My husband says he want to go back and live with his grandma deceased, in the old homestead in Ohio. He says his husband is already there waiting for him. I am his husband but this is my alter, same name, DOB so on. If i try to get him to do something like cut his toe nails or finger nails he says he will do it when he gets and says he is leaving tomorrow. Any advice
As for the grooming items, maybe you could suggest that he get himself all fixed up and looking good for when he arrives at the family home, so the relatives there will be impressed with his appearance.
When Mom said "I want to go home."
We would reply, "What do you like about home?"
or
"Home is nice. What do you want for dinner?."
or
" Home sounds good. What do you think we should do for the holidays?"
Try to ask open ended questions as a diversion, not yes or no questions. It takes there mind off of the loop.
Yes. At some point this behavior stops as the disease progresses but I think it went on for years.
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
This too shall pass, but I know how frustrating it is for you in the meantime.
It also sounds like your husband may have capgras syndrome which sometimes accompanies dementia, and where the person with dementia thinks their spouse or loved one is someone else. You can look it up to learn more about that, and then talk to your husbands doctor about what medications may help with that.
I wish you well as you travel this very difficult road with your husband.