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Innkeeper: "The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed."

Guest: "I'll make my own bed."

Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."
(6)
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Ok, husband comes home to his wife after work with a goose under his arm and says "this is the pig I've been f******g." Wife says "that's not a pig!" Husband says , "I wasn't talking to you!"
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As he was coming up on another birthday, a man was feeling depressed about his age. Hoping to cheer him up, his wife went shopping to get him some new clothes. A saleswoman asked if she could help her, and the wife said, "I'm looking for something wild and youthful in a pair of men's pants." The saleswoman sighed and said, "Aren't we all, honey, aren't we all."
(10)
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I have some great jokes, but many of them keep getting deleted. Corny jokes do nothing for me, if they're not a bit naughty, why bother?
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Sleeping in my yoga pants......I call it "meditation".
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I read a blog that said to do yoga to relax. I've tweaked that a bit to suit me better - I drink wine in yoga pants.
(7)
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I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus.
That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

:)
(10)
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during the 'Our Gang' annual spelling bee, Buckwheat was asked to spell the word 'dictate' which he spelled 'DICTATE' the moderator then asked him to use the word in a sentence. Buckwheat replied, " hey Darla, when we went out last night, how'd my 'dictate?'
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how is the star ship enterprise like toilet paper??

They both circle Uranus and search for clingons.
(6)
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Patient walks into cardiologists office and says Dr. I have acute angina. Dr. says, "that's good 'cause you got lousy legs." Patient says “you’re going to have to explain that one to the Medical Board, I just don’t get it”.
(3)
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Our fingers have fingertips, but our toes don't have toetips, yet we can tiptoe. :)
(7)
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Patient walks into cardiologists office and says Dr. I have acute angina. Dr. says, "that's good 'cause you got lousy legs."
(4)
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I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."


:)
(8)
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Disney is suing Daffy Duck for divorce from her husband , Donald on the grounds of insanity. Donald stated, " I never said my wife was crazy, what I said was that she's f*****g Goofey."
(2)
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I'm not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death.
(11)
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I just read a study that smoking weed causes memory loss.
The next thing you know someone wil develope a study that says smoking weed causes memory loss.
(10)
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How does a man know he is in real trouble?

When he has a wife, a girl friend and a car payment and they are all three months late.
(8)
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what's the one good thing about memory loss?

You get to make new friends every day
(6)
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SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS GROUP

"Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room?"
(6)
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Frazzled mama, I thought it said the best way to get back at your feet.

Yes, that zoom noise was my hair being cut close to the scalp on top of my air head. Derhuh!
(3)
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We ALL have a photographic memory (Oh yes we do lol)
Its just that some of US are lacking the film.


:)
(7)
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My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job.
I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.


:)
(10)
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The best way to get back on your feet is to miss two car payments.
(15)
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It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

:)
(9)
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Husband: When I die, I'm gonna leave everything to you.

Wife: You already do, you lazy bum!
(11)
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Not for those younger than 15.

The guy arrived in the unknown city in dire need of some adult entertainment, but was too shy to ask directly. He then saw an older lady walking by and went:
“Excuse me, ma’am, could you be so kind to show me where the church is?”
“Why, of course young man. It’s just five blocks in that direction.”
“Wow. Right in the middle of the Red-Light District?!”
“Of course not!! The Red-Light is to the north.”
“Thank you.”
And north he went.
(8)
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My mother was 18 years old when she had me. In those days they didn't know if it was going to be a girl or boy.
When it was time for me to come into this world, the doctor asked mother, "Well Mary, what do want, a girl or a boy." Mother says, "I want a 52 Dodge!"
So glad she didn't name me Dodge.
(8)
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Here I am, a stranger in Alice Springs, asking for directions to a shop. Answer: Keep going down this road, turn left at the corner where Hungry Jack’s used to be, and you’ll see it on the right. Me:?..??
(6)
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Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
(14)
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“It became so cold in New York last night that it forced the flashers to describe themselves to people.”
(7)
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