and if this gives you the ability to continue to do it, I say have at it. I don't consider having a friendship with a man being unfaithful.
As long as you are not giving this person any money at all.
The internet is full of fraudsters and financial scammers of needy and lonely elders just like yourself. If it's online, you don't even know it's actually a man, or even someone from your own country. Scammers are very experienced at what they do. NEVER lend this person money or give out any personal details no matter what sob story they give you. If this happens you should know you're being scammed and block them immediately.
If this is only online, why does it have to be a man? There's no sexual intimacy...
I see nothing wrong in having a male friend. As long as you keep it on line. Just please do not fall for a scam. Send him no money and do not exchange phone# or addresses.
Caring for someone with a Dementia is very lonely. The person you are now living with, is not the person you married. You can't carry on a normal conversation. They have no memory. They are constant care. I don't know how you can get comfort from someone who may not even know your a spouse. At some point, it like caring for a toddler.
Do these people help you in any way? Are you able to get away for a while? Until you have cared for someone with a Dementia, you can't judge someone who is.
Since your husband is apparently still alive and is still at home with you, I honestly don't blame your daughter and son-in-law for being outraged at the fact that you're chatting with a man online and seeking comfort from someone other than your husband. That in my mind is cheating...anyway you slice it, and while you may miss "male companionship" right now, being that your husband has a death sentence of dementia, you will have plenty of opportunities to seek out "male companionship" after he is dead, and not be breaking your marriage vows. Why don't you instead get involved in a local caregivers support group where you will meet all kinds of folks going through similar things as you and where you can get the support, balance(whatever that means)and comfort that you need to get through this very trying time with your husband. No one said this life was going to be easy, but it's not about what life throws our way, but is instead about how we deal with the things that come our way, and reaching out to another man other than our husband when things get tough is not the wisest of choices. I'm just saying. I pray for wisdom and discernment from God for you in this situation.
That's their problem Not yours . You probably deserve companionship as Long as you are Not giving. him Money . A lot of us throw our time and Lives away caring for others . Live your own life . Make yourself happy .
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Maybe reach out to your senior center, gym and/or church to make new friends that are in your town.
My senior center has a lot of seniors that come to activities. My gym has a lot of seniors.
I've met a lot of nice men and women at the senior center in my Spanish class.
That way you can get support from real people that are local if you need anything.
Companionship but no sex required. Plus it's cute and will remind of appointments and meds.
The salient question is whether this online male is really who he says he is, which can’t be ascertained without a meeting.
Trust and believe, I got hit up by scammers right and left. I was so glad to get myself back in school for a short span of time to get the heck away from the nonsense. I consider myself an intelligent woman and these people were trying to get into my head like some type of mind control. A year later this person appeared in a friend's feed on FB. He started asking for money. When I refused. He or she told me not to contact them again. I got the feeling that it was one of those Nigerian Romance scams because he dropped the mask and started responding in broken sentences, poor grammar and hostility. They feed on loneliness. I prefer how we met men back in the day at dances, church and other socials. Sometimes the man you would meet was a friend of a friend.
Problem is like everyone else says, the level of Internet Scams on elderly women is terrible. I've seen Dr. Phil try to convince stubborn senior ladies to stop believing the Scammer when he starts asking for money! He did several shows about it, and I was shocked how naive these lonely women are.
Normally intelligent women who are retired and live alone have given huge amounts of money to scammers, who use fake photos and promises. It's worse than the dating websites, also full of fakes. If you are vulnerable emotionally, you are easy to trick. Some lost their entire life savings!
Women gave these fakes thousands of dollars, without ever meeting them in person! Dr. Phil sent investigators to the addresses in other countries that they provided these naive women, and they found no person living at the addresses. Usually their adult kids would contact Dr. Phil for help in convincing their lonely mothers these guys were FAKES. It was hard to watch how stubborn the women were, believing all the "love talk" was real, yet they never had met the guy in person!
Now this all makes sense. Even if the OP places her husband in Memory Care, that doesn't mean she can instantly trust this internet stranger. Of course she is stressed, under pressure, hopeless and destroyed by her husband's worsening dementia, which is not an easy situation for anyone.
It would be much safer to see a psychiatrist her own Primary doctor refers her to.
Or a Grief CounseIor.
I remember when I was a child, it was hammered into me by my Mother, "Don't talk to strangers." Apparently she is desperate and her daughter knows the potential for disaster is so easy these days with the Internet.
Dr Phil one of the biggest "scammers" especially for ratings. He probably had these senior women on partly for that, as well as for entertainment at their expense.
I have mixed emotions and can see both sides. All actions have consequences. But everyone needs a social network. Is this person local? Can you attend support groups to give you an outlet with real people is similar situation as you. Or are you in need of a more romantic connection? I am sorry for your circumstances.
I had dinner with some ranchers who own land adjacent to the giant Villages complex in central Florida where a lot of senior citizens live.
Two physical banks within the Villages complex see 2 incidents of fraud by financial scammers to "online friends" a day and around 10 incidents a week at each physical bank location. The bank employees do their best to stop wire transfers to "online friends" but typically the senior citizens protest that they are sending money to their real friends. The senior citizens don't believe that they are communicating with fraudsters.
It is really sad. Some of the seniors have sent so much money to their online friends that they have had to move out of state and move in with their kids in another state.
As long as you are not giving this person any money at all.
Because their Father is still alive. To them it looks and feels like you're cheating on their Dad.
And... you already asked this question back in August 27, 2025:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/is-it-common-for-me-as-wife-and-caregiver-to-want-and-need-male-friendship-496212.htm
The internet is full of fraudsters and financial scammers of needy and lonely elders just like yourself. If it's online, you don't even know it's actually a man, or even someone from your own country. Scammers are very experienced at what they do. NEVER lend this person money or give out any personal details no matter what sob story they give you. If this happens you should know you're being scammed and block them immediately.
If this is only online, why does it have to be a man? There's no sexual intimacy...
Caring for someone with a Dementia is very lonely. The person you are now living with, is not the person you married. You can't carry on a normal conversation. They have no memory. They are constant care. I don't know how you can get comfort from someone who may not even know your a spouse. At some point, it like caring for a toddler.
Do these people help you in any way? Are you able to get away for a while? Until you have cared for someone with a Dementia, you can't judge someone who is.
That in my mind is cheating...anyway you slice it, and while you may miss "male companionship" right now, being that your husband has a death sentence of dementia, you will have plenty of opportunities to seek out "male companionship" after he is dead, and not be breaking your marriage vows.
Why don't you instead get involved in a local caregivers support group where you will meet all kinds of folks going through similar things as you and where you can get the support, balance(whatever that means)and comfort that you need to get through this very trying time with your husband.
No one said this life was going to be easy, but it's not about what life throws our way, but is instead about how we deal with the things that come our way, and reaching out to another man other than our husband when things get tough is not the wisest of choices. I'm just saying.
I pray for wisdom and discernment from God for you in this situation.
Are you divorced? Widowed? Why are they so adamant and manipulative about this? How old is this spoiled daughter and why is she so hateful toward you?