Follow
Share
Read More
3 4 5 6 7
Diet is eating food that makes you sad...
(1)
Report

When you find out that someone hates the same person as you:
The beginning of a long, long friendship.
🙂
(1)
Report

Sorry, I am not Adele.
I don't wish the best for you, nor do I want to find someone like you.
I do however want to set fire on all your stuff!
🙂
(2)
Report

🙂
(Cat stares at wall. His owner looks at him.)

Cat:
Fun fact: If you stare at the wall long enough, your owner will think you can see a ghost.
(3)
Report

Are pizza restaurant in town, now has cards they punch, buy so many get one free.

My husband didn't know it. He paid the young girl said, " do you want a punch"

Husband was like WHAT
(2)
Report

Heads up! The following is probably not to everyone's taste or liking. If you are easily offended stop reading now.


I read a Tshirt at the rodeo over labor day that made me think of some of the seniors I read about here. It said:

You are as pleasant as an itchy butthole.

I often use humor to deal with challenging people and situations and this has gone through my mind more than once in the last week or so. Hope others get a giggle from it.
(3)
Report

Every time a door closes, and another door opens,
you are likely in prison.
(10)
Report

How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? It depends on whether you see it later or after a while.
(6)
Report

Two helium atoms walk into a bar.
He He :)
(6)
Report

Every time someone says "If I don't see you again, have a great weekend" I respond with "Well, what kind of weekend should I have if you DO see me again?" 🙂
(3)
Report

I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get "saved" or else you will "burn".

Stupid firemen.
(4)
Report

Dad: Did you know that the people living nearby actually can't be buried in that cemetery?

Kid: Why?

Dad: Because they're not dead yet.
(2)
Report

🙂 "I invented a new word today: Plagiarism!"
(3)
Report

"If a child doesn't want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

It's a crime either way cos if they go willingly, you end up with a kid napping.
(3)
Report

"Anyone can get buried when they die, if you want to be cremated you have to urn it."
(1)
Report

"I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs."
(2)
Report

🙂 "What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They both have the same middle name."
(1)
Report

"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
(3)
Report

🙃 “If you’re normal, the crowd will accept you. If you’re deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.”
(2)
Report

🌼🌼🌸🌸
“I’m so passionate about not being passionate. It’s my biggest passion.”
(1)
Report

A narcoleptic vents about problems due to brain fog.

A list of the impact of brain fog on my daily life is possible, but I can't remember all the examples. All I can say is that some have been funny but not all.

Someone without narcolepsy responds.

Well, one is a senior citizen, and dementia, cognitive decline, neurodivergent conditions plus other things can create brain fog. When did you last see your doctor?

Narcoleptic responds.

I don't remember.
(5)
Report

A husband’s last words should always be:

“OK, buy it.”
(5)
Report

Thank God I don’t have to hunt for my food, I don’t even know where tacos live…
(6)
Report

I got food poisoning today.
I don’t know when I’ll use it.
(3)
Report

I hate it when people text me “K”.
I’m very rarely in the mood to talk about potassium.
(5)
Report

🙂 “The worst thing about eating an entire block of cheese by yourself is everything I just said.”
(1)
Report

🙃 "I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." 
(3)
Report

“If God didn't want us to eat cows he shouldn't have made them so easy to catch! You don't see anybody eating cheetah burgers do you? They may be delicious but we'll never know!”
(2)
Report

"My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I don't know how much she charges him though."
(3)
Report

🙂 “I find that ducks' opinions of me are very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.”
(3)
Report

3 4 5 6 7
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter