My mother tries my patience on a good day but I usually manage to stay calm....failing that I go to my car or garage and scream
Today is a scream day. Firstly she doesnt want me to go out this afternoon for something I have had planned for 6 months. I will be out 90 minutes and providing she goes to the toilet before I go and they lays on the bed no harm can come to her.
So 10 minutes after me reminding her we were having lunch at lunchtime she decided to soil herself royally, followed by the words you cant go out if I am like this all day. Now if she hadnt added those words they would have come to me all on my own but BECAUSE she added them I started to wonder.
Then she said she felt sick and didnt want any lunch - but when I came in very quietly (OK yes I was spying) there she is stuffing her face with biscuits and cake which I leave by her side. She has been awake just over 4 hours and I have been in to speak to her chat wash clean her soiling clean the room 14 times which I think is pushing your luck really.
So what has she just done? Asked for coffee so I made her a latte just as she likes it and she now wants sugar in it - has NEVER taken sugar in anything. Then there was too much coffee in the cup - its dispensed mum it is always that amount.....well its too much Ive always thought so
I could see her fidgeting so I said lets get you across to the commode mum. I dont need to go there ...well I think you do... wasnt gonna happen. I came back in 5 minutes later and despite her reluctance I got her up and here we go again she wet and soiled herself in front of me. You wont be able to go out this afternoon you'll have to ring and cancel.
As I count 1 to 10 and find it needs to be 100000000000 I count to now.
Hmmmm OK lets try my theory. I went out of the room and 'made' a phone call. I know she could hear what I was saying because I was stood right by the door and I spoke louder than usual. When I finished my call, I waited a while then went back in. And what did she say. I feel much better now you could have gone after all
I havent told her yet but I havent cancelled I spoke to the phone not to anyone the other end so at 5pm I AM GOING OUT SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM
Whats your screaming point?
To not end on a bad note, they make me spend a lot of time in the doctor's office. Even if we go there twice in one week, grandma always walks into the office using her walker with a smile saying to everyone (she has gone there 30 minutes so it's still a familiar place), "I haven't seen you in so long!" I had her in the doctor's office Monday and now today with the same UTI and drug reaction issues and she still greeted the doctor, "Hi. I haven't seen you in forever." That always makes me laugh and smile.
1. The not gross but scary (how the hell did she manage that??) thing. This morning woke up 3.30 am ( me ) Stumble thru the house , put coffee on, heading for my usual make sure she's breathing check. Hum spare room door open and light on.. that's weird, but Im sleepy. Into her room I go.. her hospital bed is flat, blankets on the floor, oh except the one she is laying on and wide awake MIL. I pick up blankets, ask her if she got up in the night, nope of course not. Before I can think to stop myself I state well you must have with the blanket under you ( Oh NO My head says to me you didnt actually say that did you)... No you put me on it last night , now alert I carefully keep my mouth closed... Okay lets change britches.. little accident, clean her up go to put dirty britches in the trash notice bathroom door is open, toliet is open, poo in said toliet.... But no she didn't get out of the bed.
My rant for this one is how the hell is she able to do all of this in the middle of the night when she can barely move from the bed to her wheelchair any other time??? Demetia gives her super Grannie powers!
Okay rant 2. This is the gross one.. For some reason Demetia has told her that the only way to poo is to digger it out with her hands.. Sneaky like. If we are in the room she has no issues but walk around the corner and hand up the butt... That one drives me insane, but what can you do other than watch her like a hawk..
Sorry this was so long.
Oh to be in Arizona - at least it would be warm .... mind you then she who must be obeyed would say it was too hot!
Christian My mother doesn't bloody answer me so I don't know whether she has heard me or not so I say it again louder. Then louder still Then shout. then she says don't go on at me!!!!!
Babalou we are moving really because it is more beneficial for me to not have the worries about the steps in the house we are in PLUS she can't get out without going through 3 doors which is a bonus, not that she does wander - she can't walk well enough to but just in case. Plus it has a much bigger bathroom which will be handy
careisgiving - sadly I don't drink but I have thought about it a few times recently
Alexander don't be sad give them a ring and say oi get your backsides over here and give me a break or I will bring him to you and just leave him on the doorstep
Jessie don't say that about raised blood pressure - mine will be through the roof after today. She is snarky as hell at the moment and nothing is right so she is ignoring me, refusing to eat anything I make. Daughter comes over and bingo 'SHOWTIME' she was charming and ate and drank and p155ed me right off
And I think it's not Medicare vs Medicaid, it's "skilled" vs "long term custodial care". My mom is private pay in a nh, in long term care and they dropped that monitoring when Medicare stopped and private pay (much higher rate) kicked in. So it's not the money, it's the care level.
Besides, nah, she's not going to die for ages yet. God forbid anyway of course, but plus why would she waste this brilliant opportunity to complain every day about how much she misses the old place..???
The said what are you going to do if she dies on the morning that the contracts are exchanged (exchange occurs at midday here in UK). I said I am going out and not coming back until half past 12
Then my son said he thinks that Mum has one final straw up her sleeve for me to move us both into the new home unpack and organise everything and then she will die because she can see I am settled.
Oh deep joy - I don't fancy either option but they aren't the only ones worrying about this
And yes Susan these last few months have been a different roller coaster every darned day. Some day dreadful some not so good and some ok ish. What I do know is the stress increased by this move is seriously affecting her but the move is essential for me to manage her physically and the effect of not being able to manage her is a move to a care home which she doesn't want. not good either way
My screaming point now is with the NH. It seems every week I find out something new that they're *not* doing - that I thought they were. They changed her Zoloft dosage (lower), which is great and seems to have improved her a bit (not sleeping 24/7 now), but no one told me it was changed or why - and when we first got her into the NH, they were calling me with every little detail, which I encouraged and told them I appreciated. Now I have to ASK for a report on what's going on with her. And I had kind of a shock the other day when I found out they don't even bother to check pulse, heart rate or lung sounds in someone that's in long-term care (in other words, on Medicaid) - they do it daily with someone who's on Medicare - but once they start Medicaid, that stops. Why??
We're having a care conference in a week or so - I'm going to bring these things up. Mom has congestive heart failure. They are monitoring her weight to watch for flluid increase, but a mild case of pneumonia or something like that could be detected by listening to her lungs, and her blood pressure and heart rate should be checked every day, the way I see it. She also has AFib and a pacemaker - if she goes into AFib, she shows no signs of it - I watched her go from 70 to 125 heart rate in the hospital and sit there like nothing was wrong. The nurse was flabbergasted that she wasn't even lightheaded or short of breath.
Deep breaths. Hope it goes ahead this time - nod, smile and meanwhile be a tyrant for the interim and have no shame. This is a military operation, she can have her war crimes trial once you're settled in.
This of course is only a minor scream . To date we have had one sale fall through and 3 purchases fall through. I finally find exactly what she wants and she says I won't be able to see the kids go to school.
I have to change doctor, I won't know where anything is, I want the biggest room why can't you have the smallest one (Because you wanted two rooms Mum and I will only have one?????? and that will be the dining/lounge/kitchen so its not suitable for you. Oh and the final reason? I am not going into respite when we move I can help.
OK ITS NOT A SMALL SCREAM - you should be able to hear it across the bloody pond.
PS we are still moving