I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot get the Coronavirus. Any dogs that had been held in quarantine have been released. (Wait for it....)
That's right, WHO let the dogs out.
Everyone gasps and raises their hands.
One asks the other, "what do you fear most about old age?"
The other one says, "INCONTINENCE!"
(scroll down....)
DUNG!!!
The mechanic said, "You've got a bald patch, your spare is oversized, and you're unbalanced."
And hubby said, "and what about the car?"
Hahahahahaa! Oh dear... ;-)
Pinot Grigio
Pinot Noir
Pinot Blanc
But now there's a new wine that's been developed especially for older people who have a problem with making too many trips to the bathroom over night...
It's called Pinot More
There was TOTAL PANIC!
Then they said "This is a robbery"
... and everyone calmed down.
"Words cannot describe how wonderful you are!"
Inside:
"But numbers can. 3/10."
‘Can remember my gran wanting her husband to come in from the garden. On being reminded he was dead she snapped back - “well I know that - he died on 4 January 1965 - but tell him to come in for his tea before it gets cold!”.’
Not going anywhere near a medical facility, he pressed 3 to cancel.
I don't know if it is possible for a recorded voice to sound that happy and excited!
lovcuz
Is sphere itself.
Oops sorry, bad punctuation.
I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
P.S. Don‘t forget to wash your hands!
One blonde replies: "No, we're not even Catholic."
An old man sitting on the porch of the memory care facility says, "Why don't you take one lug nut from the other 3 wheels and use them?"
The driver does so and replaces the flat with his spare. "That was a good idea, mister," the driver says to the old man. "You're a pretty sharp guy. What are you doing in a place like this?"
The old man grimaces and says, "I'm demented, not stupid!"
My DH is 4 years younger than me. I knew the answer, he didn’t, and we worked out that the whole Davey Crocket thing must have happened when he was just too young to get jokes.
The answer is….. the left ear, the right ear, and the wild front-ier.
DH laughed, so even kid’s jokes can stay funny for decades!
Spring forward, fall backwards.
What does that mean, anyway?
A lot of us are doing that anyway.
Falling, I mean.
Just this morning, I tripped going out to the car to find the correct time on my car clock. Thank goodness it is once again the correct time!
Taking advantage of this, our local radio station has set up a treasure hunt for the gold (wrapped) toilet roll, hidden somewhere in the small town location. The prize is a carton of ...toilet paper, so the winner can throw a party for all their friends and neighbours who are in need of relief!! Yeah for local initiative!!
(If anyone wants the secret to the toilet paper wars, it’s a high bulk low value item where the stores work on jis (just in time) frequent orders. If several people ‘stock up’, the shelves quickly empty – until the next morning. Re-timing the entire delivery system in just a few days is almost impossible. I remember this in the 1970s oil shortage in London, where I did actually have to cut a paper towel roll in half when we ran out! Best of luck to all of you, and let’s hope that relief is in sight.)
Stay away from me, please.
And, don't give out any more free donuts. (After you have handled them.) (Coughed on them). (Sneezed on them).
Ok, maybe just one donut, wrapped in a baggie. Is that a fly in there from the donut store? Lol.
Love the funeral joke! Funny!!!
CDC: Yes, wash them for at least 20 seconds
Neil Diamond: Touching hands.....
CDC: No, please don’t touch hands!
Neil Diamond: Reaching out.....
CDC: Avoid that too
Neil Diamond: Touching me....
CDC: No! none of that!
Neil Diamond: TOUCHING YOU
CDC: We’re doomed
Neil Diamond: Sweet Caroline!
CDC: Oh hell
CDC: Ba Da Ba Ba!
I expressed how glad I was that he was getting smarter, and sad that I was getting dumber.
He said, in a very rare moment of being funny:
"You are not getting dumber, just blonder".
What do you do if your husband is staggering around the front yard babbling incoherently ?
Shoot him again.....