My mother had undetected afib and in 2009 had a stroke resulting in vascular dementia. Her short term memory is compromised. Mom will be 93 next month. She did not mind assisted living and did fairly well but her macular degeneration and hearing loss often left her isolated regarding activities. She had a UTI while in assisted living and wandered outside of the building early one morning. She stood by the door until someone saw her. That was immediate memory care transfer. Mom is so unhappy as she just desires to be with family. She lived with my husband and myself for 2 years but at that time we had no idea re options. Now, mom is on Medicaid and also receives VA aid and attendance money. I cry when I see her so lonely and am seriously considering bringing her back to live with us and have a caregiver for her during the day while I am working. Has anyone done this?
Otherwise, you and your husband would be lucky to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep at night, as you would be sleeping with one eye open listening for Mom.
I would think twice about bringing Mom home, especially since so many good programs are available for her to use.
I'm one of the ones who isn't inclined toward institutional placement - but each of us who posts here has our own opinion on this issue.
One thing that does concern me is that macular degeneration can be an overwhelming isolation factor - her major sensory input is deteriorating, increasing the sense of isolation. And that would likely increase her depression.
Add to that a hearing loss and there are 2 major sensory inputs that are compromised.
This is a hard decision; give yourself time, discuss it with your family to determine if there are reliable sources of support in the event you become burnt out, but in the meantime spend as much time as you can with your mother.
I will say that if it were my mother, I would bring her home.
Since her decline, have you spent a lot of uninterrupted time with her? (Like 12-14 hours?) Have you considered how as she declines you would need to provide her with constant care and attention and that she may resist or become agitated and not have the personality traits that you remember?
Plus, I'd read a lot about what I might expect to see if I would be able to live as a constant care provider, plus work a job. I can't even imagine such a thing. I would make sure that I could afford lots of help to come into the home to help on weekends, holidays, nights, respite care, etc.
You'll also need a plan to prevent her from getting out of your house. If she is wandering, that would be something you would need to be able to have trusted care takers with her when you are not there.
Someone comes in everyday. This gives each parent the attention one on one they need, and gives me a break.
I would not bring her into your home without the in home aides to be there. It is just too much to work full time and try to cover her needs the rest of the time