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I have! I don’t feel like talking right NOW! I’m not overwhelmed. I’m not stressed out, none of those extremely exhausted “WO’-OUT” feelings. I’m tired, but it’s just regular old everyday tired. I can live with that.


I just don’t feel like talking. Have you ever felt like “NOT” talking? What do you do about it?

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Yup. Put on visible headphones
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Sometimes neighbors want to have conversations when I take out the trash, get the mail etc. It's exhausting to deal with them when you're already so tired from Caregiving.
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I AM a talker and usually like to visit--but sometimes, I can't take it.

I had major ankle surgery 8 weeks ago. It's not healing as well as I wanted it to and I'm still on the darn scooter and will be for weeks yet. Yesterday, after church (a daunting experience, done alone on a scooter!) I came home and DH was lounging in bed watching golf. It was 1:30, he had done none of the things I'd asked him to do.

Rather than fight with him, beg, whatever, I said "I am not mad at you. I'm disappointed and depressed. I'm going downstairs to the spare room and don't want to talk to or see ANYBODY'.

I slept from 3 pm to 8 this morning. Got up once to take my meds and went right back to sleep.

Dh usually works from home, but when I came upstairs he had made the bed, emptied the DW(!!) and picked up a little. He never says he's sorry, but his actions speak louder than words.

I don't want to talk to anyone today either.
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CW, that would drive me crazy. I wonder if their mouth ever gets tired. Maybe a good set of ear plugs would be helpful. I am thinking about it.
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Gershun, Thank you for leaving such a nice response. My husband wakes up early and he's quite chatty too. But, he's learned over the years (52 years) that I am not a morning person. No chit-chatting for me early in the morning.
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cweissp, I meant Xerox. Not Xero
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It is happening to me. I have always been a talkative person, one who likes talking and listening. But now, I often feel like not answering the phone or avoiding people. I don't feel like talking to my mum either. She often doesn't get what we are talking about, it is hard not to try to explain... And if she realizes she is wrong, she becomes aggressive.
I now pick up who I want to talk to, whose calls I want to answer. Before I would answer to everyone just because I am to polite...
My husband just told me yesterday I just be a little more rude to keep some people at a distance. I wonder why I am always the one the reach to when they need something (neighbors, family, colleagues). I am working on saying no... It is easier when I just avoid people
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All the time. In fact I pretend I'm still sleeping sometimes in the morning cause hubs wakes up quite chatty. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

I used to feel like I needed to cover up silent uncomfortable moments with chit chat but not anymore. My family wonders sometimes if something is wrong cause I'm not on all the time. I just say "I'm on still, I just have the volume turned way down"
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cweissp, Xero, Ditto, Copy & Paste EVERYTHING you said! Every word you said applies to me and my husband too. Before Mama passed, he could sit and chit-chat with her and I'd be in another room. His saving grace is that he is constantly on the move so he was up and down, up and down.
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againx100, I never felt guilty about it. It was just something I "HAD" to do to keep from going bonkers. Keep doing it yourself and remember it is your lifeline to sanity.
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Definitely. Although I do that and really HAVE to for my own sanity, I can't help but feel a bit guilty too. Ugh.
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I hear ya! I WISH my mom would have developed a social life years ago when she moved in with us but NO. It's just me and my family for her. I have tried but now feel like I need to set up "play dates" for her like I did with my kids 30 years ago. Weird but geez she needs someone else to talk to besides ME!
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I'm not a talker - I rarely feel like talking. My husband on the other hand can talk nonstop for 8 hours - it exhausts me.
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EmotionallyNumb, thanks for taking time to read here and leave a nice comment. Just remember, listen a little while (if you feel like it) then leave the room. Go sit somewhere . . . alone. Repeat this process as often as needed. Time alone away from the chitter-chatter saved my sanity.
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againx100, I know exactly how you feel and I hear you. My only solution was to always NOT be in the same room/space as my mama constantly. Whenever her talking, mumbling, ramblings started, I'd leave the room. That helped keep me from going crazy.
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All the time, I like some quiet after I come home from work but my mom has been waiting for someone to talk to so it's like non stop talking. I don't even need to respond, she'll just keep going and going and going...
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It's like this with my mother-in-law as well. And when this 90 pound 86 year old with dementia start guzzling down her nightly red wine, you can only imagine what kind of conversations we get from her. I am at the end of my rope, and she's only lived with us for almost five months. Ugggg.
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I would LOVE not to indulge her but my husband, her son won't stop doing so. It's not helping. He said to me before she moved in that he was not changing his life and she would have to adapt to ours but, he feels guilty and acquiesces to her. I have never spent this much time with her so I never knew how needy she is. He has NO reason to feel guilty, as he has always been there for his parents even before she moved in. I am feeling like the fifth wheel in the arrangement and like he is HER partner before mine.
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earlybird, this is right on target. . . "go back to bed". I started early-on telling my mama to go back to bed because I was going back to bed myself. I did it so often she started sleeping later, giving me some much needed "ME TIME". . . alone.
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MysteryShopper, thank you for this nice response. I like your backyard sitting idea, I used to sit in the backyard too. It was very relaxing watching the squirrels scurrying across the fence top or along tree branches. Thank you!
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I have this problem with my mom. She's lived with me and hubby almost 6 years now. She has memory issues and conversation with her is so boring I could beat my head against the wall. So, I really don't feel like talking with her most of the time. When I have to drive her somewhere (minimum of half an hour to get anywhere) it is uncomfortably silent most of the time. I try to force myself to chitchat but I just.can.not do it. A short comment on something that we see on the road, etc. but she doesn't notice some things and makes awkward responses to other things. So. hard. At least for me.
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bakergeek57, I totally understand your POV. I am also an introvert and enjoy my quiet time. My mama was this same way, wanting all the attention . . . all of the time. It took some doing, but I finally got her to be/act differently by NOT indulging her wants and wishes all the time.
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My brother is a chatter box especially in the early morning. I told him not to talk to me in the morning. I need to wake up, but he continues so I tell him to go back to bed and let me have a little time to myself. We do better when he respects my wishes.
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In my case, I was very much overwhelmed/exhausted after an especially trying day with LO. Not only did I not want to talk, but I suspected I likely could not get the entire story out (a rarity for me) so maybe best not to try right then. I went into the backyard of my house right at dusk. With me, I took a glass of wine and a dish towel I could cry into. DH got me another glass of wine and left me alone. He did apologize for any role he may have played in whatever was wrong (it was not his fault). Got up the next day, cleared my head, and wrote an email to several interested parties regarding what had transpired the day before with LO and expressed my desire for it to never, ever happen again. After hitting "send", I left the house and met a friend for lunch and a walk. I don't have remote email access (long story) so I did get away from the situation entirely once I left the house. Eventually went home and read some supportive replies. However, the proof will be in the pudding the next time things hit the fan with LO and my role will need to be defined somewhat differently... we'll see.
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Thank you daughterof1930 for the helpful response. Someone here will definitely be able to use this information. I've done some of these myself, like sitting in different places. I never tried the closet though, it's too small for me to fit in.
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I know exactly how you feel. Back in May, me and my husband moved my 86 year old mother-in-law into our home after my father-in-law passed away. She has a level of dementia. We didn't bring her here to be her constant companion but that's what she wants. She doesn't like when we are not in the room sitting with her. Every day at around 4 p.m., she likes to have her red wine and wants to go sit outside. She wants us to sit there with her. It is driving me out of my mind. I am an introvert and enjoy my quiet time. I have hobbies that I do and sometimes that takes me to my craft room for several hours. Before she moved in, my husband and I have our ways that each understands and sometimes it means him watching the game and me on my computer with noise cancelling headphones on. I don't want to talk. She doesn't seem to get the hint and gets her feelings hurt when we don't want to sit and drink with her. I am at my wits end with this situation. I get it. Sometimes people need their space.
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While raising children I’ve been known to go sit in my closet. More recently I’ve gone for a walk or even a drive when alone, quiet time was needed. I think we all don’t feel like talking sometimes and it’s perfectly fine
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lealonnie, thank you for the good wishes to have a peaceful evening, and especially for taking time to read here and to answer. The #1 thing I do when I don't feel like talking is . . . I DON'T talk! Phone calls go to voice mail and I don't call anyone unless it's absolutely necessary.
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Yes lealonnie, you are so right and, I agree. I do the same as you. I just had this crazy thought buzzing around in my head. I thought I'd get it out of my head by giving it "another home".
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When I don't feel like talking, I don't talk. I'm not sure I understand your question....?

Nobody is obligated to be 'on' all the time; to talk when they're tired or to put on a happy face when they're sad. When I don't want to talk on the phone (which is the usual for me), I let the calls go to voice mail, and call the person back when I'm in the mood to talk.

Self care includes doing things for ourselves, not just bending over backwards for others b/c they want us to, you know?

Good luck having a nice, quiet evening where you don't have to talk if you don't want to! :)
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