Hi guys! Just wanted to see if anyone has any suggestions. The family member I speak of is my older uncle, but he has William's Syndrome, he can do a lot for himself and he can look after himself really well. He lives with his mother who has Alzheimer. He doesn't do much for her except gives her dinner and her medicine at night (we have a helper who comes in during the day). But he really loses patience with her, starts yelling at her and is just super upset whenever he talks to her. Its surprising because he's never done this before. I know it's probably some coping mechanism. But how do we help him deal with his frustrations and anger? Especially because he has a limited ability in understanding beyond an 8th grade level. He even realizes afterwards that he shouldn't have yelled and he apologizes. But I feel at the moment of his anger, he just can't help himself.
Has the family discussed a long term care plan for both of them? If not, it's high time. Fit, experienced adults with no disabilities at all find looking after and living with a person with Alzheimer's a challenge; and it is only a matter of time before your uncle and grandmother's current situation becomes untenable.
Would you expect a 12 year old, with no other adult in the home, to understand dementia?
No, you wouldn't.
Someone needs to look at the big picture and get both of these folks into the care situations that they need.
Another exercise you could think about doing together is going through the guidelines for health and welfare power of attorney and talking to both uncle and grandmother about the issues these guidelines raise. Even if neither of them is able to to manage the legal process of actually creating a POA, it could provide a structure for discussion about what sort of environment he might take to best and who might be the best person to become his guardian. I'm not suggesting you should sit them down and interrogate them! - jut work the issues into conversations over time, perhaps. But it would be a good idea to have in mind a list of subjects that will need to be thought about.