Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Deefer12-no worries!-like I said I was being melodramatic. That really didn't offend me so I should not have pretended it did. And farts are funny-they just are-with a special needs daughter and a special needs Mom I get bombarded with them ;0)
Cattails- I saw the problems that happened on the forum from a few days ago. I attributed it to holiday stress-(and a full moon in top of that! Egads!) I have participated in a few forums -for enjoyment/hobbies and it seems that even on forums where the focus is on something so trivial as , say, a TV show emotions almost always run high at some point and then settle back down. I hope that happens here for you all as well!! I gathered from my reading that many of you have been here for years and the love I felt from the posts was amazing and beyond anything I have seen on other forums!! It is obvious you all care about each other so much. And that the people here run deep-feel things deeply,; care deeply and love deeply.
Barb-Hahahaha-love your Mom's Depends story! God bless her. My Mom is good about only wearing one Depends -haha but my daughter ! It is not depends , thank goodness!-she uses the toilet -but she has recently started her period and , well, I had worried for years that she would not want to wear a pad because of having sensory issues but jokes on me ! -that girl wants to wear ,like, 4 pads! She will come out of the bathroom with them up and down her leg! She cracks me up! I know this is a forum for elderly care but I hope I can sprinkle in some stories about my daughter because -A. They can be very funny B. the care is very similar at times( and very different too,at times) and C. I am a very proud Mom and find it hard not to talk about my girl.

I am going to post the whole story about my Mom and Dad in the discussion forum-would that be the best place?

Blessing to you all!!!!

Feeling really restless today! I think it is the season...I want to go Christmas shopping! I am too tired by the time hubby gets home. And I want to be with him. Some days, he is the only person I talk to besides mom...same stories over and over...ugh....dying of bordom!!!!!! I got my neighbor to come sit with mom Tues and went out for a bit. Just got lunch and read a book while I ate. Everyone working so no one to go to lunch with. I guess I really want/need social interaction. Somehow gotta work on that.
Good news! Mom's brother is driving the 50 minutes to see her tomorrow! We went to see him the last time and brought the wheelchair etc-so maybe now he gets how hard it is and how bad she really is! When their brother died many years ago, he said he wished he had seen his brother more...but it didn't make him see his sister more! I have to stay positive and be happy he is coming... I have such anger for the ppl in her life that have forgotten her. Now she won't remember next week that he was even here...maybe even the next day she wont' remember. Oh well. He is coming! Pray the snow stays away so as not to keep him from coming!
Barb and Deef-the stories you tell of your moms sound like my mom. I am so thankful that mom is pleasant-and has a sense of humor. I know she is heading in the direction of your mom Deef...but we aren't there yet. I do help dress her and help her on the potty, bathe and get all her meals and meds. The Oxygen tubing keeps her teathered to home...I don't think she would ever try to escape...she is a homebody.
I-on some days-can't wait for this to be over. But every now and again-I think-what WILL I do when she is gone??? The few weeks she was in the NH when she needed rehab I kinda got loopy just from her not being here and I was still "caring" for her by going to the NH every day! I thought it was going to be like a vacation and I would be so happy that she was gone for a couple weeks-but I wasn't at all. I was out of sorts. Everything felt like normal when she came back home...yes, that is my normal! I get it. I keep thinking about what I will do-but I really do not have a clue. I don't have a dream and maybe I should start thinking of one-to keep me sane for however long this goes on-and for something to have to look forward to and jump into when it is over... Seriously though-I think I was put on this earth to care for this woman. I have been doing it all my life. When I was 5 or 6 I was sitting on daddy's lap begging him to stop drinking and being so mean to her and us. When I could write, I wrote him letters saying the same things. When I cleaned out mom's house I looked through everything to find just one of those letters to see what I wrote. I kinda know and remember-but just to see one would have been amazing. But, I am sure he was devestated and destroyed them. He would stop drinking for a week but then start back up again... In high school, mom would beg me to stay home on Friday nights at least until he got home and passed out. If no one was there he would badger her etc...Then I was free to go out with my friends...meet up with them wherever they were...last one to the party! haha. Dad died 12 years ago and I stepped right in...moving her in here 8 years ago... so, I really feel I have been caring for her all my life... Not a clue what comes after mom.
Wow-have I just run off at the mouth/fingers or what?! Thanks for the therapy session! $90 right???
Welcome to Barb and Misha! Mame

Still alive here.

Unfortunately so is he.

Didn't win the half a billion. Anyone else?'

feel like I missed a lot..new people, old arguments...same bs situations going on?

Hmmn colon-oscopy been there... almost puked that... yes the prep is the worst, why I'd rather be unconscious for the prep and conscious while some 22 year old tech slides a garden hose up my...anyhow.

How are things?

No I don't think cat attacked me, she is just brusk, I am basically a coward; if I would take all the advice I could but I don't so I won't...just now anyway. But who knows. I need the support, the actual decisions to make major changes will just be me someday. And so on

Reading a lot sleeping a lot. Read Marcus Aurelius Meditations, some good bits about getting along with neighbors would truly apply to on line confrontations as well.

Ya say stuff when your riled up you regret later, it happens, only on line it is in print.
Least we are still talking.

I hope everyone is doing OK where ever they are. God Deef I do NOT know how you stand it...I don't even want to be in the room with fp.

Oh heres one: Mom talked to lady at fp' care center, she said fart pants had been spotting an totter-ing old woman with a cane, following her around with his wheel chair in case she fell over he could catch her....Jesus. they asked him not to becasue it was not safe for either of them he snapped "mind yer own business!" Well guess what fart pants, that IS there business, keeping you from doing stupid shit that may injure yourself or others is their business, front and center, if it isn't they lose their license.
Beh what ever.

Hey Yogi,

Ya, I know all about the emBAR(e)ASSing part...

And Cuz, they have a non aroma because there's nothing in you!

Have to give it a minute and 2 visits to the Golden Corral.

ok, off to run errands.

love you guys,
lovbob

Bobbie, I got plenty of the wind!!!!!!! Very embarassing but(t) boy it felt good!!!!

Hi Barb: Welcome to GO.

Good Morning Crew,

Thank you Deef and Cat and all for being here.
You are all most kind. Goofballs. Love you guys.

Welcome to the home of Vent and Live Barb and Mish!

Firstly, this thread is not about good or bad taste and if someone reads the entire thing they would see numerous examples of hugely questionable taste, mostly from me.

After you dig sh!t out from under your fingernails a few times and everything else that goes with it you realize that not much matters but getting through the day and finding some laughs wherever you can.

Got no problem about being called out about anything; love the First Amendment, Critical Thinking and Intelligent Debate.

In my former life I was a comedian. Supported myself for years writing and performing and one thing I know for sure is that a successful joke has truth in it.

Now Cuz, my actual cousin, doesn't have a hateful bone in his body. He's a loving family man and a member of a loving community at home.
He's blown his back out doing favors for folks, whether it's a fence or something mechanical and never says no to someone needing help.

My mom that I write about was his aunt.

Now back to the joke. First of all it was a cut and paste (that has been removed from the thread, no biggie) and secondly, when someone says or repeats something like that it is indicating a deeper frustration with something else that is going on.
But it's not Hate. It's Politics.

We are all aware that this nation was built on the backs of immigrants, illegal or otherwise. It continues to be built on the backs of immigrants because Americans simply refuse to go pick their own produce. Imagine.

Combine that with the fact that folks with immigrant status can get free healthcare if they work the system and those of us born here can't get free healthcare then you have injustice and therefore a platform for a joke.

That's it, no big deal.

Another part of our situation is that TSA will search a grandma in a wheelchair and guys wearing middle east wardrobe zoom on by because we're not supposed to 'profile'.

You can Google the story about the lady with Dementia and her daughter. The lady was in a wheelchair and was forced to remove her Depends. No kidding. The level of intelligence and um, oh ya, critical thinking that didn't exsist that day at that airport deserves as many jokes as possible to point out that craziness.

To me, that's the highest purpose of humor.
Lenny Bruce said that the job of a comedian was to '...tell society when it was F*king up.' And of course comedians are some of the most flawed folks out there.

So, given that and the simple fact that all comedy is subjective and you have here, on this thread, the potential for folks to get offended.

There's the disclaimer and welcome again to the Home of Vent and Live!

OK, Caregiving is a voyage and all of us are at different waypoints.
Whatever is going on in your head and in your life that makes you nuts you write about whether it's an injustice that you see in a joke or the fact that your loved ones have a terrible disease that is going to become progressively worse. Just write it out and get it out of you instead of inside of you making you sick.

This entire site is full of smart, creative people and there are answers here for just about any situation. There's support and there's love.

This thread is also about support and love but not about blowing sunshine up anybody's butt. This disease is wicked bad and being a caregiver to your mom or dad or spouse is the hardest thing you will ever do.

Remember to breathe. Seriously. One of the first signs of stress is holding your breath.

lovbob

Hey Barb!!! We were typing at the same time! Your mom is just like mine was a couple years ago. Now I have to do everything for her. My advice to you would be to keep an eye on her at all times. Mom was very good at hiding or covering up how bad she really was. I don't know if this is the right word, but luckily the PD made it difficult for her to get around without falling. Eventually I got her a wheelchair and even went as far as a Posey vest to tie her to her rocking chair. She is very OCD and tries to get up constantly, even now. Had to put double locking deadbolts on her doors as she walked out a few times when I was doing laundry or some other chore. Luckily I never went without checking on her every 5 minutes or so. She would head out down the street and get so far, then forget where she was trying to go and get scared. She would also turn on her gas stove to cook, but not light the flame and I would walk in and smell gas.
It's very hard to keep them at home, but it is the best for them. As for eating, make all the foods she loves. There has to be meals she made when you were a kid that she hasn't had in a long time. I make things for Mom that her mom used to make, and you can see when she gets it in her mouth that it makes a connection. Feed her often and in small amounts and limit sugar as this will add to her confusion. Cranberry juice of any kind is good, but cut it with water. I usually do half water half juice. Mom drinks better with a straw. Watch her fluid intake as she may not drink for fear of wetting herself. She needs the fluids to prevent dehydration and the dreaded UTI.
Ahhh, UTIs. The bane of a care givers existence! If she starts acting weird and off the wall and her urine is dark and really smelly, get her tested. It will save you much torment and wondering what is wrong.
Okay, enough babbling for now! Welcome aboard Barbara. I need to get Mom up and going. At least I have help today!

Mishka, My bad using the word midget! Sorry! Thought about using the term little person, but went old school. I'm a short person and so is my daughter. Dealt with the jokes all my life and never let them get to me. I always told people good things come in small packages! And my favorite shows are the ones about little people. First it was the Roloff family, now it's "Big, Tiny" and "The Little Couple". They are all so amazing!
Sorry to hear you have so much on your plate. Many of us have been care givers for a long time and have much information to share. Yes, we do get carried away at times and your rant was just fine! It was the way you were feeling after a bad week. Give us some info on your mom's condition so we know how to help. As for your daughter, I'm going to google the syndrome and educate myself as to what you are dealing with.
I have been at home with my mom for almost 5 years. She has Parkinsons and dementia. She is in a wheelchair for well over a year now and can no longer remember how to do the basics for herself. I have to wash, dress, feed, etc. She is 85 and in good health otherwise. Life is very stressful and frustrating here, so occasionally I-we get crazy and carried away here. Don't worry about calling me out. I have a tough hide and don't take offense to anything said to me.
In the meantime, ask away when you have questions and one or more of us will chime in and try to help.

Hi to everyone,
My name is Barbara (most everyone calls me Barb). My husband and I moved in with my mother about 3 years ago when we began seeing signs of dementia and she was becoming unsteady and fell. At that time she 85 years old and had been pretty much self-sufficient including some limited driving . Now , well, I will talk about now later. I first would like to tell how I came to find this thread and why I felt a kinship almost immediately.
I was having trouble getting Mom to eat and I was getting more and more frustrated. It didn’t matter what I cooked, she would eat a few bites and then the rest of the food would just get pushed around the plate so I would think she had eaten and the whole mess was then either covered with her napkin or in some cases she would try to put it in her napkin and to hide it. Although never a big eater, I never really had any problem with getting her to eat something unless she was sick, so to me this was a cause for concern. So one day after I figured that she had only consumed about 500 calories for the whole day (I couldn’t get her to drink any of the supplements either), I went to my computer and googled “can’t get my elderly parent to eat.” One of the websites that came up in my search was Agingcare.com. So I decided to check it out. I looked at their suggestions and then decided to check out the caregiver forums to see what threads were out there that might be of interest. When I saw “Grossed Out? Need to vent? Just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!”, I almost laughed out loud. You see, when we took Mom down to Florida in July to see my brother, Mom was more confused than usual with the change in surroundings. One day my husband walked into the bathroom she was using and there laying on the sink was her toothbrush full of grey hair. She had been combing her hair with her toothbrush (at least it wasn’t mine).
So I told my sister-in-law, I think I have found my people. Shortly after that, Mom went into the hospital. She had pneumonia, couldn’t stand (she was so weak), was probably dehydrated and was more confused than usual. The web site was pushed to the back of my mind. Mom made it home from the hospital about a week before Thanksgiving and is both better and worse than she was before she went into the hospital.
Finally, on Thanksgiving evening after everyone had left, I decided to revisit your thread. I read the first two or three pages of posting and then skipped to the later postings. I have been reading your thread for about a week now. I am still convinced that I have found my people. I am lucky in so many aspects of my life. My mother, although she requires someone to be with her at all times, is still very loving even though the dementia can be bad at times. She can’t dress herself any longer without help although sometimes she tries. One morning I came upstairs when I heard her get up and when I went into her bathroom, she was holding two depends (one inside the other) and was trying to put them over the already clean depend she had on. When I looked I found out she already had not one but 3 clean depends on and two more laying on the counter. Since then I haven’t tried to let her dress by herself. I am lucky that she is still doing as well as she is.
Well, that is enough about me. Thanks for letting me share.
Barb

Quick post ya'll computer has been acting up, I could not get it to do anything last night, so i am hoping it was just a one time thing. I have not had a chance to read the posts yet, i will try to play catch up later this afternoon. But right now i have got to go to work at our family business so i will chat with ya'll later hopefully if the computer is working right. Love and hugs stormy.

Welcome aboard, MishkaM. Glad you can accept the farting joke. I think you and I will get along just fine. As I said in my post to you, Cuz knows his audience and he would never intentionally tell a joke that would offend you. We were just in need of jokes or laughter because we are healing from a difficult time and as I said to you, in my post, I was part of that problem.

So now you are here and you have shown us your passion and your pain. I'm still up tonight so I got your wall post. No worries, you are safe here.

Bobbie started this thread and her dream was always to have a boat. She now lives on one and has spent tons of time, maybe 3 years, not sure, getting it into good shape. It's her therapy after all she went through with her mom's care and passing.

Some of us are still going through the care giving stage. Some of us have lost our parents and are recovering. I'm only 2 months since losing my dad, so I have a ways to go and I am hoping that Kuli can post more because I need some help. I have no idea what I need, but I know I need something.

As Linda would say, it's a full moon. I keep checking my face and knuckles for hair growth.

I know you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Blessing and glad to have you here. Cattails

Sorry about my first paragraph in my last post. That wasn't fair. I really wasn't offended by the farting on a midget joke. I just got mad that my previous post seemed to be so dismissed ( but cattails just sent me a hug -that was nice!) my daughter does have a syndrome and it does , at times, include Dwarfism in its title but the farting jokes weren't really offensive to me -so I should not have been so melodramatic.
Ugh! I am messing things up right off the bat!!! I won't apologize, though, for calling out the racist joke!!! Sorry, cuz49341, you get my wrath for that! But I hope that doesn't mean we cannot still be post friendly to each other. And , like I said before, I hope you or anyone calls me out if they feel I say anything offensive. There is a good chance that could happen! Maybe already has. Okay. I'll stop now. I mentioned in another post I tend to ramble. Blessings

Oh yes, looooved the midget joke too! So funny! Maybe I will tell my daughter who has Rubenstein-Taybi Dwarfism syndrome. She isn't actually a midget to be precise just small in stature. But boy we get a kick out of laughing at her! We laugh when we are at the hospital with her and we laugh when she falls down trying to keep up with her peers. It is a hoot!

I had a horrible week with my Mom and Dad. Trying to keep it all together with my daughter and her special needs. I came back in tears from hearing my Dad verbally abuse my Mom and call her horrible names and then turn his rage on my daughter. I felt alone and helpless. When I found this site I had a moment of hope. Hope that I found people that would understand and help guide me down this shaky path. I read many many posts and laughed and cried with you all for days while reading. I was so excited and told my husband that I may have found a great place to get some support and help. He was relieved as I had been crying about my Mom and Dad for days.

Listen -the joke was in bad taste and needed to be called out by someone. Doesn't mean the poster is a bad person but the joke was racist. And to see another give it a pat on the back is , well, dismaying.

I am probably not going to give up on this site because I really need help. I hope that people here will see that I am really quite funny, pretty creative and can offer a lot. But I do not like rascist jokes. I also do not like when people slam homosexuals or use the word retard as an insult. I will call you out on it. You can tell me to piss up a rope , that is fine, but at least I can say I did not stand by and contribute to something I find offensive. I would hope , truly, , that if I make an offending statement someone calls me out on it.
I hate coming out of the gate like this but I was really shocked at that joke. Especially as I had been reading so many posts by cuz and cattails that were kind and smart. It seemed so out of character for a forum that is for CAREgivers. And I get venting. I get needing to laugh. But I also get rascism and that was racist.

Timing is everything. Bahahahahaha. Could have been worse, she could have come a week earlier. I'm LMAO. Love the midget too, Deef.

Wow, I came on this site hoping to find information to help aide my Mom and Dad -really sad to see such blatant hate here( cuz49341) just when I thought I had a glimmer of hope in finding some help too.....

When I had my first of three so far the wife said that when I did blow the hat off the midget (like deefer said) it was the first time she said there was no lingering smell like some of my normal ones. Can anyone top that?
luvCuz

Blow the hat off the midget behind you?
Kuli!!! Good to hear from you and glad you are getting better. I remember you and Rip talking about your dads and catheters, etc.She is finally moving on and her business is picking up again. She's out hiking almost everyday with the dogs and meets all kinds of interesting people on the trails. She took me to a couple of them while I was there last June. Beautiful, peaceful places. Do you and your bf still hike?
As for when Mom is gone, I feel like I'm okay with it and will do fine, but then I wonder if I'll just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head for a while. I don't get depressed easily, never have, but I'm so tired now and so out of the loop, that I'm not sure how I will react.
I already told Rip I'm packing a bag and heading out to her house for a couple weeks. I'll lock up Mom's apartment and the family can wait until I get back.
Needless to say, feel free to jump in at any time here. You have tons of expert knowledge that can help so many floundering around in the muck of care giving. So do Rip, Miz, Susan, Ted, Cat,Kim,and all of those who have been here and lost someone. But most of all, Bobbie, our captain, who's always here for every one of us.
We salute you, Captain Bobbie!!!!!

I waited until I got in the elevator.

Plenty of wind to fill those sails!!!! I woke up too and looked up at the monitor and saw a pink tunnel. I had to take 2 iron pills every day for years. The doctor told me to stop taking them for 2 weeks prior to the procedure or all he would see was a black tunnel!!
Linda, the lemon lime tastes like Alka Selzter Plus cold med without the "plop plop, fizz fizz". Cat, I didn't think of using a straw, just wanted to get the dang stuff gone. I wonder if any of us tooted at the doctor?? Hehe

Hoist the sails.

Hey there you guys,

Deef!! Ya, boat time and bring everybody! Boat Drinks!

Kuli! I was thinking today about recovering as a caregiver and you're still a caregiver, just on a different waypoint on the journey.

I know you had a tough year and I'm glad it's starting to shake out a little. It's that grief. You're doing good. Glad you're posting and maybe, before you know it, it will become easier to write. Don't have to be in the trenches, because we all have fought in the same war. Now it's a different battle with the after effects. Guilt, etc etc all normal and can't do a damn thing about but I know it's easier said than done to put that baggage down. I've struggled big time this year and still have nightmares.

Love you Kuli girl.

All we all know for sure is we're not alone. We're everywhere.
There are legions of us.

Linda!
I did the lemon lime as well and they give you that twilight sleep.
Sometimes when it's over you get the wind something fierce.
Anybody else? Or just me...

Here4? Yogi? Did you guys get the wind? hahahaha

lovbob

Deef! As Bobbie would say! Thanks for asking. I am finally feeling like my life is taking some sort of direction, some sort of "normal". It's taken a few antidepressants and alot of therapy to get to this place but at least I don't cry everytime I think of my dad - at least as much as I was. It's been a VERY tough year - a year October 26th. But I don't know if it's just the meds or if I am finally getting through the grief but I do feel I'm handling things better. You know, I always thought I would feel relief when dad passed. Fooled me!!!! The caregiving is so very hard but however ready you think you are for them to move on, I don't think anyone is ever ready. And as a caregiver, you also have to deal with the guilt of "did I do everything I could have, everything I should have?". And what do I do now that I am no longer a caregiver? But still I lurk here and read all the posts and only write when I truly think I have something to add. It's weird being on the other side of this whole caregiving thing. You almost feel guilty when you hear what others continue to go through and yet you hurt so bad, you almost wish you were back in the trenches so you have something still in common with everyone here. Anyway, I am never far away. I keep all of you in my prayers and hope that you can all keep strength to continue on. Love to all, Kuli

I've had 3 colonoscopies. 2 were great - 1 I woke up. Bad doctor, very rare so no worry. Drinking that stuff isn't as bad as you think. I also did the lemon lime.

I've had two colonoscopies as well and found that the prep is indeed the worst part of all of it. However, there is one prep that comes with flavor packets. I don't recall the name of it. I used the lemon lime packet and chilled it as the directions said and it was a whole lot better than the prep with no flavor. It is a distinct salty taste with or without the flavor packets. Good luck.

i prob will just throw up ... cant stand the nasty shit i heard it is nasty ! , thank you for advices on the drinks . i ll take that advise , starw and warm temp .
oh yes throat first plz !!! hehehe thats funny . xoxo

Linda: When you drink that prep stuff, use a straw. It won't reach all of your taste buds and that's a plus.

Diane, Mom is down about 5 or 6 lbs in the past few months. Part of this is due to the disease. The body doesn't take in the nutrition like it should. The other part being dementia and having no sense of time and eating and the mind having no clue what"open your mouth", "take a bite", "chew and swallow", etc. means. My Mom's general health is good, but the doctor is right to check everything out given your mom's medical history.
Have to get Mom to the neurologist on the 13th. Hope the weather hols out for the trip.
Enjoy your dinner and hope your mom is worn out from the afternoon excursion.

Linda, your sister's boxes sound great!!!
Don't stress over the colonoscopy. I've had 2. No big deal. The drink before is the worst part and I found that leaving it at room temp makes it go down easier. If it's too cold, you can't swallow it as fast! The first time I had a "2 for 1" special. Endoscopy and colonoscopy. Told the doctor to please do my throat first!!! I was a wake for that, so I know it was first.
KNow what you mean about $$ for X-mas. Going to have to make all the little ones hats, mittens or slippers. I already have plenty of yarn to make them. We will have very little under our tree, but that's okay because I many that have even less.
Hope your husband gets some antibiotics and feels better soon.
Bobbie, Do I get boat time? if I do, can I bring everybody with me?

Hi Y'all,
Spent the afternoon with mom at the doctor. She has lost about 11 pounds in the last 6 months so they are running some blood test to make sure everything is working okay. The doctor has also ordered a hospice evaluation. I learned from the last PATH evaluation not to be too knowledgable! I am hoping this may help me out a bit.
I think dinner is about ready and I'm HUNGRY! Tahnk goodness my boyfriend is so helpful and a good cook :)
Have a good night all!

Love ya,
Diane