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Accusing others of stealing is classic dementia. From your description it sounds like it’s been coming on a long time. They lose empathy for loved ones and it’s all about them. My mother is like that too. At some point she trusted you enough to give you POA over her finances so clearly she thought you were a responsible and trustworthy person. I would get her to the doctor asap even if you have to trick her to get her into the car. She needs meds. She cannot be left alone anymore and can possibly start wandering, using the stove, calling police, etc. dementia sufferers can go down hill quickly. It’s a very mysterious disease. I’ve been there. I wish you all the luck in the world.
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Cindy13 Mar 30, 2024
Well, I can tell you now that I'm visiting her that this is not dementia. It is her personality disorder combined with her liss of hearing, macular degeneration and isolation that is causing the accusations. She has lost trust in me and she won't argue, she'll hang up or end the conversation. This is fine. I now know I need not tolerate it under the guise of "she's got dementia".
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Seems your loved one has mental health issues - maybe dementia, but probably other issues as well. The only way to know for sure is to have her evaluated for dementia - usually by a neurologist - and evaluated for mental health issues by a psychiatrist - preferably a geriatric psychiatrist. These doctors can evaluate and prescribe treatment(s) to help with her medical and mental health issues. Of course, any paranoia may continue if she doesn't want to get "better." In that case, your best option is to develop a plan to deal with her problem behaviors. Please read any of the "boundary" books by Townsend and Cloud. Use your time with your therapist to devise specific plans you will put into action when each specific problem behavior occurs. Remember that her accusations are her perceptions and not truth.
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Loss of hearing does cause dementia. Loss of sight contributes to dementia too. The reason is that hearing and sight are how our brains get signals. Once the signals stop coming in, the brain connections atrophy and the brain can't work without them. There's a good bit of research about this, and I suggest you look it up.

As POA, you should manage the input you need to do her taxes and have forms sent directly to you via internet. Your mother is not truly capable of handling her aspect of that now.

As for her accusations of stealing, that comes from paranoia. Paranoia is one of the first indications of dementia. I dealt with this with Rude Aunt, who accused me of taking money from my parents and also told people that I did it. I did not. My friend has accused our other friend of stealing every kind of thing from her house, including her underwear, but that didn't happen. Both of these ladies showed other signs of dementia as well.

One of the worst things you could do is be in denial that your mom has dementia. As long as you feel that way, mom's unlikely to get the help she needs.
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Anxietynacy Mar 31, 2024
Your right about the dementia fawn!
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