Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

I saw claw marks in the TP roll...Once you are using the TP roll for support it is all over....

watch some Rumpole of the Baily from Library here... night deef...Good Friday all..

Stormy, sounds like the internal bleeding may be the culprit for sure. hope it's an easy fix.
My husband spent most of the day with his dad. he is fine, just got a bit dizzy upon rising this morning and fell. Once again he has to remember to eat more protein and less carbs. he ate a light supper, 2 slices of bread with one slice of cold cut and that was at 4;30. then he had some donut holes at 7:30. he goes to bed around ten and gets up between 7 and 8, so that's not enough to keep his blood sugar level until morning. My sil just wants to believe that everything is shutting down because of his age and refuses to believe that his diet is the culprit. She went out and bought him 2 muffins this afternoon! just what he needs, sweets and carbs! Told my husband that he would have to go every afternoon and evening to make sure he ate enough. FIL is 102, but not stupid and by no means senile. I think he would eat more if someone was there to encourage him. So I guess I will be cooking some for him now too! that's okay, as long as it makes him feel better. Just wished my sil would listen!

Jen, FP is lucky he didn't fall and break his neck! Sorry!

Cat I miss beats all the time, but being a middle child, well, second oldest of 7, I was pretty much on my own and learned to keep my pain to myself. I have endured a lot over the years and find the best way for me to work through my problems is to help others get through their tough times. My Mom's mother, my Meme always called me happy go lucky and in a way I am because I didn't get the depression and panic attacks that most of my sibs have problems with. I have my moments and I disappear so that I don't take things out on anyone else. I don't want to be "top dog" or leader of the pack. Too much responsibility in that. that's one lesson I learned from my dad. He used to always tell us never look down on anyone because they are less fortunate, or not as smart or pretty, because you could be in their shoes someday. I tried to raise my daughter that way too. Respect is very important. Disrespect for no reason is not cool and it is the one thing I will call someone out on.
It happens here a lot, and mostly because the person lashing out is over worked, over stressed and over tired. That I can ignore. It's blatant disrespect coming from someone with real anger issues that will get my back up. I am in no way referring to you. Your post is very sincere and I hope you can understand where all of us are coming from on this thread.
We are not on here for attention or to outdo each other in the # of posts we write or whether we remember to mention everyone in our comments every time we post. I write notes and still forget to mention someone. It doesn't mean I care any less, it just means my plate is full and I honestly forget. I know we can't all make everyone who has been on this thread happy, with over 500 posters, that would be impossible! I too have questioned myself when my posts go unanswered, but then I think of all the crap going on in everyone's lives and I know they are thinking of me, just not when posting.
What I'm trying to say is thank you for the great post. it means more than just an apology and I think you finally get what this thread is about. It's not about any one person's ego or wants or needs. it's about the well being of all of us and what we can and have learned from each other. There is a lot of love on this thread and not just words that anyone can say to make them look good. It has to come from the heart without expectations of rewards and accolades. Sincerity, know what I mean?
I hope everyone sticks around for the long haul. We need all of you and we are here for each other. the long timers know exactly what I mean without explaining. there is no fake love or words here. We are just a bunch of tired, worn out, and washed up care givers trying to get some solace from people who really care!
Meds kicking in! need to get to bed. Night everyone, and again, thank you Cat for writing what you did!

Opps, I wasn't finished. Just wanted to say that I would like to feel forgiven when I am wrong. I am wrong at times. It pains me to be wrong because it is always a reaction to someone suffering and ultimately my need to protect them. Ironically, I just end up hurting someone else that was having a reaction too. That happens because we are human and in pain.

Since I am still talking on, beyond what I wanted to really say, let me just say to BOOKWORM, that I am truly sorry for dumping on you. I miss seeing you post on GO and I don't feel like I can if you can't. It was never about you Book, it was just that I was in pain and I was feeling Jen's pain and just wanted the world to stop hurting. It's not Jen's fault. It's not your fault. It just is what it is. I'm learning something from this and I hope you are too, Book. Sometimes we just have to forgive. I would like your forgiveness and I would appreciate the understanding of others. I guess I am a wild card, but I am no less sincere or willing to walk through hot coals than anyone else.

Love to everyone, Cat.

I have something to say, but I have to find the right words. For now, just know that I wish everyone a peaceful night. Meanwhile, special hugs to you. Mame, you are a good soul and I'm glad to have you for a friend. Christina, you are part of AC, with your story and your feelings. We all are and we are doing the best we can. Bobbie, I liked your comment about everyone reacting to things depending on where they were in their journey. So true. Still I think when we are hurt deeply, be it through words or just being ignored, we feel it and can be angry that others don't understand. I've been on both sides. I've felt ignored and felt attacked. I've also behaved badly, lashing out when a certain button in my heart was hit. It often catches me by surprise because I am not always as moderated as others. Deef, you for example just seem to go on and never miss a beat. I'm up and down and, like Meanwhile said, I can think I am doing fine and have a meltdown.

whoa that is scary stormy, thinking of you there...

Hey all, I had to carry dad to the dr today to get his bloodwork done and after I picked up connor from school my sister calls me and tells me that the nurse at the drs office called her and told her that she needed to get dad to the hospital that his hemoglobin was at a critical level- 7.5 and so she carried him to the hospital. We think that he might be bleeding somewhere internally. Just because she said that last nite she noticed his belly looked bigger and yesterday we felt some hard areas on his stomach. And he has had some tenderness around the stomach tube. And I had asked dad the day before if he was going to the bathroom alright, no blood right and he said just normal bowel movements. Well while I am talking to sis this afternoon after the call from the nurse she tells me dad said that his stool had been being loose. So right now I am just waiting to hear from her. I am at home with connor, hubby(cliff) is gone out of town for work for the night. But when i learn more I will let ya'll know. Do any of ya'll know anything about this? hugs stormy

Glad the MRI went well for your mom.

Sorry about Sheba L.

Hey Christina, how are things in Cali? It is snow-raining here now but I saw robins so Spring is coming...

Was bath night here:

he got himself out of tub. a big no- no

"You couldn't wait?"

"NO I couldn't, it's too damn cold in here!"

" Daddy it's 80 degrees in here..."

"Well it feels like 20 to me!"

"Right 20 degrees there ice in the bathtub!"

"Well if there was, I would just say to Hell with it!" Like he has not been saying that all along...mhnmm

He didn't say anything after moms parting...

"Well if you are gonna live here you are gonna get a bath!"

mmhmmnnn

A lot of crime locally, seems to be a trend.

Weekend almost here, doesn't mean anything, just the passage of time...

Hope all is well where ever you are. Jen

I wrote a nice post earlier, and it got lost! hate it when that happens.
Stormy and Shirley, I'll send you smoke signals next time we get close to "boat time"!
Shirley, hope you got them horses all fed.
Stormy, how is dad today?
Mame!!! Wish I was still 47! That was a good year. I had decided to give up my home business of teaching folk painting. My daughter was a senior in high school and I needed to get out of the house, so I went back to work after being at home since my daughter was born.
I'm sure you have heard of Old Sturbridge Village. Most school children in this part of the country have gone there on a school trip. It's an outdoor living history museum set as an 1830's farm community. I started working part time at the Youth gift shop. That was an eye opener as spring time would bring upwards of 2500 kids/day! It was pretty hectic! When summer came I was moved to the main gift shop at the village entrance and was asked to take the full time shipping position. I was a bit leery after being at home for so many years, but decided to take the position because it was weekdays only, no weekends. 6 Months later I was running the department and did so for the next 9 years! It was an amazing job that I hated to leave to care for Mom. It was great to be able to be a part of something that so many people loved and visited. the pay was not very good, but the benefits of the job were worth it! I was in the best shape of my adult life while doing that job! And I was 57 when I left! the most daunting part for me was the first time I had to use a computer! I didn't know how! But I caught on quickly and learned to love using it.
Mom got up exceptionally well again this morning. Ate all of her breakfast and went off to daycare without a hitch! we'll see how she is in an hour when I go to get her. I've been putting her down for a nap when we get home. She doesn't sleep, but rests and does much better at supper time. Getting rid of the sweets was the best thing I ever did! She is less frustrated and I am less stressed because there is actually some comprehension going on there!
Seriously, all of you who are dealing with someone with dementia, cut out as much sugar as you can! You will not believe the difference! Check labels for sugar content in juices and canned fruit etc. I had "NO Sugar Added" cranberry juice and it was 34 sugars per glass, but the "Light" is only 10grams. Go figure!
Hope everyone is having a good day! I have to head to Walgreens and pick up 6 prescriptions!!!

Meanwhile - I am sorry you have been in the dumps, it's no fun. I do hope you get to feeling better.
Deef- I have never gotten Boat time. Maybe one day.
Sharyn- I was so sorry to hear of your nephew and so young. It is such a shame. I will be keeping you and the family in my prayers.
Well, dad is waking up so i have to go. chat later ya'll stormy

Hello, Grossed Out Crew,
I have updated my profile page, story, added a photo of my Mother once again, and have come out of hiding. Everything is in the open, so there is no mystery.
I will be posting on other threads when I have time or something to say that is helpful. I am working in kitchen/bath design and soon going back to full time retail, too. We have our daughter's wedding in May. My son has the most wonderful new girlfriend, and they are planning to get married in a year or 2.
Deefer, it was so nice to have a hug exchange wth you as my alter "Invizanon."
Bobbie said you guys all knew who I was--even tho I did not post on your thread. Since I am a pro-active person, I thought it best to "OUT MYSELF." That way no one takes the blame except me.
Hope everyone is doing as well as possible. I think of you all, sending hugs.

Christina xo

Mame- I was wondering the same thing. We are suppose to get alot of rain this weekend starting tomorrow. I love listening to the weather, always have. That was funny about your Mom saying 47 was old. Hehe....... Love and hugs stormy.

All is well here. Snowy but pretty. Hubby's Birthday is today. Mom asked how old he is...I said 47. She says loudly-"FORTY SEVEN! That's old!" "Mom, you are 86" "OH" she says..."Well, 47 is good" hahaha She cracks me up. She is better mentally than she was Monday-but not as good as Sunday. I shouldn't have gotten so excited when she was sooo good Sunday. Having recently started the Nemenda-I guess I got my hopes up. If she hadn't just started it, I would have known it was just a good day.But when she was soooo bad on Monday, it really hit me. She had a decent visit with the bro who came from out of town. She doesn't really remember... but I keep reminding her. It makes her happy to know. Don't have the horsepower or time to write to everyone-but know I am thinking of you all. Just wanted to say hello. Stay warm everyone-they say there is snow as far west and south as AZ and NM!! What is going on??? ttyl... Mame

103 and still living by himself, that is amazing!
I'm home from work today, have to go to court this afternoon. I finally got around to filing my husbands will. Not that there is much of anything to file. I have been putting it off (over a year). Don't know why, but it is one of those things that I didn't want to deal with.
All that healthy food you have been feeding your Mom is having some sort of effect there Deef. I'm still laughing. It makes me remember my favorite grandmother. She would call them "grandma's little stinkers". Sometimes not so little. She had a stroke couple of years before she died, and started swearing like a sailor. This was a very prim proper old lady, we had no idea she even knew those words.
Better get out to the barn, horses need feed, and the goats need to be milked.

Bit of a scare this morning! Phone woke me up at 6:45. It was Life Alert calling to tell my husband that his dad's alarm went off and that he wasn't answering the phone. He lives on the other side of town, so husband got dressed and headed over to see what was wrong. His dad will be 103 in July and is hard of hearing. He had a bit of a fall when he got out of bed and so he pressed his alarm. Apparently he got himself up, but didn't have his hearing aids in, so couldn't hear the phone ringing when the alarm company was trying to reach him. I think he can talk into the alarm piece too, but he didn't because he couldn't here them asking him what was wrong.
All ia well and my husband is making him toast and coffee and will stay with him until my sil arrives. Yes, he still lives alone with them checking in on him every day. His mind is as sharp as ever, but he's slowing down a lot now. I think that at some point in the near future, both my husband and his sister will have to take turns sleeping there at night just in case.
Shirley, How cool is that! Fixing up an old adobe house sounds like fun! Are you researching specifics to keep it historically correct? Love the southwest and woul like to visit it someday. I'm a sucker for southwest jewelry! I have many pieces, but my favorite thing is cigar band style rings. Also love the pottery and art work. Anything Native American draws me in! I hear ya about avoiding feelings. I do the same to keep my sanity! Next time boat time gets close, I'll send you an alert!!!
Sharyn, got to love the no inhibitions thing! When I picked Mom up from daycare on Tuesday, she smelled really ripe! I asked her if she had a mess in her pants and she said no. The girls told me she was farting all day! Of course as soon as I got her in the car, she ripped a few more and sat there and laughed as I rolled down the windows and gagged all the way home! Got to love it!
Okay, time to get Mom up and off to daycare!

Thank you all! It is a rough time right now. As I said, I really don't know my brother's step son, we have been in family gatherings together but he was a teen then and you know how teens are...blended family and getting to know new members. It hit me hard yesterday which surprised me. I can't help but think of how he is feeling emotionally, his wife, my sil and brother. Such a sad situation, so heart breaking. My Mom's MRI went well, so now we wait for the neurologist to call for appt. for results. Mom also had an eye dr. appt. today, my sis took her to that. Sis said the eye dr. asked mom if she could read a line...mom said, "Shit No!" Lol!! She is losing her social inhibitions now. My mom never would have used language like that in the past in a dr. office. At home around all of us, yes she would use all kinds of language. The eye dr. busted up laughing for quite some time sis said!! An 84 year old talking like that in public is funny and acceptable, Lol!! Gotta love her and I need the laughter to get through all the sadness that is going on with my nephew. Hugs everyone!!

AWW I never get boat time. I'm going to pout.
Hey did you hear about the brain eating zombies swarmed Washington DC,
They died of starvation.

Feeling better. Most of the time I think I'm doing so well, then I just have a little break down. I try to stay busy, is my way of avoiding feelings, probably not the best, but it's what I do. This new job is remodeling a 100 year old adobe house. My step dad bought it for my sister, and I for a rental income. It needs lots of work. I spend all my spare time sanding, patching, painting. Indio, has rebuilt part of the back wall. It's pretty exciting, and keeps me busy.
Linda, so sorry about all that's going on for you right now., and Sharyn too. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes. OK a lot of the time.
Lucy, hope the sugar restriction helps your Mom do better. Can't hurt to try it.
Stormy, your Conner is a sweetheart. Love hearing about him. Hope your blood tests come back soon with good results.
Deb, hope your surgery goes well, and not too hard of a recovery. Someone told me it isn't as bad as it used to be. Sure hope you get lots of help with MIL while your mending.
Deef, glad to hear your new helpers are getting straightened out.Have a good nights sleep.
Bobbie, thanks for being here starting this thread, and keeping it going.
Wick, i'm so sorry about your husband. I surely hope you can get some help just taking care of him. I know how exhausting it can be.
Yogi, you have a good heart.
All of you help to pull me up, when I feel like sinking sometimes. Love all of you.

Good for you Deef! BOAT TIME!!!!!!

Just had too!
Really need that boat time after today!

Hey Stormy! Maybe your dad is coming down with a cold. Hope he feels better. Nothing like a warm "hug"!!
My daughter slept with my husband and I until she was 8! We thought she would never leave and when she finally did, we missed her being with us! It's time we were and are still very grateful for.
Kuli, people taco! Love it! Kids are so cool!
Cats are fed, Mom is out cold and the supper dishes are done. I hear we may have another BIG weekend storm coming our way. Going to go and get essentials tomorrow before it gets too crazy in the stores. I think I will knit for a few minutes, then hit the pillow! It's been one hell of an exhausting day!
Night everyone, sleep well!

Stormy - Hey there. When my daughter was young, we were going to watch fireworks together. It was a little cool that night so we wrapped the blanket that we were laying on around us and she said - hey, we are just like a people taco. Even the people around us had to giggle. Miss those times. Cherish what you have with Connor. It's over way too quickly! Hugs ~ Kuli

Deef- Dad saw the dr today and he replaced his feeding tube and he just said that it was irratated. And that's about it on that. But dads appetite doesn't seem to be what it was. I dont know if the irratation has something to do with that or what it could be. Plus he was running fever today. And he told sis he had 2 chills the other night while she went home for awhile. So I guess we will see if the changing of the new tube has anything to do with him losing his appetite. And I still haven't heard anything on my tsh levels hopefully I will hear something tomorrow.
Linda- Good gracious, I know you are bombarded with emotions of grief. So many losses and for someone so young with little ones is just heartbreaking. Prayers going your way.
Kuli and Yogi- Hey there.
Bobbie- how's the boat doing?
Sorry ya'll I can't remember everyones post and what they said. I guess it's the hypo brain fog.
But I will leave ya'll with a funny tonight. I was laying down with Connor last night and while he and I were laying there, he pooted. And I said, "You pooted". And he said, "It will keep you warm". I thought I would die laughing. My thought was just like a man. Then he said, But I know something even warmer, and I said what's that and he said, " A blanket of ME". I said, Aww.... That's so sweet. The things he comes up with, just cracks me up and melts my heart. Love and hugs to all Stormy.

Linda, I remember when you lost your niece last year! It was so horrible and now all this too! I don't blame you for raging and lashing out! It's all too much and there is no way anyone can understand that kind of hurt. I hope Sheba has a peaceful passing and I hope your family gets through these tough days ahead of you!

WOW, Linda. That is a full plate filled with a lot of emotion. It's almost like what else can go wrong. I certainly hope NOTHING else does go wrong. I hope you and SIL can console one another and still make a few laughs happen. Praying for mending hearts. Blessings

I'm so sorry to hear of all of this bad news for you and your loved ones, Linda. So hard to deal with any loss but when it's a young person with little kids, so very hard. You and all suffering will be in my prayers. Love ya, Kuli

oh good grief ! i have a blasted headache , so i shall make this quick ,
my dog sheab is on her last leg , die tnite or tmr ?
my aunt opal [assed away
viewing funreal friday
i ll be late cuz i have a job cleanin a lady s house .
daughter came over bawlin ...
her friend used be her neighbor 8 yrs ago
died of penomina infection went to her heart and killed her
on a valentine day .
left a hubby , 5 yrs old , 3 yrs old girls and 4 mos old baby boy ...

im thinking jesus christ !!!!! what the damn hell ! yes i am upset ,
not upset about my aunt opal and sheba , they lived a good life , time to go ,
but this young lady oh come on !!!! how dare you to take her and leave bunch heartbrokens down here . realy !!! what the damn shitty ass hell is that ... yes lord knows im upset .
sis in law is griefin bad n been one year since her daughter were killed in car wreck . i told her i ll come friday after funeral and we ll just go chillout . do something that will bring smiles on ou r face ,

welp story of my life today . all heart aches one after another . .. plz lord i think that is enuff . love you all dearly and plz whatever u do just be safe ! xoxo

Deefer you are right about enough being enough. I was and still am concerned about the newbies. I just want everyone that needs help and are looking for support and encouragement that they can at least get it. If not here on some other thread. I was trying to be peacemaker. Maybe I'm wrong for trying but it just kept bothering me, I'm going with my heart.

Kuli, again, I see newbies looking for help and leaving this site not just the thread because they don't understand what some people say on this thread. They, too, are emotionally raw. I just know the newbies mean no harm. I feel that in my heart. I will continue to read this thread.

Again, Yogi, if you find the posts on this thread so terrible, why come back? There is no "clique" here, just people trying to find a little bit of humor, a little bit of understanding, a little bit of support. I could tell when I read the title that it was a thread I wanted to be a part of because I saw it as being honest and meant to let you say whatever you want. However, I never, ever had anyone attack me when I was a newbie. Of course, I didn't come on telling people what they should be feeling or what they should be grateful for. Instead, I posted my latest "grossed out" experience and felt comfortable venting about all of the very gross things I was dealing with - having to catheterize my dad every month, cleaning dirty and smelly urine bags daily, digging out fecal impactions, trying desperately to get the urine smell out of the house, etc, etc. It didn't mean that I didn't love my dad - I loved him with my whole heart and never let him see me "grossed out". But sometimes it is what it is. After he passed, I stayed away for a time because I felt like I didn't have anything to share. My "grossed out" phase ended. But I come back because I try to support those still experiencing this and worse. And I do feel a bond with some of those here. I don't post regularly but I do keep up with what is going on with those who post here. If you, yourself feel this is a "clique", I'm not saying anyone owns this thread, I'm only saying why continue to come back and be irritated enough to continue to criticize those that continue to post here. I don't post on all of the threads on AC, only those I feel I have something to share or find interesting. Even if I find some titles/questions to be unacceptable for ME, I would never to criticize the people who post there. I think you need to take a step back and remember the focus here. AC doesn't offer any guarantees that anyone will agree with anything anyone posts on any site. We, the posters, have a choice to follow a thread, post on a thread, or walk away because it's not the one for me or I don't like the title. I do know that AC is for all caregivers, but the threads the caregivers join or don't join are their own choice. And I have every right not to agree with you. Love to all and wishes for a restful night, Kuli

Yogi, Can we please stop now? As you said yourself this site is for "caregiving, being supportive and encouraging". Beating this latest faux pas to death is not encouraging to anyone, least of all newbies that may encounter the latest mess.Can we get back to the business of helping and not the bashing and lashing you keep repeating? We have all had our say and I say ENOUGH!!! PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!!
Diane, How's mom's cold? Are you feeling 100% yet? Been thinking about you and all you've been through the last few weeks. Hope all is well.
Mame, Bummer you didn't get to the movies, but at least you got out and spent some time with your son. By the way, my birds are getting crazy here too!
Linda, It's been really windy and cold here too! How's Sheba today?
Sharyn, How did mom's MRI go? So sad to hear your nephew's story. Too much suffering for too long in one so young! I can't even imagine how the family has been coping. I will be thinking of you!
Stormy, Hope the thyroid test came back ok. Did your dad see his doctor today? What's up with the feeding tube? Infection?
LilDeb, sure hope you are feeling much better before your surgery. I know you will feel better after! get that donut warmed up and ready for sitting down on! Oh yeh, try not giving raisins to MIL. They may be part of the cause of her stomach pain.
Lucy!!! Nice to hear from you again. definitely cut out the sugar! Mom may be eating only the sweets and that would definitely cause "brain fog" and account for more memory lapses. Good luck in placing her as You know she now needs constant supervision. It's too bad she will be in a facility that is further away from you, but it sounds like that can't be helped. Don't be too hard on yourself by trying to visit too often. With dementia, her sense of timing will not be as it should and she won't be able to comprehend how often you visit. set up a schedule that will work for you and do the best you can. let us know how it goes!
Jen, is it time for a jam shipment? Should I include some Chinese take out? You're going to hate me! I had the buffet at the Chinese restaurant for lunch yesterday! Sorry!!!
Barb? Anyone heard from her lately? hasn't posted in a couple weeks. She was taking her mom to the doctor and hasn't written since. Hope everything is ok Barb!
Shirley???? You getting any rest from all those jobs you work?
Paid help actually did great today and Mom was already sleeping when I relieved her at 7. Now all I need to do is clean up the mess I made when I decided to do chicken parm for supper!
Will be expecting all you lurkers to post tonight!! Let's get back on track here!!!

AHOY BOBBIE and hello everyone else. Been a while since I've posted. need to go back and read what's been happening in your worlds lately. Mom is going to move to memory care here very soon if they have a spot. Hate to move her from her facility she is in, they just build a new memory care wing but for some reason they don't take Medicaid, but a sister facility owned by the same parent company does. Only problem is that it is further away from both my home and my work. She is having hallucinations, she lost one of her hearing aids (guess she sent it to find her partial dentures she lost a month ago), her toileting is starting to go downhill, she's lonely and scared and does nothing all day but move her things as she is convinced "the man that comes in her room and sits in her chair" has bought the place and is making her leave. She needs the supervision and the activities to fill her days. I was reading about sugar and how it seems to make the dementia symptoms worse...? Well, shit howdy, I wasn't aware of that. I am so guilty of bringing mom grapes, bananas, cookies and some candy so she will have snacks in her room. Thanks for the info, I will cut back and see if it helps. Well, will write more later, hope you all are hanging in there...spring is just around the corner!!