9 years ago my husband and I made a decision that we regret and would nearly ruin our family. My husband and I in 2018 started renting a house that belonged my in-law's friend that locates two blocks down from my husband's parents. But a couple of months later, that friend decided to sell the property, so my FIL decided to retire and dig into his 401k to buy the property and ask us to rent it to own it. I told my MIL that I am uncomfortable with it because I would like my husband and I to choose our permanent home, well MIL says that if we don't want the house she would fix it up and give it to her daughter, so on false pretense that if I agree they will fix the house up for us, but that never happened. My husband also told me at that time it was a 5 year contract, so after 5 years of living there I asked MIL how many more years we have left and she said 7 years! I asked my husband why he lied to me for so long he told me " so I would get off his back about it.," I don't like living next to my in-laws because they are so demanding, hardly visit( even when we live two blocks down) and is always in our business or tell me how to raise my children, or is playing favouritism between their son and daughter, but every time I bring up my concern with my husband he still refuses to move and is always defensive of them. I tried everything ..from building a privacy fence, to refurnishing, to thinking about buying a guest cabin shed ( of which MIL said no to) I have been giving chances for 9 years and doing everything I can to be " comfortable" nothing worked. My husband and I continue arguing over moving, I even said okay we will wait another 4 years and SEE if we get the deed after it's paid off but I also express the likelihood of it happening being less because the agreement is only verbal and is not written down.
And since my husband lied to me for five years about it, I can't trust his word either, now I am close to giving up and leaving him because I feel like I can't do this anymore, because it seems like my needs are not important to him. I even told him I am not saying that we have to cut contact move far away we just need to be on a different street or 15 mins away, but it's still not good for him.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore in this situation, he claims it's normal for normal families to be close..but I beg to differ..sure my family are not perfect but we also respect and encourage independency.
I know in my case, I got taken big time advantage of by my dad and his wife. I almost signed a contract committing me to a $30,000.00 loan on top of taking care of a severely disabled sister. No paperwork in sight whatsoever! I would not have received a title; if ever, until the loan was paid off. Dad being the slickster he was would never have signed that title over to me. I had my sister placed and moved into an apartment after three years of that nightmarish situation. Dad moved into the house with his wife, stepdaughter and the new grandchild. He died in 2014 and willed the family home to his wife and her family.
This was the big time manipulation of all time, and it played out until I got my derriere in counseling and eventually moved the heck out. Thankfully, I had older women as friends who told me what dad was doing. I couldn't believe he would stoop so low. However, he told my mother before she passed away that he was going to have his fun no matter who it hurt.
So be it.
IMO, your in-laws still own that home until you actually buy it using the money you have been renting it for each month. Lets say you pay $500 a month in rent = 6k a year times 5 yrs = 30k. If you bought it now, that would be 30k downpayment for the price of the home negotiated on the contract.
My guess is this was just a verbal agreement and there is nothing in writing. If that is the case in 7 years it could be another 5 years...then another 7 and so on until
you leave, you divorce, your husband gets a backbone.
And while you are asking about the paperwork on the agreement find out who the property will be left to if your in-laws die. (wanna bet the property goes to their daughter?)
I agree that you need to see a lawyer about this
Not every family is comfortable with this arrangement. It's up to you what is comfortable for you.
I think you have unclear ideas about what the situation is, and what exactly you really want. The things you mention that you think would make this better are NOT solutions! Like living 15 min away - how on earth would that be any different? Or waiting another 4 years to see if you finally get the deed to this house. Why would you want to own the house and continue to live there? And the fact that you don't even know the terms of this "agreement", so you would just wait for 4 more years to see what happens?
You have been conditioned over the last 9 years to accept this and allowing your husband and your in-laws to call all the shots. You've lost so much of yourself, you don't even know what you want or how to fix this. Your husband is not being honest with you and you hate living there. I don't know what the answer is; I don't advocate for breaking up a marriage, but if you are truly miserable and have a husband who is not on your side, you might need to leave on your own.
It's not your house. It's your In Laws house and your husband doesn't want to leave. I'm sorry to say, the ball is in your court. You have to make the choice that you can live with. Stay and accept this, (it won't change) or leave.
I hope you are able to make peace with whatever you decide to do.
I'm so sorry for this situation. I truly hope he chooses counseling and things can be worked out.
What form do the rent payments take — are they checks from a joint account with both of your names on the check, or just your husband’s name, or does he pay cash so there is no written record, or something else like an ACH transfer?
I suggest you see a family law/divorce attorney for a consultation only. Find out what you and your husband will each be entitled to if you do leave him, what custody and child support arrangements would be under your state law, etc. Also learn how to protect the finances so your husband can’t cut you off or anything. You’re not initiating anything, but being prepared.
Then you can tell your husband that his prioritizing of his parents over you has you to the point of wanting to leave your marriage, and see where things go from there. Will he consider counseling?
Also, if any of his parents’ many demands involve you, just say no. Don’t help them with anything. Your husband can do what he wants, but you DO NOT have to. When MIL criticizes or tries to interfere, just calmly say, “that’s not your business,” and then ignore her. Same with FIL, if he does the same.
Keep us posted on how things go.