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Geez Juju-you have had an incredibly bad time of it woman! You are so strong and able-and I am sure you don't feel like it but you have proven it! Whenever someone tells me they are thinking of taking a parent in, I tell them that they may find out things about their families that are not what they want to find out! (Among other things!) It seriously sucks-and having to deal with mental issues-I can't imagine. Hugs to you!!! Bobbie-hope you can plug those holes up! And will say a prayer or 2 that the Tornados stay away!!!!
Hi All, Sorry I haven't posted anything or read anyone's posts in the last 10 days. I managed to get through the funeral services with peace in the family. I got back home on Monday and I've been in a downward spiral since then. I've taken care of a lot of the legal stuff but my emotional well being is a mess. I look back and feel guilty for all the times I was impatient or frustrated with mom. Did she know I was doing the best I could for her? I think about the last two weeks of her life and how much she went through. I spend my time crying or sleeping. I'm just a mess right now. I need to get myself together and get back to work since I'm broke. Part of me accepts my mother is at peace and not feeling any pain. The other part which sounds stupid for a 50 year old women is that I've lost the one person that has loved me unconditionally my entire life. Plus it's now acceptable to feel all the grief I've been storing within me the last 6 years. I'm babbling and not making much sense so I'll sign off for now
Oh that is ok Bobbie! I am still getting through it. Good days and bad. It is a process. The thought of me giving you their phone #'s and you having a word with them made me laugh out loud! Wouldn't they get an earful! Thanks for having my back! I am in a good place today...but not always...I hope it lasts! :)
the only downside to that decision is i think i isolated myself tooo much...too much pain i just wanted to be alone and peaceful for a while and then it slowly snowballed into this mess i am in!!! K i will try to shut up!! lol Luv you guys!!!
Just glad i opened a can of whoopass on them and left them behind permanently...thanks to the social worker at the hospital where dad died...she saw what happened in just that morning...and told me "you now need to make a choice...your mom or them" and I chose mom, it took nearly a year of pure hell trying to take care of them all, but i did it. I think if she never said that simple blunt statement to me we would all be in the looney bin or jail and mom would surely not be around....that is what i am grateful for today!!!! That social worker!!!!
I just have to add the siblings thing...omg...i wont even open that one up here, i let that out yesterday somewhere else here!!!! but to say Mine were absolute monsters after dad died, they are mentally ill also, the authorities and courts/restraining orders had to be put in place, haven't spoken to em in 9 ys!!!
This freaking purging although PAINFULL is WONDERFUL!!!!
Crew: Who was it that wrote that great piece about being out in the ocean and could see the shore and her family but they didn't see her drowning..? Whoever it was I hope that they wouldn't mind if someone posted that again so if anyone has it stored...
There are so many who have no help and instead get a lot of static and get taken for granted by their siblings. Terrible. So sorry Mame, they are asses and I won't bring it up again. Just got mad on your behalf is all.
It is raining like mad here. Snug in the boat. As soon as I fix one leak I find another. I have to catch up someday don't I? haha. Probably not. It's like painting a bridge.
This weather is nothing compared to Tornadoes and they do say that tornadoes are possible. Hay wait a minnut....On a boat, Yikes.
Mornin-Pouring rain here with occasional thunder. Good day to wrap up in a blanket and read a good book! Won't be happening-but a good day for it! ;) Got some weeding done last evening while mom sat on the deck and read the paper. I always wonder what she retains...she had to read an article out loud to me all about a woman who found a family of great horned owls in her yard! She was so excited about it! It was really cute! I will have to talk about the story today to see if she remembers... Bobbie-since I sent that nasty email and had the fallout from sisinlaw-I have decided that the boys are adults and I have made myself crazy trying to get them here to see mom or call her-nevermind helping me out! I have given up and am letting them do their thing... In the end, if they feel bad, it will be of their own doing cause it sure isn't from my lack of trying! I dare any of them to mention feeling bad in front of me when she is gone tho! They may get more than they bargain for! Or, I may just laugh in their face. Who knows. I have lost a ton of respect that I had for them. I am the youngest of 7 in what I thought was a very close family. When I took on the caregiver role-I thought I would have a ton of help so how hard would it be? HA! I am not going to change them with email, crying, bitching, or reminding them how little time we may have left with her. I am taking care of her-so-out of sight, out of mind...Mame can handle it...blah blah blah. I want to call them selfish, but unless you live this life, you really don't know just how much it takes from you, how isolating it is, how boring, how monotonous, lonely. I love my mom, and will care for her till the end I hope. I am thankful for the one bro and my sis that do help me. I am thankful for my husband who really helps me out when I am nuts from all this. I am thankful for my neighbor who sits with mom every other Friday afternoon. I am thankful for the daycare 2 afternoons a week. I am thankful mom has a great sense of humor and is sweet and loving. I am thankful she sleeps late into the morning so I can check in with all you on this thread so I have a bit of socialization each day! Mom has had times she has been really sick and I am thankful she has been better since the diagnosis of diabetes. I am thankful that today, I am well rested and able to be positive, cause on those days I am exhausted, the lack of help from my bros really can get to me! So, much I have given up. They don't have a clue. And don't want to. Sad but true. It is what it is. Today, I am accepting of that. Not in defeat. It just is what it is. (I can't say that I won't bitch about them ever again one day when I am losing my mind! But today, I don't want to waste my strength on it!) Wish I could always have the attitude I have today! I love rainy days. That is what must have put me in this good place. I will take it! Juju-My hubby's aunt lives on Eugene. She works at the University there. Meanwhile-stay away from those ants! Ouch! That reminds me-who remembers last summer talking about gardening-I kept thinking about this as I weeded last evening-someone talked about the chiggers crawling into their shorts to their private parts area!!!!! I have never worn shorts to garden since!!! Well all-chat with you later! Mame
and bob thanks for the tip on the realtor....I do forget sometimes to watch what I say to who out here, in a small community like this. Every one knows or is related in some way to each other, (damn deliverance town, lol! its more of a hillbilly beer drinkin cracktown but I digress) But seriously coming from a pop of half mill to 3500 is definitely a different dynamic. I have offended a few people with my big city ways, in expressing my frustration with the slow way of life, I wouldn't be surprised...thanks good tip! Glad I didn't put lot of effort into the R.E. agent...I was walking dog and dialed number on for sale sign down street.
And no worries bob on getting wires crossed I have spewed a lifetime in a few weeks I could not possible expect anyone to keep up with it :0), just me in my head, lol!
Juju, you are doing just fine. Rescheduling is allowed. You just can't get everything done at once. Welcome Lizzie. Vent it helps. And, yes, my boot comes off (Thank you Doc!). Which I saved my life yesterday. We have these giant carpenter ants, they bite, it really hurts, and leaves a big welt. Well, you guessed it one crawled up in the boot and bit me on the top of the foot. I ended up sitting in the middle of the front yard pulling on the straps, and velcro trying to get it unwrapped, and saying some not very ladylike phrases either.
it's the neurology work up for ma...the catscan and EEG etc....from last weeks appt, should have been done 8 ys ago. she still ok..so i figure it been this long what another li'l bit!!
Hang in there. You are going to be ok and you are going to be able to think your way out of this. What is it that you are testing for? Something with your noggin. If you told us, please forgive me for not being on top of it. Glad you are getting it done and if you get bad news just come here. Just keep moving forward. Realtor is a jackass for not showing up. Call another one. Pitch until you win and no second chances. Just don't mention to anyone that the other didn't show up. Bet it's a small world out there and they all hit the iHop twice a month. Someone will come out there and get you up and running.
Sharynmarie! Glad it helped a little. There are so many emotions from everyone during this time. Everything is changing and the underlying sadness makes us want to latch onto things that don't really matter. All we are trying to do is distract ourselves from the overwhelming sadness and grief. So why not fixate on a sweater?
Mame! wassup gurl? You smack some sense into those boys yet? Let them know in no uncertain terms that you are a delicate flower and need to be talked to and goofed around with and made to laugh and paid attention to. Next case. What's your number up there. Hell, I'll tell them.
Lizzie! Welcome to the home of Vent and Live! Try and take a step back and ask yourself if your dad is starting to show signs of dementia himself. If he is leaving poop on the toilet I bet he is starting up with it all. I know. Sh!tty news but it happens more than you know. There are couples apartments at some assisted living places. I know that the good ones can be hard to find but they're out there and they can save your life. Taking care of both is impossible for one person. Taking care of one dementia patient is too much for one person. Lizzie, do you have any help at all? We're rooting for you and I hope you let us know.
Meanwhile! Still with the boot. Oy. In hot weather it has to be insane. Do you have the cool homemade scratching tool? straightened out wire coathanger with tape and gauze...? or can you take that thing off as long as you don't walk without it.
Glad you are there with your pal Indio. Makes all the difference when we are in the dumps. I have to say that when I read that you were lurking and pouting I almost did a spit take. Very damn funny. Mainly because I knew Exactly what you were talking about.
Jen!! Hey there, we are still here! haha. We are all going to have to figure out how to get to Tahiti!
I have always loved Mark Twain. That was the first time I laughed out loud at something I read. It was the chapter: The Cat and the Pain Killer in Tom Sawyer. Pretty sure it was Tom Sawyer. If not it was Huck Finn.
Tom gives Peter the Cat some patent medicine (which was mostly booze) after Peter kept nosing around and acting like he wanted some. Well he got some and sailed out the window taking the flower pots with him.
Anybody remember any of that?
Cuz!! c'mon now, how are you doing and how is Mike and Diane and Aunt H?
OK, I am going to check the weather and turn in. Will check in later when the Cat starts hollering for something to eat.
Everybody I didn't mention check in and chew me out.
Well today I took a big step, contacted a realtor to assess the real numbers on how badly our home has depreciated since we bought in the bubble and discuss possible tactics for the future just to get some real figures n idea's but she didn't show up....she sed she would come by afternoon but no show...so that is my story and i am sticking to it...reminds me why i gave up out here in the first place out in the middle of nowhere!! there is just no sense of urgency or work ethic or commitment....as i am used to being from a hustling bustling metro area...."the silicon valley" I will have to go to Eugene or something for legal advice...it is 2 hrs away, ugggg, that will be ruff with ma and summer coming! Add that to the list of major home repairs in need...water heater is hissing and the floor is saturated! and the way my CG quit I lost 5 hrs of service, cause she owed me for vaca day off, she didn't get paid for it but i realize i lost it this morning cuz she was gonna do extra hours this month...and new interviewee cancelled and no new prospects YET!!
Bobbie~I must say your post opened up my eyes!! I am complaining about my sister wanting to control things with our mom but I guess I am too because I want mom to remain the same. I keep wanting to advocate for mom based on what she would do, while my sister is dealing with it in a different way. I guess we are both dealing with a certain amount of denial. I see mom not as advanced as others in the memory care unit and sis sees mom as more advanced. One thing that did come up at the review about mom that I was glad about, is that sis keeps wanting to say mom is incontinent and they say she is not. I agree with everything I have seen. Different ideas, values, and perspectives, relationships are so difficult to maintain. Thank you!!
Nevermind.....I rescheduled for July 9. It quickly became apparent to me that this is headed for an anxiety attack, I will dive right back under the covers if I get bad news so the smartest thing is to wait... I question myself because of my habit of procrastinating but this was different I was being pro-active and not in denial! Just need a lil more time to stabilize the overwhelming # balls in the air. gain a lil sense of control before the next round so to speak. I am beat today, this week!
K I REALLY NEED some input on this one. Im beginning to get real nervous bout the catscan and eeg done tomorrow, well actually the results, not sure if im prepared for a bad blow just yet...I wonder if I shouldn't just reschedule a few weeks out, It has been 8 ys what is another month now? I just don't want to set myself back now that I finally feel like I can pick up the pieces. I need a lil more grounding first. just a month or so maybe?? or should I just go n get it over with...
2nd issue of the day is the heat!!!! Man it went from 60's n rainy to 90's n hot in a blink and I have 1 lousy pair of cut off sweats to wear without cutting off my circulation..Hopefully I have energy tomoro to shop for a few minutes, if we go. Probably too busy a day, hope not!
I guess I'm lucky that most of the yuk doesn't bother me. What really irritates is the messes Dad makes and doesn't clean up after himself. Then he yells at Mom cause she drops food off the fork or spoon. The floor under his chair is just as bad. The jelly and Pbutter finger marks on the frig handle and the poo on the toilet that he just leaves really urks me. I'm tired of cleaning up after him. Mom can't help her messes. She isn't mobile and she has parkinsons. He can move around, fixes their breakfast and lunch and then leaves the mess for me to clean up. He won't even pull the covers up on their bed. Do I sound like Cinderella? Where is my pumpkin? Unfortunately If I'm not nice to him he takes it out on Mom. He better hope he dies first. If she is gone I no longer have to hold my tongue and his life is going to become unbearable.
rossco...what an asinine thing to say. I was unaware these posts had expiration dates...? This Grossed thread, like some others has turned into a blog and people who want to post post...You know...by choice. Trying to control others through disparaging comments...enough already?...
Oh-Bobbie-I think that is sooo cool that you are going to do comedy again! Good for you! Break a leg! (Is that what they say for good luck to comedians??) I hope it goes well and you slide right back into it agin-like riding a bike! Love ya! Mame
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Bobbie-hope you can plug those holes up! And will say a prayer or 2 that the Tornados stay away!!!!
Part of me accepts my mother is at peace and not feeling any pain. The other part which sounds stupid for a 50 year old women is that I've lost the one person that has loved me unconditionally my entire life. Plus it's now acceptable to feel all the grief I've been storing within me the last 6 years. I'm babbling and not making much sense so I'll sign off for now
Luv you guys!!!
This freaking purging although PAINFULL is WONDERFUL!!!!
That's right!
Crew: Who was it that wrote that great piece about being out in the ocean and could see the shore and her family but they didn't see her drowning..?
Whoever it was I hope that they wouldn't mind if someone posted that again so if anyone has it stored...
There are so many who have no help and instead get a lot of static and get taken for granted by their siblings. Terrible.
So sorry Mame, they are asses and I won't bring it up again. Just got mad on your behalf is all.
It is raining like mad here. Snug in the boat. As soon as I fix one leak I find another. I have to catch up someday don't I? haha.
Probably not. It's like painting a bridge.
This weather is nothing compared to Tornadoes and they do say that tornadoes are possible. Hay wait a minnut....On a boat, Yikes.
Everybody stay as sane as you can.
lovbob
Got some weeding done last evening while mom sat on the deck and read the paper. I always wonder what she retains...she had to read an article out loud to me all about a woman who found a family of great horned owls in her yard! She was so excited about it! It was really cute! I will have to talk about the story today to see if she remembers...
Bobbie-since I sent that nasty email and had the fallout from sisinlaw-I have decided that the boys are adults and I have made myself crazy trying to get them here to see mom or call her-nevermind helping me out! I have given up and am letting them do their thing... In the end, if they feel bad, it will be of their own doing cause it sure isn't from my lack of trying! I dare any of them to mention feeling bad in front of me when she is gone tho! They may get more than they bargain for! Or, I may just laugh in their face. Who knows. I have lost a ton of respect that I had for them. I am the youngest of 7 in what I thought was a very close family. When I took on the caregiver role-I thought I would have a ton of help so how hard would it be? HA! I am not going to change them with email, crying, bitching, or reminding them how little time we may have left with her. I am taking care of her-so-out of sight, out of mind...Mame can handle it...blah blah blah. I want to call them selfish, but unless you live this life, you really don't know just how much it takes from you, how isolating it is, how boring, how monotonous, lonely. I love my mom, and will care for her till the end I hope. I am thankful for the one bro and my sis that do help me. I am thankful for my husband who really helps me out when I am nuts from all this. I am thankful for my neighbor who sits with mom every other Friday afternoon. I am thankful for the daycare 2 afternoons a week. I am thankful mom has a great sense of humor and is sweet and loving. I am thankful she sleeps late into the morning so I can check in with all you on this thread so I have a bit of socialization each day! Mom has had times she has been really sick and I am thankful she has been better since the diagnosis of diabetes. I am thankful that today, I am well rested and able to be positive, cause on those days I am exhausted, the lack of help from my bros really can get to me! So, much I have given up. They don't have a clue. And don't want to. Sad but true. It is what it is. Today, I am accepting of that. Not in defeat. It just is what it is. (I can't say that I won't bitch about them ever again one day when I am losing my mind! But today, I don't want to waste my strength on it!) Wish I could always have the attitude I have today! I love rainy days. That is what must have put me in this good place. I will take it!
Juju-My hubby's aunt lives on Eugene. She works at the University there.
Meanwhile-stay away from those ants! Ouch! That reminds me-who remembers last summer talking about gardening-I kept thinking about this as I weeded last evening-someone talked about the chiggers crawling into their shorts to their private parts area!!!!! I have never worn shorts to garden since!!!
Well all-chat with you later! Mame
Glad I didn't put lot of effort into the R.E. agent...I was walking dog and dialed number on for sale sign down street.
Jen, good for you doing all that cleaning out.
Welcome Lizzie. Vent it helps.
And, yes, my boot comes off (Thank you Doc!). Which I saved my life yesterday. We have these giant carpenter ants, they bite, it really hurts, and leaves a big welt. Well, you guessed it one crawled up in the boot and bit me on the top of the foot. I ended up sitting in the middle of the front yard pulling on the straps, and velcro trying to get it unwrapped, and saying some not very ladylike phrases either.
I got my wires crossed and thought it was for you for some reason.
OK, turning in.
lovbob
Hang in there. You are going to be ok and you are going to be able to think your way out of this.
What is it that you are testing for? Something with your noggin. If you told us, please forgive me for not being on top of it. Glad you are getting it done and if you get bad news just come here. Just keep moving forward.
Realtor is a jackass for not showing up. Call another one. Pitch until you win and no second chances.
Just don't mention to anyone that the other didn't show up. Bet it's a small world out there and they all hit the iHop twice a month. Someone will come out there and get you up and running.
Sharynmarie! Glad it helped a little. There are so many emotions from everyone during this time. Everything is changing and the underlying sadness makes us want to latch onto things that don't really matter. All we are trying to do is distract ourselves from the overwhelming sadness and grief.
So why not fixate on a sweater?
Mame! wassup gurl?
You smack some sense into those boys yet?
Let them know in no uncertain terms that you are a delicate flower and need to be talked to and goofed around with and made to laugh and paid attention to.
Next case.
What's your number up there. Hell, I'll tell them.
Lizzie! Welcome to the home of Vent and Live!
Try and take a step back and ask yourself if your dad is starting to show signs of dementia himself. If he is leaving poop on the toilet I bet he is starting up with it all.
I know. Sh!tty news but it happens more than you know.
There are couples apartments at some assisted living places. I know that the good ones can be hard to find but they're out there and they can save your life.
Taking care of both is impossible for one person. Taking care of one dementia patient is too much for one person.
Lizzie, do you have any help at all? We're rooting for you and I hope you let us know.
Meanwhile! Still with the boot. Oy. In hot weather it has to be insane. Do you have the cool homemade scratching tool? straightened out wire coathanger with tape and gauze...? or can you take that thing off as long as you don't walk without it.
Glad you are there with your pal Indio. Makes all the difference when we are in the dumps.
I have to say that when I read that you were lurking and pouting I almost did a spit take. Very damn funny. Mainly because I knew Exactly what you were talking about.
Jen!! Hey there, we are still here! haha.
We are all going to have to figure out how to get to Tahiti!
I have always loved Mark Twain.
That was the first time I laughed out loud at something I read. It was the chapter: The Cat and the Pain Killer in Tom Sawyer.
Pretty sure it was Tom Sawyer. If not it was Huck Finn.
Tom gives Peter the Cat some patent medicine (which was mostly booze) after Peter kept nosing around and acting like he wanted some. Well he got some and sailed out the window taking the flower pots with him.
Anybody remember any of that?
Cuz!! c'mon now, how are you doing and how is Mike and Diane and Aunt H?
OK, I am going to check the weather and turn in. Will check in later when the Cat starts hollering for something to eat.
Everybody I didn't mention check in and chew me out.
lovbob
Add that to the list of major home repairs in need...water heater is hissing and the floor is saturated!
and the way my CG quit I lost 5 hrs of service, cause she owed me for vaca day off, she didn't get paid for it but i realize i lost it this morning cuz she was gonna do extra hours this month...and new interviewee cancelled and no new prospects YET!!
I can do this!!!
Im beginning to get real nervous bout the catscan and eeg done tomorrow, well actually the results, not sure if im prepared for a bad blow just yet...I wonder if I shouldn't just reschedule a few weeks out, It has been 8 ys what is another month now?
I just don't want to set myself back now that I finally feel like I can pick up the pieces. I need a lil more grounding first. just a month or so maybe?? or should I just go n get it over with...
2nd issue of the day is the heat!!!!
Man it went from 60's n rainy to 90's n hot in a blink and I have 1 lousy pair of cut off sweats to wear without cutting off my circulation..Hopefully I have energy tomoro to shop for a few minutes, if we go. Probably too busy a day, hope not!
Where is my pumpkin? Unfortunately If I'm not nice to him he takes it out on Mom. He better hope he dies first. If she is gone I no longer have to hold my tongue and his life is going to become unbearable.
Wish I could see your comedy routine, Bobbie.