Although I don't live with my parents, I am their prime caretaker for all their medical appointments, paperwork, help around the house and emotional well being. My mom has had many medical issues throughout the years and I cannot count how many appointments I have taken her to. How many hours away from work that I had to make up the hours in the evenings and weekend. How worried I am all the time that I may get fired for all the time away. Worried that I may get sick as I am not taking care of myself or going to my appointments. My mom has diabetes, heart, high blood pressure, depression, insomnia, many more issues. Last year, the hospital found a suspicious growth in her breast and the entire year was spent tests and more tests. It was awful!! Thankfully she did not have cancer and we were happy but that was shortlived (she became even more depressed). I am emotionally and physically drained beyond belief. All this stress has caused my health to suffer (migraines, anemia, dizziness, exhaustion). I feel overwhelmed all the time. My Dad, love him dearly, but useless when it comes to helping my Mom. They call me in the middle of the night to ask me "should we call an ambulance? rather than my Dad taking care of this. What would happen if I dont answer my phone, I ask them?. I am finding myself not wanting to be around or call them as often as I did. This saddens me tremendously because we are very close but my life with them is appointments, talking about appointments or listening to the health issues. She worries when she is fine and when she is not. It is so draining, depressing and frustrating when I talk to her. There are times that she is doing okay medically but finds something or someone new to stress about. I dread asking "how are you?" as she goes into an hour long session of what is worrying her even though everything is fine. At times I feel like I am losing my patience and want to tell her "enough!!!" but then feel guilty !! I have been feeling like this for the past 2 years after 20 years of this. I am going for a battery of medical tests soon and all I keep on thinking about "what if I am ill?"- I cant do this anymore. Help
before mom was placed on hospice i was the one that ran her and dad to all appointments etc. did that for 15 + years. dad passed very quickly and that was 5 years ago. mom has been on hospice 2+ years and i am her full time caregiver.
i had to get mom involved in outside things when she was able to. dad refused to leave the house unless he had to. mom likes to talk, and dad liked to play dominos.
since moms health condition worsened she looks to me for her information and entertainment. i wish i'd have put my foot down sooner. i'd sit down with them and tell them how you feel in a non-confrontational manner and just tell them they are NOT alone, you're NOT abandoning them, but that you are stressed out, tired and whatever you're feeling. try saying I feel.....instead of you're making me....
if you approach it as you need help dealing with this situation, they may take back some of their parental focus and rally to help you instead of burning you out.
I caught mom in a good mood yesterday and did this very thing and she actually got up and used the toilet instead of the adult diaper. it worked yesterday, i hope it works today.
good luck and i hope this helps :)
Keep pestering the Dr. and nurses to make them understand what is going on. They have the means to help, you just have to be a nudge. I worked on this for 5 months. All they would do was up her morphine. The squeaky wheel does get the oil.
Good luck and God bless!