This forum has been a godsend when dealing with my elderly mother. There are times I am on here for hours at a time. Others time I avoid it because of the horror stories that caregivers have to endure. Yet, here I am posting. Do others feel a needed drive and avoidance to this website? Do others feel comforted and repelled by this site that is so helpful, yet also emotionally drained by some of the postings they read?
I totally get the
"Learning to do what I have to " part. In the beginning I gave my gramaw free rein. All her belongings, lots of food etc. I now have a lot less in her home. I felt really bad about it but it has been one of the best decisions she and I made. She takes everything out of the cabnets and drawers and makes big messes otherwise. It takes me all day to sort through soiled clothes, dishes, food etc for her to undo it in no time flat. I am now able to keep her house clean. She doesnt get as confused either. It felt like I was taking away from her. Treating her like a child. I just say to my self, No, I am treating her like she has dementia.
My comments were based on all the stories I've read here. Caregiving is a wonderful thing but too many people are consumed by it.
I come here to learn things. I enjoy what I call "practicing therapy without a license." Before I give advice, I have to think hard about what I think, and whether my automatic reaction is best. I have personal reactions - both positive and negative - to other posters, and have to deal with my feelings before deciding to comment. This website is a microcosm of Life, and I am quite attached to it.
The lows here are when someone jumps on people with both feet. I have some foot prints on my head and I know others do, too.
Sometimes I wish more what we would do is share experiences. Like my mother did this and my father did that. Usually I just want to talk and I'm not really looking for advice, just someone to talk about the craziness to. I love it when someone says, "I know how you feel. My mother..." and goes on to talk about their own experience. It is like chatting with friends, so I'm not so all alone.
It's not just here. The elderly are an easy target.
My mom is dead now but when she died and I took over for my gramaw, it was bad. My gramaw is the sweetest person you could ever meet. My mom was nuts. She somehow took gramaws house and left her with livers rights. Took all her jewlery and my meth/ pill addicted ex sister n law got it. She had no money at all in the bank. She sold her pain pills and gave her Tylenol p.m.s instead.Another family member had her debit cards. That person thought they would continue with my gramaws meds till I nipped it in the bud. It has taken us three years to get my gramaw some money built back up. We bought all her groceries untill just a few monthes ago because I was scared if something happened to me she might need money and not have it. So, because of what I sawmy own flesh and blood do to my gramaw, nothing here surprises me.
I know I can not keep her forever but I am not ready to do thiswithout her. I am lucky to have her.