She has dementia, the house is empty and mom wants to move back. Mom has dementia,she moved into a lovely assisted living facility 5 months ago. The family home is empty, no-one can move in there, and it must be sold. A brother living in another city tells mom that it is her decision to sell, even though he knows she is not cognitively capable of making that decision based on reason.When he visits, he brings her back to the home for up to a weeks visit. She constantly talks about moving back home and his refusal to get on board with us is causing a lot of anxiety, unhappiness and confusion in mom. We have no other option, we must sell the house. How do we impress on him that we cannot give in to mom's feelings about moving back home because it is not possible, and his attitude is making it more difficult for her?
But you keep going back to it being your "Mother's choice", but just who was going to be there, to care for your Mom, 24 hours a day, you? For our Loved Ones with Dementia and other debilitating diseases and decline, its not always possible for a Son or Daughter to take on this exhausting task! My parents had other horrible illnesses that took their lives, but I have been caring for my FIL, in our home for the past 13 years, and quite frankly, we are completely beyond burned out, caring for him, as he has battled through Lymphoma, and general age related decline. He is a Narcissistic, and is extremely difficult to care for, and my husband, his Son has dealt with a lifetime of FOG, FEAR, OBLIGATION, and GUILT, which is a horrible situation to be in, causing you to be resentful of them robbing you of your life, when they themselves have mentally abused you for your whole life, and he never spent, not even One Day ever, caring for one of his own parents!
I wish you would try to put yourself in others shoes, who have exhausted all other options for caring for their folks, and NEED the family to be on the same page, in further seeing that their parents get appropriate care. And you are right, no Nursing home is like living in a loving family environment, but sometimes, there is no other way!
She also can't make decisions that exist in todays world. When I told her that I had given her grandson a toy she asked how much it was...money being a real issue for her. She went ballistic when I said it cost (in US money) about 17$ said I was wasteful.
This is the same woman who then went to church and gave them all the money as in her purse (at this time I didn't know the problem) some 200$ in your money and then complained someone had stolen it from her!
My son was in denial about Mums condition until he spent some time (a few days) in her company and realised that she wasn't 'quite all there' Mum has perfectly lucid days but not perfect as in normal. Perfectly lucid as in she knows she has to wash and to get dressed.
I think what you need to do Nelsonjosie is to sit your brother down and explain dementia to him and get some print offs from this site to help him understand the path dementia takes and that now you have to act to a) cover the costs of care and b) get the most money you can for the property unless you could rent it out which might be another option
Then once you are talking explain that taking your mum back to the house is not helping and that he needs to take Mum to visit places she used to go to rather than the place she lived in instead. She will forget and unlike other ridiculous comments she cannot make these decisions now as she doesn't understand the associative implications of that decision
It can be incredibly debilitating