My mother is in what seems to be a very good NH following as serious stroke. She has pretty serious cognitive issues (mostly short term memory loss) but can still be totally "with it." She has previously told me about things that supposedly happened to her there (typically at night) which she described as "abuse." Once it was an aide who may have been a little too impatient with her, which I reported to the management (and which the NH responded to by suspending the aide for a week and making sure this particular aide was no longer assigned to my mom; they also filed a report with the state health department). Other times it was clear that what she was telling me simply could not have happened (like wild parties in her room in the middle of the night), which I did not report. This morning she called me extremely upset with a story that I find very hard to believe (that up to five aides made fun of her, took her face and pretended to have her kiss them -- either on the mouth or on their breasts, and did other "vulgar" things that she would not describe to me. She says it all started when she was trying to read their badges). Her retelling is not coherent but she clearly believes that this happened. I suspect it was either a dream or some sort of hallucination (she is on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, and the dosage is higher at night). She also is perceptive enough to recognize that I do not fully believe what she is telling me, despite my best efforts to remain neutral when she tells me this stuff. So she gets very upset with me and says I am "taking their side." I am not sure how to respond to her. I am also not sure if I should mention any of this to the management. On the one hand, they will feel legally obligated to launch an investigation, report to the dept. of health, etc. and I don't want to put them through that for what seems to be a confabulation. On the other hand, I am terrified that my mother may be being mistreated in some way and I then ignore it. What would you do?
As far as your mother telling you these rather bizarre stories, they don't hold much merit and shouldn't be followed up on. Other scenarios that seem credible should be addressed. To be certain, install a camera IF permitted.
If this is true, then you need to research other facilities for your Mom. Then report back to her what you found and why one would work or not work for her. If feasible, ask her if she would like to move to one of the places that you researched.
You can't really tell if she is telling you all these stories because they are true (in her head), true (really happened) or if she is interpreting the environment/actions incorrectly. I don't believe she is making up these stores. I just think she is mis-interpreting what she hears, the visual cues, and what she remembers.
I take action on nearly everything that my Mom tells me, even though she is in Memory Care. My Mom also accused me on being on the side of the care home and I told her that if she wanted me to follow up on the accusations, then I needed details on the incident. After I take action, I tell my Mom what happened or what is the status.
I don't know whether your Mom wears hearing aids or not, however, that is another potential source of confusion. Some combinations of words are very hard to hear clearly, much the less to comprehend. She could have interpreted wild parties, when in fact it was multiple aides helping a resident and she overhead their voices. If you do not wear hearing aids, you would be surprised at the number of times hearing impaired people are guessing at what you are saying. We make "educated" guesses and many times we are correct. However, many times we are wrong too.
The only way to get over your fear that your mother might be mistreated will be to have an idea of what might have gone on for her to have interpreted the event as she states it. Once you feel more confident in your assessment of what she says to you, the fear will subside.