I take my mother to multiple doctors many times a month (Mayo Clinic), and one doctor just brought up that my mother always looks to me before she answers any question, and I usually speak for her. She responded to the doctor that I keep track of all her treatments and medical history, and she doesn’t know most of what has been done to her. I also regularly prompt my mother with how she’s described symptoms in the past, so she remembers what she needs to be describing, and I know that looks bad. The doctor said she was concerned about abuse or dementia because my mom wouldn’t speak without my permission.
Anyone ever experience this? How do I maintain my mother’s personal rights when she just trusts me to keep track of every medical thing? This is not the first doctor to show concern that I speak for her.
I kept quiet until Dad would look at me, then I'd repeat what the doctor or NP asked or said, sometimes making it a bit clearer if they were speaking in terms I knew Dad wouldn't understand. Eventually, most of them learned to speak louder after several visits.
I don't think it's unusual or indicative of subservience when a parent anticipates that a son or daughter will assist them with answering questions. And I've also seen that some medical personnel will "dumb it down" in anticipation that the elder isn't going to comprehend their level of conversation.