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I just came in from on top of the boat. Getting ready to epoxy some screw holes. It's nice out and partly cloudy so I am only getting partly baked.
Deef!! so good to see you! I hope you're not suffering with that shoulder.....omg.
Jen! fb has another birthday? omg Vol.II
Cat! all that's going on right now is working on the boat. Same as always. omg Vol.III
Juju! Stop and breathe. You're doing fine. All anyone can actually do is one thing at a time. Multitasking is a myth, because even then you can only do one thing at a time. Granted you can put the rice on to boil and then go do something else but that is not multitasking, that is cooking.
Juju, you have been caged and isolated for too long but you are safer now. At some point in caregiving you have to let go in order to live. Breathe and stop trying to fix everything in one day. It's Sunday. Put on your sweats, and you guys watch a movie and hit it again tomorrow. Breathe.
Mame!! What you feel is natural for the situation that you are in. It's taken time for my anger to subside somewhat but it can surface suddenly. Alliteration Alert. omg Vol.IV
All current caregivers for Dementia patients need to keep reminding themselves: This is a progressive disease and I can't fix it. I can't fix my home situation without either moving my charge out of the house or moving someone else in even if it's just for days. If the other people who live in the house are not there to take charge of the situation at a scheduled time, then F'em, I am hiring someone and taking it out of their pocket money. It is physically impossible for me to lift and carry someone who has forgotton how to walk, or will forget how to walk with no warning.
If it sux it sux and it's not ok to just say, this blows beyond all belief but I am bound by my beliefs and must go above and beyond....until I bust down and break. Better to say, I'm bailing. alliteration aler... oh you get it.
It is a guarantee that you will always take better care of your mom and dad better than anyone else. But the reality is that there will come a day when you can't do it alone anymore and realizing when that day has come can save you now and insure that you have a future beyond caregiving.
I really believe that putting my mom into respite saved my life. My body was torn up from hauling and lifting and my mind was mush. My BP was sky high and my body was telling me that I was in an untenable position. My body told me to not sacrifice myself on the altar of omg Vol.V!!
Going back up on top to finish that screwhole job.
I just have to say tho it is crazy that with all I have to deal with I also have to deal with saving both my parents from their own doctors....this sure is a messed up system I tell ya.....thank gosh for that VA BENEFIT coming and you guys or coming our I mita dived back into the muck... That is exactly why I cancelled the damn cat scan...but I guess it was the forces way of saying this is the real issue you need to deal with or you will not get outta the hole ever. k I am back to making some lemonade outta this mess!
I just want to apologize.....I was so tired Friday after my ER nitemare, 2 days 2hr sleep and stressed beyond my fathoming in that ER... 1)I let my thick skin/guard down and got dragged into a diff thread her by emotion and then once that "chemical kicked in" for lack of a better term 2) I truly this time have know idea what I was saying....I think I was actually delirious. I last nite read it back and was like I don't even remember saying that at all...I was mixed all up! that was a really crazy feeling.....never felt before to not remember saying or doing something......so now I know stay away from here when and if I ever get so upset again with an outside source!!!
HAPPY SUNDAY YOU ALL! time go get my pretty girl up!
Ok I swear I am done after this..cant believe this day today...go to mail box and VA Aid and Attendence benefit we applied for 20 months ago is finally officially approved and we need to do some stuff but should be getting that soon...omg now just check into somewhere I saw here it is retroactive...so I wil now ask for that... I had to share that good news since I have bombarded you with the bad. now I am going underground! Well I just mite have to look into that VA thing now. but all happy thoughts not going negative! and love to you all again!
Problem solved Thanks everyone and have a great weekend... I hope to get some rest and just gellllllll for a few days. I have no more to say, we are becoming functional again and now it is time to regroup....I appreciate all the patients and love shown here more than words can express.....you are a special group of troops to put up with my crazyness.....love all of ya!!! monkey1luv...Julie!!!
Ok gang I do have a real problem I need some ideas on.... I need to keep ma sitting upright with her feet on the floor. If I do it in her lift chair..she wiggles out and will be on the floor in no time so I have to put her recliner up to keep her in....only other option is wheelchair with seat belt...but she also wiggles then she is half out belt around her ribs.... uggghhhhh what at I to do???? im too tired to think!
Just a quick cut n paste of moms status....as I am beat have barely slept since ER Thursday....I think I needs me a nappy!!!
I just got back from ER with mom and after 3 botched and I mean botched visits in four months Last was Thursday nite. I Had the strength and foresite, I didn't have before, to call ahead get ahold of the one in charge, tell them my concerns and we are headed up and will not tolerate the shenanigins.....We were in an out in bout an hour, treated with the respect and dignity the way it should be and Mom Is fine!
How bout that for good news, TRIUMPH!!! and Empowerment!!!!
Ok back to ER this morning...her chest is rattling, sign they told me to look for...I am frazzled so I called ambulance to take her....I figured im a nervous wreck and she can barely be handled easily now..so that what we pay hundreds dollars a month for..insurance and I need some help so it was help! hope I am overreacting again but I just am spinning with uncertainty so rather err on the side of caution!!! I called ahead an head nurse is waiting for us...I will not go thru that nitemare today! wish us luck!
Thanks y'all well I usually sleep pretty good n hard, but getting home at 1am after that ORDEAL in the ER....I have been stressing, and have only slept about an hour each nite! INsomnia sucks, It just bugs the crap outta me that these damn dr's get paid so much and have gone thru so much school and learning and are so OBTUSE...I just don't get it! uggghhhhh, I have to tell you guys later that story! all I can say now is I wish I had the presence of mind to turn on my cell phone recorder during these talks with dr...but who anticipates that....I was mentally prepared myself on the way up tho based on last two visits being botched. I like the hospital, they were great with ma n her hip but the ER is a friggin nitemare!!
Austin...I had to laff reading your post...and I wonder why I am insecure about how I look. now I now....certainly not the happy healthy girl I used to be.....I cant remember the last time I had energy to put on some make up and curl my hair!or just put on something pretty instead of my stretchpants and big tee. oh there was church, ya that's fun to get dressed for church. didn't do hair or makeup, but least got into something cute!
Not to mention I have lost 4 molars cuz I didn't want mom to have to pay to crown them so I had em just pulled, and I will get a partial some day. Well actually I let one of them fester with absess for almost a year so they couldn't save that side anyway. but I am now chewing everything with that one spot that still works and it is wearing out now... I guess I should be happy they are molars not front teeth.....then, well then we woulda had to do something else. I will go far to save money but not that far...no one is gonna steal my smile!!!!
funny I now remember as a kid dad n his dentures....he told me he had all his teeth pulled at 25 cuz they were just so bad already. so I must have some weak teeth genetically... anyway.... been hoootttt here, not sharyn marie hot but what is hard is going from 60's to 90's in a week, ween me into this heat please! we get such short dry season, so I should not complain.
Well im gonna try to get a few zzzz before it is time to start the day!
Juju: The critter may disturb your sleep, but won't hurt you. Of course I do understand how difficult it is when you just want to close your eyes and have quiet. Try to think of the critter as a fellow traveler. Haha. I'm not much help, but I'm with you in spirit.
Hey everyone; today hubby and I took a nice drive. Started off with getting some mulch for the veggie garden, then I admitted that I would love to go to a little nearby town that has a great Mexican restaurant. So instead of going home we went to the restaurant and had a late lunch. Then we drove to Indian Island and Marrowstone Island. All of this is really close to us, but we had never been there before. It was just a nice time and such beautiful scenery.
We have a couple of pairs of Kildeers doing their nesting thing here. Second go around for them as they hatch two nests each year. One set has a nest by the driveway and it had 4 eggs earlier in the week. Only two eggs now so I don't know if a crow or some other predator took two eggs. Bummer!! But mom is sitting on the two remaining eggs and we hope she is successful.
One pair of geese are here with three goslings. I had thought we would have two nesting geese families, but only one so far. I love to watch them. They are so use to us being around that they take little notice of us.
Our quail are abundant. Whenever I go to the garden (veggie garden) there is a male quail who shows up and sits on a fence post close to where I am. He gives out a call and I try to mimic it. He always responds. Sometimes he is only a matter of feet away from me. So prefer nature over politics.
Bobbie: what's up with the sailing plans? We want to know. Your boat plans mean a lot to us.
Jen: Keep on the play thing. You have so much talent. Sorry your mom is having such a hard time. Aww, life is never fair. You hang in there, ok.
Diane: Sent you a long message on FB.
Deef: Thinking of you.
Christina: Thanks for your historic memory and your great post to Diane. You have a home here.
Meanwhile: Sending you white light for your foot/ankle. Be safe and patient. Sorry about the heat and discomfort. You are such a good soul.
Mame: Always sending you love. I thought the post from Barbara (that Cuz posted) really spoke to your situation and so many others who get so little support from their sibs. I'm sad to say that caregiving is a lonely road. It just is. A trail of tears and isolation. Just know that we all love you.
And it dark now the freaking critter is back making a racket in the air duct under the house. I have not one person I can call to help me deal with this!
All that work and cleaning and gutting out the basement hoping I could make some cash and get a dentist app with it...Nope...Not a cent. The moron's web site that said he takes literally hundreds of things, esp furniture etc. was not interested in anything I had, didn't even look...I was able to donate the lot to the ARC and I hope it helps someone, but I went home and cried...I just can't win. Got another "We'll pass on your play", don't know why I ever thought I had a chance in Hell at that. I have been throwing away letters cards, old junk, not useable but held on to for no good reason for decades. Recycling, tossing and donating for a couple weeks now, mom not helping, fighting every move. She was literally pissed that I needed her to drive me and all my crap to the thrift place any how. Why do I live like this? And when does it end?...
Oh fart pants has changed his mind and wants to go get his hair cut...Mom is pissed...Yes the ordeal that is driving two blocks to the barber....She fights EVERYTHING, but if you try and tell her to do something else or offer a solution she fights you even more...
God he has the awful instrumental organ music from HELL on....I am going to go to bed. I hope I don't wake up....
ok you asked for it..i really want to purge this last thing, and be done with it, in my old lunatic fashion of rambling . I started this somewhere else but i really value you alls opinion. When i came here i thought oh i have no friends, nobody likes me...but came to realize i have no friends cuz i choose to...i don't care for many people anymore now that true colors are exposed! I do have a handicap with meeting new people because of ma.. i cant do much, spend much, work volunteer visit whatever to get in social loop, i do feel i have nothing to talk about but MA and if i do get out I have to tote her along ma, and it so hard now physically since she wheelchair bound... i am to drained. and cant do my fav things with her anyway. So still same situation but diff healthier reasons which i feel much better about. eliminating toxic people i think was my first step in this battle, but freaking lonely one! It was a silly quote on facebook the other day...that made me realize this. "I used to walk in a room full of people and wonder if they like me, now I look around and wonder if i like them". and "i used to be drawn to those who are clever, now i am drawn to those who are kind"
So i am copying ,what i started a discussion on, here
Selfishness...goes farther than family!
It is mindboggling to me the selfishness I have learned in not only family but "so called" friends as well... as family is no more in our life, in my case, all I have are friends and I have to adjust and accept or I will have no friends whatsoever. It is not their burden, but I just hate the false "lemme know if there is anything I can do" and then when you finally break down and ask, they are too busy getting their nails done or ????. You get to see and hear all the fun they are having...thru this lovely internet n Facebook. I'm like, "looks like a blast, maybe next time lets throw the BBQ over here, sure be nice to see you all" and crickets...
So when i do drag my or our ass up and out. go and socialize with them i feel like im settling, to hang out with with folks that wont give me the time of day!! so i stopped. K that's my story and i am sticking to it!!
Honestly guys it is the way i am getting it out....rambling that bugs me, and brutally honest i really is not about if i am buggin ya all...it is more about my inablility to put thoughts together "the way i want" but it will come... I just needed to post that as i sed the only thing i can control now is my healing,,,once that gets going the rest will come... so i just want to say what i want the way i want cuz again honestly i don't have time for all this...laundry is piled up, stuff has got to get done!
Juju you are doing fine-you have a lot to get out and this place is for doing that-most of us when starting on AC have a lot to say because it feels right to be sharing here-it is so good to be where people understand and get what you are feeling-frieds do not seem to get it when they do not have someone to care for 24/7 and many of us do not have cheerful pleasant spouses or parents to care for and it is a 24 hr job-our charges look well cared for and we do not have time to brush our teeth or look at a comb and usually we are invisable to others-for them to see we look like hell would require then to ask if we need any help and we would probably say noif we were asked-I was too vain to admit I was sinking fast and later on no one asked me if I could use help. You have come a long way in a short time and the more you vent the better others can help with good advice on what might work and later on you will help others with your experiences-I have been here about 5 yrs-my husband passed away almost 4 yrs ago and I stayed on because I have so much unasked for experience that I am able to share-some times we will ofend others not meaning to and all we can do is appologize-the foks here will understand-do not feel bad about the rib-when elders are frail things like that will happen.
ok i just have to add tho cuz it is just pissin me off...I was following Roscoe thread until he pulled that crap here....i went back and still hear him whine about how his life sucks but he will in no uncertain terms make the only logical decision which he CAN afford, of getting some help in home or out, whoTF cares at this point, So i had to tell him off and i don't feel bad because i think i did it somewhat nicely...except "hire some damn help or shut the F-up" i just couldn't sit there and let everyone enable his pity party!
Blessings, Juju: Glad you are venting away. I have bored people plenty and I have said a few things that I've regretted; didn't really mean the way they came out. It's always pain related, as you mentioned. You are doing just fine. Caregiving is such a hard job and it's a very lonely undertaking. It's easy to lose yourself in the process. I'm glad you are here.
I have to say with all that has happened it is still a good week.....thanks to the Agingcare website..TGIF to all!!
I have been using the heck outta it last two weeks especially last two weeks. My spirits are up. Things I want to work on here:
1. articulating a thought into a statement. somewhere it is lost in translation, more often than not, and I am trigger happy. Don't finish the thought or loose track. I think it is the small box. If it more than a sentence or two I will start writing in word first then cut n paste. 2. I post to damn much for my own liking...how can u guys put up with it. I have so much solitude and build up but it has got to come out! So i don't like it but i do it. I feel I am kinda getting to the over that stage!! and solution to #1 will solve this one too 3. I have found myself over reacting to others because of my pain. If it disturbs me enough to overreact then just go away, don't jump in, unless it related to me or my posts. and even when it is toward me, don't fly off. I must calmly respect others and set boundaries alike!!!
I am doing this because it is the only thing I can have complete control over...how I wish to use this site!! That is my empowerment for now!!
Whatever happens good days are ahead! oh and I found my sign off... couple of my favs Monkeys and Marley!! Monkey1luv, Juju
Thank you all regarding my brother. His condition is not suppose to be fatal but he was also told once he was stabilized, he would not relapse since the scarring in his lungs is minimal but they would not be able to restore his lung capacity to 100%. I hope the prednisone works again for him, last time he was on it for about a year.
Last night mom was very upset the dog was not in her apartment when she returned. She thinks she is at work when the aides take her to the memory care unit during the day. She kept telling me, I will be at work when you bring midget back. I told her that was okay, I will come during your lunch hour and we can have lunch. She was ok with that. Anyway I bring this up because there is a male resident in the memory care unit who was a boss of some type in his business life. He is in a wheel chair...he has a file folder and in the morning he heads straight to the nurses office and wants to see reports. They give him paperwork to look through (not real files on other residents). The woman who is the community relations director said he will ask her and others if they have paid their rent this month, and he asked her who hired you, I don't remember hiring you. She will tell him I was hired by so and so before you came here. He will say, ok, there is a lot not being told to me, I need to get to the bottom of this. It is really encouraging that they go out of their way to accommodate residents needs like they are with him and my mom. Just had to share, I thought it was a cute story.
APOLOGY to everyone...I don't like how my comment about bobbies Mother Theresa analogy came out...It was late and I was tired..i forgot a key word as I often do, but this one bugs me because it sounds disrespectful to the whole situation the way I put it. I meant to say it was "hilariously POIGNANT"
after I finally got to bed damn critter is crawling round in airduct making a racquet. between bedroom and living so couch or sofa, no escape!
K over n out....on to follow up on the many issues from last nites battle with DR/ER.
Grossed out? My parents were gross before they got old. My father's sinus/mucus problems are worse than ever. When he clears his throat, he makes a hideous sound that could start a stampede. He is soooo loud and disgusting. When he eats, he slurps up his food like an animal. Loud and grotesque.
I had to add this to the thread even I made a individual post about it because I want to make sure YOU ALL see this! If anyone's mom is taking this!! been meaning to do it for a while but was too stuck on my pity pot!
*****WARNING*******FOSOMAX*****DANGER OF LONG TERM USE!!! "Well in my recent bout with mom breaking a hip we learned an interesting fact. Although Fosamax intent is to build bone density. A study has found that use of this drug longer than five years actually turns and starts deteriorating bone density! (and most specifically in her exact fracture type) If you google it you can find the info! Disturbing, as it seems to become so typical these days, her meds did more harm than good! uggghhhh oh mighty one give us strength."
SIDE NOTE: I kinda feel like the purging is over...maybe a thing or two left but the Bulk is out! I feel soooo much more peace in my soul!
hey bobbie, I don't mean to pry but I love geography...you and your boat have peaked my curiousity. Where are you? no specifics required, just an area!!
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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I just came in from on top of the boat. Getting ready to epoxy some screw holes. It's nice out and partly cloudy so I am only getting partly baked.
Deef!! so good to see you! I hope you're not suffering with that shoulder.....omg.
Jen! fb has another birthday? omg Vol.II
Cat! all that's going on right now is working on the boat.
Same as always. omg Vol.III
Juju! Stop and breathe. You're doing fine.
All anyone can actually do is one thing at a time. Multitasking is a myth, because even then you can only do one thing at a time.
Granted you can put the rice on to boil and then go do something else but that is not multitasking, that is cooking.
Juju, you have been caged and isolated for too long but you are safer now.
At some point in caregiving you have to let go in order to live. Breathe and stop trying to fix everything in one day.
It's Sunday. Put on your sweats, and you guys watch a movie and hit it again tomorrow. Breathe.
Mame!! What you feel is natural for the situation that you are in.
It's taken time for my anger to subside somewhat but it can surface suddenly.
Alliteration Alert. omg Vol.IV
All current caregivers for Dementia patients need to keep reminding themselves:
This is a progressive disease and I can't fix it.
I can't fix my home situation without either moving my charge out of the house or moving someone else in even if it's just for days. If the other people who live in the house are not there to take charge of the situation at a scheduled time, then F'em, I am hiring someone and taking it out of their pocket money.
It is physically impossible for me to lift and carry someone who has forgotton how to walk, or will forget how to walk with no warning.
If it sux it sux and it's not ok to just say, this blows beyond all belief but I am bound by my beliefs and must go above and beyond....until I bust down and break.
Better to say, I'm bailing.
alliteration aler... oh you get it.
It is a guarantee that you will always take better care of your mom and dad better than anyone else. But the reality is that there will come a day when you can't do it alone anymore and realizing when that day has come can save you now and insure that you have a future beyond caregiving.
I really believe that putting my mom into respite saved my life.
My body was torn up from hauling and lifting and my mind was mush. My BP was sky high and my body was telling me that I was in an untenable position.
My body told me to not sacrifice myself on the altar of omg Vol.V!!
Going back up on top to finish that screwhole job.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
That is exactly why I cancelled the damn cat scan...but I guess it was the forces way of saying this is the real issue you need to deal with or you will not get outta the hole ever. k I am back to making some lemonade outta this mess!
1)I let my thick skin/guard down and got dragged into a diff thread her by emotion and then once that "chemical kicked in" for lack of a better term
2) I truly this time have know idea what I was saying....I think I was actually delirious. I last nite read it back and was like I don't even remember saying that at all...I was mixed all up!
that was a really crazy feeling.....never felt before to not remember saying or doing something......so now I know stay away from here when and if I ever get so upset again with an outside source!!!
HAPPY SUNDAY YOU ALL! time go get my pretty girl up!
I had to share that good news since I have bombarded you with the bad.
now I am going underground! Well I just mite have to look into that VA thing now. but all happy thoughts not going negative!
and love to you all again!
Thanks everyone and have a great weekend...
I hope to get some rest and just gellllllll for a few days.
I have no more to say, we are becoming functional again and now it is time to regroup....I appreciate all the patients and love shown here more than words can express.....you are a special group of troops to put up with my crazyness.....love all of ya!!!
monkey1luv...Julie!!!
woke up... fart pants birthday....looking forward to going back to bed....Jen
DEEF!!!!
lovbob
I need to keep ma sitting upright with her feet on the floor.
If I do it in her lift chair..she wiggles out and will be on the floor in no time so I have to put her recliner up to keep her in....only other option is wheelchair with seat belt...but she also wiggles then she is half out belt around her ribs....
uggghhhhh what at I to do???? im too tired to think!
I just got back from ER with mom and after 3 botched and I mean botched visits in four months Last was Thursday nite. I Had the strength and foresite, I didn't have before, to call ahead get ahold of the one in charge, tell them my concerns and we are headed up and will not tolerate the shenanigins.....We were in an out in bout an hour, treated with the respect and dignity the way it should be and Mom Is fine!
How bout that for good news, TRIUMPH!!! and Empowerment!!!!
It just bugs the crap outta me that these damn dr's get paid so much and have gone thru so much school and learning and are so OBTUSE...I just don't get it! uggghhhhh, I have to tell you guys later that story! all I can say now is I wish I had the presence of mind to turn on my cell phone recorder during these talks with dr...but who anticipates that....I was mentally prepared myself on the way up tho based on last two visits being botched. I like the hospital, they were great with ma n her hip but the ER is a friggin nitemare!!
Austin...I had to laff reading your post...and I wonder why I am insecure about how I look. now I now....certainly not the happy healthy girl I used to be.....I cant remember the last time I had energy to put on some make up and curl my hair!or just put on something pretty instead of my stretchpants and big tee. oh there was church, ya that's fun to get dressed for church. didn't do hair or makeup, but least got into something cute!
Not to mention I have lost 4 molars cuz I didn't want mom to have to pay to crown them so I had em just pulled, and I will get a partial some day. Well actually I let one of them fester with absess for almost a year so they couldn't save that side anyway. but I am now chewing everything with that one spot that still works and it is wearing out now... I guess I should be happy they are molars not front teeth.....then, well then we woulda had to do something else. I will go far to save money but not that far...no one is gonna steal my smile!!!!
funny I now remember as a kid dad n his dentures....he told me he had all his teeth pulled at 25 cuz they were just so bad already. so I must have some weak teeth genetically...
anyway.... been hoootttt here, not sharyn marie hot but what is hard is going from 60's to 90's in a week, ween me into this heat please! we get such short dry season, so I should not complain.
Well im gonna try to get a few zzzz before it is time to start the day!
Monkey1luv, Juju
Hey everyone; today hubby and I took a nice drive. Started off with getting some mulch for the veggie garden, then I admitted that I would love to go to a little nearby town that has a great Mexican restaurant. So instead of going home we went to the restaurant and had a late lunch. Then we drove to Indian Island and Marrowstone Island. All of this is really close to us, but we had never been there before. It was just a nice time and such beautiful scenery.
We have a couple of pairs of Kildeers doing their nesting thing here. Second go around for them as they hatch two nests each year. One set has a nest by the driveway and it had 4 eggs earlier in the week. Only two eggs now so I don't know if a crow or some other predator took two eggs. Bummer!! But mom is sitting on the two remaining eggs and we hope she is successful.
One pair of geese are here with three goslings. I had thought we would have two nesting geese families, but only one so far. I love to watch them. They are so use to us being around that they take little notice of us.
Our quail are abundant. Whenever I go to the garden (veggie garden) there is a male quail who shows up and sits on a fence post close to where I am. He gives out a call and I try to mimic it. He always responds. Sometimes he is only a matter of feet away from me. So prefer nature over politics.
Bobbie: what's up with the sailing plans? We want to know. Your boat plans mean a lot to us.
Jen: Keep on the play thing. You have so much talent. Sorry your mom is having such a hard time. Aww, life is never fair. You hang in there, ok.
Diane: Sent you a long message on FB.
Deef: Thinking of you.
Christina: Thanks for your historic memory and your great post to Diane. You have a home here.
Meanwhile: Sending you white light for your foot/ankle. Be safe and patient. Sorry about the heat and discomfort. You are such a good soul.
Mame: Always sending you love. I thought the post from Barbara (that Cuz posted) really spoke to your situation and so many others who get so little support from their sibs. I'm sad to say that caregiving is a lonely road. It just is. A trail of tears and isolation. Just know that we all love you.
Love, Cat
I have been throwing away letters cards, old junk, not useable but held on to for no good reason for decades. Recycling, tossing and donating for a couple weeks now, mom not helping, fighting every move. She was literally pissed that I needed her to drive me and all my crap to the thrift place any how. Why do I live like this? And when does it end?...
Oh fart pants has changed his mind and wants to go get his hair cut...Mom is pissed...Yes the ordeal that is driving two blocks to the barber....She fights EVERYTHING, but if you try and tell her to do something else or offer a solution she fights you even more...
God he has the awful instrumental organ music from HELL on....I am going to go to bed. I hope I don't wake up....
I started this somewhere else but i really value you alls opinion.
When i came here i thought oh i have no friends, nobody likes me...but came to realize i have no friends cuz i choose to...i don't care for many people anymore now that true colors are exposed! I do have a handicap with meeting new people because of ma.. i cant do much, spend much, work volunteer visit whatever to get in social loop, i do feel i have nothing to talk about but MA and if i do get out I have to tote her along ma, and it so hard now physically since she wheelchair bound... i am to drained. and cant do my fav things with her anyway. So still same situation but diff healthier reasons which i feel much better about. eliminating toxic people i think was my first step in this battle, but freaking lonely one! It was a silly quote on facebook the other day...that made me realize this. "I used to walk in a room full of people and wonder if they like me, now I look around and wonder if i like them". and "i used to be drawn to those who are clever, now i am drawn to those who are kind"
So i am copying ,what i started a discussion on, here
Selfishness...goes farther than family!
It is mindboggling to me the selfishness I have learned in not only family but "so called" friends as well... as family is no more in our life, in my case, all I have are friends and I have to adjust and accept or I will have no friends whatsoever.
It is not their burden, but I just hate the false "lemme know if there is anything I can do" and then when you finally break down and ask, they are too busy getting their nails done or ????. You get to see and hear all the fun they are having...thru this lovely internet n Facebook. I'm like, "looks like a blast, maybe next time lets throw the BBQ over here, sure be nice to see you all" and crickets...
So when i do drag my or our ass up and out. go and socialize with them i feel like im settling, to hang out with with folks that wont give me the time of day!! so i stopped.
K that's my story and i am sticking to it!!
I just needed to post that as i sed the only thing i can control now is my healing,,,once that gets going the rest will come...
so i just want to say what i want the way i want cuz again honestly i don't have time for all this...laundry is piled up, stuff has got to get done!
I have been using the heck outta it last two weeks especially last two weeks.
My spirits are up. Things I want to work on here:
1. articulating a thought into a statement. somewhere it is lost in translation, more often than not, and I am trigger happy. Don't finish the thought or loose track. I think it is the small box. If it more than a sentence or two I will start writing in word first then cut n paste.
2. I post to damn much for my own liking...how can u guys put up with it. I have so much solitude and build up but it has got to come out! So i don't like it but i do it. I feel I am kinda getting to the over that stage!! and solution to #1 will solve this one too
3. I have found myself over reacting to others because of my pain. If it disturbs me enough to overreact then just go away, don't jump in, unless it related to me or my posts. and even when it is toward me, don't fly off. I must calmly respect others and set boundaries alike!!!
I am doing this because it is the only thing I can have complete control over...how I wish to use this site!! That is my empowerment for now!!
Whatever happens good days are ahead!
oh and I found my sign off... couple of my favs Monkeys and Marley!!
Monkey1luv,
Juju
Have a nice weekend, it was 104 here today, tomorrow is suppose to be 108...
Last night mom was very upset the dog was not in her apartment when she returned. She thinks she is at work when the aides take her to the memory care unit during the day. She kept telling me, I will be at work when you bring midget back. I told her that was okay, I will come during your lunch hour and we can have lunch. She was ok with that. Anyway I bring this up because there is a male resident in the memory care unit who was a boss of some type in his business life. He is in a wheel chair...he has a file folder and in the morning he heads straight to the nurses office and wants to see reports. They give him paperwork to look through (not real files on other residents). The woman who is the community relations director said he will ask her and others if they have paid their rent this month, and he asked her who hired you, I don't remember hiring you. She will tell him I was hired by so and so before you came here. He will say, ok, there is a lot not being told to me, I need to get to the bottom of this. It is really encouraging that they go out of their way to accommodate residents needs like they are with him and my mom. Just had to share, I thought it was a cute story.
I meant to say it was "hilariously POIGNANT"
after I finally got to bed damn critter is crawling round in airduct making a racquet. between bedroom and living so couch or sofa, no escape!
K over n out....on to follow up on the many issues from last nites battle with DR/ER.
been meaning to do it for a while but was too stuck on my pity pot!
*****WARNING*******FOSOMAX*****DANGER OF LONG TERM USE!!!
"Well in my recent bout with mom breaking a hip we learned an interesting fact. Although Fosamax intent is to build bone density. A study has found that use of this drug longer than five years actually turns and starts deteriorating bone density! (and most specifically in her exact fracture type) If you google it you can find the info! Disturbing, as it seems to become so typical these days, her meds did more harm than good! uggghhhh oh mighty one give us strength."
SIDE NOTE: I kinda feel like the purging is over...maybe a thing or two left but the Bulk is out! I feel soooo much more peace in my soul!