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I finally broke down on Facebook to all my local "friends?"
these friends that know I am stuck her not only in the house with ma but out of the house...they know I cant even let my dogs out and or go out in my own yard...(due to a sink hole found in dec) further imprisoning me. I cant even go in my own yard to play with my dogs... this CG heck seems to permeate everything, house yard etc.... anyway I digress....So they know what up but just too busy. well the phone actually rang and a friend came to help me with ma..i could not have possibly done it without her...she brought cold beer too!!!. we talked and laffed....
We now have planned to put my scuba gear on her son tie a rope on him and he can mow the yard down...we laffed so hard, I needed that. when school is out next week josh gonna come over n help me with yardwork and getting the front done where it safe but not fenced....or grass just weed n gravel but least house wont look abandoned. I have had not one moment for anything but mom in so long grass Is waist high n crap in front wheelchair ramp installers left behind still in a crap pile...so I got me some south county curb appeal going!

It will be nice to have it look nice! gonna have to ...prob got to sell anyway so good for either result!

k well I am scared to death now that I am gonna lose her tooo fast...just give me one more mothers day to do it right!
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actually the more I process what I saw on those exrays...omg This mite be it...
This could be HOSPICE not home health...I wanted a lil more time to pull our life outta the crapper...no wonder I freaking flipped out! I don't think I am worrying too much on this one...he spine looks horibble no wonder.. and that DR...that had got to be the worst attitude I have eeeevvverrr delt with...

works in mysterious ways and she was put before me to not help my mother with her pain but to help me with mine!!!! I couldn't save my family but I got ma's back!! NOW

and she is gonna feel my pian....walked in the room and looked at ma and went ewwww she don't look good! it went down the swirlpipe so fast from there it was insane....
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Hi
I swear that hospital Is gonna kill me yet...the "Patient Advocate" as I thought was producing a stall tactic ...I knew she did not have to "check with supervisor on records release policy and had no idea what paperwork had to be filled out" and "reasonable amount of time to provide me the answer was 2 days" jeez people I might be depressed but I am not stupid...
So my last effort for the day at the stroke of 5, miraculously, call records yourself like you did in Feb, DUH....I will be picking up her entire history at 2 tomoro on way to ortho appt for the newly discovered mangled spine! Man the Patient Advocate was in damage control mode and I knew! Next I need to have the presents of mine to start recording all conversations I could not even see strait all weekend let alone figure that out on new cell lol
Hired a replacement for the gal who quit..she is going to do eves so I can get out to dinner with friends or something instead of am when no one around.
when calling in new provider number...gave that gal a kick in ass and found a couple of mystereiously brand new programs

The power of the purge is working! I see love n light for Ma n I

You guys are the best!

Luv
juju
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Hello everybody. Love to read your comments. How do you know when you have terminal burnout, and you can't go anymore? My mother never had borderline personality disorder, she was always the best, sweetest person in the world and always so good to me. That's kept me going, but now with her bipolar and new dementia, she is now the biggest bitch ever. I'm sure you know what I mean. Only now and then my real, sweet mother seems to drop back in for a couple of minutes. Then she's gone again, and the new one is here to bitch and weep.

She's got the crazy dementia and Parkinson-type movement issues that make her completely weak (on and off, because nothing ever stays the same), but it's the constant reproaches. I'm just not used to it from her. When I was a bad kid, okay, I deserved it. It's the irony. Now I don't.
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Jen sorry your mom is giving you such a hard time. Your mother is probably nothing like mine, but I just had to finally quit trying to get her approval, or even care about what she thinks. It made my life so much easier. Funny thing, when I started doing that, she got nicer.
Mame, hope you get some more time off.
Juju, sorry about your ordeal. I used to work in hospitals; know about incompetent doctors. It is really hard to find a good one.
Stepdad keeps having insulin reactions. Mostly because he dozes off in the evening before eating a bedtime snack. That and his diabetes is getting more brittle with age. Mother won't let me help, she would rather be the martyr.
Sharyn, how is little dog doing? Sometimes they calm down once they get used to new surroundings.
Have some varmit getting in the chicken coop at night. Have lost 3 chickens so far. Have set a live trap. Sister is betting on a racoon, I think it is a skunk.
Hope everyone has a good week.
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civilians is right bobbie...Like most things but only MORE SO...anyone who hasn't done care giving hasn't got a damn clue and can shut it!
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Agree, Clorox Wipes and odor absorbing trash can liners are the (unofficial) co sponsors of Care Giving!

Mame, hmn too close to write about it, it would NOT be funny now and I'd probably get arrested...
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and one more thing just cuz i think it is good news...in a twisted way...not only did the er trip go horribly badly patient dignity wise....several alarming things were discovered as i demanded thorough exam. So I have to get bone scan my guess is scar tissue in the shoulder break but the Cword was used. and spine looks like crap, cant even determine whats what anymore as compared to the ZOE day....so i called home health just cuz they were the most wonderful group of people and i can try to get them started again thru her GP so that is next...sure be nice to have em around while i process this new challenge....i guess i knew if i didn't purge my anger i cud not get thru this... so i imploded Saturday! Last time i was truly too traumatized by our ordeal at rehab to comprehend anything but adl's. i will be able to fully comprehend in this state of mind....Who ever it is up there he has got my back rite now...and you guys too
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I wish I could cry. It might wash my eyes out so I could see life in a better way! The medication I am on for anxiety leaves me tearless. Gosh it would be such a nice release sometimes! I always used to cry at weddings, but couldn't muster a tear at my nieces a few weeks ago. Reminds me of the movie The Holiday-where Cameron Diaz character can't cry and she & her boyfriend break up and she keeps trying to cry-funny as heck! Then she's like "ok, moving on." That is me! I used to weep at a good Kleenex commercial! Not any more. Sigh.
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I swear i feel like i got hit by a train physically, a complete meltdown after i got mom home safe....thank you all for every lil hint you drop, every story you tell!! I can do this! lol!!
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I know sharyn, Kleenex is making a mint off me this week....i kinda wonder if would be the same for a friends as daughter but still a nice feeling.
and mame im too tired to read but I was gonna say I forgot to add where's mame, but i het enter too fast again etc....
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A little fried right now... Mom hurt her lower back-probably Friday while I was showering her, or, it could have been the long hours she spent in bed last week. Anyway, she is a hurtin buck!!! Got the pain patches on and giving her 2 extra strength Tylenol... She has had this problem before a couple times... Just sux cause she is in so much pain. I feel terrible for her. She can walk-but getting up and down is terrible. Prob no daycare this week...
The bro who's wife is no longer speaking to me showed up again yesterday and stayed for dinner! Glad for mom-and him.
Deef-glad you checked in and yes-you do need boat time. Hope you can come up for air again soon.
Bobbie-as usual you are a wealth of knowledge and always here for us! Would love to hear your comedy routine!!!
Cat, sounds like a beautiful drive! Good to get out and enjoy the nature around you! Thanks for remembering about the chiggers. That was sooo funny! Sorry Linda-prob wasn’t so funny for you! My son was just at Deception Pass yesterday sightseeing. I am not sure where that is in relation to you but I know you are out there somewhere!
Jen, sorry your cleaning out didn’t bring you any cash. Ya just never know. But it still must be a good feeling to get rid of stuff. I am thinking, and maybe someone mentioned already, you should write a script about caregivers-kinda like the book “The Help.” That was a great book! Movie ok, but not as good as the book. Anyway-it would be fun to pick each one of us out like the “help” did!
Christina-"WELL DONE, Good and Gracious Daughter." Beautifully said!
Cuz-thanks for posting that beautiful story of the ocean/drowning/lifeline. I copied it in a word doc to hang on to. So familiar to so many of us!
Sharyn, I am so sorry about your brother’s diagnosis. Prayers going out for him. My mom is on 10mgs prednisone every single day and has been for a few years now. Whenever we try to go off (slowly) she just gets so breathy and wheezy. So, I am happy to keep her on it if it makes her quality of life better! I think it is so cute that your mom thinks she is at work during the day.  Midget sleeping any better?
Flex-you back to work this week? You be sure and take care of yourself!!!
Hey Meanwhile, Dreyfess, Juju, Austin, Lesa, Ms Daizy & all the rest out there!
Raining here. Yesterday was a picture perfect day-wish we could have a million more! Then I wouldn’t appreciate it as much tho would I?! Well-she is beckoning! Ba-bye! Mame
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ok I do have a question...as I sed I am in worry wort mode still and my fear of the PK's is based on this being a public forum as you stated bobbie....
Made me start to think...what should I be posting etc..did I in a moment of making a dry joke just set myself up for a robbery...etc we live alone on a street where no one is gonna here a scream or a gunshot...etc... I thought maybe I should get rid of em...if not using cuz I just advertised I have them....idk my mind is still overthinking things but
I really wonder about anonymity issues now...I did find a button somewhere where it brought up members in our area and 5 names none with any activity. its just the heck we have been thru I don't need another problem...I read a thread on catfish..what if there were predators here....am I sharing too much???etc im just trying to get better but?

k any opinions on that would be great!
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juju~when I visit my mom i reach my hand out to her and she takes it, then we walk out to the dining hall holding hands...it is very touching...now I am blubbering again, LOL
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And that floating in the ocean story just resonates....this is that boat....I am so happy to have finally thrown a life preserver and couldn't help but rock it on the crawl in!!!
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SharynMarie: I thought of this I shared with someone the other day....it touched me as my mother has over the last two months started reaching for my hand whenever we have a moment together....

Maybe you could share this with her friends, somehow

"A Moment of Respite: Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special. "
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thanks, ya I am just in fear of strong meds for her now, i did try one just to see and i spun and barfed for 3 hours green as on a scuba boat without my bonine, lol....I will google side affects, I worry to much and thanks...talked to fiduciary and unloaded everything with hospital and she is going to help us...and I have ordered patient advocate of hospital to prepare the entire medical history since day 1 and let me know what they need from me to make it happen, she sed she will let me know by Wednesday if I need to sign something...I think that is too long for just that..i was asking how long till records in hand, not what I need to sign but too tired. lest i did something to move forward today....i am going back to bed
I love quotes...and just jumped on to share this one i saw today and thought of you bobbie...

a boat is safe in the harbor, but that is not the purpose of a boat!

i hope to just catch up on sleep n love my momma today i at 3am finally feel asleep for the first time since Thursday,(for more than an hour, anyway) up at 7 but with a whole new perspective on things!!!.

Thanks everybody and have a great day,
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Good Morning Crew,

Sharynmarie, yup, that's what they do.
'civilians' don't understand what our moms or dads know or don't know. Since everyone's dementia is different, our moms and dads understand whatever.

Why not tell them that YOU remember whether they come to visit or not and what you are remembering about them now is not that nice so why don't they come over and hang out so as to make a happy memory for you, the daughter of their friend.
Maybe worth a try?

With my mom people didn't come unless I really leaned on them. Most of the time I just didn't think it was worth the effort but my mom knew who came and didn't and I broke my butt to make it a happy visit with tea parties in the garden, etc etc.

The old 'they won't remember me' and 'I can't stand to see her this way' is all about their insecurities and selfishness and fear of their own mortality.
Tell them to suck it up and bring a pizza!

Welcome Lesa! Ya, the toilet issues abound don't they?
Clorox wipes and baby wipes along with plastic trash can liners is just the first line of defense.
Keep writing and venting!

Juju! The VA benefits are retroactive to the best of my knowledge.
Don't throw away the pills unless you have a problem with prescription pain meds and addiction.
If you're sore, take a pill unless you have issues.
Anything from the percodan or percoset family can cause upset stomach and can't be continued for a long time.
I worked on the boat yesterday and am sore as can be this morning but all I have is tylenol. I can't take harder stuff anyway because it will knock my lights out.
I am a delicate flower haha.

will check in later,

lovbob
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Have any of you dealt with this...friends of your parent(s) who say they will go visit but they are not sure because "what if he/she doesn't remember me?" I understand what they are saying but it is still frustrating because it is like they are saying he/she doesn't remember me so they won't know whether I visit or not.
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Lesa...sounds like you have the right mindset. I know when mom was here with me she was having a hard time making it to the toilet on time. I would walk in as she is trying to wipe herself with depends and poise pads. I had to throw away about 4 of them. But of course the poo was every where ....besides where it was suppose to be. Poor thing would just look at me with her nervous smile and giggle. I too had the clorox wipes near by. God Bless.
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My Grandma's caregiver keeps a toothbrush in a baggie under the sink to clean under her fingernails (she is a little addicted to Desitin and the caregiver has her apply it herself, which is fair). I had a nightmare that I accidentally used it. I had to get up and gargle. I didn't sleep very well that night.
Today she accidentally sat on the toilet when the lid was down. There was poo. It was such a smeary mess. And she tried to wipe herself but since the lid was down the poo paper just went on the floor. When I walked in I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I couldn't do either because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Thank God for clorox wipes.
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I do have to blast: on top of all the stress we go thru. there is something inherently wrong with a hospital where you have to shake in fear of having to bring your loved one into....The last time my hand shook like that holding a phone is when lil sweet Zoe left us! Cheers!
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darn I wish I didn't have morals I want some teeth, lol!!!
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well a rum n coke is all I can muster up...
but now I wonder bout the painkillers for ma...she hasn't used em in a while and is not complaining of any rib pain...I wonder if I should just keep a few and dump the rest cuz actually don't like em around here you never knw we have been robbed 2wice but I don't want to dump em if she might be needing em...idk
another amazing day!
K next mom 2 bed n me to my recliner for some TV!
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I do want to share that the morning of moms rib incident...she looked up and me and sed her normal pretty girl thing....then she sed out of the blue. I think my legs are gonna fall off. so immediately I panicked is she starting to hallucinate...immediately I corrected myself, and asked her why she sed that n she sed idk...just thought it was something funny to say...and I was relieved and moved on...(and every morning we she is saying more and more to me...

Well I just realized..A) my better mood is her better mood.
B) she is able to communicate with me...she was saying her legs hurt!
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well that is good enough and now I am dreaming of scuba again...I for a short stint worked in travel for Hawaii and Caribbean..and was fortunate enough to see a lot of it...been 13ys since I have soared thru the abyss of the Cayman Trench....my absolutely favorite islands that I have been to is Kauai and St Lucia....oh ho hum and a bottle of rum...

hmm I do have the stuff to whip up a pina colada maybe that will be the plan, later!
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just chillax and it's ok if this is your security blanket now. You're good.

Man, I'm one hot unit.
Blazing up on that boat deck.

I don't like to disclose the location of this boat because this is a public forum and I don't want to have to stress it.
Suffice it to say, on the water and it's hot. haha
Thanks for understanding.

ok, tuna fish sandwich time.

lovbob
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speaking of baked....man I wish I had the money....lol
seriously it is a wonder as much physical pain I am in now I have a ton of painkillers for ma I could take but they just make me vomit....Percocet and Norco...shoot litebulb...I could sell em down at the beercentral store and make a mint, to one of the "skiptooth inbreds" I live amongst...I had to use that term an it is purely sarcasm, I know there are bad eggs everywhere but more good ones than bad. anyway I heard someone say it and I just busted a gut cuz I so identify with that! i swear on my particular street n location they are walkin up n down all day especially in the summer...now i just gotta find my good eggs....I got a great positive story bout my home to for some other day, toooo tired for anything but a laff rite now!!!
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seriously....I wonder if I was sleep typing now...I think that's what it was...I have been hugging this computer like a security blanket...I remember nodding off a few times..i bet that is what it was I wasn't sleep walking I was sleep typing...whew least I am not crazy lol!
and yes everyone take care of yourselves I gotta "try" to step away for a while and just gel but it is my security blanket now!
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yup you nailed it bob... I knew that I just didn't know where to start, well now I do... and I just have to say it was scary to see all that I did not even remember...that has never happened to me....but I never tryd typing out all this crap before either....so ya I am getting it and ya I am gonna have a nice lazy day today basking in my new found strength

thanks agin...and where the heck are you it is killing me...I love travel n geography as I sed....or is that your lil way of getting me to come back ;o)!
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