I'm caring for my elderly neighbor until her son gets here in December.
It started with small things, but she fell and now I'm taking her to doctor's appointments and picking up groceries at the store. I really don't
know her but she has gotten attached to me. She keeps telling me that
she will still need my help after her son arrives because he has to work.
I've hinted to her that caretaking really is not my thing, that I'm only doing it because she needs me. I had planned on assisting her until her son got here, but somethings telling me to exit now.
That's hard to do when she's hopping around the house because she can't walk. She doesn't have the money to hire help, so she gives me what she can. And she is grateful.
This is a good way to limit things for you, rather than simply saying ‘no’. It’s also a good test of what is going on here – if she isn't willing, perhaps you are just the easiest, simplest and cheapest solution. For myself, I wouldn’t take the initiative to contact the son. It’s too easy to get trapped into agreeing a compromise that doesn’t work. Your neighbor is responsible for herself, and it’s her son, not yours!
If you don't tell him what is going on, his mom is not going to burden him with the details and she will assume you will continue to do what you're doing.
I can picture it, easily. His mother is probably telling him how much you are doing, and since it's easiest for him to just let things ride, that is what he's doing.
We see it all the time here, when one child (usually but not always a son or sons) lets everything fall on just one sibling (usually but not always a sister).
You are a very kind neighbor. You helped her more than many others would have done. This has now become a burden for you.
Give her contact names and phone numbers of those who can help her. That is the best that you can do. If you desire to help her further, offer to assist her with contacting those who are able to help her.
I can’t help but wonder why her son is nowhere in sight. There may be more to this story than you know. Even if he can’t physically be there. why hasn’t he made arrangements for her to receive help?
Say your goodbyes and wish her well.
I can tell you are very kind and have a great heart. You have caring and sympathy for others. However, I’m guessing you have the same problem as I do…. Can’t say “NO” to people. I would suggested to look up resources on the health and human services website and/or community resources for elderly people in your local district. It sounds like this woman is taking complete advantage of you and in the long run something not good will happen. You will have resentment towards your neighbor and if something were to happen (hopefully not) but if she ends up hurting yourself while you’re there, you could be held responsible. I suggest possibly researching these resources with your elderly neighbor and tell her that you are not comfortable with helping on a consistent basis anymore. She may get upset but in the long run she’ll get the proper help she needs and you won’t be in this situation anymore. Best of luck! I hope this helps you. :)
In retrospect, I think he would have felt his need for help and would have moved to his son sooner if we neighbors had not been so active in his care…but I cannot ignore needs across the street.
there are churches all over that have volunteers that do this kind of care tell her son to start checking in with them. I’m sure he can find someone that will step right in and take over . 🙏🙏