Hi, it's been a while. Thought his memory loss started in 2024, but I posed a question about it here in May 2021! Something is new -- every MD or test appointment are hassles. Every day it's "I don't want to go. I'm feeling better." But he's not. Can barely get around a lot of the time. Have been therapeutic but have been firm at times, e.g. saying our adult child whom I need to call for help and I can't keep going through this -- your falling. Example: Finally re lumbar spine and difficulty ambulation issues I arranged & got him to do a video visit w/ MD-extender, get testing done, & scheduled, then had to reschedule the MD appt. as husband appeared "legitimately" ill in stages during the drive to MD parking lot. Took him to the ER for confusion & other symptoms -- fortunately all tests were negative, though several follow-ups w/ 3 MDs were strongly suggested. Got above appt rescheduled for this week. Now yesterday morning came down & said he can't do the appointment time, as appt's too early & his legs don't work well early. Now I'll need to re/reschedule!! They're going to lose patience with us. (Is it partly my fault, should I have known better to accept an 8:30 AM, only appt. available, that day? I had been just happy to finally get the rescheduled appt. in a more slightly more familiar location for him). This appt. is just 1 of the 3 appts. suggested by ER doc, though I felt I had to choose only 1 of the 3 at this time. This isn't counting yet another test that needs redone after two years for a stable condition problem (appt. that I cancelled for husband at his request because I had to choose which test was more important). Just two days ago he brought up the cancelled appt., said he'd talk to me the next day about rescheduling the appt. he asked to be cancelled, but then promptly forgot to mention it the next day, so I said nothing.Several falls and two head injuries over 2 years time, we need to get this resolved. TMI?? Sorry, don't have anyone but our adult children and I can only tell them parts of this. I am a stable person & have lived through some difficult times, but this is not easy. Was thinking while I stepped away before returning to make a few edits that those difficult times had an end in view, e.g., a degree, my retirement. The weight of responsibility. Even though I have a medical background, am I making the best decisions, etc. This is different. I've never felt this helpless. This loss of control of my stability. It goes without saying I have loved this man over 50+ years and want the best for him. And I also know yesterday is the best it's going to be from here on in. PS Adult kids live within several minutes of us. They will drop everything if urgently needed, but each one has work and family responsibilities. FWIW, I just remembered that he says stuff like he doesn't give a s**t, that he's lived a full life or if he's driving me crazy, put him in a home. Breaks my heart. Thanks for listening.
My Mom had Dementia. In her early 80s she had bladder cancer and was cured. Five years later her urologist still wanted to scope her. I said no, signs if cancer the 4 yrs before. If she got it again, I would not put her through the chemo anyway. With Dementia we have to pick and chose.
My Mom was recently diagnosed with high BP. This shocked both of us since no one in her family (parents, 7 siblings) ever had this. BUt it can make you lightheaded.
Vertigo or inner ear problems can cause falls; weak leg muscles; tripping on rugs; slipping in the bathroom; etc.
You as his caregiver now needs to stop getting his buy-in on whether or not he has appointments and for what. You posted this under ALZ & dementia category so if he has this why are you giving him a vote in anything? You are now the only rational person who can make decisions in his best interests.
I've stopped making early morning appointments for my Mom. Now it's never earlier than 10:30am. And I don't do afternoon appointments due to possible sundowning. Yes, that's a tight window, but pick your battles. Get as many in-home or tele-medicine appts as possible.
If you are burning out then maybe you *should * consider a good, local facility for him. My MIL was in an excellent, faith-based one that was 3 miles from our house. She got way better care and social exposure there than if she'd been in our home (which is not fit for any elder due to the 2 flights of stairs. This includes me!)