My mother is one of the most miserable humans on Earth, and has been for years. Whenever anyone has asked her "How are you doing?", for as far back in my memory as I can reach, I can never remember her saying "I'm fine". Now she's smoked herself to death. She has COPD, CHF, steroid-induced diabetes, a colostomy, osteoporosis, bone spurs in her neck, neuropathy in her limbs, brittle skin that tears at the drop of a hat...the list seems endless. She refuses to get out of bed to try to exercise to keep up any strength, and wants me to do more and more and more for her.
She's in the hospital right now because of a fall last week. She says her knees gave out.
I don't think it's so horrible that I just want this woman to finally have some peace, and yes, honestly, for the rest of us around her to have some as well. The discord and disharmony this narcissist spreads with her always ALWAYS negative attitude takes a toll. She will never change, and her health will only continue to go downhill.
I realize that I don't get to make the decision of when she goes, but I will admit that I do want her to. I think it's the only way she'll finally be "fine".
I'm assuming you have already looked into placing your mother in a nursing home which would give you instant freedom from what you are going through. If I'm right then things will remain as they are, but you do have another option that will help a little. Have you inquired about home health care? Your doctor has to order it and if approved your mother would get weekly visitations from a nurse and both physical and occupational therapists, and possibly an aide that will bathe your mom. It's a little bit but it would at least give you some free time. There is one other possibility. If your mother has very little income she might qualify for Medicaide which would pay for her nursing home stay. Your mothers state that she resides in has to be one that has a Medicaide program that will pay for her NH stay.
Getting back to your question. My wife was extremely ill with so many health problems that made it difficult to help her. I was at her side daily. I too hoped her end would come so her suffering would stop, but I did it through God, and admittingly I did it for myself. I was worn out. I don't think I did anything wrong by asking God to end my wifes suffering. It was the only thing I could think of to help her.
My wife did pass away and I did feel guilt for what I had done. I went to my church and told the priest what I had done. It was a confession and God forgave me. But I have to tell you, I still have thoughts about praying for my wifes life to end. It will never end and I strongly believe I did the right thing.
May you find help in some way. Talk to God. Tell him your story. He'll be listening.
My mother is a 91 rotten to the bone woman. I have a childhood that no one would want a re-do on. I walked away a few months back and at one point I made the comment about wishing that she may find some peace in passing and people went NUTZ thinking that I would even think of her having peace! I still feel that way, even thou there is no love, no emotional attachment, nothing...but as a living breather person I would rather peace over anything, this world or the next.
I think its because my slate is clean, Im not who she labeled me as. Im not "just a blood clot that learned to walk and talk" as she says when she refer to me- her only child.
Thru having her as a mother, I will not wait to sit and rot. In my legal papers, I have already printed and dated a DNR form should something suddenly occur. Once I get a dx thats terminal or figure out for myself that the good days are really and truly gone, there will be away to leave here with dignity. I will find peace for me.
Forgive me for this Im just going on what you have written. If your Dad is very sick feeling miserable and is in pain I would say its that you dont want him to suffer anymore and wish he would pass away so he would be have peace. But to wish to pass away as he made your family miserable. This is my opinion, to me thats wrong. My Dad was 91 and he died last year. I wished him to die as he was very sick and was miserable. He wasnt a happy camper for years and caused us misery .
But what I would give to hear his voice and see him just one more time
My husband would never stick up for me in all the years his mother and step father would verbally abuse me. He would always insist that I was wrong and that she never said anything about me and I hated him for that.
I like to think of myself as a tough woman but it ended up destroying a lot of my self worth after 50 years of it.
If I had to deal with her like you are with your mother then I am sure I would wish she would die. It is the only way your suffering will be over.
I am sorry you have to endure her. Pattylou
and in pain, it would be a blessing for her to go peacefull.
Liked your no nonsense response above. I watched my mom suffer long beyond what she should have and my dad is lingering in memory care as I write.
Out, out brief candle.......Well said.
The only exception to this is when someone ACTS upon their thoughts. When someone can't differentiate between what is real and what is not, then you have delusions and possible psychosis, and all bets are off. As long as you are not acting upon your thoughts in order to harm someone, you're good.
You can care about someone's well being but without actually loving them. You may or may not grieve when someone dies, and that is dependent on your feelings and emotions.
Think about it this way. You can say anything you want to yourself. As long as you don't do something harmful or illegal, no one need be the wiser.
I say stop feeling guilty right now. You own your thoughts. They don't own you.
God Bless all the caregivers out there ❤️
Accusing me of hitting her when it was a gentle tap on the shoulder or shoving her when I'm more than 5 or 10ft across the room.
Always in public for pity party attention and sympathy while I or my mother gets blamed for crap.
I'm with you on the wishing bit... If only to prevent worse health for the rest of us!
I hope while your mother is still here, she won't burden and stress you out too much. Breathe, calm down, or your blood pressure will go through the roof.