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The world is not full of a***holes, but they are strategically placed so you’ll come across one every day.
(2)
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What do you call an anxious dinosaur?

A nervous Rex.
(3)
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My wife is saying she’ll divorce me because I’m obsessed with television dramas.

But will she leave me? 

Find out next week…
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🙂 My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.
(4)
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My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are…

But I laugh more.
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My wife’s leaving me because she thinks I’m obsessed with astronomy. 

What planet is she on?
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"When you lower the music so you can find an address so you can see better."
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🙂 regarding my joke below...

this happened to me today!...we're all getting completely lost in the grocery store after the renovation. no one can find anything.
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Welcome to adulthood. You get upset when they rearrange your grocery store now.
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just the shape 🙂
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What’s your favourite thing about a stegosaurus?

Mine’s the thagomizer!

Poor Thag Simmons.
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finalllly someone asks me for the 1st time since childhood.

🙂 Stegosaurus
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What’s your favourite dinosaur?

Mine’s Plesiosaurus.
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How to save money and have fun as an adult:

SLEEP.
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When you become a grown up, people stop asking you what your favorite dinosaur is.

They don’t even care.
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Teenage me:
Don’t tell me what to do.

Adult me:
Please, for the love of God, at least give me a HINT of what to do.
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🙂 haha

I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
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I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.
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Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.
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🙂 Just for once
I’d like to spiral
into control.
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😉 I feel like there's something missing in my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a taco.
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Why did everyone play the recorder in 4th grade? What were they training us for?
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😉 Hold on. Everything will be fine. It will only take a lifetime.
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So awkward when you meet someone you’ve stalked and don’t know whether to play it cool or ask whether they enjoyed Tahiti in 2011.
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.
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🙂 Ever look at someone and think, “Why has no one hit you with a shovel yet?”
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🙂 A man's main job is to protect his woman from her desire to "get bangs" every other month.
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🙂 Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
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bundleofjoy,

Most of the time, we must engage the brain before putting our mouth in gear. However, in one case, I would beg to differ. That was the time I spontaneously said "thank you for loving me" to a very loving person in my life.
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It’s only illegal
if you get caught
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