Well the Eagle has landed, my step father and his wife are now in AL here in Florida. My brother and I had placed them in a home in AZ, it was not working, he is totally deaf and she has dementia. In February when we sold their house, we had to act quickly as he was in PT and the Medicare benefit had run it's course. We knew that this wasn't a permanent solution, just a bridge.
Anyway, it was my birthday last week, no card from them, odd. Yesterday when they arrived... come to find out that she had put the wrong address on the card, so it was returned to them...although...my brother had given her my address the day they sent it to me. Today, I opened the card, she wrote 'Happy Birdbrday To Scott", this is my brother... Pops can no longer write anything except to sign his name, so it was definitely her, I hardly recognized her handwriting.
So in less than 6 months she has declined at even more of a rapid pace, she now thinks her son is 34, he is 58, her other son no longer exists, he according to her he is dead, he is not.
This is one scary relentless disease, to be robbed of your brain and still have your feet on the ground, is just plain cruel! This disease has tentacles that affect all that come into contact with it, and, in one way or another, we all suffer the consequence's.
Thank you for letting me vent!!
Please vent anytime. It is a very frustrating time.
I also remember my Mom's handwriting being difficult to read and prior she had perfect penmanship. Also, as we age, we tend to get tremors, thus some days my printing is excellent, and other days I can't read my own writing :P
Oh, when it comes to birthday card at least your Mom tried her best. And if the wife forgets to buy a card, you know darn well that her husband won't be going to Hallmark any time soon. Some guys will buy cards, but I remember years after being married to my then hubby, his Aunts could comment they never got a card from their nephew until he got married.
Even when my folks were clear minded but needed my help being they were in their 90's, they still were viewing me as being 35 instead of 65... oh well. Gone were the days when I could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Nope, don't do ladders, either.
One positive note, your folks are now in the care of Assisted Living having a village look after them. Yes, you will still be busy as their primary caregiver, running errands, doctor appointments, clothing shopping, and listening to weird stories. At night time, my Dad use to climb into his time machine and go back to the 1940's, got to admit some stories were quite interesting :)
So I hear ya.
I know now I will NEVER have closure with her over some serious issues from childhood (shoot, do we EVER get over some things?) She knows who I am but cannot carry on a conversation in which she isn't the primary concern and talks only about her one friend.....and the twin g-grand kids, whom she has seen maybe 5 times.
Her life is a shell of an existence. My sibs are mostly MIA so only I have really noticed the slide. B/C she can still do the crossword puzzle ( the super easy one) and the word jumble...she's tells everyone she's sharp as a tack.
And yeah, she does OK. Repeats herself if you spend more than 10 minutes with her, and doesn't care about anyone but herself (and the people at the grocery store). I told her I had cancer and she said "Oh, well, your daddy will be glad to see you"--um, daddy's been gone for 15 years. THAT'S her response to my telling her I have VERY TREATABLE Lymphoma. It took her 3 weeks to mention to someone else that I was 'dying' and when they set her straight, she freaked out. Evidently, dying is preferable to my continuing to live.
I have had to cut myself away from her--trying to talk to her and trying to be of any help in the CG dept are just too much, emotionally.
I am NOT afraid of my mother's dying. I'm afraid she never will. You can live past your sell by date--and it's not fun or pleasant for anyone. My kids will only remember this scatter brained old lady who didn't care much for them. How sad.
I think we are not alone in this. This site it rife with parents who pick and choose their favorites and are so cruel to those of us who are 'not'.
My mother, too, holds the 'inheritance' thing over my head and when my YB told me the exact amount of money I might receive--well, it would work out to about 1-2 cents per hour of caregiving. The 3 MIA sibs will receive the same amount and one of them hasn't talked nor seen her in months AND took $70K some years ago to pay off debts and pay for her 3rd divorce.
And guess who will be doing the lion's share of clearing out her hoarded apartment? Yup. Me.
I've grown a pretty thick skin, but sometimes she'll say or do something that is simply unbelievable and I need to take a break from her. It is what it is.