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I see I'm not the only one who doesn't like cafemom's website. It IS too confusing and I don't have time to be confused. I have to keep my wits about me and ready for anything my m-i-l throws at me and my husband (we've been tag-teaming for months now). As soon as he finds a job, we'll have to look at other options because I cannot handle her alone anymore.
Hey Linda, I'm glad your dad is having a good day and you're a happy cookie. You're a sweetie to your dad and we love to hear updates on how he's doing.
I was asking VRose if she cares for her dad in her home. It sounds like he's in the earlier stages with the repetitive questions, etc and i was curious if she was at home with him. I wished I could have taken care of my dad and I miss him like crazy and he died in 93.
Hi bobbie321, yes I care for my dad at home. I actually took care of my Mom too untill she died four months ago. I'm the oldest of five, and another thing I didn't mention was I'm also in a wheelchair, have been since I was 15 years old. Three of my siblings live out of state and one lives close to us and helps whenever I call. They all have familes of their own and I don't so the caring of my parents went to me. Taking care of them both has been a joy and sometimes very very hard. Especially when my mom was in the last stages of her cancer. She died at home with me, my two sisters and dad at her bedside. My dad still drives but I have to be with him wherever he goes, even shopping I can't leave him alone. He counts on me for everything. Mom and dad lovingly took care of me when I became sick with the illness that put me in this wheelchair and I hope I'm doing the same for them.
VRose, you are a hero. I love that you are so strong and able and I respect your choices and am in awe.
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your mom. i cannot even comprehend how you have maintained your strength.
Welcome to the boat!
Hey SS! i am sitting at Gate 13, southwest airlines, LAX as we speak! We take off 12:20p West Coast time and after a plane change in Houston on to Philly.
i'll get in late tonight, around 11 and hopefully i can talk someone into giving me a ride home from the airport. Probably not cause it's so late but it's literally all good. all i know is that I'm going to freeze my ovaries because it's cold!!!
I know where you are and you're thinkin baby you don't even know what cold is!!
lov you guys and keep me in the loop today and we'll do a travelogue los angeles to philly
Awesome to hear from you Bobbie! Hope all your travels go well. That real estate, too. Bless your heart. I know you were dreading this, but I know you'll be soooooo happy when it's over. Will be praying for you. KB has been helping me on my computer! She's a gem. She's coaching me toward a more acceptable chat venue for ya'll. Take care, Bobbie friend.
Miz hope all is well. You, too, Piratess. Rep, where are you? OK, folks. Hello to Victorianrose. What a beautiful Avatar. Have a great day, everyone!
Bobbie I thought you were putting your mom in a care facility here in So Cal? So confused!
My mom is starting to loose it more. I don't know if she's taking her meds. I am going there after work today and I will see. She doesn't trust her caregivers nor the agency. She doesn't believe the doc's office when they say the x-ray's are clear...cause she keeps insisting she has constipation. It's tough scouting for facilities that are good and not 6 thousand a month. A Place for Mom is supposed to be helping but that seems to be a lot of lip service....they keep sending me emails that are useless instead of facilities that are near her home like I asked and for pricing and details..and these fricken places don't have websites that give you all the details..WHAT'S UP WITH THAT AMERICA...why is it for the things you need most-that information is hidden in AMERICA. In every aspect of this whole delima with her that started last summer I have hardly found any help with anything....trully it is amazing in America....even this website with all it's mouthpieces in the sidelines...I think it's all for money..even my mom says that about the caregiving service it's all about money. Sigh...it's depressing...she's making me loose it more and more...and I have to remember to stand up straight and stay tough until it is all over...when will that be? I hate this rollercoaster ride!
Lessee... tonight Im making a big ol mess making braised medallions of pork in a honey maple glaze... with steamed asparagus and yellow rice.. Tossed ceasar salad with fresh ground parmesan ,served with a dark shiraz... for dessert I have created a mandarin orange cake, with butter cream frosting and an espresso apertif.. Bon voyage!!!! ~ Kapow~ nutz
Wow, goinnutz, you make me salivate reading about that. Who are the honored recipients? I agree with PirateGal; it does sound like a special occasion. Every single bit of it sounds so excellent! We posted some culinary recipes on our boat thread, in the galley. Wish you'd post some of yours there, and come on board.
PirateGal, if I may write for Bobbi, while she's traveling, her mom is placed there, while Bobbi goes east for business. Got a message from her at the airport. So, you don't have to be confused... Did you read her previous posts? Things seemed to be going well for her mom at the new place she went to on Tuesday. Let's all say a prayer that continues.
As for dealing with your mom, I can understand the struggle. We had many posting "conversations" about that in the past. I do remember how very difficult and challenging it can be. The only reason I'm currently feeling some relief is due to distance. More on that in a moment. As for you, I do wish you had some distance, as well. Mental illness (or personality disorder) is hard to manage, and it's no wonder you are struggling. I wish you had some help with all you're experiencing as caregiver for your mom. From first hand experience, dealing with it is very hard! The only thing that got me through was prayer, talking with some kind friends, compassionate Social Workers, and researching everything I could find on the subject of mom's diagnosis. I also attended a couple support groups. But all that was not enough.
I found that trying to care for my mother's needs was making me ill. It made me feel psychologically drained, confused, inept, and more. Hard to describe. But, now she has a public guardian taking care of her. I have not talked to my mother in quite a while. Distance is the only thing that's helped me recover from the pain, turmoil and grief I was feeling. It is the weirdest thing, the more I did for mom, the meaner she became. I am staying away for me. I must, lest I become enslaved. (I know that sounds very inhumane, but when dealing with mental illness, that is the safest way.) I so longed for a relationship with her, but a loving mother/daughter one is just not possible. So, I'm surrounding myself with positive people, who love me for who I am, and am starting to feel worth something again. Dealing with mother and her illness was very unhealthy for me. It makes me mad, sad, and grieved, but it must be this way. Meanwhile, I am still looking after my dad's best interests and needs, and my husband for his dad. They are both in nursing homes, because they need to be.
I just got an email from my sister tonight saying my mom has shingles. O, how sad. She just got over treatment for Breast Cancer, is on oxygen for COPD, etc. Life is not very comfortable for her, right now, I am sure. My sister wrote to warn me not to visit because my son hasn't had Chicken Pox yet. I wouldn't have visited anyway, because I am just starting to recover from her abuse. It was so bad, I am not soon looking forward to any dealings with her. But I love her, don't wish her harm, and feel bad that she's not well. How very sad.
I had a lot of difficulty finding services for my folks, as well. I wasn't working, and spent all day long every day for over two and one half years trying to get help. I did find some, but only after much diligence and persistence. None of it came easily, and not everyone was helpful. Many governmental offices just didn't meet our needs. Seemed like a lot of hype, waste, and bureaucracy to me.
I rambled a long post. Just needed to get that all out. PirateGal, I feel for you. I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. I can imagine the difficulties you face. Hope your mom stays on her meds!
Hi Everyone!! I'm here. We took my niece back to the train yesterday evening. I was soooooooo tired cause we stayed up talking until about 1:30 am the night before. I haven't read all the new posts but I will later today. Love yous!! Have a wonderful day!!
Pirate, I hear and understand your frustration. I think elderly care giving is not given nearly the importance in this country that it deserves. It does seem to be mostly about the money and I think it's a sin the way the elderly are not respected and are treated in this country. Makes me really sad.
My niece left yesterday evening and today has been a down one for both me and my mom. She's been really tired. Had to cancel her hair appointment again. She started to shake really bad when I was getting her ready. Thankfully, her hair guy is very understanding. He said to call him on a good day and he will try to get her in. I feel so let down since my niece left. She is so fun and funny and compassionate for me. I find that I really need something to look forward to and right now there is nothing. I know i should feel thankful because Mom is sweet and I'm not alone and I have my health (physically that is). :)
Miz, sorry to hear you are struggling, and your mom a little too. Perhaps Spring will perk you both up. Or, maybe a trip on a boat? I last heard from bobbie while at the airport. Hopefully her business is going well. Seems she had a huge job to do out east. And hopefully her mother is doing well, too, in her temporary place. One thing remains true: not everything stays the same. Wonder how KelleyBean is doing? And Piratess, how about you and your mom?
I'm here in NJ and have lived through the first few days.
When I got in Fri night, a buddy of mine picked me up and because he's Irish we had to go and get a couple Guinness and then hit a typical NJ diner and get a cheeseburger deluxe.
I get to the house at about 3 am and once I get in the front door realize there's no heat. thankfully it's at least 50 degrees in the house so I won't get frostbit. I spend until 4am trying to fix the heater and then give up and go upstairs to my room where my other computer is. I'm freezing so I get all the blankets I can find and sleep in my clothes and coat and under this big hump of blankets.
Word Picture: Big hump in the bed with my glasses pokin out and one hand operating my computer next to the bed and I spend a half hour looking at boat porn so I can forget I'm freezing to death. It works and I get 3 hours of sleep.
Wake up and now I'm freezing and starving and so I throw my untouched suitcase in the jeep and my good friend Heather (who has heat) invites me over for some bacon and eggs and an opportunity to stand over a heater grate. (Old House) I take her up on it and am soon wired on strong coffee, full of bacon and eggs and ready to show the building.... that has no heat.
2 Realtors, hus/wife buyers and the tour takes 2 hours. Big building with lots of nooks and crannies. At the end of 2 hours the buyers are excited, the Realtors are bored and I'm cold again.
go back to Heather's house and stand on the grate until my shoes heat up. I didn't get totally warm until this am when i tried to give myself 3rd degree burns inthe shower. Just wasn't ready to get wet when i was freezing.
Nik is seeing mom every day at the place and yesterday he brought her some pictures from the apt and a big vase of flowers. What a guy. Love him Love him.
SS; you rock... thanks for keeping us underway while I'm running around. I'll be able to check in more often now that I'm in an environment with HEAT. I'm glad you're protecting yourself. You are a wise woman and know that when it feels right and when it feels wrong.
Miz Demi: don't be sad!! What do you mean you have nothing to look forward to!?! We be getting a boat Mizzy! You and your hubby are the linesmen!! We can't cast off or dock without you!
Pam: good to see you! love you buddy and talk to you soon.
Pirate: this is the toughest time when you are looking for help and a safe place for your mom. Take some time for you so you don't go nuts and hang in, girl. I'm living proof that it can be done and yes I agree with you about not everybody is helpful. The good news is that when you finally find the answer you will know deep in your bones that this is the place because it will feel right. corny, yes but that was the case in my circumstance.
KB: where are you KB!?! check in so we don't worry!
Rep: where are you girl??
Nutz: please tell me you're cooking on the boat!! You are amazing.
Maxine: where you at? We can't leave without you.
the new folks: good to see you again on the thread VRose and W&C. Please keep coming back cause we need some new stories!!
Linda how's your dad?
Tennessee?? how's it going? You getting out of the house and having some fun? C'mon and fill us in.
anyhoo, that's it for me for a minute and I'll be checking in through the rest of the evening to see how you guys are doing and if anyone is needing to vent, tell a joke, and incidentally Tonight is the Oscars and I love that stuff and will be watching East Coast time so if anyone on the West Coast wants to know who won without going to CNN or something.... holler at a sailor.
You guys are amazing caregivers and angels. these are our toughest days and we will prevail and all will be well. Love you all very very much,
Bobbie, I'm always heartened by your warmth. You rock! I'm just a boat rocker, lol. Had some great, great laughs with Rep and Miz last night on the Poco. O my, they're funny. Went from dismal me to laughing uproariously. Thanks, ladies. And our little KB is hiding out this weekend. We'll have to wait and see... Now that you mention it, nutz is mia; where is she? We got our recipes started to get posted in the galley. Yum. Better get some more, cuz it's boring eating the same thing day after day. We need our chef.
I'm enjoying being a cozy landlubber, while waitng for the ice to break up. Saw my first crocus peeking up in my garden today. Woo Hoo. That means Spring is on its way.
Piratess, hope all is well with you. Austin, too. And all the rest, hope all, all, all is well.
Lovbob, thanks for the notariety! heck yah im cookin tonight... lessee... Tonight I am goin south of the Border, just for you , with a little Mexican food. the heat from these babies outta warm yer timberrrsss!!! lets start out with some Chile Rellenos, stuffed with Mozzarella and diced onion.. Carne Asados with Cream sauce... Shredded Beed Tamale with spicy enchilada sauce.. spanish rice ( spicy of course) with Frijoles refritos and Grilled Jalapenos. For dessert were having Baked Alaska to cool the burning tongue... MMMMmmm....Lets EAT!!~nutz
far, far away......I wish I was! just cleaning up explosions as usual. but you're making me hungry, nutz! hope you like cookin' 'cause you're making us all crazy...or, crazier, 'cause I think we're all already over the edge
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
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m-i-l throws at me and my husband (we've been tag-teaming for months now). As soon as he finds a job, we'll have to look at other options because I cannot handle her alone anymore.
I was asking VRose if she cares for her dad in her home. It sounds like he's in the earlier stages with the repetitive questions, etc and i was curious if she was at home with him. I wished I could have taken care of my dad and I miss him like crazy and he died in 93.
Have a good one and hug your dad for us all.
lovbob
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your mom. i cannot even comprehend how you have maintained your strength.
Welcome to the boat!
Hey SS! i am sitting at Gate 13, southwest airlines, LAX as we speak! We take off 12:20p West Coast time and after a plane change in Houston on to Philly.
i'll get in late tonight, around 11 and hopefully i can talk someone into giving me a ride home from the airport. Probably not cause it's so late but it's literally all good. all i know is that I'm going to freeze my ovaries because it's cold!!!
I know where you are and you're thinkin baby you don't even know what cold is!!
lov you guys and keep me in the loop today and we'll do a travelogue los angeles to philly
lovbob
Miz hope all is well. You, too, Piratess. Rep, where are you? OK, folks. Hello to Victorianrose. What a beautiful Avatar. Have a great day, everyone!
Bobbie I thought you were putting your mom in a care facility here in So Cal? So confused!
My mom is starting to loose it more. I don't know if she's taking her meds. I am going there after work today and I will see. She doesn't trust her caregivers nor the agency. She doesn't believe the doc's office when they say the x-ray's are clear...cause she keeps insisting she has constipation. It's tough scouting for facilities that are good and not 6 thousand a month. A Place for Mom is supposed to be helping but that seems to be a lot of lip service....they keep sending me emails that are useless instead of facilities that are near her home like I asked and for pricing and details..and these fricken places don't have websites that give you all the details..WHAT'S UP WITH THAT AMERICA...why is it for the things you need most-that information is hidden in AMERICA. In every aspect of this whole delima with her that started last summer I have hardly found any help with anything....trully it is amazing in America....even this website with all it's mouthpieces in the sidelines...I think it's all for money..even my mom says that about the caregiving service it's all about money. Sigh...it's depressing...she's making me loose it more and more...and I have to remember to stand up straight and stay tough until it is all over...when will that be? I hate this rollercoaster ride!
PirateGal, if I may write for Bobbi, while she's traveling, her mom is placed there, while Bobbi goes east for business. Got a message from her at the airport. So, you don't have to be confused... Did you read her previous posts? Things seemed to be going well for her mom at the new place she went to on Tuesday. Let's all say a prayer that continues.
As for dealing with your mom, I can understand the struggle. We had many posting "conversations" about that in the past. I do remember how very difficult and challenging it can be. The only reason I'm currently feeling some relief is due to distance. More on that in a moment. As for you, I do wish you had some distance, as well. Mental illness (or personality disorder) is hard to manage, and it's no wonder you are struggling. I wish you had some help with all you're experiencing as caregiver for your mom. From first hand experience, dealing with it is very hard! The only thing that got me through was prayer, talking with some kind friends, compassionate Social Workers, and researching everything I could find on the subject of mom's diagnosis. I also attended a couple support groups. But all that was not enough.
I found that trying to care for my mother's needs was making me ill. It made me feel psychologically drained, confused, inept, and more. Hard to describe. But, now she has a public guardian taking care of her. I have not talked to my mother in quite a while. Distance is the only thing that's helped me recover from the pain, turmoil and grief I was feeling. It is the weirdest thing, the more I did for mom, the meaner she became. I am staying away for me. I must, lest I become enslaved. (I know that sounds very inhumane, but when dealing with mental illness, that is the safest way.) I so longed for a relationship with her, but a loving mother/daughter one is just not possible. So, I'm surrounding myself with positive people, who love me for who I am, and am starting to feel worth something again. Dealing with mother and her illness was very unhealthy for me. It makes me mad, sad, and grieved, but it must be this way. Meanwhile, I am still looking after my dad's best interests and needs, and my husband for his dad. They are both in nursing homes, because they need to be.
I just got an email from my sister tonight saying my mom has shingles. O, how sad. She just got over treatment for Breast Cancer, is on oxygen for COPD, etc. Life is not very comfortable for her, right now, I am sure. My sister wrote to warn me not to visit because my son hasn't had Chicken Pox yet. I wouldn't have visited anyway, because I am just starting to recover from her abuse. It was so bad, I am not soon looking forward to any dealings with her. But I love her, don't wish her harm, and feel bad that she's not well. How very sad.
I had a lot of difficulty finding services for my folks, as well. I wasn't working, and spent all day long every day for over two and one half years trying to get help. I did find some, but only after much diligence and persistence. None of it came easily, and not everyone was helpful. Many governmental offices just didn't meet our needs. Seemed like a lot of hype, waste, and bureaucracy to me.
I rambled a long post. Just needed to get that all out. PirateGal, I feel for you. I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. I can imagine the difficulties you face. Hope your mom stays on her meds!
miz
Sending hugs and kisses to everyone. Feeling good just because I'm feeling good and nothing can change that.
Love to all!
love,
miz
Hey Ladies and maybe some guys:
I'm here in NJ and have lived through the first few days.
When I got in Fri night, a buddy of mine picked me up and because he's Irish we had to go and get a couple Guinness and then hit a typical NJ diner and get a cheeseburger deluxe.
I get to the house at about 3 am and once I get in the front door realize there's no heat. thankfully it's at least 50 degrees in the house so I won't get frostbit. I spend until 4am trying to fix the heater and then give up and go upstairs to my room where my other computer is. I'm freezing so I get all the blankets I can find and sleep in my clothes and coat and under this big hump of blankets.
Word Picture: Big hump in the bed with my glasses pokin out and one hand operating my computer next to the bed and I spend a half hour looking at boat porn so I can forget I'm freezing to death. It works and I get 3 hours of sleep.
Wake up and now I'm freezing and starving and so I throw my untouched suitcase in the jeep and my good friend Heather (who has heat) invites me over for some bacon and eggs and an opportunity to stand over a heater grate. (Old House) I take her up on it and am soon wired on strong coffee, full of bacon and eggs and ready to show the building.... that has no heat.
2 Realtors, hus/wife buyers and the tour takes 2 hours. Big building with lots of nooks and crannies. At the end of 2 hours the buyers are excited, the Realtors are bored and I'm cold again.
go back to Heather's house and stand on the grate until my shoes heat up. I didn't get totally warm until this am when i tried to give myself 3rd degree burns inthe shower. Just wasn't ready to get wet when i was freezing.
Nik is seeing mom every day at the place and yesterday he brought her some pictures from the apt and a big vase of flowers. What a guy. Love him Love him.
SS; you rock... thanks for keeping us underway while I'm running around. I'll be able to check in more often now that I'm in an environment with HEAT. I'm glad you're protecting yourself. You are a wise woman and know that when it feels right and when it feels wrong.
Miz Demi: don't be sad!! What do you mean you have nothing to look forward to!?! We be getting a boat Mizzy! You and your hubby are the linesmen!! We can't cast off or dock without you!
Pam: good to see you! love you buddy and talk to you soon.
Pirate: this is the toughest time when you are looking for help and a safe place for your mom. Take some time for you so you don't go nuts and hang in, girl. I'm living proof that it can be done and yes I agree with you about not everybody is helpful. The good news is that when you finally find the answer you will know deep in your bones that this is the place because it will feel right. corny, yes but that was the case in my circumstance.
KB: where are you KB!?! check in so we don't worry!
Rep: where are you girl??
Nutz: please tell me you're cooking on the boat!! You are amazing.
Maxine: where you at? We can't leave without you.
the new folks: good to see you again on the thread VRose and W&C. Please keep coming back cause we need some new stories!!
Linda how's your dad?
Tennessee?? how's it going? You getting out of the house and having some fun? C'mon and fill us in.
anyhoo, that's it for me for a minute and I'll be checking in through the rest of the evening to see how you guys are doing and if anyone is needing to vent, tell a joke, and incidentally Tonight is the Oscars and I love that stuff and will be watching East Coast time so if anyone on the West Coast wants to know who won without going to CNN or something.... holler at a sailor.
You guys are amazing caregivers and angels. these are our toughest days and we will prevail and all will be well. Love you all very very much,
lovbob
I'm enjoying being a cozy landlubber, while waitng for the ice to break up. Saw my first crocus peeking up in my garden today. Woo Hoo. That means Spring is on its way.
Piratess, hope all is well with you. Austin, too. And all the rest, hope all, all, all is well.
And KB, can't wait to read how your weekend went.
lessee... Tonight I am goin south of the Border, just for you , with a little Mexican food. the heat from these babies outta warm yer timberrrsss!!! lets start out with some Chile Rellenos, stuffed with Mozzarella and diced onion.. Carne Asados with Cream sauce...
Shredded Beed Tamale with spicy enchilada sauce.. spanish rice ( spicy of course) with Frijoles refritos and Grilled Jalapenos.
For dessert were having Baked Alaska to cool the burning tongue... MMMMmmm....Lets EAT!!~nutz
Ive been entertaining my Aunt Shirley!!!! You guys are like a drug to me.. IM HOOKED!!!! ARRRGGGHHHHHH ~ Nutz
We're missing Miz and KB and nutz is cooking and hiya Rep!
washing dishes casuse someone else cooked my dinner.
BRB
lovbob