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😇 I’m not as mean as I could be and I want people to be grateful for that.
(4)
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noticed a typo down there.

i meant to write:
😇💪🏻 We’re all brave in our own way.

For example, I’m not afraid of RAW cookie dough.

----
since i'm on the cookie topic anyway, here are some more:

What do you call a smart cookie? Academia nut.

-----
Tough cookies stick together.
(4)
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😉 To truly find yourself, you should play hide & seek alone.
(4)
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Dogs can be our best friends,
but the cat will never tell the police where the marijuana is.
(3)
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😇😇😇
I hug people that I hate,
so that I know how big to dig the hole in my backyard.
(5)
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🙂 🙂 
I'm in a really good place spiritually.
So please f---- off.
(3)
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🙂 🙂 
I don't hate you,
I'm just simply not excited about your existence.
(4)
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Wish list:
peace of mind.
(5)
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🤷‍♀️ People will tell you they care, but they don’t seem to show it unless you get sick, die or become famous.
(3)
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🙄 I have a “dry clean only” sweater that is about to learn some harsh truths about living with me.
(7)
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🙂 How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
(6)
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🙂 You inspire
my inner serial killer.
(3)
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🙂 You can’t make somebody love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.
(4)
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There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.
(7)
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🙄 When I'm feeling sick, I google my symptoms and usually find out I have a cancer.
(3)
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If you need anything from me



reconsider.
(3)
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🤯 If it ain’t one thing
it’s 10 others.
(3)
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🧀🧀🧀🐀🐀🐀

Why do I like cheeeeese?
For starters, it’s pretty grate.
(3)
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So sick of looking in my wallet and not seeing $1 million.
(4)
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Caregiver flu:

It’s like the regular flu, except no one cares.
(5)
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🙂 My favorite outdoor activity
is going back inside.
(4)
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🙄 "I have as much authority as the pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it." 
(2)
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If a man speaks his mind in the woods, and no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?
(2)
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🙂 “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas.”
(3)
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My biggest fear is a killer saying some funny stuff while I’m playing dead.
(4)
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Physically we are in September. Emotionally I’m still processing March.
(2)
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I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand them a briefcase and whisper “you know what to do” and walk away.
(6)
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He died doing what he loved: Annoying the *** out of me and believing that I wouldn’t stab him.
(4)
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🙃🤔
"The brain named itself."
(1)
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🙄 Not the greatest at math, but I know when things don’t add up.
(4)
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