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"£3 million for the funeral of Margret Thatcher?

For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person."
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🙂 “I am a man of my word. And that word is unreliable.”
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A relative ends their email to another relative, "I still love (name) and (name).

That relative responds, "We never questioned or doubted it for a second and we love you more."
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🙂 "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
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🙂 "I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back."
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🙂 "As you get older, your injuries don't come with an anecdote any more, they just come."
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🙂 "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
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🙂 "Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."
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Alva,
Wherever I go, that IS the joke section.
I would have added rolling on the floor laughing out loud to my answer,
but I wasn't sure of the abbreviation.
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🙂 “Everyone is entitled to my opinion.”
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🙂 “To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that’s even more human.”
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i love being called bundle.
🙂🙂🙂🌼🌼🌼
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Great to see Bundle here bumping up our joke section! We need it!
On the other hand, with some of our questions of late I am no longer which of the threads ARE the jokes section.
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🥰 "Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me."
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"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like."
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"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'."
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🥰 “The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
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haha, i’ll use this on my next date:

🥰 “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
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🙂 “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”
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😇 “The road to success is paved in coffee.”
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🙂🍋🍋🍋 “When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.”
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🥰  “You’re brew-tiful.”
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🙂 “Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.”
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🙂 “If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”
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🙂🌼 I’m a delight

…after my coffee.
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🙂 Keep calm
and

kiss a frog
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🙂 Keep calm
and

trust in pizza
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🙂 Freak out
and

cry a little
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🙂 Keep calm
and

¥££*<~!!!!**!!$&&!!!!!!
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🙂 Have a genius moment and make it work and say, “You can't teach that.”
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