Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Hey there Yogi! How are you and mom doing? Hope you can still visit with her.
Mame, You said your husband has taken up a new sport, but you didn't say what! Is it bowling? How about curling? No? Ice hockey? Basketball? Volleyball? I know, Roller Derby!!!
Sounds like you have Mom's sleep pattern under control. Is she the one who has vasovagal episodes?
I just got back from 3 hours in the ER with Mom. Daycare called me just before noon to tell me they called an ambulance for her. She was "unresponsive" and the nurse decided it was best. Well, I wish they had checked her pants. She had a nice cow patty for the ER nurse! As soon as I saw Mom and she told me that, I knew it was the problem. Loved that nurse!!! They wouldn't let me in until they had Mom all prepped and had cathed her for a urine and hooked up for an EKG and had a line ready for IV if needed. Last time I had to undress her and get her on the gurney by myself!!! What the hell!!. All her tests came back normal and the PA kept asking me if i wanted her admitted overnight for observation or sent to rehab. Not sure if he was trying to be nice and give me a rest or if he plain forgot it was the daycare that called the ambulance and not me! Last time she was admitted, they withheld her PD meds which made her crazy! So they gave her Ativan that made her even crazier! She saw bugs everywhere for a week. And Rehab???? What's left to rehab? I said no, I will take her home before someone gives her something to get her all screwed up again!
The best part was the nurse in charge! What a peach she was! Funny as all get out, but very efficient and conscientious. I could hear her in the next bay looking for her rectal thermometer and I called back and said "nope, not in here!" cracked her right up! got to find some kind of fun when stuck in the Er for hours! Actually I packed Mom's pill box and my knitting, so once she calmed down, I knitted in between e-mailing back and forth with Rip in Seattle.
When I got the call from daycare, my pulse started to race when I thought that maybe this was it for Mom. Stormy, you definitely are not alone in your thoughts!!!
Mom's EKG was all over the place as the PD meds hadn't kicked in yet, so her entire body was jiving! Nurse finally sat on mom's legs, Lightly, to keep them still so she could get a good reading. Mom's overall health is good except for the PD and dementia. Go figure!!
Okay, just wanted to vent a bit. Going to feed Mom supper early, so I can get her to bed early. She'll be tired after all that!

Thank you, Mame, I'm doing well. I'm glad you had a better weekend and that your brother is now well enough to visit your mom. I'm sure she was happy even though, "He doesn't come here much." The things they remember. Blessings

Hi gang! Weekend was pretty good here. Oldest bro who has been really sick since Christmas was finally better enough to come visit mom. It is so funny the things she remembers.. Whispered tones-"he doesn't come here much" HAHAHA... She is doing really well for her...I find that if I wake her in the morning, she is totally confused....but if I let her sleep till she wakes herself-she is much better mentally. Altho-not always! However, she would sleep till 2 in the afternoon! So, I have figured out that if I go in and talk to her at a decent time, then tell her I will be back in a 1/2 hour or something, it seems to work out. Guessing game... She still goes to bed at 10pm each night...and seems to sleep altho many times she will say she didn't sleep at all. I know she did. I hear he snoring etc. I feel like the Nemenda has helped a little already. It has just been a month... how do you really know tho-ya know?
I do not have the carpet sweeper dog anymore-that was just an overnight and I am not sure if I would ever say yes again. My dog was soooo put out! I don't like to do that to him. I do have the small shepard/lab mix that comes 3 days a week for social/play time with my dog. He is almost a year. He is good for the most part. When he takes off into the woods or something-my dog will come to the door and get my attention! It's like he is saying, "mommy, he took off-go get him!" Such a mother hen. I love it. These two play well together and my dog is not off pouting like when carpet sweeper was here!
My hubby has started a new sport and it is great cause it is only one night a week and it gets his mind off work which is really difficult to do! Saturday night they had all the wives come watch and we all brought a dish to pass and had dinner together etc. It was fun. Nice to get out and chat and have real conversations! My sis came to be with mom. Mom kepts saying to me, "You need to get out. I want you to go." She can be so cute and "with it" at times!
Stormy-how is dad today? Hope they get to the bottom of this and soon!
Deef-can't believe your hubby's dad is 103!? We have had snow here-snowed all day yesterday but melted when it hit the ground. Just little snow flakes today too-not really adding up. Gonna get warmer the next two days-in the 40's!
Flex-temper tantrum is probably cause of the full moon tonight!!! Glad you got your internet back! This is my social life and I couldn't imagine it being down!!! I would die of bordom!!!
Cat-That "Celebration of Life" sounds nice. Glad you connected with some nice ppl. OH-and love the idea of the flashing lights for the elk in the area!!! Good for the elk and good for the cars and their riders. Can't be a good outcome-an accidident hitting an Elk!
Meanwhile-The roping competition sounds like fun! I never thought about socializing the horses and getting them used to the noises and crowd. I love horses and have ridden-but that is about all I know! And they were mostly trail horses so they just follow eachother!
Jen-love the idea of the addendum! haha.
Linda-so sorry for all you are going thru. Completely understand about the young people dying being more upsetting cause they haven't "lived" much yet. So sad. I am sorry.
Lildeb-Sorry your hubby is a pain in the a$$ about taking time off for your procedure. We do expect more from others because that is what we would do! That is why we are all caregivers!
Rip-simpler times...ahhhhh...however, I am happy for the internet for socializing such as this when cooped up in the house caregiving 24/7!!!
dkjell-Had to laugh at the "two nutty women" comment! I think I am starting to go through "the change" too. Hot flashes and can't fall asleep or stay asleep long at night!!! UGH. Yea, this is all we need to go along with our already crazy lives! My hubby is not the beer drinker like yours-I am!!!
Mishka-How did the party turn out??? That really is cute...
Book-good to see you post! I used to get heart palpatations when things got messy but have found a great anti-anxiety med that has helped me... I grew up with a dad who could blow up at any moment and am very fearful of harsh words...for worse could always come after! I hope you will post again here...your input was always valuable!
TSM-you got it! One day at a time and add the humor!!!
Sharyn-So funny that your mom swore in front of the DR! My mom swears when she is good and mad but that happens rarely and never in front of an outsider. I would have fallen off my chair!
Karol-spit cups-disgusting! I'd be gagging!
Hey Yogi and Kuli and Christina and all others out there!
And Captain Bobbie-I salute you!!!
Oh-I am watching Downton Abby on Netflix! Love it!!!
Have a decent day all! Thanks for being here for me! Love Mame

Hey Cat and Diane! Was typing the same time you were!
Diane, it's the moon!!!
Cat, Pamela was at the very beginning and a real treasure!

Hope everyone had a good weekend out there! Maybe some free time or just some peace and quiet for a while.
I did laundry, cooked, and did some cleaning, too. Now I have to gather the trash, but will do that in between commercials. I'm watching the Oscars, something I haven't done in years! I'm waiting to see Barbara Streisand's performance. One of my all time favorites!
It's awful quiet here tonight, so I bet a lot of you are tuned in to the Oscar's too! Can't get over some of the outfits! I'm more interested in the performances that are going to happen. Ouch! They just cut off a guys acceptance speech with music that got louder and louder!
LilDeb, Tell your husband that the next time he needs a procedure, he can drive himself to and from!!! I know after my shoulder surgery, that I was sick from the anesthesia and disoriented from the pain killers. I don't remember anything they told me before I went home. Good thing my husband was there!
Stormy, hope your dad was good today.
Diane, It would be nice to hear mom gave you a peaceful weekend.
Mame, how is your mom doing? Did you get much snow?
Okay, ladies that did hair and makeup for Les Miz has on pink leggings!!! Wow!!!
Bobbie did you work hard on the boat this weekend, or take a break?
Yogi, hope you are getting to visit your mom still.
Shirley, hope you got to ride your horse this weekend.
Maxine, you all settled in yet?
Sharyn, hope the MRI results for your mom are good news. Let us know please!
Jen, been wishing really hard that you got to have a good weekend for a change!
Linda, Been thinking of you girl!
Cat, A belated Happy Birthday to you!
hey there Mishka, Book, Kuli, Sskape, Cuz and anyone else I missed. You know, that memory thing you get when your my age! Hope you all had a great weekend, and if not, tomorrow will be better!
Or maybe not! I just remembered why Mom was so antsy again today! FULL MOON, tomorrow!!!
Commercial, time to gather the trash!!

Somehow I missed the posts before all of Bobbie's jokes took over. Jen, well said and you too Deef. Hey, the point is this thread is here to help. When I first found it, I laughed until I cried reading from the beginning and the only sadness I had was that I hadn't been here at the beginning.

Today I was wondering, what happened to Pamela. Ironic that I was wondering about this person who I never shared a post with, but who's sense of humor and heartfelt circumstances still stay with me today. Pamela, I hope your life is filled with love and happiness. I feel that way about many of the early posters. I found it hard to read all of the GO thread.....for computer reasons and losing my place......and then I think a lot of your really good conversations got moved off the thread due to the comments of others who rushed in with their judgement.

Lildeb: You will get a whole bunch of light from me and I hope everyone here will be sending the same to you on the day of your surgery. I'm sure they will. I would be more than happy to meet with your husband and explain the basics to him. He pisses me off, and I hope you are not offended that I am saying that, but you deserve all of us to be in the waiting room and with you at home after surgery. For sure, your recovery would not be boring and your hubby and your beloved MIL would be shocked to see how much you are loved by a giant trove of caregivers and ass kicking women who would not let you be burdened while you are trying to heal.

I went to a celebration of life for my dear neighbor who passed last month. It was heartwarming to see all the photos of her during her many years of life. Her doctor (also our doctor) was there and I got to meet his wife, Kate. Last year her dad died after 10 years of Alz. She did the first Alz. walk for a cure last September Gave her my name and number, etc. I will be involved this year. Meetings start next month. It's time to get off my winey....opps.... whiney ass and do something positive.

Sending every one my best wishes.

Mom is throwing another temper tantrum. I sure hope her ativan kicks in soon.

He is going to take the day but I told him I only need him for half day. He thought he could take me at 5:30am n stay n bring me home before work. However, I told him that the nurse mention they usually don't start till 7am. He went all ballistic over that one. As long as he is their when I am coming out from recovery so, if the dr needs to talk to a family member their will be someone. I just didn't think I needed me to explain all of this to him. Not like I didn't do it for him when he got his colon test done n they remove a few polyps. He's taking a half-a-day off n it's not we r hurting for money right now so he can afford to take a day or so off if he needs to do it. Oh, I cannot stand those legged spiders. I cannot even stand to even type it out. Terrified of them.

A young fellow from Oklahoma moves to California and goes to a big 'everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Oklahoma."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did "

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down...

"How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$112,237.64."

The boss says, "$112,237.64 !! What the hell did you sell ?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass boat.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

lovbob

I put this one up a long time ago...

The following is supposedly a documented conversation between the USS Lincoln and a Canadian "vessel"....

Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

lovbob

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart, its Eric. I am on the train."
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting."
"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss."
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life."
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart."
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the young woman sitting next to him had had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

lovbob

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said, "OK, I give up. Where's the ship?"

lovbob

I am glad to see that Cat and Bookworm are trying to mend the fences.
Bookworm- I hope you will come back and post more often on GO, but I know you have to do this in your own pace. Love and miss you!
Cat- I wanted to say that I think it takes alot of heart and guts to apologize. I will try to post more later but I have to go to the hospital soon. Love you too Cat!

Deef!
When you get to the boat you'll be IN Georgia....
haha
lovbob

Stormy,
Sorry that your dad and you guys are going through all of that. Hope all gets back in balance soon.
Give Connor a squeeze from everyone here.

Crew,
Found some random notes written by random writers to random recipients:

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get it up. Enjoy dreaming about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words.
You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..."
Just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

lovbob

Stormy, looks like you have a real mystery there! Hope it's an easy fix. In the meantime, take advantage of him being in the hospital and get some rest and mom and Conner time if you can. Let us know when you find out anything!
Diane, When I do get to the boat, I'll be pretty close to Georgia, so maybe....

Hey ya'll I haven't read the posts yet, but I wanted to let ya'll know that dad is still in the hospital and they still don't know where he is losing the blood from. They have checked the upper and lower gi and still don't know. Tomorrow they are doing a colonoscopy (sp?) and if they don't find anything there they are going to see if maybe he has a bad heart valve that is destroying his red blood cells. If that does show anything the dr said that may have to look into blood disorders. They have given dad 3 pts of blood. When he went in his hemoglobin was 7.5 and now it is at a 10. I don't know if they are going to give him anymore blood transfusions yet. He says that his stomach is still tender. But really thats all I know right now.
Oh someone said something about us checking on his MCV level. And sis said she was looking over the nurse shoulder and his lymphocytes were low but thats all she could see. I will keep ya'll posted. Love and hugs stormy

Dang Kathy, you got boat time again!....lol

Diane, glad you got the internet back and you are right about the antibiotics helping mom's cold. I really think when Mom has a UTI for a long time before I realize it, she ends up with cold symptoms from it. That has happened to her before, so I think it's not a cold, but a side affect of the UTI. Hope you can get some rest!
LilDeb, My cellphone has a great camera. I even have pictures of baby spiders that hatched on the house siding last summer! With the phone I can zoom way in on the picture and see every detail, including colors on the baby spiders that were no bigger than a pinhead. GROSS but really cool at the same time. I read on You that your husband is not taking the day off for your surgery. He really should be available to pick you up at least!!! When I had my appendix out years ago, I made my husband go to work because it was December and whatever sick days he didn't use, he got paid for as a bonus! So my sil took me to the hospital and when my husband came after work, it was just in time to see me be sick from the pain killers. I sent him off to play cards with his friends, as it was card night. All I wanted to do was sleep!
Shirley, That roping competition sounds like too much fun! Have seen it on TV and my daughter and her husband went to San Antonio last September, on a trip she won from work. They went to a rodeo and cattleman's cookout and had the time of their life! Hated the heat, but loved the site seeing and the food!
Jen, well said! You are awesome and whenever you write, everyone takes notice! I'm as guilty as the next person ,of forgetting to throw someone's name out there. Comes from the caregiver's disease called fried brains! There isn't one of us on this entire site that can't lay claim to that affliction.
I agree that Bobbie has been attacked, stepped on, made to look like a villain, one time too many! She has apologized, groveled and bet hurt badly many times just for being here to help, encourage and guide anyone when they need it. If she doesn't have an answer to help, she defers to someone who does or points the person in the right direction to get the answers they need.
The fact that she is plain spoken bothers some, I for one find it refreshing and not just a bunch of empty words that sound good.
Bobbie is working her butt off to get the boat ship shape and make it a safe haven for caregivers to get respite. I for one, am planning to spend some time with Bobbie on her boat when she is ready. I can't wait to meet someone who has been such a help to so many even after the many attacks she has endured over the last three years. I have been here for all of it and I can tell you that Bobbie has wanted to disappear many times, and has taken time away to assess the damage done to her heart by people she trusted. But the need to help even one person get through this mess of caregiving always brings her back. I admire her for that. And that is the main reason so many come here for comfort and guidance and thank goodness, are able to see through those who want to destroy that.
Thank all of the GO followers and contributors for being here when we all need support, comfort friendship, and yes, a place to vent and talk about GROSS things!!!

Deefer, as long as u r growing n it don't bother you then the heck with it. Go with the flow. so sorry you have dealt with pain at a very young age too. I think the sense of humor helps a lot too in a person n sometimes when we r in so much pain n so long that it becomes numb n I am sure you know what I mean with the Autoimmune disease. Omg, you mom n the Taco Bell story, lol. Sorry u cannot get out to eat because of that matter. Thanks for sharing about your grandparents n the bottle glass milk. Makes me think the Andy Griffin Show. I am jealous, y'all got to make whip-cream, yummy. Finger licking slapping good. mmm. Enjoy your show.

Thanks Cat n I only need one little spark of light. That is if I don't wring my hubby neck first with his ignorance. All the pictures that I have put up on fb is from my 4G phone. It has a pretty good camera. Mine won't be able to do the fancy professional styles but it serves it purpose. Does your cellphone have a camera that is any good?
dkjellander, luv the toothpick-finger story n You gotta keep that humor going to keep from going crazy sometimes. ; )
Book, I use capitalize too for certain words to stand out but not necessarily yelling too. I do believe if i is the whole sentence either the person accidentally hit the cap key or that person is yelling. Especially, when it involves a lot of exclamation marks. !!!. Book no need in hiding your head n being a coward for you are a caregiver n you know u that care-givers r not allow to do such a thing n they r defiantly not a coward! Now, maybe if you want to hide your head in a book, bookwork. Just make sure it is a good one n it's worth your time. : )

Getting tired so I am going to sound off n hope everyone has a nice Sunday.

Owned it bobmiester...God how many ways do you need to say it, why can't we have an addendum to the title of the blog so new people can see that this is an ongoing thriving thread? And, you are right, the original post set paragraph says it and if you ( new person) feel you do not like something in that, then maybe you should just move along to another post. It isn't a bad thing, not everyone is going to connect but we can chose to move on and find a better fit, many have...whats the big deal? bobbie I am very sorry all this comes down on you. It was your post from so way back but it seems this subject will just keep being new and good and bad all over again every time this comes up. (The were we attacked? I felt attacked, did you feel attacked, should we get the napalm out?) I think probably your thought out, longer post, that explains both the situation IN the title and how the thread goes is best, but sometimes, when some really self righteous person drops by and drops a bomb, "Piss Off" is still appropriate.

I got lost in all the;...what was it. Oh "You blame her for judging you but You judged her first... when all she did was..." All she ( The latest she) did was open with "You People suck..." Um, that is not Reeeealy a vague interpretable opener...I agree it would be best if we could all pull back and think "In with anger out with Love" but so many of us are fried and so damn worn out where we are, when we come here for support and laughs and get a face slap instead the easiest ad quickest response is Oh Bite Me!!!
I think I AM one of the selfish single minded people here actually, and I am sorry for that. I read others posts and sometimes comment, but I feel all the useful stuff I had to say was long ago and now all I am is a whiner... With mom here now, I don't have the full on responsibilities I once complained about with old pervert pants, I just feel grossed out of dysfunction and daily irritation now, I am not the one running him to appointments, giving out pills etc. I still clean a lot and take care of my moms stuff to give her more of a break to deal with him, but it is not the same...
I feel stupid posting to others when I can hardly follow their lives so well anymore. But I am not a lurker..I feel the need to say something now and then...I think my situation is beyond the pale. I feel I have found a good fit "bowl of nuts wise" and I do not want to lose that. Good God aren't we all looking for that in some way or another?...A place where we don't have to lie about our lives? A place we can share and feel valued? Any wonder a person from outside coming in with what feels to many of us like Gross Judgement is so handily swatted back?
I don't know, best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but an attack is still an attack even if you call it something else. You need to try like deef does and imagine where it is coming from..You may make a friend we may get a new poster or just a drive by. but the core of Grossed remains and thanks to bobbie both for having the guts to tell the truth about her situation and the love for us to continue to invest her time and care in us. I think it is worth the occasional hassle. She could have abandoned ship long ago...but she didn't she stuck with both her original even if not longer accurate post and with the new and long term Grossed Denizens and I personally am richer, saner happier and Grateful for it!Love Jen

Well, I took the day off, and took the horses to an all women's roping competition. Not that I was entered in any events. But, my 2 young horses need exposure to crowds and noise, and a lady I work with was entered. There were entries from as far away as Florida. The lady I work with got a 1st place in one event. and a 2nd place in another. Not bad.
Will go work on the adobe house tomorrow. Unfortunately, it has been remodeled several times. Hoping to save the hardwood floors in the front part of the house.
Bobbie loved your post, especially the part about nuts. I can relate.
Love reading everyone's posts. Bookworm, hope you come back again. Welcome to all the new people. Shirley

Wow! I'm without internet for a week an all hell breaks loose. Finally got my internet bill paid so they connected the service again today. Mom is still fighting this cold and has a bad cough. She is also on antibiotics again for a UTI. At least that will help control the cold from becoming pneumonia. At this moment mom is getting very upset because she is having frightening hallucinations and won't believe she is safe no matter what I say or do. I try to be patient, but after reassuring her the 15th time in 30 minutes that she is safe gets trying.
I've been making some pillowcases for the Conkerr Cancer charity that gives them to children in hospitals.
Sounds like everyone has their hands full as usual with caregiving and family issues. I've been told many times that I may not understand God's will, but to trust He will see us through all our trials. It's still hard to understand why young vital people with so much life to live must pass on.
Mom is demanding my attention so I must go. Have as good a night as possible and stay safe and warm with the weather moving across the country.

Love ya,
Diane xoxox

There's Maxine!!! Didn't see your post!!! How thw heck are ya?

Very gray day today. Snow has just started and it's above freezing temp wise, but feel colder.
Mom was pretty bad last night, but woke up rested and none the less for wear this morning. She ate a good breakfast and has been pretty with it all day. Erin was here this morning and Merry will be here until 7, so that means I get a break from putting her to bed. It's so hard for one person to get her washed and into bed as she is pretty uncooperative by the end of the day. Last night I was getting her up from her wheelchair to walk the 5 feet to the bathroom, when she started to slide down to the kitchen floor. I had to let her lay there for a minute while I worked up the strength to lift her. She was tired and very stiff from the PD, so it wasn't easy. She had her head thrown back and wouldn't bend at the waist and knees, so it was kind of like picking up a heavy board. Then I had to push on her and make her bend to get her to sit on the toilet. Getting her into a diaper and bed was no picnic either! Wonder why I have to sit and catch my breath after all that! Hope it's just her usual reaction around full moon time!
Does anyone else have these kinds of problems? I know I'm luckier than most of you with her sleeping all night and not being able to get out of bed on her own anymore, but I sure wish she wasn't so busy during the daytime hours!
Mame, You still have that floor duster staying with you? Guess we are only going to get a couple inches of snow, but looks like you could get more. Snowing there yet?
Shirley, Are you working on your adobe house today? I'm going to look up adobe house form that time period you mentioned and try to get an idea of what you are up against. Is it close to your property or do you have a drive to get to it?
LilDeb, how are you feeling today? Hope Mil cuts you some slack so you get some rest before surgery and I hope your husband will help you out too.
Book, nice post! Hope you have another good day tomorrow.
Kuli, how's it going?
Stormy, Any news on your dad yet? hope everything is okay and they keep him in the hospital for a few days so you can rest.
Sharyn, Any results of your mom's MRI yet, or is that next week?
Diane, everything okay in Georgia? I know you have been busy at work and with your mom so let us know how you are when you have a chance.
Austin???? Where are you? I remember reading something about moving so that's probably why we haven't heard from you.
Barb, Been thinking of you in Ohio and wondering how you and mom are doing.
Jen, Got your beautiful card today! Thank you so much, it's just what I needed!
Cat, Any good wildlife show up today? Birds are feeding like crazy here before the storm. Even the squirrels are hanging off the feeders!
Mishka, and anyone else I may have missed, let me know how you are doing when you have time. It always seems so quiet on the weekends as we all try to catch up on things
I managed to vacuum and clean under the stove this morning and I just cleaned out the unrecognizable s from the fridge and may wash down the shelves tonight.
Then I'm going to sit in front of the TV for a change!

You said it well Captain Bobbie.

Thank you Bobbie! No more words necessary. Love ya! Deef!!

Good Afternoon Crew,

To all who are going through insanity, my heart goes out to you.
lildeb, I can't even imagine how you cope but I do know that you have the soul of a warrior.

Book, I am so glad to see you. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for and no one you need to apologize to. Once again, I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience here. So you know that you weren't alone, I was attacked as well through the back channels and was apologized to and I know that Cat was seriously in a lot of pain just like all of us. This kind of thing has happened a few times, with a few others, some of who have actually come to see me and stayed on my boat. Talk about betrayal. It is very difficult to build trust again but we try and we move forward like you say.

Cat, you and I are good but I am going to write about what happens when someone attacks. From my point of view. Thank you too for liking the post about the Journey. Very kind of you and I have enjoyed your recent posts as well.

Book, I came from a dysfunctional family just like many of us. Different degrees of dysfunction but it all can be devastating as we try and live our lives, especially in the throes of caregiving or in the aftermath of caregiving.

After 3 years of writing on this thread and reading the snippets of everyone's lives, trials and tribulations I still think that overall we do a pretty good job of taking care of each other even though we are all strangers.

But when it goes bad, it is harsh and toxic and people walk away more wounded than when they started and that is not what we are here for. Sometimes the thread gets hijacked and even though I have mostly taken to waiting it out to see if it settles, some just can't leave it alone and they pick at it again and again keeping it alive and festering.

Mame, I loved the story of the two dogs, a big dog and a little yappy dog.
That's what happens on this thread every now and again. A little yappy dog shows up and tries to run the show, not understanding that the show runs by itself pretty well, and most of the big dogs (folks who have posted more than a few times) on the thread usually show restraint until provoked beyond reason.

Beyond reason is when someone jumps in with a condemning remark right off the bat and they get what they get.
We're all in pain so some 'newbie' using their pain to lash out at us just isn't going to fly. I don't control what anyone writes so if someone got their wrist slapped for being a troll right off the bat, suck it up and learn from it.
If I did the slapping and it felt harsh to you, then that's what I felt before I reached out and tapped you. After 3 years and more than a few out of over 550 not 'getting' wtf I meant when I wrote the title of the thread, I am simply over it. That's part of my pain and where I am on my journey.

If someone can't see the humor in that title and the funny crazy of the first few pages they're probably not going to do well here. So What? There's plenty of places on this amazing site for all persuasions to write and seek support and respite.

And incidentally, telling a new to the site Dementia caregiver to read this thread from the beginning is an actual act of kindness. It's all here.
Wish I had something like this to sit and read through when I started caregiving for my mom. I was over 5 years in with no support at all so I didn't even know that I was accomplishing the impossible at the cost of my health and future.

Wish I had known people who had had the fuzz on their peaches to tell me the truth instead of telling me what a good daughter I was and how I was earning my crown in heaven. Puleeze.

With the information that is in this thread alone, I could have made better choices because I would have known the unvarnished truth. Since, at that time, there was no place to find the truth and we were all expected to fall for the 'he/she took care of you..' routine, I made the choices I did and pay every day for those mistakes.

That is why I am still here. We are catching women (because it's mostly women with a respectful nod to the few guys) BEFORE they make the decision to quit their jobs and BEFORE they move in with a parent or move a parent into their families. These new waves of caregivers have a chance to not make my mistakes. They'll make their own mistakes, true, but hopefully they won't quit jobs they love and sacrifice their marriages and families to Dementia.

AgingCare is a huge, well thought out website that has afforded us, as crazy caregivers, the opportunity to just get on and write whatever we are feeling because, And This Is Important: THEY get it.

Another example of 'beyond reason' is the behavior of some who feel the need to demand everyone's time and energy for their issues, because only their issues matter and the rest of us are only here to hug them and tell them that all will be ok and feed their huge egos that they accuse me of having. (Project much?) They are the ones who are pissed when we don't respond right away to their posts and when their names aren't called out on every page.

In the meantime, some of us are bleeding out from the stab wounds in the back but the toxic attention seeker spins our negative reaction to them as us 'turning' on them when all we are actually doing is saying enough is enough and go play your sick game somewhere else.

My theory is that everyone is nuts and all you need to do is find the bowl of nuts you fit into and leave the other bowls of nuts alone.

That's why I rarely read, let alone post on any of the other threads and will only come out from under my bridge when I see something pop up in that right hand column that I honestly think I can constructively help out on. Even then, if I check it out I will see that Deef or Jeanne Gibbs, both of whom I admire greatly or another true voice of reason has already covered what needs to be said and more often than not I learn from them.

Personally, I'm sure all the other little bowls of nuts are doing just fine and certainly don't need my input to get through their day.

Sometimes though, through the back channels, I am directed to read something and at the end of the day, I actually don't need to see that stuff because it's usually something from someone I thought was a friendly nut and I have to learn that it's just another toxic nut trying to make a mess in the bowl. *sigh*
.......................................
Mish, it's good to see you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your post and letting us know your feelings.
I will take this opportunity to explain what Amber Jane means.

I don't even remember when it happened, but there was a post from a 'newbie' with the typical 'you people' routine and I was working on the computer with this browser window open and without a moment's hesitation wrote:

Oh bite me Amber Jane.

That's it. So, every now and again when a 'newbie' (I despise that term, let's think of another, and no, 'fresh meat' isn't acceptable) posts before thinking, and trust me we all have done it, someone on the thread will bring up Amber Jane. For awhile some would just write out: OBMAJ.
Yup, it's an inside joke and we write out the definition of it every once in awhile, or if someone asks.
It might feel petty to a new person but it's actually part of the glue that holds us all together.
Mish! You now have some of that glue on you. It's not a bad thing. This thread might appear tight knit but that knit is loose so more and more people can weave themselves into what has become a beautiful tapestry of caregivers.

Mixed metaphors, mixed nuts, glue and tapestry.... too tired to make it all match. Please forgive sloppy writing.

For those who are 'haters' of the Grossed Out thread I have an easy solution:
Don't read it.

Did anyone ever see the movie, 'Private Parts'?
It's the story of the rise of Howard Stern, shock jock and raving goofball.
Whether you like Howard or don't like Howard is not the point here.
There is a moment in the film when Howard was in Washington DC and his Arbitron ratings were starting to come in and radio management was talking about him.

They discovered that he had pretty good numbers with the segment that really liked the show and that he had even better numbers with the segment that hated the show.
Why? They wanted to find out what he would say next.

For all the Caregivers out there:

Welcome to the Home of Vent and Live.

I wonder what we will say next.

lovbob

Book: I completely understand and I appreciate your response.

Cat, sorry that I couldn't respond to your apology when you made it. It was terrible timing. Just a few days before your post, there was a bit of excitement here. As I read the words being exchanged, I started to have heart palpitations. I tried to ignore it because I wanted to know what was happening. But it was getting worse, and I knew that with my current exhaustion, black outs, dizziness, etc... that I had to stop reading here. And I did.

When you posted on YOU, I still wasn't ready to come here. Just that day, during lunchtime, I had decided to take a peek into GROSS. Just THINKING of coming here, my heart went really fast. I still wasn't ready to drop by. Then I read your words but...I just couldn't come here.

I have discussed this situation with my sis and my niece - I needed to vent to them what I'm feeling at the moment. Cat, the words that were said may not sound so bad. For me, because you had a piece of my heart - which I guard very closely, the words you said ..devastated me. Yes, I stood here and defended myself. I could have just slinked away but I couldn't. I have grown up in a very dysfunctional family. I could not NOT do that. Despite the hurt you inflicted, I stood up and said my say. That day...the part of my heart that you shared with only very, very few people in my life - got shattered. I did not know how much I was affected by the November Incident until this recent "excitement" on this thread. Yes, I learned something, Cat. I think I was traumatized last year and didn't know it!!

When you apologized in December in my Wall, I accepted your apology. For now, I can only accept your apology. I think we need to give it time. “Time heals all wounds” is so true. Cat, you did your part. You acknowledged that I wasn’t at fault (because I didn’t believe I was.) And I was NOT yelling at you. You guys have read enough of my postings to know that when I CAPITALIZE words - it's for EMPHASIS. For me, this is YELLING!!!... "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF...!!!!!" ... Now that is yelling..... You apologized sincerely (which I can see loud and clear). Now it’s my burden to try to let go of the hurt and move forward. That’s the best that I can offer. It is now my burden and no one else’s. It’s not so bad. I finally forgave God recently (after 22 years of refusing to pray to Him.) So, we do have hope…. Thank you, Cat. Sincerely (and I do mean Sincerely), Bookworm.

To all on GROSS, I'm sorry to bring this up a day later when Cat posted. I had a bit of a difficulty coming here. I'm going to be a coward and depart here and hide my head under the sand. I hope you all have a good day, like i had today. Too bad I had to come back home....Book