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My husband is in great health. The only health issue he has is type 2 diabetes and it is controlled because I feed him healthy foods. He does not have any kind of cognitive decline and he is not an Alzheimer's patient or dementia patient. He has never been hospitalized for anything Thank you Jesus! My issue with him is, he just sits at home all day and doesn't want to go out or do anything anymore. We are not rich and he does not work. I work as a Spark delivery driver for Walmart. I am still young and still have a lot of life left in me and I want to go out and do things and see the world but all he wants to do is sit at home all day on his phone and not pay attention to me at all. This is my issue. I don't want to leave him at this stage in his life because this is the time he needs me the most. I was just needing some advice on how to deal with his unwillingness to go outside or to the store or anywhere. He just wants to stay at home and play on his phone. He is 75 and I am 5O. I got married to him when I was 33 and he was 57 and things were so different. We went to the beach and alot of places together and we had a lot of fun together And now that he doesn't work anymore he just wants to sit at home and play on his phone and ignore me. I just don't know what to do. It's very frustrating. Not to mention the fact that I walked in his room the other day and he was watching porn. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would help.

The problem with porn is not spending money on it. But alienating a wife and ignoring her in FAVOR of watching porn which can become addictive, especially when having separate bedrooms.

Kristy, ask DH if he wants to stay married. Ignoring you is not okay. HE may be content but you aren't. A marriage needs to be a team effort, not you cooking his meals to keep him healthy while he sits around playing on his phone all day. Take a look at that phone and see if he's chatting up other women online. Ask him point blank.

75 year old men go on cruises in wheelchairs these days. 75 is not terribly old. There is something more going on with your DH than "exhaustion" here. It sounds like he has an online life you're completely unaware of. Many men do.

Have a Come To Jesus meeting. Find out what's in the cards for your future as a married couple. You've already given him decades of your life, and the crumbs he's throwing you now are UNACCEPTABLE. You are a precious wife who should be loved, respected and appreciated. Not ignored. If you are not going to be treated as a wife, then decisions have to be made, as uncomfortable as they may be. Keep YOUR best interests in mind please, not HIS. He's already gotten enough care and attention from you that he's squandered.

Life is short, my friend. We all deserve happiness and respect, including you. Think about that.
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KristyCares Apr 2, 2026
Thank you so much for this!!!!! I so appreciate you understanding my situation and giving me some very very good needed advice. Thank you so much!
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You asked a similar question yesterday.

You married a man old enough to be your father. Of course he will have age related problems or lack of energy while you’re still young and able. Surely you knew this would happen someday?

It sounds like you’ve been more of a caretaker than a wife for some time.
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Go out and do things and see the world by yourself, or with friends. Invite him to join you but if he says no or doesn’t commit, just make the plan alone. You don’t have to be rich to have fun. Airbnb might be less expensive than hotels in some places. What are your upcoming days off? Book an inexpensive place within driving distance and go! Your husband can get himself off the couch when he gets hungry. Reclaim your life.

In what specific ways does your husband “need you the most” at this stage? If he ignores you, that’s not need.

Be aware that his apathy and watching porn might be the beginning of dementia. Or he might just need an antidepressant. Can you get him to try that?

Are all your financial affairs in order? Do you have POA for him, in case that becomes necessary? Does he have a will, and do you know what’s in it? Does you have access to all of his financial accounts, and all of those you share jointly? You should start monitoring them in case his mind is slipping, to make sure he isn’t making careless or rash mistakes.

You have lots of life ahead of you, but not an infinite amount. Start now to make the most of it for yourself, whether or not your husband participates. Keep us posted on how things are going.
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Beedevil66 Apr 2, 2026
Apathy and porn possibly dementia? 🙂. Maybe hubby happy way things are.
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"... I walked in his room the other day and he was watching porn."

Even before I read down to that line, the thought that popped into my head is whether he has a porn addiction. Bingo.

He needs therapy. You both need couples counseling. If he won't go, then you have a decision to make. Do not stay with him because you think he's an infant and needs a Mommy to take care of him. If he doesn't own his diabetes management then that's his problem, not yours. It seems you are a Rescuer, which is dysfunctional. Start making him accountable for his actions and require him to do some self care so that he can fill some of those retirement hours. Don't enable him.
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Daughterof1930 Apr 1, 2026
Well said
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You may not like this advice…you and hubby are in two different places. He’s not interested in what interests you and he’s unlikely to change. This leaves your choices to become content with the situation as is, or build a life on your own leaving home at home with his phone and the porn. In your shoes, I couldn’t be content with a couch potato. I’d be out doing what interests me. Join a travel group, a book club, take a dancing class, whatever will bring you some enjoyment. Make a life minus him and enjoy yours, we only get the one after all
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KristyCares Apr 1, 2026
Thank you!
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Kristy, it's high time that you just put your big girl panties on and get out there and start enjoying your life whether hubby wants to go along or not. You can either go by yourself, or invite a friend or 2.
There is no reason that you have to stay home and rot just because your husband chooses to. You are still young and to be honest it sounds like you may not want to be in this marriage anymore, so I would talk to a divorce lawyer and see what your options are at this point.
And what did your husband say when you caught him watching porn, or were you not woman enough to ask him? I personally would NEVER tolerate my man watching porn, and would have to kick him to the curb if he didn't change.
You obviously were very young and naive when you first got married and now that reality has set in that yes your husband is 25 years older than you, it's not quite so fun anymore is it? Welcome to the real world.
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Beedevil66 Apr 2, 2026
Hubby is probably content and happy. Maybe he was happy when he retired to not have to leave the house to go out, especially to work.
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Hard to imagine anyone wasting their time staying home to be a companion to
someone watching porn in the next room.

He can get up and feed himself from now on, therefore no need for you to be home
when you have any chance to not be at home.

It is true that he may need a part-time caregiver or housekeeper to pick up after him, at his own separate expense-sometimes provided by his insurance.

You can learn what to do, step-by-step, as you make your own wonderful life, full of dignity, and surprised at the many blessings and peace that will come your way when you no longer support his toxic lifestyle.

Start keeping your income separate in your own account.
That is just a small part of self-care and self-protection
necessary for your health, sanity, and financial survival. imo.

No guilt.

Out of love and concern for his future, I would make sure his phone is regularly found in the toilet, out of service.

Be sure to research ALL the laws concerning porn, being in possession of photos of children, etc. and take action accordingly.
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Sendhelp 21 hours ago
Cancel my comment, original poster is offended:

"Out of love and concern for his future, I would make sure his phone is regularly found in the toilet, out of service.

Be sure to research ALL the laws concerning porn, being in possession of photos of children, etc. and take action accordingly."

Apologies.
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You don't have to leave him. He's 25 years older than you. Life is different at 50 then it is at 75. If he wants to play on his phone all day, let him. He's retired and it's his time now. You can still do the things you want to do. Married people have to have lives and interests other than their married life and spouse. When they don't they're usually lonely, resentful, and miserable.

When you get some vacation time coming up, plan a trip with friends. If your husband isn't interested he'll stay home and look after the house.
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Beedevil66 Apr 3, 2026
Well said!!👍🏽
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Yes I will take care of him. I've been taking care of him for years already with his type 2 diabetes. I've been his caretaker so yes I will continue to be his caretaker no matter what happens. I am going to take The advice of some of these women on here and go out and do things on my own since he doesn't want to do anything anymore. And not feel guilty about it.
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Geaton777 Apr 2, 2026
Make sure you find someone to be your PoA. Make sure you are his DPoA and that you know where all the assets are and know how to access them. Please prepare so that you aren't blindsided by anything -- especially financial issues.
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Start making friends and building a social network and relationships outside of this marriage. He will die long before you do, what will you do to keep from being bored and lonely then? Start doing that now, before you become a care slave changing his diapers. Have some fun while you still can, but more importantly make some friends to have fun with.
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