My father died in May from congestive heart failure. I was his caregiver and worked with Hospice in his passing, but it has haunted me. I had to give him morphine when I wanted to nourish him back to health. Two weeks after his death, I moved my 86 year old Mom into my home as she is wheel chair bound, and can do nothing for herself. I have lived next door to my parents for 38 years and helped them all thru the years gladly. When Mom moved in with us, it's like a light switch was flipped. I love my Mom dearly and have been devoted to her all my life. After a few months, I am so frustrated and bitter. I take very good care of her, but just do not understand these feelings of resentment and anger. I have no help. I have two sisters who live out of state but they do nothing. Adding to this is my little granddaughter has been sick a lot, and I cannot be with her as she is two hours away; and I have no help or money to hire a sitter. I haven't had time to grieve my Dad, nor can I help with my granddaughter's chronic illness. Is this why I suddenly resent my Mom? I just don't understand. It scares me that I can feel this way towards someone I have always cherished.
I think you should award yourself as much sympathy as you can, everything you're feeling sounds completely understandable and natural - to me, at least.
After my father died suddenly 14 years ago, my mother's needing support gave me a useful distraction, and I was grateful for that; but even so quite often I just felt as if one damned thing after another was going wrong and it was all too much.
Is there any way you can find a breathing space? A little bit of time out to sit and think and take stock? Easier thought of than done, I know; but I hope you can, and that it helps.
Afterthought - I don't know if you're a "crafty" person, but would you perhaps enjoy making toys or scrap books or something that your granddaughter would like? No substitute for being with her or helping her mother with hands-on care, of course; just an idea.
My mother died decades ago and this year I did not make the obligatory 25 mile trip to the cemetery. Sorry, too busy this year. I did not take dad shopping for gifts for other members who gave their own lives. I drive him to the bank so that he could give a few bucks to his other deadbeat children. Instead of hosting an annual ( and expensive) Christmas party so that the family could all be together- meaning that my deadbeat siblings and their kids can see Grandpop , I told them that they could take him to lunch or dinner over the holidays.
Start cutting down and do what you need to keep your mother in good health but let the extraneous stuff go. Hope this helps.
Remember relationships like clothing are not held together, do not get their strength, from a few big knots, but thousand of tiny stitches.
Hating your mother for being who she is is an exercise in hurting yourself. Try just accepting her and redefining your relationship based on how it really is, not how you would like it to be. Use your head to put your heart in the right place.
Took me decades to do that and then only after she died. Don't let that happen to you.