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An old man with four sons died and after the funeral his sons were carrying the coffin on their shoulders out of the chapel to the graveyard. As they were leaving the chapel the youngest son, Charlie, tripped on the steps and stumbled to his knees causing the coffin to crash heavily to the ground where the lid sprang open and the body rolled out and the old man opened his eyes and awoke from his eternal rest. It's a miracle enthused the chaplain and all gave praise to God for his mercy.
The old man lived on for another six years until he died for the second time.
After the funeral as his sons where once again carrying the coffin out of the chapel three voices rang out in unison, "Mind the steps, Charlie!"
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An old lady walks into a sex shop and asks for a dildo.
The attendant patiently asks what type of dildo she wants because they come in many different sizes and colors.
I want that red one exclaims the old lady, rather breathlessly.
!What" exclaimed the surprised shop assistant "that is a fire extinguisher"
and the old lady replied "Yes, exactly!"
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Loving it thanks.
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80 % of the brain is fluid.
Unfortunately, in my case, it's brake fluid ;)
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Oh BuzzyBee, A double snort of laughter!!! Thank you so much
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A longer one - worth reading to the end.
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An elderly woman, well into her eighties, slowly entered the front door of a 'Sex Shop'. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbled the few feet across to the counter.
 
Finally grabbing the counter for support, and s-tut-ter- ing, she asked the sales clerk, "Dooo youuuu have dilllldooos?"
 
The clerk, (trying hard not to laugh), politely replied, "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models. . ."
 
The old woman then asked: "Doooo youuuu carry aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk ... aaand rrunns on bbaatteries?"
 
Trying not to laugh, and with a little smile creeping around his mouth, the clerk responded, "Yes, yes we do."
 
She stammered, "Dddooo yyoouu kknnnooww hhhoww ttooo ttturrrnn iittt offff?"
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I'm changing my name to 'Benefits' on Facebook.
Next time someone adds me, It will say "you are now friends with Benefits."
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I don't have a joke to add, but I sometimes do videos of me and Mom to share on my blog. Some of you care giving for your parents may find this ornery old lady as funny as me!
www.stumpedtowndementia.com/blog-1/terms-of-indifference
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“Oh no, Roger, why did you two split up?” 
 “She’s a liar and a cheat! She said she was the whole night at her sister’s!”
 “So? Maybe she was.”
 “Yeah, no way. I was the whole night at her sister’s!”
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Why don't witches wear panties?
They get a better grip on their brooms!


my bad :)
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I think my neighbour is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
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I posed this question to my thoughtful father:
"If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?"
He replied, "Russia."
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So I have a question.

If I am from Poland, people will call me a pole. Does that mean if I'm from Holland they will call me a hole?😁
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It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it. 
He keeps standing by the window, staring.
If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.
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A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor,
“Have you seen me rob this bank?”
“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot. 
“Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer.
“Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!”
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What does the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
"Aye Matey."


Thought it was time for a silly one. :)
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Q: What do you call a man who lures women into his place and turns them into ghastly freaks?

A: A 1980’s hairdresser!
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My kids are at an age now where they are beginning to understand embarrassment.
This is my time to shine.
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I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed.
Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
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So great thank you all for the laugh I needed that thank you
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An old man goes to the doctor. "Doc," he says, "there's something stuck in my ear!"
The doctor looks in the old man's ear. "It looks like a suppository," he says.
"Well," says the old man, "now I know what happened to my hearing aid."
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Want to hear a room full of sweet little old ladies cuss?
Have another sweet little old lady holler: BINGO!
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Love it!
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Don't let your worries get the best of you.
Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
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Why did the Zen master refuse Novocaine when he had his tooth pulled?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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Why is the butt divided vertically and not horizontally?
It would clap nicely if you ran down the stairs.

Ok, now stop imagining it. lol
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Last night, I dreamt I was drowning in an orange sea.
It rook me a while to realise it was just a Fanta Sea.
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BB, that is hilarious.

My husband and I joke like that, so it tickled me to see others find that humor humorous.

We have new friends wonder if we are going to start scrapping when we joke, old ones play along and get involved.

Laughter dooth good like medicine.
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This is a long one, but it tickled me. :)

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying, 
"I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me." She then hid under the bed to watch his reaction.
 After a short while the husband came home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he came into the bedroom.She watched him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. 
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before he picked up the phone and called someone. "She's finally gone ... Yeah, I know, about bloody time. I'm coming to pick you up. Put on the sexy french stuff. I love you."
He hung up, grabbed his car keys and left. 
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage. With tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he'd written:
"I can see your feet. Stop being retarded. We're outta bread, throw the kettle on. Back in 5 minutes."
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Why men's voice is louder than women? Men have an antenna.
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