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⭐️😉⭐️😉⭐️
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
(1)
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🌸🌸😉🌸🌸
Just when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
(2)
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🙂
The answer you’re looking for is inside of you,
but it’s wrong.
(1)
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😇😇🤔🤔
So many bad choices
so little time.
(1)
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Let’s stop pretending
we like eating salads.
(3)
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😇😇😇
I snack so my kitchen doesn’t get lonely between meals.
(2)
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🙂
If at first you don’t succeed,
find a snack.
(2)
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🍪🍿🍭🍫🧁🥧
Keep your friends close
and your snacks even closer.
(2)
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☕️☕️☕️
Coffee because…
murder is wrong!
(2)
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☕️☕️☕️
I drink coffee
because punching people is frowned upon.
(3)
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😉
Just burned 2,000 calories
trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.
(3)
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😉🎄
Santa Claus had the right idea.
Visit people only once a year.
(3)
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Why couldn’t the roll of toilet paper cross the road??

It got stuck in the crack!

hope somebody gets a chuckle😅
(2)
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stand-up comedian:

A tandem bike after 80 should be called a double suicide.
(4)
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😇😇😇
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
(3)
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🥰🥰🥰
My heart has no room for you,
but the trunk of my car definitely does.
(4)
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The fridge
is a perfect example
of what matters is on the inside.
(3)
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What doesn't kill you
will make you stronger
except bears
bears will kill you
(4)
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What doesn't kill you...

Will mutate, and try again another day.
(5)
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Stand-up comedian:

My grandmother turned 98! We had a party for her 98th birthday.

It was a search party.
(2)
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🥰🥰🥰
It’s 3 pm on a Friday afternoon.
Do you know where your margarita is?
(2)
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I got a cat for my husband---it was a fair trade.
(4)
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🥰🥰🥰
What great energy,
intelligence
and magnificent eyes…
But enough about me,
how are you doing?
(4)
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What do you call a dessert that knows more than you do?

A smart cookie!!
🥰🥰🍪🍪🥰🥰
(4)
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…friEND
…best friEND
…girlfriEND
…boyfriEND
…food

only food has no end
🙂🙂🙂
(5)
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🍚🍚🍚🍚🍚
I hope I’ll see you a-grain soon.
(4)
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🤔
There should be a calorie refund for things that didn’t taste as good as you expected.
(6)
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🍳🍳🍳🍳🍳🍳
Never give up!
Fry and fry again!
🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
(3)
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I think I’ve seized the wrong day…
(4)
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I just know I’ll die
trying to pet something I shouldn’t.
(4)
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