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My screaming point lately has been my frustration at the illness of UTIs. I hate them. I hate doctors who don't treat them right the first time. I hate how they make grandma all crazy like being lost and confused and not feeling well making it so that I have to repeat myself even more often and speak louder in attempt to have her give me more than a simple blank look. I hate how it makes her need to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes especially at nighttime when I'm trying to get some sort of sleep. I hate the way they make it so I have to listen to her moan and groan in pain because while you are on antibiotics, you can't have the normal nerve blocker shots. So in case I haven't said it enough, "I HATE UTIs!"

To not end on a bad note, they make me spend a lot of time in the doctor's office. Even if we go there twice in one week, grandma always walks into the office using her walker with a smile saying to everyone (she has gone there 30 minutes so it's still a familiar place), "I haven't seen you in so long!" I had her in the doctor's office Monday and now today with the same UTI and drug reaction issues and she still greeted the doctor, "Hi. I haven't seen you in forever." That always makes me laugh and smile.
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New here but thought I'd share (rant) my breaking ( screaming, well walking outside and taking deep breathes moments) Okay there are 2 things my MIL does that drives me utterly insane.
1. The not gross but scary (how the hell did she manage that??) thing. This morning woke up 3.30 am ( me ) Stumble thru the house , put coffee on, heading for my usual make sure she's breathing check. Hum spare room door open and light on.. that's weird, but Im sleepy. Into her room I go.. her hospital bed is flat, blankets on the floor, oh except the one she is laying on and wide awake MIL. I pick up blankets, ask her if she got up in the night, nope of course not. Before I can think to stop myself I state well you must have with the blanket under you ( Oh NO My head says to me you didnt actually say that did you)... No you put me on it last night , now alert I carefully keep my mouth closed... Okay lets change britches.. little accident, clean her up go to put dirty britches in the trash notice bathroom door is open, toliet is open, poo in said toliet.... But no she didn't get out of the bed.

My rant for this one is how the hell is she able to do all of this in the middle of the night when she can barely move from the bed to her wheelchair any other time??? Demetia gives her super Grannie powers!

Okay rant 2. This is the gross one.. For some reason Demetia has told her that the only way to poo is to digger it out with her hands.. Sneaky like. If we are in the room she has no issues but walk around the corner and hand up the butt... That one drives me insane, but what can you do other than watch her like a hawk..

Sorry this was so long.
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gym? GYM? Screams GYM? whats this exercise thing? grins - one day I will join the geriatrics at the gym - one day - when this nightmare is over and only the golden memories remain.

Oh to be in Arizona - at least it would be warm .... mind you then she who must be obeyed would say it was too hot!
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OhJude - I'm definitely not advocating drinking wine, but red wine is supposed to be healthy right? ;-) I actually just joined a total body transformation program at my gym because I can see that drinking too much wine has made so oh so so pleasantly plump. :-) Now, I'm going to become a major exercise addict in place of the red and from the going stress that I'm dealing with from living with Mom, I'll end-up getting my getting my athletic body back from the pre-full-time-caregiving days/nightmare. Yippee...Happy New Year to ME! :-) Have a great night, ohJude, screams and all. I may be hear you, actually, way out in Arizona. :-)
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Glad I am so excited for you - you so need this new venture and it will be wonderful.

Christian My mother doesn't bloody answer me so I don't know whether she has heard me or not so I say it again louder. Then louder still Then shout. then she says don't go on at me!!!!!

Babalou we are moving really because it is more beneficial for me to not have the worries about the steps in the house we are in PLUS she can't get out without going through 3 doors which is a bonus, not that she does wander - she can't walk well enough to but just in case. Plus it has a much bigger bathroom which will be handy

careisgiving - sadly I don't drink but I have thought about it a few times recently

Alexander don't be sad give them a ring and say oi get your backsides over here and give me a break or I will bring him to you and just leave him on the doorstep

Jessie don't say that about raised blood pressure - mine will be through the roof after today. She is snarky as hell at the moment and nothing is right so she is ignoring me, refusing to eat anything I make. Daughter comes over and bingo 'SHOWTIME' she was charming and ate and drank and p155ed me right off
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I don't scream anymore. I drink red wine until I'm completely numb. :-)
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Jude, I did not realize that you are finally moving. Hope it goes very well for you. I am moving as well for a new job more than 400 miles from here that starts on February 1. So I am going through this house and getting rid of stuff like I can't imagine! It would be impossible to do this with my Mom! I simply cannot imagine!
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chrischan, That nosy neighbor makes me mad. Tell him she is hard of hearing and to butt out! No one that doesn't care give for someone can possibly know how hard this is for us, and one thing that makes me want to scream is advice from people that don't understand there is no easy way to do this job.
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Isn't that strange. Saying something louder and louder makes me feel angry even when I'm not. I bet it also raises the blood pressure.
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Oh the yelling. Even saying something pleasant in an overly loud voice makes you sound like a harpy, then having to repeat it two or three times makes you feel like one!
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ohJude, one day while I was telling my mother to eat her breakfast that I had brought out to the patio for her...so that she could enjoy the beautiful summer day...I had to yell particularly loudly because she had left her hearing aids out for my bird to chew on (yes, hundreds of $ damage), plus she just won't do anything until you tell her 5 times minimum....well, my neighbor comes stomping over threatening to call the police because of elder abuse and wouldn't go away. He stuck his mother in a NH and visited once a month and he had the nerve to accuse me, when I was just trying to do something good for her. No one ever understands, they just make judgements. Even my mother said that he should just mind his own business.
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I moved here after spending my whole adult life on the west coast so that she could stay in her home. Living in my childhood home is strange, but her dementia short term memory is the most difficult thing. If she doesn't do what I tell her immediately she forgets. And being that she is passive aggressive, that is almost every single time. Which means, unless I raise my voice, nothing ever happens. However, when my sister visits, it's uncanny how she is able to respond without any yelling on my part. She behaves for "company" but not for the person who has been taking care of her for 7 years.
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Unfortunately, most everything makes me yell because my mother won't do anything till after I have told her many times and I start to yell. I hate having to raise my voice because that in itself makes me angry. So, basically I am angry any time I am around her. I've been doing this for 7 years...
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Today is one of those "I don't think I can take it anymore" days! I, like a robot, go thru the usual tasks, fix breakfast, fix pills, do dishes, do laundry, listen to endless stories about the TV shows he watches (he seems to imagine he is one of the characters). I have a pretty large family, and they are all aware of the situation, but I have not seen any of them since Christmas. I am just sad.
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Jude, my hat is off to you, moving with your mom. It's a gargantuan enterprise on a good day. With a dementia patient, too much to bear. Good luck!!!
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Susan; with regard to bp, temp and weight monitoring, that ALL has to be ordered by the doctor. I too, thought that was done as a matter of course, but it's not. Talk to the DON at the meeting, or beforehand.

And I think it's not Medicare vs Medicaid, it's "skilled" vs "long term custodial care". My mom is private pay in a nh, in long term care and they dropped that monitoring when Medicare stopped and private pay (much higher rate) kicked in. So it's not the money, it's the care level.
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Take a deep breathe Jude, and reread what countrymouse just said. How can we or they or anyone complain if we re not around to do so!!!!!! Wonderful answer!
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Jude, I think the only way to get through the nightmare of moving, full stop, is to pretend you are a robot and have nothing emotional invested in any outcome whatever it may be.

Besides, nah, she's not going to die for ages yet. God forbid anyway of course, but plus why would she waste this brilliant opportunity to complain every day about how much she misses the old place..???
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My children passed an unnerving comment yesterday because you see I am not stressed enough obviously (either that or they are trying to kill me off too!!!)

The said what are you going to do if she dies on the morning that the contracts are exchanged (exchange occurs at midday here in UK). I said I am going out and not coming back until half past 12

Then my son said he thinks that Mum has one final straw up her sleeve for me to move us both into the new home unpack and organise everything and then she will die because she can see I am settled.

Oh deep joy - I don't fancy either option but they aren't the only ones worrying about this
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OhJude, they say that the stress of moving is equivalent thereabouts to the stress of death of a loved one. You are certainly between a rock and a hard place. The unknowns and unforeseen events that change moving plans are so stressful.
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OhJude, how exasperating! I hear it over the waves of the Atlantic Ocean, lol!
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Have you contacted Medicaid to see why that would be the case or asked the NH the question IN WRITING. I suspect they think if there is no money no one will bother....WRONG!

And yes Susan these last few months have been a different roller coaster every darned day. Some day dreadful some not so good and some ok ish. What I do know is the stress increased by this move is seriously affecting her but the move is essential for me to manage her physically and the effect of not being able to manage her is a move to a care home which she doesn't want. not good either way
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Oh Jude...you have so many screaming points with your dear Mum....I feel for you. Every day is a new adventure for you, isn't it? I hope the move goes well, if you still end up moving and don't go stark raving mad first.

My screaming point now is with the NH. It seems every week I find out something new that they're *not* doing - that I thought they were. They changed her Zoloft dosage (lower), which is great and seems to have improved her a bit (not sleeping 24/7 now), but no one told me it was changed or why - and when we first got her into the NH, they were calling me with every little detail, which I encouraged and told them I appreciated. Now I have to ASK for a report on what's going on with her. And I had kind of a shock the other day when I found out they don't even bother to check pulse, heart rate or lung sounds in someone that's in long-term care (in other words, on Medicaid) - they do it daily with someone who's on Medicare - but once they start Medicaid, that stops. Why??

We're having a care conference in a week or so - I'm going to bring these things up. Mom has congestive heart failure. They are monitoring her weight to watch for flluid increase, but a mild case of pneumonia or something like that could be detected by listening to her lungs, and her blood pressure and heart rate should be checked every day, the way I see it. She also has AFib and a pacemaker - if she goes into AFib, she shows no signs of it - I watched her go from 70 to 125 heart rate in the hospital and sit there like nothing was wrong. The nurse was flabbergasted that she wasn't even lightheaded or short of breath.
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OMG and won't she just. I am building myself up for the blow out. Her last words to me a couple of minutes ago were if I die you won't be able to sell it and move....OH YES I WILL ...but I didn't go there!
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She can help! Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!! Oh God, yes - "shall I carry the boxes out to the car?" - which I would have laughed off better if, bugger me, she hadn't actually tried to!!!!

Deep breaths. Hope it goes ahead this time - nod, smile and meanwhile be a tyrant for the interim and have no shame. This is a military operation, she can have her war crimes trial once you're settled in.
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As many of you will know we are in the processing of moving to a more suitable property. She wanted a separate bedroom tick, separate bathroom attached to the ouunge tick, all on one floor, tick, garden, tick, near the shop ... tick. We are about a week away from exchanging contracts and she now says she doesn't want to move.

This of course is only a minor scream . To date we have had one sale fall through and 3 purchases fall through. I finally find exactly what she wants and she says I won't be able to see the kids go to school.

I have to change doctor, I won't know where anything is, I want the biggest room why can't you have the smallest one (Because you wanted two rooms Mum and I will only have one?????? and that will be the dining/lounge/kitchen so its not suitable for you. Oh and the final reason? I am not going into respite when we move I can help.

OK ITS NOT A SMALL SCREAM - you should be able to hear it across the bloody pond.

PS we are still moving
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I'm glad to hear that you go out and scream your head off! You have to have a release and if screaming helps, do it! I was raised in a home where you couldn't say no, couldnt argue, had to tiptoe and whisper when Dad was asleep (he was drunk), couldn't talk about your feelings or your hopes. Today I'm still holding it in, (I'm 78). As a result I have GERD, hives, insomnia and panic attacks...and I'm still trying to figure out to Get the help for my 91 year old bi-polar sister the care she needs! Keep screaming!!
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I've heard of people who use a whistle or other cute tricks on telemarketers, but I always think of the people who have to work those crappy jobs to take home a pay-cheque. True, some of them are obvious scammers (had any calls from microsoft lately LOL) but many are just legitimate companies trying to flog their wares. If I we could figure out a way to blow a whistle in the CEO's ear maybe that would have more effect.
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Susan I so wish I could do the block thing but my daughter rings from a blocked number so I dont know whether iit is her calling or a bloody marketer. And I wouldnt block international ones in case you all call me!!!! xxxx grins
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Jude, one of my favorite tricks used to be the whistle. I'd keep one of those jarringly loud, shrill emergency whistles next to the phone - and when a telemarketer would call, I'd just blow it as loud as possible directly into the phone. (This was in the days before caller ID and call blocking. Now I have a Panasonic phone that has a 250-number blocking capacity. I am rapidly filling it up.)
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