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I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
(5)
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You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
(4)
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🥰😍😍🥰
I’d really appreciate it if you’d start stalking me back.
(2)
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🥰😍😍🥰
I love you from the bottom of my left ventricle.
(2)
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🥰🥰🥰
Did you know?
You can’t blink while smiling…




Just kidding.
I just wanna make you smile. You’re so cute.
(2)
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🙂
Correct me if you’re wrong.
(4)
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🙂🙂🤔🤔
What’s the difference between animals and humans?
Animals would never choose the dumbest among them to lead them.
(5)
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Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of sh****.
(3)
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Pets (noun):

The only members of your family you actually like.
(3)
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🙂🙂🙂
I’m not even on drugs. I’m just weird.
(2)
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Me:
It’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get back up.

Cop:
That’s not how field sobriety tests work.
(4)
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🥰🥰
When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.
(5)
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Caution:
When someone says get a grip, apparently around their neck is NOT what they meant.
(5)
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I wish I lacked common sense.
They all seem so happy…
(6)
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🥰🥰
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them.

Police call it indecent exposure, but whatever.
(4)
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Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is cruel and unfair.
(3)
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Hey bundleofjoy, round is a shape. :-)
(3)
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Don’t you just hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
(4)
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All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.
(4)
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Chicken lips went to HR and complained…

And now we can’t use nicknames at work anymore.
(4)
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I never delete messages…

Just in case someone wanna lie about May 2nd, 1858.
(3)
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“You were once someone’s sunshine. What happened?”

Climate change.
(4)
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It's Monday again??
I wasn't even finished with my Saturday yet.
(3)
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Monday
is the day that coffee
needs coffee before I do.
(2)
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🙂🙂🙂
Time is precious…
waste it wisely.
(3)
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🙂🙂🙂
The way I stay indoors,
I’m slowly becoming furniture.
(4)
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I asked other people for advice a thousand times. But I never got the advice I wanted.
(4)
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🙂🙂🙂
The spirit is willing,
but the wifi is weak.
(5)
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Life is GREAT.
(terms and conditions apply)
(4)
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Be the weird
you want to see in the world.
(1)
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