We moved into a new house in march and in may my sister-in-law came to our home and we had hospice come in. She had terminal ovarian cancer. She did not want to prolong life. To limit as much of the invasion by nurses 24/7 I learned how to do most of the caregiving. This included administering all of the various meds to keep her pain managed. Due to the configuration of our house her hospital bed was in the room with my husband and I. It was also her request that her friends and family come and say there goodbyes. This meant that we also were intertaining guest a good bit of this time as well. Towards the end she developed something called "terminal agitation". This was very difficult to handle and we finally had to give her medication to completely put her in a coma. All of this was and is standard practice by Hospice in the last days of life and I thought I was ok with everything especially given my sister-in-laws request and directives. Now months later I find myself falling appart for no reason and feeling extreem bouts of anxiety. I feel guilty for some reason and I know that's not reasonable. How can I overcome this? I dont even make it out of my house most days because im such an emotional wreck.
You went through a lot with your sister-in-law. When we do that, we often "stuff" the agony we are feeling. Then, after a death, the real feelings start returning. And, being human, guilt comes along to nag us. You did just exactly what your sister-in-law wanted, and gave much more of yourself than most people would have. She was dying and you did your best to relieve her pain and keep her dignity.
Hospice offers grief counseling for over a year after a death. Please take advantage of this or see a private counselor. I do think if you went to the hospice grief groups you'd see that your reaction is entirely normal. Being with others who have gone through the same experience is very helpful. Whatever you decide, please seek help to get through this.
Carol
What a wonderful gift you gave to your sister-in-law. As Carol said, you gave so much of yourself to her. She was a lucky woman to have had you in her life.
I was my mom's POA and had to sign the consent form at the hosptial to stop all treatment. My siblings were all 100% behind the decision but I had to sign. She passed away 3 days later. I know in my heart that it was the right thing to do but I still felt great guilt and sorrow because of it.
Please take advantage of any grief counseling that is available to you. Check with Hospice, local nursing homes and churches. You really will feel better if you can connect with other people who have gone through what you have.
God Bless,
Clare
There is so much more to this story and I think its true that I need to talk to someone that is trained in grief counseling . I may contact the Hospice caregivers.
Thanks again