Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Hey bobbie, still alive here, your ankle my back right now, least things heal.

new play is really graphic and well, disturbing, about a group of men who set out to kidnap and gang rape a woman but stop when they find out she has a "physical deformity". Edgy to say the least, not sure were the market is for that sort of work. on we go anyhow.

Have a good week everyone what ever that means. Kathy needs sleep! Diane needs a vacation, mane needs a wind breaker, crazy, I had a dream about gusty winds thought it was here but it wasn't! Jen, needs a winning lotto ticket and psychotherapy...

Good Morning Crew,

Ankle is better but still can't get around all that well. No biggie, just getting antsy.

Mame! I love Les Mis and have seen the stage production twice, both times in San Francisco. It's interesting to me that for the film the director made them sing live as opposed to recording it in studio. Man oh man, what a challenge that had to be for all concerned!

Jen! hope you aren't freezing your parts off. Sorry to hear about the stabbing neck pain. Can you go and get an x-ray? Or something? Poor kid I wish I could come and get you out of there.
I have watched all of the Downton Abbeys up to last night and will treat myself to that this evening. Haven't watched any Doc Martins yet but do like the boots haha.

OK, so can you tell us what the new play is about? That is very exciting and I know that we're all beyond proud of you to write and then send it into the world. You have courage, girl!

Cricket! It is good to see from you!

Shirley, it is so true that some deaths come more easily than others. I can only imagine how all of that is in your head and how hard it must be to have those memories come unbidden. I hope you can keep writing it out here and know that there are those that are reading what you write and understanding that they are not alone. That is a beautiful gift that you can give to those who think that it is only they that feel that way.
You are very right about Crazy being Crazy. Your mom is messing with her computer wires because her wires are all criss crossed. Your step dad arguing with her endlessly just points to the fact that he doesn't get it yet.

We should get someone that can draw make a cartoon of someone arguing with a fencepost. Or arguing with someone who doesn't speak English, which would be better. No upside and nothing gets accomplished.

Diane! How are you doing? Any respite from the insanity?

Well, I have to undo some of the work the painter guy did. He was trying to make a career out of painting this boat, I stopped him and of course now he is bad mouthing me to the guys in the yard.
Haha, what he doesn't realize is that the guys in the yard like me and have seen what he did to my boat and are telling me everything. (They have also seen my finish work and respect it.) All this poor guy has succeeded in doing is costing himself more work.
He tried to keep himself lined out when the weather was not conducive to painting and epoxy and it didn't cure right because of the high humidity. To add insult to injury I told him that I thought it was too humid and he assured me that it wasn't. When the wood cured with white marks in it deep into the grain he tried to make excuses about it and by that time I had had enough. Go Away.
Another one bites the dust. Moving on.
If he had an ounce of honor he would spend a day to make it right but after discussing that with him he expects to be paid to do so.
Not doing that.
This guy has tried to get me to go to church and is 'worried about my soul' etc, etc but has no problem taking money from me, doing a crappy job and leaving me with it. Go figure.
Good thing I am getting my strength back both mentally and physically. Still feel not all the way there yet but feel better than I have for a long time. Yay. You guys have a lot to do with that and I thank you all.

Barb! DEEF!! Linda! Cattails! Everybody!
Check in and let us all know how you guys are doing.

Love you all more than you know,
lovbob

VERY windy morning here in Central NY! Gonna get very cold this week! Mom sees the Dr tomorrow. Just a check up. Her color has been bad-not sure what that means but they will take blood and check things out.
I got a reprieve yesterday! A friend texted and asked if I wanted to go to a movie and hubby said he would hang with mom. We saw Le Miserables. I liked it. I have never been to that show on stage or read the book and had to read Wikipedia to see what it was about. Great story. The music is beautiful altho Hugh Jackmand and Russell Crowe don't have the best voices-they did a good job. Ann Hathaway was wonderful. It was nice to go out and forget about life for a couple hours!
My son goes back to college today. It will be very quiet around here again! :(
Have a decent Sunday. Mame

Cold cold cold here, same old only more of it. Incontinence seems to be getting worse, he is weaker, chokes on more stuff. Just waiting for it to end. Him or me, I have weird neck pain stabbing along sides no idea, won't care if it kills me. No more worries then. Wrote a new play still waiting to hear on one sent to contest, will know in March. Zags lost a close game, sad. watching some Doc Martins'.

Hope everyone getting some rest where ever they are, some how!

Hi everyone, I thought I would stop in to take a peek and say hi. I've been really busy with dad, school, and everything else. I am working really hard and learning so much about the importance of taking care of myself while caregiving. I've even figured out how to work exercise into my weekly routine, and you all know how hard that is to do while caregiving. I don't have much time after doing everything so I'm not posting very much here anymore but you are all always in my thoughts and prayers and I want you to know it. I have to use Facebook daily as part of my schools social structure so you can always find me there. Everyone, stay strong, stay out of the black hole. xoxo
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket love & Hugsღ

Bobbie, sorry about your ankle. Och . I still have trouble admitting how hard it was those last few days with my husband. He didn't go peacefully, fought to the end, that's a Marine for you.
My mother is still having trouble walking since she fell. Is using a walker. She unplugged most of the wires on her computer, and then couldn't figure out why it didn't work. I got it put back together for now. Why she unplugged everything, she won't answer. I don't even know how she got behind her desk to to it. She decided a few weeks ago she wanted a new car. She can't drive!!! My Step Dad has been arguing with her for weeks. For some reason, she let me talk her out of it in 5 minutes. Just venting. She is so much easier than she could be. But, the crazy is CRAZY. Until recently she has never listened to me, I don't know why all of the sudden I'm the one she thinks knows all the answers.
Hope everyone has an uneventful weekend. Love Shirley

Good Evening Crew,

Sorry I have been MIA and so sorry to read all of the trials and tribulations of the caregiving life that you guys are experiencing. I know it sux big time and all I can add is to keep writing, venting, ranting and otherwise not suffering alone.

That's key: Don't suffer alone!
Come here and spread it around because we are all stronger together than we are alone.

OK, I fell and tore my ankle up pretty good so now I can't walk. Being on a boat makes it hard of course but the boat angel is here and is taking good care of me and I am so relieved.

Mame, I read your post the other day and my heart broke for you. Keep writing and vent and live.
My heart broke again just now reading Meanwhile's post about finally getting some sleep and then learning that her husband was gone.

Diane, you are in the Vortex of Dementia and it spins and spins and makes you crazy if you are sucked in too deep.
Of course, we are all sucked in too deep.

Barb! Deef is right. This is Dementia and it just gets nuttier. The work load increases because our moms or dads just lose their wiring and do all kinds of things bass ackwards.
Deef is the Queen of keeping her mom from shredding everything in reach and she will be the first to tell you that, even with years of experience, her mom will get one in now and again.

My mom came out one time with the nightie on sideways and upside down. She had her one arm and head through a sleeve and because it was tight her arm was over her head and she was panicking.
Of course I tried my best to always handle everything with humor so I made some comment that that was an interesting look but probably very impractical.
My poor mom. Like I have mentioned before but not for awhile, my mom would come to lucidity and for a brief flash realize what what going on and I would tell her that she was safe and sound and not to worry because I was taking care of her.
At those times I would also tell her that she was the bravest person I had even known. And she still is today.

The cost is dear but I will admit, even though I have said repeatedly that I would never do it again, I am happy that I made a difference in her life.

Sorry again I have been out of it with this ankle. Ow Ow, but nothing compared to what you guys are dealing with.

Love you all way more than you know.
lovbob

Hi Y'all,
Forgive me but I'm venting before I read the latest posts. Mom has been whinning nonstop for the last hour. She swears she is dying and needs to go to the hospital. It's just another anxiety attack. Her BP and pulse are good. I put her oxygen on her just to shut her up. Now she swears she smells a strong chemical odor. It just doesn't stop!!!!!!!!! SHe has been pretty far out all day. When I came home today she was so pleased to tell me the caregiver was my cousin....not. I am so looking forward to getting away from this madness on Monday. Shit, now she swears she hears and ambulance coming for her. God give me patience and hurry!!!!!!!!

Barb, Mom's doctor started her on Remeron to relax her for sleep. Said it was like drinking a glass of wine before bed. Then she graduated to Seroquel, 1 at bedtime. At first she was supposed to take one during the day, but it made her way too loopy. Now I have to give her 2 and most nights she sleeps for 10 hours, as she will sometimes hold her mouth shut tight and puff her cheeks out until her mouth bows back open. If she's agitated she will do this early, but most of the time it's a sporadic thing she does all night off and on. Consequently it wares her out. The good thing is when I roll her onto her side in the early AM, she will go back to sleep for a couple more hours. She always had great sleep habits her entire life, so I think that is still ingrained in her.
As for your mom messing with her diapers, that's par for the course and pj's or gowns won't make a difference. Try putting her regular undies on top and she may leave them alone. Get a bed rail for the side of the bed she sleeps on, or if it's a twin bed, get one for each side. Then get larger top sheets and put her arms over the sheets and tie the ends to the bed rails so she can't get under to the diapers. Believe me when I say you do not want to get up and find a wet one shredded all over the bed!!! You may have to keep an eye on her for a few nights after taking these measures, but she will eventually get used to it and you won't wake up to more messes.
It's really hard trying to find ways to deal with these problems in the beginning, but you learn as you go. Many of these measures I have learned from the 3 CNA's that help with Mom and have 10 to 15 years each working with dementia patients. These things they cannot do in a facility because they are considered restraining the patient. That's the main reason why they use "chemical" restarints.
Definitely talk to her doctor about something to help her sleep.
Hope some of this will help!
Mame, cleaning is something I do when I get angry at my husband or myself! Gets rid of my aggressions and gets the house straightened out, otherwise I would just let things pile up. Glad it's helping you feel better! as for bird seed, we used to have more feeders out, but can no longer afford to buy as much as we used to. The last really cold and snowy winter, we were going through 35lbs or more a week! we have at least 8 pairs of cardinals here all year. When I stayed with Rip in Seattle a year and a half ago, I saw my first Stellar Jay. Gorgeous! Nothing like the blue jays here on the east coast.
Lildeb, Hope you Mil's tests went well and you get to go to Florida.
Jen I will try to get those pics to you tonight
Bobbie!!!!
Got to go feed Mom!

I am in cleaning mode here...got both bathrooms done before mom woke up! She is very groggy today-but probably cause she was up chatting away at 5am till ?. So, she slept late cause she was tired. If mom doesn't wake me-the dog does! So, I decided to get up and do something....maybe it will make me feel better. My sis said she is bringing us all fish for dinner tongiht! (Must admit that I sent her a text and asked her if she would...but she did say yes!) Mom loves Fish on Friday! (Catholic to the hilt!)
We have Cardianals here too. I have been leaving the feeders empty-trying to get rid of the deer who come each night and clean out the feeders! I am hoping they will see I am not filling them and quit coming...then I can fill them again for the birds! I have had them come in past winters-but not every night! Maybe I told you but hubby got up at 4am the other morning to get a drink of water and when he came back to bed he said we have diners! Two deer-banging away on the feeders so the seed will come out! So, I know it is deer-plus the hoof prints in the snow... I just can't afford to refill every day! I suppose I could take them down at night but that would be a pain. Maybe that is what I will have to do tho cause I hate to let the birds down...
Slowly creeping out of the hole I was in. Sometimes it pains me to read about what we are all going through...other times, I can read but don't have the energy to write. So, sorry that I am absent at times.
Hubby going thru some health and work stuff and it may just be time for a change which brings great anxiety to us both-with me making no $$... You know the drill. UGH.
Anyway-it is Friday and I have hope mom may get a visitor this weekend! I am not holding my breath tho! Hang in there everybody! Love-Mame

Barb, sorry about the all night ordeal with your Mom. I think I would see about some sleeping pills. Not getting to sleep at night was the hardest part for me. Had to get the Doctor to make a house call (which took a call from a state advocate to get them to do it) to get some pain medication for my husband at the end stage of his fight with cancer. Hospice isn't available here. He got one dose of pain medication, and died that night. I was sound asleep, but was the first night I had gotten more than a couple hours of sleep in weeks. I still have all kinds of guilt about that, even though I know I shouldn't.
We have cardinals here in West Texas too. Love to watch them at the feeder.

Looking forward to them bright red birds D!

Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing fine today. Rough night last night. Mom was up pretty much all night. Nothing wrong, I guess just the dementia in high gear. She kept messing with her depends and trying to take them off. I had to change her twice and the bed once. Then she was playing with them and the covers all night long. I think I finally heard her doze about 7:00 am. I don't know if I should try switching her to pajamas instead of gowns or what to try. This is getting to be more frequent so maybe I should ask the doctor about something to calm her. Right now the only medications she is on is for high blood pressure. I wish I could say that.
Deef, we have a bird feeder that we fill in the winter. We love to watch the all the birds when it snows, especially the cardinals. Mom has a collection of cardinal themed items, clothes, dishes etc. even the license plate on her car.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Hugs to all
Barb

Where is everybody???
Shampooed mom's rug after daycare. Gave her something to supervise. But I screwed up royally! Got the machine all set and went over the rug really well with many passes. Couldn't figure out why I wasn't smelling the Fabreeze rug soap. Oh well, I finished shampooing and started to clean up the machine. As I was wiping it down I noticed that I didn't turn the soap dispenser on!!! !@%$#@! So I filled the machine again and made another pass with the soap ON this time!!
I may do one more pass before I bring Mom home this afternoon, but first we are going to Kohls and Ruby Tuesday's for lunch!! It will feel good to get out somewhere.
Bobbie, Are you working hard or just hiding out?
Jen ,what's up? Going to send you some cardinal in the snow pictures.
Stormy, you feeling any better?
Austin, Lilly, Barb,Mame, Rena ,Diane,Miz, Kuli, and all those I have forgotten, hope you are all well!

Good luck with MIL and her tests tomorrow, Deb.

VBarb, I will laugh out loud for you for how n the world could she manage to get her head through sleeve is a mystery. Luckily she didn't hurt herself while getting dressed. Lucky we have no up/down stairs in our house n that is very smart thinking of the baby gate to block the door. As for your car, maybe it was just a little frozen from all that cold weather going around. 42 here n that is frigging cold enough for my wuss self.
Deef, I got the mil wearing xs pull up depends while she is on this prep stuff for Friday. I told her they were adult pull-ups panties so it working now n I am going to go with the flow. Last Tuesday was a mess all over the place n clothes. I am glad that your mom is getting treated well at the Daycare. I luv Ruby Tuesday n I don't blame you, go by yourself for you well deserve it! I hope your hubby is okay.

Lucy, thanks for I got that all wrong. I hope u get the transportation issue cleared up. Beings you know your mom is at a safe place then, their is nothing wrong in taking a break from seeing her every day.
Austin, you were human just like everyone else here when you went off. Overly tired, stressed out n worrying n not to mention the hospitals are not the coziest place to be n especially that you were their for a week! I hope you are able to find peace within your soul n some much needed rest n time for yourself.

Mil is getting restless n agitated n I cannot blame her one bit with all this running back/forth to bathroom. Okay, walking to the bathroom shoot, y'all get the picture. We will have to get up real early for the last dose of the med she has to take for the procedure. I am going have to fill myself up with lots of caffeine for the bright n early AM. At least they mention a little sunshine tomorrow n that will cheer her up somewhat. I'll try to send some to guys/gals with all that frigging snow. br...

Barb, must be hard for you being in her home. I'm lucky that our apartments are side by side and have a connecting door. I'm only 15 -25 feet away at all times and she is strapped into her wheelchair that cannot be tipped over. She also can't maneuver it by herself. That's a blessing in itself. But we do have to Mom proof every thing as she has a long reach and will grab anything she sees, like electrical cords, someone's drink, cellphones, knives, dirty diapers, anything in her line of sight! It's her OCD and years of housework, yard work and fixing anything that needed fixing. Now she does the opposite. Destroys everything she gets in her hands! I'm sure she thinks she's fixing, but she takes apart! Pulls off buttons, yanks on the seams of her clothes, tears books and papers, eats napkins, pulls covers off the furniture and on and on! Like having 10 two year olds in the same room!
As for daycare, see if you have an elder care service in your area. They will pay so much for your Mom's daycare and she will have a copay, otherwise it will cost at least $55/day. Usually they come out for a visit to see about her finances and a nurse will come and evaluate her. They also can approve home care hours so that you can get out. They have been a life saver for us.
Got to go get Mom. Didn't get to sleep until 2:30 am, but not feeling it yet. Just got her old wheelchair refitted with a new seat and a self-releasing seat belt. They came in this afternoon, so I did that instead of the rug. also made a pot of chicken soup for the cold weather coming in tomorrow.
Off and running again!

Hey Deef,
Thanks for the info about daycare. I will start looking again. I got a list from the local council on aging. I will call a few and check them out. Also, I did want to clarify one thing. Mom is on the first floor of her ranch home. Downstairs is the partially finished basement which is the area that my husband and I have our bedroom. Unfortunately that is also where the laundry room is. I will try the pillows on her bed and definitely find the Wellness briefs. Thanks again for the info.

Barb

Barb, Mom is late stage dementia and has PD. She is in a wheelchair and can only walk with assistance. She is best early in the day.. She is incontinent both ways, but will go if she is put on the toilet every few hours. The nurse at daycare feeds her lunch everyday as she can't do it by herself. I'm very lucky that the daycare is a half mile from home and the employees are great! I'm not sure if just any adult day health would accept mom, but they are very good to her.
Keep a close eye on your mom with the walker. Mine fell and got hurt badly ,twice when she was using a walker. She never got the hang of using one.
As for finding your mom in bed that way, get used to it. Depends never kept Mom dry. try the internet for Wellness Briefs. I've tried them all and there is nothing out there that compares in price and absorbancy. I have to put a pair of mom's cotton undies over her diaper and I put her arms over the sheet and tie the end to the bedrail in order to keep her from picking them apart during the night. She has become used to it now and is better about it. I put pillows under her sheet on either side of her also. This keeps her from getting up on her own, which she can no longer do. Thank God!
As for your mom being on the second floor and you on the first, you will need to change that soon. Alarm pads are good, but by the time you hear them, the damage may already be done. People with dementia get easily conditioned to situations after a while. Your mom may not like pillows under her sheets at first, but she will get used to them when she realizes you will come to her and she needn't get up on her own. Mom no longer is able to change her position in bed without help, so when I here her holding her breath in the morning, I go and turn her on her side and she goes back to sleep until I get her up.
I had plans to go to Kohl's today to get new sneakers for walking and get lunch at Ruby Tuesday's. Yes I made plans, and here I sit! Husband in and out of the bathroom, so I guess we will try for tomorrow. If he's not feeling better, I'm going by myself!
Guess I will shampoo Mom's rug!

Morning all,
Interesting start to my day today. I heard Mom starting to wake up on the monitor I have in her room. So I went upstairs to check on her. When I went into her bedroom she was sitting naked on her bed and somehow she had managed to get her nightgown wrong side out and her arm through the neck hole and I’m still not sure what hole her head was in. I almost started to laugh at her, but managed to control myself. Unfortunately her wet depend was off also, between the covers and her bed was wet. Apparently she woke up during the night and I did not hear her. I don’t know if a bed alarm would register that or not. So I got her dressed, managed to get her in her wheel chair. Today apparently is a no walking morning? While she was eating breakfast, I stripped her bed. That was one load of laundry I hadn’t planned on today. Oh well, it could have been worse.
Lildeb, Hope your mil gets her test done on Friday. That has definitely been a lot of work for you. I know what you mean. If I even leave the room for a minute Mom is up looking for me when she is able to walk. Even if I tell her, Mom I’m going downstairs to put clothes in the dryer, she still has no comprehension. One day I went downstairs and I had barely made it down the stairs and I could hear her get up. I listened to make sure she didn’t fall. I could hear her coming toward the stairs and before I could get up the stairs, she was already at the stairs with the front of the walker on the first step going down. I got her back up and settled down. The next day I installed a baby gate at the top of the stairs.
Still don’t know what is wrong with my car. The garage came with the tow truck to pick it up; they got in the car, started it up and drove it back to the garage. They still haven’t been able to find anything wrong. The thing is I know it wasn’t just me, because my husband tried to drive it also and wouldn’t go into gear for him either. I just don’t want to get stuck somewhere especially if I have Mom with me.
Deef, I don’t know how you have enough hours in the day. I have thought about day care for Mom but I’m not sure if that is an option anymore. What levels of dementia will they usually accept, do you know?
Mame, hang in there. I know what you mean about guilt. I feel guilty when I even think about looking at full care facilities for Mom. After all, I promised Dad that I would always take care of Mom. Even though logically I know that taking care of Mom involves a lot more than just the physical aspect.
Well I hope everyone has a smooth day.
Hugs to all.
Barb

I should be in bed already as I have to get Mom up for daycare, but This is the first chance I had to read the thread today. Got up to 4 " of snow. The kids were home, so the 4 of us got everything cleaned up before Mom was awake for the day. She had today off from daycare and someone came to sit with her from 12-7, so I didn't have to get her to bed tonight. I did manage 4 loads of laundry today and still have to put her things away in the morning.
My sil was going to help me shampoo the den rug this morning, but the snow killed that idea!
Barb, sorry you had a bad day! I don't like to make plans as they always seem to get screwed up! Whether it's a doctor appointment for myself, or my husband and I make plans to do something for the day, something always gets in the way at the last minute.
Mame, yep, that's the black hole! We've all been there and lots of times together! I ask myself all the time why I ever made the decision to listen to my sibs and quit my job 5 years ago. Now it's just my stubbornness that keeps me going down this path. I do have help on the weekends and Mom is in daycare 4 days a week, but I still have 2 apartments to take care of, 2 sets of bills to deal with, extra meals, 2 sets of laundry, all her meds and my 6 to keep track of and now I have 2 sets of paperwork to get together for tax time! It never ends! No wonder my mind is so tired all the time, yet I can't sleep.
As for gratitude... That will come when this is all over. Right now I'm just grateful to get through another day, and very grateful for all of you that truly understand this life.
Rena, If I started crying, I would never stop! I've been catching old movies on TCM lately. They are so much better than what is produced now. Lildeb, Glad MIL doesn't have the UTI anymore. Hope everything else gets straightened out. Mom is too far gone to notice if anyone is in the room with her now, but in the beginning she used to be one step behind me all the time! Hope you get to Florida!
Lucy, don't sell yourself short! You don't have your mom at home, but still have a lot on your plate. When Mom was in rehab twice, it was worse than having her at home. Going every day was harder than having her at home and you are still paying her bills etc. so you are in the thick of it!
Austin, Amen on your post!
Okay, 12:30 AM here and I need to get to bed. Night everyone!

Mame thouse people who say to have gratitude probably are not hands on caregivers and you won't have guilt after they are gone because you know and your friends here know you have given every fiber of yourself to her care-I do not have any guilt feelings for the husband or my mother even though I snapped at her the last time I saw her before she got sick and died-but I was in that hospital room for a whole week night and day and only to eat and use the restroom and took walks outside at times.

Hi all, nothing to report, haven't been to see mom in 2 days, transportation issues and prior commitments but I know she's safe and probably won't remember when I was last there anyway but I do need to check and make sure she's wearing her hearing aids. I hate not being able to go every day to check on them as she is starting to be less attentive about wearing them. And the ALF won't take responsibility for them at this level.
LilDeb, when I said "peripheral care" for my mom, I meant in the sense that she is not living in my house and I'm not a 24/7 caregiver like you all. I do the visiting, taking care of her finances, shop for her fruit and snacks, take care of the cat...I just used the word peripheral as that's sort of what it seems to me when I'm not her full time caregiver. I truly don't know if I could be...what you guys go through would send me screaming into the street! Well, I hope everybody is doing well and staying sane. Will write more when I have time and something to say! Love to all

Deefer, Oh feel for you n all that lifting has to be bad on your back besides your nerves wearing out with her clamping her jaws shut. I don't see how you do it. Can she still suck threw a straw? Maybe a cup that has a swirly straw connected to it like the ones u get for kids. Then mix it with juice n maybe she will be distracted by the swirly straw as she sips her meds down. Try to get some rest between those little respite breaks n your back too. As for being a sucker, you have it stamped all on your face too n be proud of it for someone got to give that grown kitty some loving. I hope he passes his test from the vet n he may have lost his hearing due to ear-mites or maybe he has an ear infection n just needs some antibiotics? Freezing rain n snow OMG! I need to stop complaining about some nasty wet rain but it does seem like everyone rain water comes down r house where we have a few small sink holes. Btw, don't use cat litter to fill the holes up for when it rains again it turns into mush. I hope u r able to get some good z's.


Barb, Welcome back. Every little break you can get will help n alone time, I don't know what that is anymore. However, I am glad that you r able to squeeze it in n I hope no major problem is going on with your car. I hate have a car break down too for it messes up your whole schedule n plan n not like you get too many to take care of things or time for ourselves. Your mom is a little like mine for it seems she wants u all to herself. I have in my living room where she has a recliner that sits about 4ft across from me while i am using my laptop. This way i can do whatever on laptop while she stares at me which creeps me out but she seems to be content so I can stay content while it last. Now, sometimes she will even tell hubby n I that she is going to her room to watch t.v. so we can have some alone time. She amazes with her Alzhermier to even think such a thought but really she is getting nap that she don't ever do! If I go to the bathroom n not back within a few minuets she will be looking. When I go to grocery store where I get our medicine which is no more than twice a month, I will stop by n speak with my ex-working buddies. However, that can only last a couple of minuets for she will start complaining so, I feel for ya. n hang in their for we understand.

I forgot the update on mil. No test got done, for someone to be so petite she sure is full of shit, literately! The lower area still showed poo. This may be why she was hurting so bad n her lower abdomen for she may have been constipated n she has been telling me her BM is fine? I will put her back on twice a day instead of once with her Miralax powder.
So, she will drink Ensures all day today n tonight a small bottle of Citrate sodium. Thursday clear liquids all day plus, the prep kit again for the freaking 3rd time for the Barium X-ray for Friday at 11:15. We still need to find out about her 'roids.' She did pretty good today n I have to say I would love to have more of those Xanax 0.25mg for her because she was actually nice. But they were only two pills n it was just for the procedure. Now, she telling me she don't have any pain n she don't feel like she needs the test done so here we go again. She has been taking roid prescription suppositories twice a day over a month. She is going for I have already gave up my chance to go to Florida to check on my own dad n my family n the Mecum Car Auction for a mini break. Maybe, if everything goes okay I can leave Saturday n come back Monday being its a holiday here for MLK day. It is almost a 6 hr drive too but it may be worth it. If I could drive n the dark I would leave Friday night but, I have troubling seeing at night. It seems to always be something. gotta luv it.

Deefer, my cats will come to me when I get very upset if I am raising my voice (Usually at the end of day).My Siamese will start screaming at me n my part-Hawaiian Blu cat will start touching me with his paw n gets in my face to calm down or that is what I think they r doing. Mil has 3 dogs here for one is her's so they giver her lots of attention too. It is as if they know something is not quite right if that make sense. Hopefully your mom won't need anymore antibiotics for that UTI is just insane! Good luck.
Stormy, sorry to hear hubby n you r sickie poo with the cold. Drink plenty of fluids n hope u two get to feeling better real soon.
Dtflex, You seem to be more busy than I sometimes. It seems like any caregiver don't have it easy one bit no matter what their situation may be. Our weather is rainy n temp is starting to drop too but not as cold as y'all.
Bobbie, I haven't had the opportunity to have the privilege of the gross out eating habit but thanks for the future tip. However, I can say I have had the pleasure like someone else (fp) for the mil will let it rip n it will be loud n I mean anywhere! I hope u can get the carpenter all set n from pouting so that he can do a good job. I never been a big boat fan unless it has a motor. I like my feet touching the ground. As for your boat, it is your home n it don't need any fancy-shiny crap to be a home, it is what u put into it, n that would be the hard-work n love.

Thanks Bobbie, Diane, DEb and everyone else for the good advice. I am going to try breathing deeply, maybe mediatation, and a good movie. This year Mom has had a broken wrist, and fractured back, and multiple utis. It never ends and my nerves are on edge. Mom will be 104 in May and just keeps going strong. With her moderate dementia and stubborness, it is never a dull moment. Wish I could have a good cry, but I can't. Really good to feel the support and comraderie here.

Trying to accept my decisions...that I asked mom to come live here...and just be happy about it... Just send the anger and bordom away... lalala... and all the other crap going on-it is all just part of life... so I should accept it-until it changes because I an helpless against it. Stuck. There really is no way out. So why have anger? Or resentment... It is what it is. Just accept it and keep moving on. Is this the black hole? So, should I go take a nap or go hem the pants I just bought mother? I guess I will hem the pants...even sleep can't take me away. God help us all. Why does it have to be this way? Stop asking why...just go with it...don't fight it. You can't beat this and can't win. And then, when she goes-you will have guilt over having feelt this way. People say to just have an attitude of gratitude to get through these feelings-do they know how much energy that takes? I try, I really do. And, I know I don't have it as bad as some here...but it is hard to see that as a good thing I guess. I am really in a hole today. I just gotta keep plugging away... Thanks for listening.

Hi All,
Hope today is a better day than yesterday. Mom was tired yesterday and she didn’t get out of bed until about noon. That was a first for her. Usually if I can get her to sleep until 8:30, it’s a good day. (It probably would help if I could manage to get into bed before 1:00am) Anyway, when she did get up, she couldn’t stand up or walk so I managed to get her depend changed and put her robe on her. I was able to maneuver her into her wheelchair (normally she walks with assistance) and get her to the table to eat something. By this time it was 1 o’clock and my 3 hour respite caregiver was coming at 2. I got dressed to go run some errands and sat down with Mom to let her know that S. was coming to stay with her while I ran some errands. She said to me “who”. S. has been coming for about 4 weeks now. So S. arrives and I explain about Mom not doing as well today. The whole time Mom is looking daggers at me. She never likes it when I leave. It doesn’t matter who stays with her.
I get into the car, start the engine, put it into gear and nothing happens. I try all the gears, drive and reverse, nothing. I turn off the engine and call my husband. We were going to meet for coffee while I was out. He is able to get away from work, picks me up (Mom was really not happy that I left a second time), we take the cars keys to the mechanic so he can tow the car and see what is wrong with it. I hate having car trouble.
I didn’t get any of my errands done. I did however get to have an early dinner with my husband and spend time with him.
We get back home and S. tells me that Mom wouldn’t do any of her exercises, wouldn’t even allow her to get her washed up. That is one of the primary reasons that I have a caregiver come. To help do the physical bathing for Mom that is getting harder for me to bathe as unsteady as she is. Mom is still staring daggers at me, but at least she is up and walking again.
So I was sitting at the table, using my laptop and Mom comes and sits next to me. I ask her if I can get her anything and she just stares at me. I finally figure out that she wants me to leave the computer and go into the living room with her and sit down on the couch while she sits in her recliner. I guess she is afraid I am going to leave again.
At least when I got her ready and put her in bed, I got a small smile and an “I love you”. That goes a long way toward making things more bearable.
Hope everyone’s day goes smoothly.
Hugs to all.
Barb

Renarad, sorry about your mom. sometimes it just seem like its one thing right after another. How do we get so lucky? How I handle the over stressful days is to vent on here and Vent away! Plus, for relaxation, I try to use 'humor,' music or comedy movie sometimes online games help too. Respite break if possible. I hope this helps some n maybe one of these will work for you.
Jsomebody, the peanut butter idea sound brilliant from Bobbie Also, if he has a toy that u can stuff some peanut butter in it that should keep him busy. Plus, maybe if you can stock-up on some Busy bones to keep him busy from Howling for fp for the next visits he may have. You can keep all that white stuff.
Bobbie, I have never been a drinker n due to my illness n don't need to contribute to that for I take enough meds. I do take 10mg of Prozac n it helps somewhat. Boat porn, now that is funny... ;lol Yes, I do have a lot but it nice to hear that someone else understand what a caregiver goes through sometimes.

As for the mil, she passed her last lab n urinalysis came clear n she has competed her antibiotics. I told them she is still n pain n they recommend to get that Barium test done n if the Butt/Gutt dr cannot find anything to call them the Gyn dr for appt to get her Cat ultra sound? Well, she woke up crying n constantly complaining about her lower abdomen n today is the day we will start the Lo so cleaning he colon deal. I feel useless so I call her regular clinic physician off n set up appt for 1:30 today. I have no idea if he can do anything for her but I am scared she may not be able to handle this now from all the crying. the prep powder really don't start until 5:30pm so all I got to do is make sure she stays on time with the clear liquid non red diet until we see reg. dr, n just n case he say's do the test.
Sure enough he checks on her tummy n I gave him a list of what has been going n he told her and me that she is going to have to bear the pain for he cannot give her something for pain for it could constipate her n mess up the test. However, he did make her appt with a "Roid" surgery dr if she will need one. He said, keep doing what the Butt/Gut dr n I should know the result within 2 hrs. I don't know about all that but, at least I know I have done everything I could do for her n now. Right Now, she is giving me the go-2-hell looks n she cannot believe I would do her this way. She loves to say hubby n I when she gets pist, "Live n learn." Oh Boy, breathe Deborah kay. Lord give me strength. Hubby seem a bit tired from teaching all those half-grown high school teenagers. You know that some of y'all have been their n done that as a teenager, thinking we were all grown n stuff. lol
I feel sorry for hubby sometimes but then sometimes I don't. He at least he gets a break away M-F for hrs from the house even though it work. I only get 4 hr on Wed. n I am grateful when I can get her out the door. Well Crap! I work too! However it's not with $$$ yet, of course hubby don't make that much being a high school teacher either. Life, gotta luv it. ; )
I hope everyone can get some rest.
Bobbie, the Molly n PC story was amazing, thanks. I am a dog n cat lover, oh shoot, I am sucker for animals.
Lucylilac, don't ever sell yourself short for u r a caregiver n a 'full-time' worker plus health issues as well! You fit right on in with the craziness so glad u join the site. You mention about "peripheral care" for your mom, if u don't mind can u explain what is that for? Is it like a urine catheter or intravenous line for meds? Sorry your mom balance is not as it use to be but at least it sounded like all of y'all had a good time bowling. Plus, you r a mom too, give yourself a huge pat-on-the-back for I would if I could reach you. ; )