Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
1 2 3
Your mother, being of sound mind, has the right to say where she wishes to live and be cared for regardless of who's paying. The duty of those with POA is then to meet her wishes as far as possible within the real constraints of existing resources.

Have your nephew and his wife ever done anything like this before? Do they have any experience of providing 24/7 care, and living in their workplace? This isn't an ironical question - for all I know, they may both have had residential placements in hospital or nursing home settings.

But unless there are substantial reasons to believe they do both know what they're letting themselves in for, I can't see this plan working as is. Perhaps an alternative option to consider would be their living with their grandmother as her primary caregivers, assisting her at night time and supporting her as their family member, but with hands-on care provided by paid services so that they are then free to continue their usual employment.

What do you and what does your mother and what do other informed parties think of the quality of care the grandchildren are providing at the moment?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I would take these questions up with an eldercare attorney who has most like drafted many personal care agreements and who can give you a better idea of what this level of service should reasonably cost in mom's neck of the woods.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Sounds like grandma is getting ripped off....get professional help and information from an Elder lawyer.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

In a support group someone taught us that we have different hats with our parents. Sometimes we are the daughter, sometimes we are the nurse , sometimes we are the accountant, sometimes we are the lawyer. It seems to me that in this situation the accountant and the lawyer would be worried about the nature of the demands and worry also about what they could become in the future as thing gets more and more demanding.
Maybe if they want to be a part of your mom's life, they can play the role of nice niece and nice nephew ( visit, assist "sometimes') and you and get ( for less money from what I read in the comments) good services that you will have better control over and use the extra money for even more services maybe. Way harder to reprimand family for things that would go wrong than changing paid employees...Just think about how it would be if , down the road , you decide to not let them keep on living there ...
It must be hard to navigate between family relationship and business boundaries. I am sure you do not need that extra burden right now. Mixing family and business ( money) is a a well known very very delicate thing.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Nothing like some skilled family members to care for her with ‘love and concern’.
I recently called a local agency and obtained rates for 24/7 care attendant for my 90 yo dad. The payment goes to agency who pays the employee their ‘rate of pay’. Annual cost for 1 person 24/7 was $88K. I’m in western KY. Your local agency rates may be different.
I have to ask... will these ‘caregiver family members’ be receiving a $ inheritance from mom? Is it already arranged? Non the less a family care giver who changes and gives their time and attendance may feel it just to be compensated something fair to market -all living costs considered and monetarily balanced including housing, food, utilities, transportation costs, etc.
Difficult care conditions including Loss of or interrupted sleep is part of the daily rate of the job for agency workers. If you find an agency fees are different for shifts during nights and weekends then consider adding the difference just to those hours.
Tough spot... I pray they will have utmost respect and concern for mom and appreciate not just the money being offered but the opportunity to give her what only loving family member(s) brings to quality of her late life stage.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Inthistoo Mar 2021
I agree! I think that mom hasn’t gasped the situation she is in. She isn’t compensating a family member for their care as many on this site would’ve appreciated the help she is offering. Rather it sounds like family who are willing to be commercial caretakers. Elder law sounds like the best way to do this. If there is fighting over money now, imagine later. Get a lawyer and get everything on paper.
(1)
Report
I live in Missouri and am the sole caregiver for my mother. A contract was arranged trough Elder Law that pays me $17/hour, but not more than $2500/month. That is what they advised. If I were an employee of an in-home service, I could expect to be paid $20/hour. But the agency gets much more than that. Sounds like you should consult a professional agency and tell your family members your decisions will be based upon professional care rates, tax impacts, expenses incurred on her behalf and what is best for your mother. Best wishes.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

As others have noted: Please contact an elder care attorney for advice an counsel.

Most will give a free initial consult.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I advise an Elder Care Lawyer to help you figure out the cost to pay family and outside help for the care of your Mother and the maintenance of her home. The lawyer can give you a better idea of what is the current cost in your area for full time nursing home care. The lawyer can also help in figuring out how much to pay your nephew and his wife for the full time care they are providing to your Mother which would include a reasonable rate for food cost. Since your Mother is of sound mind but dealing with major health issues she is in need of more care 24/7. It seems that she wants to stay home which is understandable since this is where she feels safe and comfortable. If it is possible to continue to honor your Mother in her home care especially during the pandemic is a blessing.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Wow, I am really spellbound to read about the cost of care I guess in the US.

Just for comparison:

We live in Spain, which is a reasonably wealthy country with a reasonably good level of care.

My widowed 87 years old mother, with mild dementia and mobility impairment after Covid is looked after at home 24/24 by 3 professional carers working in shifts.

What we pay to the carers, plus Social Security tax to them all, plus the employment agency fee, plus 10 hours a week of cooking and cleaning by another lady (included her Social Security tax), plus 2 hrs per week of physiotherapy at home is less than 4000 dollars. And they all work at the legal fee per hour.

I myself look after my mum between 3 to 4 days a week without pay (company, cooking, cleaning, night shifts, doctor and pharmacist appointments). I'm also renting an appartment from the family at about 1200 dollars. Lately I asked for a cut in my rent of about 200 $ a month to compensate for my work (and pay for therapy, both psychological and physical, to heal from the stress), and my siblings refused.

Well, a very different story....

20k a month seems totally far fetched to me!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter