Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Yogi is correct, only the site owners have say, we all just toddle along here as guests. Never assume and thing I guess. Try not to jump on someone who comes in, who knows why they came here to begin with? All these situations are made up of two or more people with who knows what backgrounds and beliefs. It is easy to step on toes, harder to put on another persons shoes and walk straight.

I think this is just going to keep happening. I wonder, I imagine it happens on other threads too. Not everyone is going to get along and it is easy to snap at someone and unload on a page than it would be in real life. We should just give everyone the benefit of the doubt till they come right out and attack you. W sounded worn out and upset. I hope she finds some help and support somewhere. How does anyone really know what anybody else is going through in their own life?

kuli is right "ignorance is no excuse" can't apply in this setting.

You walk right into it, but like putting your best foot forward, if you open with what appears to be an attack you will very likely get the same back.

Kuli as a REMINDER, AC is for ALL caregivers. And you can post there whenever you like if it means helping newcomers to AC. The "clique" does not entitle you or anyone else on AC to OWN a particular thread. Any one can post. People are condemning Wickersn for what she wrote but several people wrote what she was judging them. Then the same people accusing her are JUST as guilty because they've judged her for what she said.

Wonder ALL you like as to why I come back to this site. I have EVERY right as you and everyone else has. NONE of you OWN this site or this thread yet you bash the new people because you don't like what they say. Well, you are no different. I don't like the fact that numerous individuals think they are high and mighty and because a new person doesn't quite understand what is going on and needs to see what this site has to offer, gets bashed because they may misspeak. The new person gets turned off and leaves the site where they could have received the help they are desperately looking for, just maybe not on this thread.

If you are all looking for friendship go to Fb or email one another. The AC ettiquette states to keep the topic on caregiving being supportive and encouraging. It doesn't state ANYTHING about bashing a newcomer or ANYONE being the "Captain of this boat." NOT one of you owns this thread or site. No matter who starts it.

Most all of you had to have started where Wickrsn started. Feeling that they could handle the caregiving being superwoman or superman. It didn't and doesn't work that way for everyone, granted, but I honestly do NOT believe anyone comes onto any thread to be intentionall nasty, berating or judgemental.

You need to give the new person a chance just as much as you want them to give you a chance. Granted after ALL that you have ALL gone through and ARE still going through has brought you closer to one another, ALL I am simply stating is give the newcomer the opportunity to say what they have to in order to find out how this particular thread works. Maybe guide them to another thread that is more suited to their needs. When they become comfortable and have more of an understanding, then maybe it won't be appearing judgemental or upsetting anyone if they come back. Don't bash them for what they don't have knowledge of. Isn't that what this whole site is about? Gaining knowledge????

i think I missed it again, but I have enough crap on my plate, shoes, wall, ceiling, whatever to go looking to add to my misery, sorry the in fighting has become out fighting again...not even gonna look.

Just got back from cemetery; taking flowers to grandma, who I miss terribly, and looking around at all the newly dug graves in our section there, been a lot of funerals this week and wondering when is his?...

Saw robins all over the place Spring has arrived early in Spokane, WA.

Deef god these people suck You are paying them for a service you are NOT getting! I'd say definitely say or do something...Easy for me to say I am not there...

Hope Spring comes for everyone soon...Jen

I just noticed my tyro!! What an a$$!! I usually proofread, but trying to keep my eye on paid care giver today. Got some issues and I'm thinking of cutting their hourly wage to fit the effort they put forth! Too much cellphone activity and other outside distractions led to Mom not getting all her meds TWICE this weekend. And it was the PD meds to boot! Made Mom suffer for no reason other then being more interested in cellphone conversations.
Tired of having to do a sink full of dishes at night and having uninvited guests at Mom's too. Big mistake on my part, letting paid care givers become part of the family. I know they love my mom dearly and truly enjoy being in her company, but things have gotten way to comfortable and I need to put my foot down hard!
I will address each of you in a post later. I did not write down notes on each of your latest posts and if I go back to look, I will lose all this! Hate that feature on this site!
just got back from the bank, and man, it is freezing out there! Wind is howling nonstop and making it impossible to be out for long. Glad i have short hair. It was standing on end the entire time I was out!
Hey Bonnie! I mean Bobbie!!!! Have a great afternoon!

Thanks Deef.

who the hay is Bonnie?
hahahaha

Incidentally, I am using my Big Girl Panties as a sail.... bring yours over Yogi and we'll go faster!

lovbob

Yogi, thanks for being the better person and owning up to your comments! New perspectives on any given situation should be welcome. After all, this is the place for outspoken words and opinions. Although I don't agree with everything you said, having the courage to show your "big girl panties" earns my respect!

Invizanon, Sorry you felt you had to write what you did to Wick. Obviously you have been on this site for a long time and I find it hard for anyone to believe your words when you hide behind anonymity. If you truly believe what you are saying, then why sneak about? You don't see anyone on this thread locking out there comments and activity because we want everyone to know what we really feel. Sometimes we are way off the mark and hurt feelings and I am truly sorry when that happens, but to make nasty remarks to someone so new to the sight, and not own up to it is very cowardly and unforgivable.
Wick, I am so sorry that it has come to the point that you feel this site cannot help you. I wish you all the best and hope for peace for you and your husband!

And that's why Bobbie is the Captain of this boat!!!
Excellent post. Said things I wanted to say, but I ended up rambling on instead.
Hope everyone reads this and knows it as the truth about this thread and this site as a whole. the main thing is to give support and educate those that are just starting their journey. Sometimes we hit a snag in the water, so forgive us for being human and give us another try. It's your choice.
Thanks Bonnie!!!

Good Morning Crew or I guess we have been judged to be a 'clique' so,
Good Morning Clique,

Seriously?

When we are attacked, we respond. Let's try not to ignore what the original statement was and how the situation was on the road to actually resolving itself before there was another post about how we are a clique and how it would be better for this poor woman who is suffering with the disease of her husband to post on other threads because this thread is not welcoming.

Jeeze.

OK, here's the response from the person who created this thread, which would be me.

Good morning wicksron.
Sorry about the condition of your beloved husband.

One: it is very different taking care of a spouse than a parent.
Two: Meanwhile, a lady on this thread, took care of her sick husband for a long time and is working minute to minute to mend a broken heart like many of us on the other side of caregiving.
We work hard to mend broken hearts; ours and others coming behind us.

There are simply some truths about caregiving and where you are on your personal caregiving journey determines those truths for you.

Right now on your journey I look like a whiner because I griped about my mom and a toothbrush. That's your truth as you see it and you are more than entitled to it.

Maybe you still think that you may be able to do most of the job of taking your husband to his maker.
Maybe you have your husband in a NH, but that doesn't make your journey any less heartbreaking.
I don't know but I and we, here on this thread, do care.

I love that you responded with understanding that you were lashing out through your own tears and I apologize that some gave you bad advice or cast us in a bad light. That's their option to take and it is based in their reality.
I did read your wall and feel sad that a few (who have changed their usernames I guess) chose to warn you off and talk smack. Haters gotta hate. (Thanks Mame!)

Our reality is this:
We are a crew of people who have come together through this thread and some have hit it off enough to actually visit one another and some have not. Just like in the real world.
Thanks to Kuli and Stormy and Sharynmarie and Linda! and of course DEEF!! and lildeb and Jen and the others who stood up for the thread and for the plight of caregivers who know not what is coming.
Meanwhile! I am sorry that you cried from the words you read. She didn't know and I bet that she would hug you if she could. She hurts so much and we all know that when we are in pain, we don't realize how much the rest of the world hurts too.

Some folks have posted on this thread and aired views that are 180 degrees off of where I am coming from and have been putzes to newbies and each other.
I am also quilty of being a putz and a real AH to some who have attacked us with less venom than your first post.
Why?
That's where I was on my caregiving/human journey at that moment in time.

As more time goes by after my mom's death I find myself growing more mellow about many things but there is one issue that I am still very passionate about and a huge reason that I still contribute to this thread, aside from considering these folks to be friends:
I worry about new caregivers, whether they are caring for a spouse or a parent, thinking that they can do the job alone.
I worry about new caregivers, especially women, thinking that it's ok to put their lives, jobs, marriages and families on hold because they have no idea how long this can last and the very real toll it can take.

Wicksron, from what I gather, you have been coping with your situation for over 10 years and you are probably suffering from burnout as well as the ongoing grief of the long goodbye.

When I created this thread, a little over 3 years ago, I was working on coping with humor while I was a 24/7/365 caregiver to my mom with Dementia. There was no help for me and there was no truth ANYWHERE about what was coming down the road with a Dementia patient. NOWHERE could anyone go and learn the truth about what was going to happen and what it would do to the caregiver, her health and her future.

I almost died and that is no exaggeration.

Venting about what was going on daily with others who were in similar situations was the reason I survived. I am not so arrogant to think that I was in any way special or the only person who was experiencing this so, after a few months posting on this site (and getting torn into a few times by some of the thornier trolls, eh, so what?) I created the Grossed Out thread and it remains, as of this moment, the most popular thread on this site.
Why? Because so many people related to it. Those who related are the people who became the 'Crew'. We have had over 550 posters to date and new crew members show up on a regular basis so there is no need to worry about this thread being a closed clique.

BTW, the 'Crew' thing is because after my mom died, I chucked it all and moved on to a boat. So we use nautical language here now and again.

Because this thread is so popular is another reason why some want to tear it apart.

People who have lashed out at us in the past read us everyday. They love it when there is dissention and they love it when they can have an opportunity to bash us or try to diminish us.
Once again, eh, so what?
We are all where we are on our caregiving journeys or on our evolutionary journeys as human beings.
It is what it is but the Caregiving Journey is Brutal.

This thread is a venting place and you wicksron, used it to perfection to vent out your anger and grief about your husband. Now you got it off your chest and you can join us or any other thread on this amazing website called AgingCare.

Like Bookworm (a very special caregiver with a mountain of demands she deals with) mentioned on your wall, there is a spouse thread.

So, to review, all that has happened is that you have found out that there are legions of caregivers; we are all broken to some degree and we all rely on each other to help us cope with the horror of what we are presently in or the PTSD that can follow the active caregiver role.

Wicksron, Welcome to the Home of Vent and Live.

Whether you choose to vent here or somewhere else, Vent.
It will save your sanity and save your life.

Love you wicksron, more than you could possibly know. Because with caregiving my mom, I WAS you.

lovbob

It happens, who really checks the reader that says how many posts there have been on a blog.

Granted "You People" is never a good opener...

The "Tooth Brush Incident" was ages ago, but how can you know. People come here for all kinds of reason, all kinds of people, we can't all get along, but like Deef said, you never know where they are coming from.

It is hard to break into a long standing thread.

I am sorry to anyone I have hurt, but like deef said, no one knows anyone else life, and if you are not living in my shoes, in the basement, backing out of rooms, and being bombarded by Evil Hawaiian Instrumentals...you really have not got a clue.

I have not posted on here very much, but I have never felt judged by any of you. Other threads have had the same problem with a new comer who misunderstands. It is easy to do when you are so caught up in your own pain. It is hard to join a new thread because the people have been posting to each other for a long time. Getting "broke in" takes a while, learning to understand what everyone is going through...whether it is dementia, CHF, cancer, COPD,etc and whether the people are from dysfunctional families carrying lots of pain and caregiving for the person who caused it, whether you are caregiving at home 24/7 or whether you have a loved in a snh or assisted living. You get my drift.

Just to update you all. My mother is having an MRI and blood work tomorrow (for the neurologist). He will give us a diagnosis when the result come in. Also I just wanted to share or vent that my brother's step son (I really don't this young man) age 37 is in final stages of cancer. It started 8 years ago in his colon. He went through chemo, had surgery (Stanford University in SF). He was told he would be fine, all the test came out good. 2 years later the cancer returned in his liver. Again, he went through chemo, had surgery (Stanford). They dr.'s said the chances of the cancer returning a 3rd time were like 1 in 1 hundred million. Two years later, it was back in his liver but worse. The dr.'s said they would have to remove 90% of his liver...so back on chemo, taking a drug to make the liver grow and after several months he went in for surgery...Sept. 2010. The dr.'s could not believe what they found. They could not do anything for him so they closed him up. Since then he has been taking chemo on and off...becoming allergic to it. They would try another type of chemo but same thing, he would break out in blisters all over his body. Last week he got the results of the latest scan and the cancer has spread to his lungs. He is now on morphine and methadone because the morphine isn't helping his pain. My brother told me today that he is on hospice care now. Last week when I found out, I was just angry, I took it out at work and was reprimanded for it. This week I am weepy and sad. He barely got be an adult before he had to start fighting to live. His NF died from the same thing 2 years ago.

Stormy I hope your tests come out fine and I hope everyone is well. I apologize for not going back and reading what is going on with everyone but know I am thinking about you all. Take care!!

Well, I had to go have bloodwork done today to check my levels for my hypothyroidism. So I will see in a few days if all is well with the thyroid gland. Sis called me this morning and told me that dads feeding tube had blood in it and that it was clogged with it and that the stoma (the part that sits flush to his belly) has blood around it too. I told her that it was fine yesterday when I was there and she said that it was doing that last night. Well I went to his house today and was asking was his belly hurting and he said yes some. He asked for a pain pill and I gave him one and then later I gave him a tylenol just in case he was to start running fever or something. His dr can't see him til 1:30 tomorrow and dad didn't want to go to the hospital. But he looked like he didn' t feel good and he didn't want anything to eat. Sis and I have noticed that his appetite hasn't been all that great lately. Just wondering what's going on with his stomach tube and why he has the blood in it. I guess we will find out tomorrow.
Deef- Connor loved the snow he did not want it to leave. He told me, I'm not going outside again until it snows again. Kids, they say the darnest things at least mine does. Well, nite ya'll. Love and hugs to all of you Stormy.

I found this site to be very welcoming, very understanding, very supportive. It's too bad that some take the title of the thread seriously. I came here because I needed to find humor while I faced the most difficult experiences of my life while caring for my dad. No, it's no joke taking care of anyone who is ill whether it be Alzheimers or heart disease or any other debilitating, life threatening illness. It is downright depressing and I needed to look for a reason to smile sometimes. I'm sorry that you felt unwelcome, Yogi, but then I can't help but wonder why you still come on here if that's the way you feel. Honestly, I don't usually get into the conflicts here but I treasure the friendships I have made here and do think that others can find that same connection. If not, then move on but don't criticize those that have found a connection here. Kuli

Somewhere I think a warning should be posted on this site. When a new person comes on here they have no clue as to them being verbally attacked for something they deem to be innocent, so to speak taken as a slap in the face, for lack of a better phrase or word.

There are 26273 posts on this thread. It would take someone a month or more to read what all has been written. With that said, someone new trying to gather info doesn't realize this thread is primarily for rants,vents and a release of frustration. When I first read this thread, I thought what the heck are these people doing caregiving when they are, what appeared to be, resentful, angry, ill-speaking of the one they're caring for. As time went on I saw that there were reasons for the way people feel about the ones they care for. But that's me. No one new knows this site isn't "rainbows and lollipops." Several of you have been here for years, as you state. If you, too, look at the posts from a new persons perspective, you would see where posts come from when someone may inadvertently say people are whinning about caregiving. You're right, they don't know what you've been through or are going through.

My mom is very kind and gentle, yet I read this site because I want to learn what I can about Alz. Who's to say she won't exhibit the behaviors some of the people you care for exhibit. This isn't the only thread I have read or posted on. I'm not asking any of you to baby any one new, just try to see their point of view like you want them to see your point of view.

Earlier I stated that there is a "clique" on this thread. Deef agreed. If you want others to understand you, you need to reach out to a newbie and give them the ground rules or help them realize what to expect on this thread. When I first posted I was desperate in finding answers. Something to help me out. What I wandered into was no response. Like I didn't even exist. Then someone answered me. I was thrilled. I thought finally I might get someone in the same position I was in or some advice, opinion help me look at different options. It took time, but I got that from several people.

This thread is the toughest to accept anyone new especially if one misspeaks. I don't think it's the advice given, I think people appreciate the straight forward advice, suggestions and opinions. We just don't know how to deal with the rules of this thread there's more judging on this thread.

Just what I see and my perspective. Slam me if you want. I have my "Big girl pants on."

Deef, I am so glad to see you n not better than the posting time too. Glad your mom is doing much better and you too. When I make pancakes I just put butter on them sometimes n they r just fine. The apple sauce idea I will try to keep in mind for the mil for future purposes. I cut-out all white bread n my house n we all eat whole grain of course, I was already eating whole grain just added it to the mil n some raisins to help her. She is doing a little better too but still complains a little of her lower abdomen n butt area. She has a follow-up next wk the 25th. I also started buying Ensure n I give her one once a night but they sure do cost a lot. I am trying to get her healthy enough in case that dr wants to do a colonscopy on her. she is healthy but lost some weight due to last couple of wks with barium x-ray now diverticulitis. I really wish that my Mil would had taking the Aricept but she refused it from her dr when she was diagnosed n told him that she might as well blow her freaking head off if she has gone that crazy. That was end of that conversation. She still refuses today that she has Alzheimer n that was two yrs ago. He is a great physician even though he can be a butt head but he knows his stuff n he will do anything to find out if anything health situation is going wrong n that is the way I am with her. If I didn't then I wouldn't been taking her just about every other day to four different specialist to find what was causing her problem because we are such whinnying. sorry but, that statement just struck a nerve all down my spine.
Deef, Amen to your second post! I too may have been guilty or took it the wrong way due to pick n choose n read instead of reading from the Beginning. I have also come back n apologize as well n I have learned so much from this forum n you are so right that it is not all "rainbows and lollipops" every single day minutes by minuets. However, their r some good one too n through humor, venting n learning from others that are NOT so judgmental makes a huge difference.

Wicksron, I do sense your pain as your husband slowly declines from this illness n truly sorry you r having a hard time. Lashing out on some of us is not going to get you anywhere. Maybe try some positive advice n less judgmental n get to know us first. Welcome to this forum n hang in their with your husband.
Linda, I am sooooooooooo ready for spring too.
Not sure if I posted this here but I having the Hemorrhoidectomy on 27th for it has been way over due. I was getting a bit scared for I started to lose a lot of blood after my bm more than usually. I have a fasting lab work from my kidney specialist to get done tomorrow so maybe that will show if I am a little low on iron for I feel dizzy, tired n headaches on my right temple area. However, it may be due to my sinus n overly trying to care for the mil. For some reason, the kidney dr's nurse called me to call him back after the surgery so he can adjust my antibiotic dose. I guess it very to prevent infections but it may be harsh on kidney too. I am just glad that both physicians r discussing it together. I have the Neice of my mil keeping the her that morning for I have to be at the hospital by 5:30am for the surgery. I also have a lady coming out to the house to talk with us about having" In -home respite" help. I though I may just need the help that week after the surgery n only time will tell. Crap! Who am I fooling, I need the help regardless n she may enjoy that one-on-one attention n she will not have to get out of the house. I may still keep the Wed. 4hr respite just so she can get out with other woman n have some recreational activities to help keep her busy while she can do it.
I hope everyone has a great night.
Deef, so glad you r back n glad you and your mom are doing better. Sometimes we just have to take "One Step at a Time."

Wickerson, I feel your pain for your husband, However, it gives you no right to go off on some of us just for venting!!!!!! Your situation don't even compare to some of the other people on here! What steps that worked for you may not fit some of r steps. It is not like we are not trying to do anything for our family member for if that was the case I wouldn't be on here the first f---ing place! So stop trying to compare us with your husband illness. I am truly sorry that you are having a hard time with your love one I couldn't even imagine if it was my husband. However, No one here that I know of has accused you of not doing a goody safety care-giving deed! Stop thinking you know what we have or have not done for r love ones n give yourself some time to get to know us before judging others!!!! If your intention was to let us know what you done to help prevent certain things then that is what you should had done rather than attacking 'YOU PEOPLE!!!"


Yogibear, I agree with you 100 % about some of us have don't have all that lovey-giving-support from the one we r caring for n it don't mean we r not taking the best care we can do for them. However, I think before she post ANYWEHRE stuff like, "You people should be happy to still be able to have your loved one at home and stop your whining!" That, she needs to know the person or people first n understand what exactly they are dealing with on a daily basis.

Wicksron- I am sure that you have had it rough but all of us here have too. It has not been a joyride for us either. I have not had to deal with dementia/alzheimer's disease and I hope that I don't have to. But from what I have read and gathered from my friends here on GO, is that it would be impossible to remove all items in the house in order to keep the dementia patient from getting to things. Yes, of course remove the items that could harm them. But a toothbrush, who would think, I believe I need to move that so Mom will not be brushing her hair with it or cleaning the toilet with it or whatever. I know I would not have thought to hide it or remove it from where she could get it. We come here to get support, have laughs, have relationships with friends that some of us do not get to do on a daily basis, and most of all to vent to be able to caregive for another day. I apologize if I offended you, but the way you came off on your first impression was not very nice. And you hurt one of the girl's feelings here that lost her husband last year to cancer and you made her doubt her efforts towards all that she done for her husband. Your husband might be in a nursing home, but at least he is still alive. That's all I have to say about this. Stormy.

jen - yes i like fat , i have some fat friends and some fat familys . they re the ones with biggest heart ever . love ya jenny girl ....

wiskron---- welcome to this site , the toothbrush thing is 3 yrs ago . not all elders are a darling . some turn into the worst nightmare ! some is soooo sweet ! my dad he s one of the best father anybody can ask for . i would take care of him again if he came back alive ... i love my dad ,
this toothbrush thing caught my eye is cuz my mother in law is the one that would do something like that . u realy have to keep an eye on her cuz she does things that ya never dreamed of . when i saw that toothbrush it opened my eyes and i thought uhhhh i wonder if my mother in law did that , thank you bobbie for openin my eyes ,
i felt close to the friends here cuz we all felt like sisters and some brothers too . best siblings here ! sometimes we would get silly and havin a blast here cuz it is what we needed , a smile a laughter .
i understand where youre comin from . its ur husband and u re so close to him and you love him so . i love my husband very much and MEANWHILE lost her husband not long ago . my heart aches for her cuz losing a best friend just out right terrible . my husband has heart pblms and i am so scared to death of losing him one day .
i am soo sorry about your husband . if ure not up to live laugh and gripe on this end then i am sure there is other sites that will be more comfert in ur ballpark , my heart aches for you and we all here tries so hard to stay out of the black hole , i sure hope u can find someone to pull you out of the black hole . im sure we all here can do that which we have had pulled few out of the black hole . take care and i am so sorry for ur pain . xoxo

bobbie -- thinkin about TED , missing lookin at his cat and meowin away with him . damn those were the good ole days when he hung out with us . tell him hi if u get a chance to talk to him

windy again and cold . so ready for spring ! love ya all !!! xoxo .

If it's sugar coating you want, it can be found anywhere on this site. If it's the honest truth about the worst of the worst in care giving, then this thread will be very helpful and informative.
People are not trying to be mean or hurtful on purpose, but they are a group that has been together through some pretty horrifying things over the years. Therefore we all are very protective of each other, and yes, we have all had words among us on occasion, but when it comes right down to it, we are all there for each other no matter what has happened in the past.
It may take time to get used to the dynamics of this thread, but don't sell it short until you have spent some time getting to know everyone here. It's not for the faint of heart and it can be intimidating to the very sensitive, but you will not find a better group of care givers.
Many have joined in recent months after reading their way through the thread from the beginning. I know, that's a lot, but it will tell you everyone's story and how we all came together and why we stay. It's not all "rainbows and lollipops" and sometimes when the cold hard truth is spoken to us from a fellow member, it's because it is exactly what we needed to hear.
One thing I've learned in 7 years of care giving, is that I have grown a very thick skin and I always try to understand where a person is coming from before I judge them. All of us have BAD days and say things we wish we hadn't, but then we wouldn't be human and would find it a lot harder to cope if we kept things bottled up.
Wick, you have a right to your opinion and I think if you would read back some, you would see we all have our reasons for why we stick to the "clique'!!

Wickrsn, Let me add,
DO NOT let this upset you. These people do care about who they are caregiving BUT this thread you posted on has a clique that stick together. A lot of the posts rant, vent and blow off steam due to their being exhausted and lack of help. It's understandable for a lot of them. However, when someone like you tells others to quit whining they tend to get nasty, not all are forgiving. ALL people who have people they care for don't have as nice, kind or loving people to deal with. Some people were abused by the very ones they are caregiving for. It's just best to post on a different thread.

I'm BAAACCCKKKKK!!!!
Been under the weather, in the black hole. Having health issues and paid help issues to boot! But feeling better and want to apologize for being MIA. Co=aught up on posts and saw that it was pretty quiet for a while. Glad to see things getting rolling again.
By the way, Mom is doing so much better without all the sugar in her diet! If you are dealing with a loved one with dementia, cut out as much sugar as you can and you will be amazed at the difference it makes in their personality and memory!
I used to feed her flavored oatmeal every morning and give her the meds with applesauce. Now I get regular oatmeal and unsweetened applesauce. I put no sugar added fruit or fresh banana in her oatmeal for flavor. When I make her pancakes, no more syrup! I cover them with cottage cheese and fruit. I also cut back on the cranberry juice, which I cut in half with water. The no sugar added has 30grams/glass!! the light has only 10. So read your labels and try to keep the sugar under 30 grams a day and not all at once.
mom is actually making sense for the first time in a year and sleeps better and eats without the former hassles.
Joe, Nice to meet you! Join in when you feel the need!
Wicksron, this is a place where we can let out our care giving frustrations. No hurt intended to the ones we care for. as you well know, we all need to let off steam or go crazy. Sorry you are having such a tough time with your husband. We are a forgiving group here, so please feel free to join in and join the fun. I here you on getting things out of the way! Mom has PD and late stage dementia and grabs anything and everything in her way! the house is Mom proofed, but she still manages to get into trouble by the minute!
Mame, we got snow 2 nights in a row over the weekend, but only a couple inches. it's been cold and very windy. The end of last week was warm and sunny and you would never know we were buried by 2 feet of snow the weekend before. We actually managed to walk the dam at the reservoir on Thursday and Friday. You will find your mom is better with the Namenda. It's not a cure and she will still have good and bad days, but without that and Aricept, my mom would not be able to function at all! Keep her on it. Believe me, if you take it away, you will see a difference! i think you are right in your method of how you talk to your friend about care giving. Just give her the gift of your knowledge and let her make the decision. Let her read stories on this website and get the information she needs to make the best decision for her situation. So glad you got responses from your sibs after your e-mail to them! i have a sister in Jamaica and a brother in Florida on vacation right now. It will be 2 years in June since I have been away from this Hell! Guess I will have to book my ticket and then tell them they'll have to deal with Mom like I did last time!
Diane, glad you are feeling better! Some of those weird sounding remedies really work! Hope mom's cold doesn't get too bad and she at least rests because of it.
Stormy!!! How are you doing? Did Conner like the snow?
Jen, love the bible quotes!
Cat, Amen to your posts on that subject!
Kuli, I agree completely!!!
Shirley, Hope you get some rest from your jobs!
Linda, Sorry to hear about Sheba's decline! Poor baby!
LilDeb, Please take care of yourself too! Hope the doctor visit goes well. Keeping my fingers crossed that you can get some help with MIL.
Bobbie!!! Must have been great to visit with family! As for the washer and dryer, don't know what any of us would do without them! I'm with you on the heat issue! Can't live without air running in the summer. Don't know who is making nasty comments about you, but if you need me to kick some a$$$, just let me know! Tired of mean and vindictive people! This is not a popularity contest. we are here to get comfort, advice, and companionship! Sometimes things are said that hurt feelings and sound harsh, and yes, sometimes they need to be said! Read the words, take what you will from them, then move on!! Everyone has a right to their opinions. And remember when you are reading someone's post, that we all read it and interpret it differently. we cannot see the person or hear the intonation in their voice as if they spoke the words directly to us. I will interpret a comment one way and you another, it's human nature that some of us will read it as a negative comment when it's meant to be positive and helpful. Try to remember to not take offense until you have the person clarify what they are saying if you are not sure. this would avoid the many "stupid" conflicts from happening!!!
that being said, I hope everyone her has a good day! I'm heading out to pay bills, buy cat food, and maybe get lunch somewhere with my last few dollars!!!
Love you all!!!! DEEF!!!!!

Wicksron, You need to understand that there is a "clique" on this thread. If you speak out not following their leads or ways of believing you will be admonished for it. Your best bet it to post on other threads and leave these people alone. Not everyone here believes as you do because they really have it tough. Some of their stories tear your heart out and quite a few have become resentful, angry and exhausted. If you don't post in the way of understanding that then they get upset. You've done nothing wrong!

Sorry if I upset people out there. I have been a caregiver to m husband since he was diagnosed in 2004, plus the three to four years before the diagnosis. I am not commenting on your caregiving, just trying to point out some things I've learned in the process, like taking steps to prevent things from happening, rather than waiting for them to happen. Hey, no judgment here, just different strokes for different folks. I always found it easier to remove the obstacles for my husband, which, in turn, helped ease the caregiver stress. It was a very tough night last night seeing him in an agitated and combative state...guess I just felt the need to lash out through my tears....did not mean to offend, it's just sooo heart-wrenching.

Can't hardly believe there are sooo many Amber Janes in this world!!!!!

Meanwhile-again I am sorry that Wicksron upset you. They obviously have no idea what this thread is all about.

You people should be happy to still be able to have your loved one at home and stop your whining! My 62 yr old husband has now progressed to another level and is experiencing disinhibition (uncontrolled and unprovoked agitation and combativeness). He was an extremely compassionate man all of his life, loved by all who knew him. He was diagnosed at age 55, after 3or 4 years of testing. He would be so appauled if he knew of his actions now. So go buy some new toothbrushes and keep them out of reach and stop being "grossed out" by simple minor inconveniences that YOU can prevent!

Mame, sorry about the movie deal but at least u sound like y'all had a good time out for the little short break. It is very nice to actually get out n see real people. Glad u had a good time. Sorry your mom was confused after having such a great day. Unfortunately, it seems to goes with this illness sometimes, sorry. Tried to cherish the good ones as you r already trying to comfort her during the hard ones. You r such a sweet n loving person. As for the bro's, good for them coming over.
I hope you got some rest in between as well.

Bobbie, be careful with the 'pain-n-ass. lol. I am seeing a general surgeon about my options with the roids. It was recommended by my gutt/butt dr. Of course this is going to be fun for I have to bring the mil as well. How that song go, "My buddie, my Buddie, wherever I go, he goes." Oppsie, She goes..
That didn't sound too much like fun having to take apart the appliance to get it on or in the boat. Hey, at least you have a washer n dryer n it is working. Beats washing clothes with the hands. That brings back memories.

Diane, sorry your family members seems to be so ignorant. We know you r a great person n it is their loss. I do hope your mom gets to feeling better n maybe it just the changes of the weather. Sound like you had a very busy day with those 6 buses for trips. I never been to Myrtle beach but my sister has for she lives in VA n a bit closer n she loves it.
Linda, sorry to hear about your pup. I am a pet lover too for they r like r own children. Sorry.
I am about to fall out here so I am going to bed n will get ready to talk to that surgeon. I am not sure if there is a such thing as a specialize Butt Hemorrhoids surgeon if it even needed to be done. I will have to make sure he knows that I am a post kidney transplant patient just n case. I also had searched on this site for Daycare centers n gave my information n # n they were quick to offer help from here. However, they had no information on Daycare but had some for In-home help. I talk to one place about setting up for them to come out to interview to see what we r needing as for respite care n the mil needs. That will be in March being right now so much is going on with the mil lower tummy/butt issue n hopefully that will clear up by then so the mil will feel a bit better before having some new person coming into the house.
I hope everyone is able to get some rest tonight.

Linda do you love my fats!? ;)

hi back at ya bobbie louu ,

i said love ya ... everybody needs the lit bit of love even if ya dont know em . xoxox is good too ,
bible says to love thy neighbor , love ur emenies , oh yes love your fats ..

so i say love ya all xoxoxox . :-)

windy as hell here and raininin too . gonna get cold again this week . 60 degree was nice but too damn windy ,

sheba s not walking very well and think she may be on her way out soon . i took her for a walk alone without bandit . was walking like tim conway style ( carol burnnet) didnt walk too far cuz i was afraid she ll drop dead right on the road . she d be 16 next month , bandit went for a walk first then i decided ahh sheba needs to walk with me alone , oh boy bandit got pissed off and cried and cried , hubby came out and told him to knock it off , so he sat there whimper . he s too fast for sheba thats why i couldnt walk em both . oh man ~~~~

love ya all xoxox