I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
You need to have a life. Have fun.
Then ruin it by having a serious relationship.
A man finds love and is satisfied.
A woman finds love and insists on turning it into happiness.
It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.
My neighbour told me that mediating for 40 minutes every morning has changed his life.
He’s late for work, he lost his job, his wife left him, huge changes.
Monday
That one cup in your house that’s somehow better than all the other cups.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I’m going to start letting people know what I’m thinking.
That should eliminate the weak.
Me: In my memories.
Me: Poverty.
If you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with, “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
You are enough.
We don’t need more of you.
People don’t want to hear your opinion.
They just want to hear their opinion coming out of your mouth.
Everyone is entitled
to my opinion.
Me: OMG thank you, what are they?
Now they're tenants.
because you suddenly get acne
just as your moustache is coming in
Of course your opinion matters!
Just not to me.
1.
I had a colonoscopy.
But my doctor described it to me as,
an all-day single camera shoot.
Suspect: What's that?
Officer: Your birthday.
Suspect: May 5th.
Officer: What year?
Suspect: Every year dude!
Valentine’s Day (noun)
Single’s Awareness Day
Can’t wait to receive nothing on Valentine’s Day.
I remember a tough time for me. I was 10 years old. My parents were getting divorced. They told me I have to choose who I want to live with.
I said, “Dad! I want to live with dad!”
It was heart-breaking. My mother said, “Ok whatever you want.”
My dad just said, “I don’t want to get divorced anymore.”
Valentine’s Day:
the day flowers find out which house they’ll die in.
”Can you make me one with everything?”
The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time… unlike, say, a brain surgeon.
I feel like if you give a dog a gun, he’ll be like, “Cool. I’ll use it if I need it.”
If you give a cat a gun, he’ll be like, “Already have one. I told you, I need more BULLETS.”
I need $8 million and a fast metabolism.