Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
15. Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said. 14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom. 13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem! 12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee." 11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve. 10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino. 9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice. 8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly. 7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It's water retention. 6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls. 5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that! 4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer. 3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops. 2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks. 1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!
good afternoon U ALL . hubby came home is in pain , back hurts and tummyhurts , thinks maybe bladder infection ? poor guy , he and i went to take a nap and i slept pretty hard . he s still sleeping ... am going to dr tmr and consult me about colonscopy , to get ready for one . dont know when but will set up an appt for that . from what i heard i ll be in lala land . so thats good . not too happy about the idea of going up in my ass . its gotta be done im 50 lala . deefer - no i havent even started shopping yet . realy cant afford cmas . damn it . am hopin to get pa s money from trailer it wont be much cuz theres 9 of us lol . the trailer is sold ... geeze wait long time to get a check . hopin it ll come before cmas .... deef my sis in law made a snowman it is soo cute ! big one with 3 diffrent sizes of boxes , large is bottom med is middle and small is top , when ure done with it for the holiday u can stack first 2 boxes into the 3rd one , save spaces !!! realy cool ! sis wanted 3 for her 3 boys , she jump right in and made her 3 boxes already , says its little bit smaller than mine . she sells em for 45 bucks and people do buy em ! shes pretty busy makin em now ... yip fullmoon !!! poopie laughin days oh lord do i remmy em . love it when theire eyes changed and lord behold WATCH OUT !! heeheheeeeee . you all have a happy evening . xoxoxox
Long day so far. Mom got up this morning with no mess in her diaper. Yay!!! Thought maybe a stomach bug but I think she was fed too much leftover turnip and butternut squash for lunch. At least she had a good laugh over me getting my hands in it! I got up feeling nasty this morning, so went back to bed for a bit. I stupidly let Tut sleep with me last night and paid for it by having him walk all over me at 3 AM. Mind you, he is the size of a small child. So not much sleep at all. Mom went to daycare in a good mood and came home a bit tired, but happy. She is watching Judge Judy while we wait for dinner to finish baking. I called the wheelchair company and talked to a guy in the service department and he thinks there may be a kink in the cable that is similar to a brake cable on a bicycle. He thinks it may need an adjustment or a replacement if there is actually a kink in the wire. So Mom is sitting in a semi-reclining position until Friday. He says someone will come between the hours of 9 and 5. Go figure! I just want it fixed. Got all my "cat" parts machine sanded before Mom came home. This time I only sanded off 2 fingernails! No skin this time. The paw pieces are only an inch long, so very hard to hold onto when machine sanding. Husband going out to play cards tonight, so I can get everything hand sanded and maybe base coated. Nothing like last minute. Judy, we got some snow finally! Not too much, but the hills looked like beautiful icy lace this morning. Love it! Stormy, How did Connor's birthday come out? Bet he loved the cake. Lildeb, Mom is such a handful, I keep her home. In the NH they would dope her up to keep her down. I understand this because they can't use restraints and never have enough staff for all the work. At least here she can be belted into her chair and be as alert as she can be. She's at home for now and I have had outside help because of her LTC, but that is running out the end of this year. So I will have to cut back the hours of outside help and do more myself. And you are right, the extra 30 lbs helps keep me on my feet when she is struggling to get away. Mame, I will get to work on that idea as soon as the holiday madness is over. We need to decide on a color, bright or neutral? What do you think? Linda, you have all your shopping done for the grand kids? Austin, Are you all tied up in yarn, or busy with holiday stuff? Kuli!!!! How's it going? Jen, More red birds today. Didn't have a chance for picture taking though. Diane, any more family drama? Hope mom is calming down some. Good beginning Cat!
Bobbie: This is what I'm going to say. Book has a right to post anything she wants to say and I should not have reacted. I was wrong to say what I said. That's the best I can do right now. It's what I feel sincerely. I'm not going to beg or plead because that is not something I truly feel. Book, if you want to post here I promise you that you will not hear an unkind word from me ever again. You deserve the support of all the people who care about you and, yes, I do care about you also. This is the best I can offer right now. It may not be everything you deserve or want to hear, but it's a start. Cat
Hey everyone: I apologize for my role in the major shit storm. Bobbie, sorry for causing a ruckus and Jen, you are never off base in anything you post.
Mame: I appreciated your post about the anger and Bobbie I appreciated yours about the grief.
Oh, and Judy, I appreciate you saying what you said. Thanks.
And Linda, your full moon and all was so funny. Thank you for making me smile.
Hey Linda!!! Speaking of poop... Guess what I just got done doing? You got it! Mom had a spread out, stuck on mess in her pullup when I took her to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Wouldn't you know it was the early night for the help to leave. Bet she knew it was there! Needless to say, even after I wrapped Mom's arms up in her shirt, she was still leaning her entire body forward to reach something on the floor. Try to rip the sides of a pullup full of poo with one hand while your mom is hog tied with the other! I didn't dare lean her against me for fear I would be wearing it too. Of course she decided to plank herself down on the toilet before I could clean her butt, so it smeared everywhere. Finally got her hiney all shiny and went to towel her off and low and behold, more was coming out. Needless to say, it took some doing, but I finally got her clean and in bed. Sure don't want to know what I will find in the morning. Ahhh... A day in the life! Don't think I will eat for a bit. Any how, I managed to spend a couple hours in the cellar and cut out 8 cat bodies, 8 faces, 8 muzzles, 8 tails, and 32 paws. Phew!!! Now I have to machine sand all the tiny pieces and then hand sand them so I can start to paint. I'll let my husband do the hand sanding. At least I accomplished something besides laundry. Oh yeh, Mom's brand new $7500 wheelchair will not go back to the full upright position. Go figure!!! Now I have to call and see if they can come to the house tomorrow and service it. Man, I smell you know what. Better check my shoes and clothes to make sure I don't have any on me! Back later. Husband looking for dinner!
oh gosh deef the way u explain about ur mom is the same way i dad would act . i tried to get him in the van he goes in head first and feet a danglin , oh gawd !! plz help me . pull and tugg and boy i paid for it the next day ...i was sore !!! thats when pa stayed in bed till i recovered my body back into health , oh for jesus christ as he would always said , never cussed but would say jesus christ !! now im saying it .... dont kill urself deef ! if mommy cant get up then she stay in bed , i find it much easier to care for pa if i just have him stay in bed , brought him bfast in bed lunch in bed and even supper . he would say i gotta poop , i roll him over and told him to go for it . he didnt feel right i had to explain to him that it is ok to do it cuz my back is out of whack i cant get him out of bed . so he did , bless his heart .... i love my daddy ,,,, xoxo
Deef, I can hear you big time n I feel for you n have no idea how you do it on n on. I hope by reading your post that I can be a stronger person n when I reach that end of the rope that, I will be able to hang on like you do for your mom with all the warm compassion n understanding as trouble it may seem sometimes. Now on the other side, You can lend those 30lbs for me for if my mnl starts to need help with me lifting her, I am going to need every extra pound I can get. Didn't anyone tell you that fresh spilled, squashy food is great for the hair n skin? All bs aside, I wish I could give you some suggestion on how to get your mom to eat without spitting or spilling or clamping down on her teeth but I have no clue for I have not walked in your shoes. Deef n Detflex n all those going through this similar situation with a family member, I feel so sorry n my heart weeps for you all during these struggling times n I wish I could be helpful yet all I can do is say a prayer.
Deef, I don't know where u r able to find the time to do the craft but all the power to ya n Yes, a bracelet sounds great with natural stones! That just reminds me of what Mother Nature has to offer n how powerful it can be n how we need to appreciate it everyday rain or shine. : ) Go feed your birds n I got to go feed the squirrels here n check on mnl for she is too quite n her room.
Let's try this again! My comment got lost when AC's server went down earlier. Lildeb, I have thought about creating a bracelet for care givers with it's own particular color ( I like using natural stones) and a relevant charm that would signify a care giver. Guess I should get working on that again after the holidays. I would also like to start a website to sell crafts, artwork, anything that is created by at home care givers to make some extra $$ as most of us aren't able to work. Some of us are very talented with our hands and others are great with words or picture taking, etc. Wouldn't it be a great thing to do! Diane, at least Mom is so far removed from reality that she does not get frightened by the hallucinations anymore. They amuse her more than anything. Also, she is confined to the wheelchair, so easier to watch. We get her up for bathroom visits, but that's about all she can handle. Also she hasn't tried to get out of bed in well over a year and will rest until I get her up in the morning. She likes to dust the bed rail with the sheets! But it is very difficult to get her to take meds and eat now and fights us when we are getting her washed and dressed. I swear she tries to stand up off the toilet once every 2 or 3 seconds when we are cleaning her up! Gotten really good at holding her with one hand and washing her with the other. Meanwhile, I shudder to think of the things Mom has ingested over the past year. They finally stopped giving her craft things to do at daycare when they were finding beads, styrofoam and other things in her mouth. I know she chews my fingers every night when I take her dentures out! Mame, It will be good to have your mom back in daycare for sure! mine is sneezing and has a runny nose today, but I think it may be the dry heat. Of course one of my helpers had a cold 2 weeks ago, so it could be she has one starting up too. I sure hope not. Still not sure of a UTI or if it's the full moon. Both would definitely be a challenge to deal with. And, it is SNOWING here!!! Pretty and already melting. But the cardinals are out in full force and Jen, I will get some pictures of them for you later! Okay, I have to go and get that saw blade and a bag of bird seed. They seem to eat 3 times as much when it is snowing!
Thank you Mame. You bring a nice vibe and I like all the different perspectives as well.
When I saw a therapist (1 visit when mom was diagnosed and evaluated) I thought I was angry. I overreacted to different things and would really get wound up. The therapist was almost dismissive, but not in a bad way, just in a 'I've seen this over and over way' and said: You're not angry, you're grieving.
One more week home from daycare. Mom will start up again next week. She is much better-but I am so afraid if her resistance is low-she will pick up something else. Going insane myself. But reading the last few days posts was entertaining. wink wink. The woman next door is done with her seasonal (summer) work so she can come over and stay with mom while I go out. Thank God. Have to see my counselor tonight and I have no desire to go. Usually when I don't want to go-it is when I have the most need! Flex, had to laugh at your previous post where mom was mad at you for wanting her to sit ON the toilet and not miss it and end up on the ground...My mom wants to pull her pants down WAY before she is ready or in place to sit and then she pees all down her legs and pants etc...and she doesn't want to sit cause the seat is cold! Good God! I feel like I am yelling at her cause I am saying quickly and strongly-"sit down before you pee on everything!" Or, "It'll warm up quick-just sit!" as I am moving her into place. More pants for the washer... And Deef-I wear the same clothes all the time and live in sweats. When I had the nieces wedding to go to-I spent so much money cause I bought myself new underware and bra as well as the dress and shoes! Tooooo much $$$ was spent-but I never get dressed up and it was sooo nice! Bobbie-thanks for starting the thread. Been a life line for me! What I like most on the thread is that sometimes you guys say something I never thought of before. To me it is like counseling. When I started so many year ago with counseling-I was angry. I thought that was just how it was. My counselor told me that anger is a choice. What a revelation! I just felt anger and went with it-I seriously had no idea that I could choose it! If he hadn't told me that, I would still be an angry person today. My point is that we may not agree with things eactother say-but it is a different perspective and maybe some ppl need to hear a different perspective... We have the choice to hear it or not or act on it or not, but if we never hear it-and never realize there is that choice out there...well, I know in my case that would be sad. So, I thank all of you for your perspective. Keep posting and venting!!! Please! Well, she is calling-"Is anybody out there?" so I gotta run! Mame
Deef, I read you post with understanding and a bit of dread since you are descibing the future I will have with mom. It is very hard to get mom to open her mouth without much prodding. She also puts a death grip on things too. Oh yes, the car. Man its a job to get her in, turned and legs inside the car. Because of mom's other issues with spinal stenosis, torn rotator cuff and arthritis I pretty much have to lift her whenever she moves. She also leans pretty badly towards the left. Yes, the joys of a caregiver. I also understand about the lack of time or energy to take care of yourself on the most basic level. Thank goodness I don't work in some fussy office like a law firm where I would have to dress impeccably and make-up everyday. I have only about 4 outfits for the spring/summer and fall/winter seasons since I'm too broke to buy new clothing. If mom would give me some time to sew I have lots of fabric in the closet I could stitch together. Oh well, we will just continue as long as we can. I hope everyone can have a "good" day whatever that may mean in your daily life. Love ya, Diane
Deef, I had these little pink spongy things on a stick, to clean my husbands mouth with, but when I tried to use them, he bit the pink spongy thing off. Took me most of an hour to get it out of his mouth. He kept chewing on it like he was going to eat it. Was afraid he was going to choke. How would I explain that to the corner.
Crap Linda!!! Thanks for reminding me about the full moon. Now I know why Mom is so off the wall again! Practically had to tie her down on the toilet to bathe her and get her ready for bed. It's been really tough to get her to open her mouth for meds and food too. Tired of getting my fingers bitten and food allover the place. When she does open her mouth, if you're not fast enough with the spoon, she clamps down when it's partway in her mouth and the rest of the food squishes out of her mouth and allover the place. If I don't wipe it up right away, she spreads it around with her hands. She also will grab everything with a death grip now. Her shirt sleeve, the facecloth, and yes, her drink glass which sometimes gets yanked out of my hand and the liquid gets splattered everywhere, like on the walls, the furniture, Mom, and me. We are forever sticking to the floor with our shoes. Getting harder to get her to sit down in the car without pushing and pulling. She crosses her feet constantly and that makes it very difficult to get her up from the wheelchair and onto the car seat. And on top of all that, she bends at the knees and won't stand up straight so I have to lift her body up to get it into the car or back into the wheelchair. Just waiting for the day my hip, or shoulder, or back just gives out. My right shoulder is the worst because of the surgery I had over 3 years ago. Didn't get any help from my sibs and had no outside help at the time, so it never had the proper time to heal. One of the main tendons ruptured, so now if the one that's left lets go, I will not be able to use my right arm without major reconstructive surgery. The life of a care giver is so damn glamorous I can't stand it. My hair is always done, I shower twice a day, makeup is impeccable and my clothes are always perfectly matched and clean and ironed! I'm a perfect size 8 and don't look my age at all. You know, perfectly perfect like all of you care givers out there! All kidding aside! I'm 30 lbs. heavier than I have ever been. My hair is turning white and doesn't always get washed. I shower when I can. I used to iron all my clothes before I put them on. Now my iron sits and collects dust until I need to iron an outfit to go out. Oh yeh! I forgot! I don't go out anymore. Well, I can dream can't I? Shoot! Mom is holding her breath again and puffing out her cheeks like they are full of nuts! Better go stick my finger in her mouth to open it and turn her on her side for a while. More fun than watching a good movie!
Deef, after you make all that $$$ maybe you can make something that us caregivers could buy from you that represents us caregivers? Maybe some small dollies or something. Haven't gotten into the Christmas spirit yet so hopefully it will kick in before it is gone. ; ) Book, sorry you feel the way you do n don't understand what happen or what didn't happen or some misunderstanding. . I have had a few times things that were said that hurt my feelings but I did NOT leave for I know this site has useful help for me as well as I can sometimes help others. I learned a little by some of those post n some, very little was a little harsh n it made me a stronger person. We all have r up/downs n we ALL Our just HUMAN-Beings... So can everyone just please get along... It must be the holidays or the weather coming around the corner? If you must leave, you will be missed but that is your own decision to stick it out or leave. BettyB, Good Grief! The Fil won't wear his depends.What if you put a pair of boxer shorts over the depend before he puts them on. Maybe tape it to the boxers shorts? I haven't hit that road yet so, hopefully someone here can give some useful advice. Giving u a big cyber hug. Its 10:30 n having trouble holding my eye-balls open. Got go take my pm shot n get ready for bed. I hope everyone is able to get some rest. Bob, Tell Dr. Phil to take my worries away please.. Thanks..
cat tails . - its the moon ! moon changes people . we all were having sundowners that night . :-) . what a TRIP !! kises and huggies . train is long gone ````` lets all shake hands and forget all this upseting bullshit , black hole is just getting bigger and we dont need it ,,,,, please kiss and make up . love to all xoxo
As a clarifying note, may I just say that I never attacked Jen. The story seems to have evolved beyond the facts. I'm not going to say anymore about this and that's not easy.
oh yes bobbie i remmy ! it blew us away didnt it , youre right some click and some doesnt , ive click quite few . jen is the girl i deeply think of often , wondering about her . as for book i do not know her well but i sure feel her pain . big hugs xoxo ladeeda - uve been with us for a longtime and moved on to another thread with jam . thats good cuz u and jam have click , just like others click with who ever . yes it hurt me deeply cuz i have always like jam and i like ladeeda too . i dont have time to go to both threads , so i stick with one i have started out . then jam removed me off as her friend on facebook , i thought well ok whatever . knowing deep inmy heart i didnt do anythang wrong .. life goes on and on and on ..... damned if u do damned if u dont , so whatever .... i have had people drivin by and insultin one to another , thats bullshit , i honeslty believe if u cant say anything nice its best not to say anything . i have had people stand behind me and push me over and stand in front of me when someone started bad mouthin at me . my heart grows fonder of them all ! they re my true friends ... dont mess with my linda hearts as christina would say ... i am not the only one that s been talked down to , there has been others also . we become family . cricket !! u said it so true !! we are all brothers and sisters but not by blood . just from the heart . IN GODS EYES WE ARE . wheres austin ? think shes havin puter pblm . hope she gets em fix soon or maybe santa will bring her one for cmas lala . remmy we shall not judge . it creates heart aches , everyone has thier rights to vent and cry or laugh or get drunk and start blabbin away on here like i have in the past and holy shit i sounded like shitofranic as someone ask me if i was . i could never forget that , im still grinnin , my family backed me up and said hell yes we all are shitofranic . wiping elders ass !! that made me feel better . i was a drunk shitofranic lalala , bobbie - i think i have what u have , knockin down on drinkin now . waaaaaaaaaaa. love ya all . smile lets be good,,, santa s comin soon !! xoxo
This will be my last post about this, much to everyone's releif, mine included... I apologize if something I said at the end of my post offended anyone... what I meant by 'Book being gone" was mission accomplished.... if that was the intention... the whole reason I got involved in the first place was because Book was treated so badly.... that girl means the world to many of us..... and I am hearing from here she will be back... she simply needs time to sort thru some things... she is so very grateful for all the love she is receiving.... it means alot to her... so I am sorry if my statement came out wrong..... I love that girl, and Jen IS a champion..... of the rarest kind..... she is a model of strength and perserverance to us all.... and she handled this whole mess with much more grace than I did.... so, with that being said... I do appreciate that I can come here and defend a freind..... and it be understood by some..... I will leave this alone now..... and I appreciate you all, and love and hugs...
Slowly working our way back as we have so many times before! Once again, my apologies to any and all that I may have offended. Just had to put my feelings out there and believe me, it wasn't easy. I'm usually the peace maker. I don't want anyone to leave either. All the different personalities and perspectives are what makes this such a great place to be. I know it won't last, but can we all forget the last few days and play nice?Let's all get off our duffs and go put our big girl panties on!!! Kuli!!! Good to hear from you! Someday we will all meet on the boat and grab a drink with one of those little umbrellas and look back and laugh at all the stupid sh!t we all said and did while being in the trenches of care giving. Yes, LOVE is the key word here!!!
I'm sorry words were sharp and feelings were hurt, but each and everyone on this thread is important. I don't want anyone to leave. I sign off on most of my posts "love ya". These are not words I say easily and they are meant sincerely. This thread is why I have survived this long, I joined in March 2010, very close to the begining of this thread. As we have all shared our experiences we have become friends. The Facebook page was created to offer us another option to share photos and such with each other. It is open to anyone who would like to join. Cricket is much better at adding people to the group, so just email her with your info and she will add you. Ladee, if you hadnt been on FB back in May, I probably would not be alive today. ALL OF YOU ON THIS THREAD ARE WHY I'M ALIVE TODAY. For some of the newer folks on here, I tried to commit suicide on May 5th because the pain caused by my family was unbearable. A lot of days I regret that I wasn't sucessful, but I read the posts for each day and think "it's not so bad" and keep going. Bobbie I've stressed you out to the max in the past by texting you saying how disgusted I was with life and I wanted to end it. My point for rehashing this is to try bring focus to the fact that we are all fragile and need, if not loving, then compassionate words. Thats my two cents and I hope everyone will have as good a day possible. Love ya, Diane
Now I'm sitting here on this boat with cold feet but a warm, fuzzy feeling in the cavity where my heart is supposed to be.
I also have a big case of perma grin.
Hey!!! I forgot!!
CUZ!!! Boat Time!! when ya coming?
DEEF!! I dunno, just like saying Deef!!
Jen, I just recalled that you wrote about being off topic. Our precious Jen! You could never be off topic!
Jen is one of our original crew and great voices. Keep on venting Jen! We don't care over what, just keep writing, please.
Sometimes venting takes the shape of shouting in someone's defense which I think is all we have going here with Cat and Book. They're hurt and beat up caregivers and they are shouting out in Jen's defense.
I can relate to saying stuff that was hurtful and all I can do is pick up and own my behavior, apologize and move on. That's all that any on us can do. No one has to leave or ride off into the sunset.
Linda! hey stuff! Ya, I know we stay away a little and then realize that we have made real friendships here and we wonder how our friends are doing.
And just like real friendships, not everybody clicks with everybody else.
This thread and its crew have grown way past where and why we all started and I welcome all of us back to the home of Vent and Live.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
15. Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.
14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.
13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!
12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."
11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.
9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It's water retention.
6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.
5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!
4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.
2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.
1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!
hubby came home is in pain , back hurts and tummyhurts , thinks maybe bladder infection ? poor guy , he and i went to take a nap and i slept pretty hard . he s still sleeping ...
am going to dr tmr and consult me about colonscopy , to get ready for one . dont know when but will set up an appt for that . from what i heard i ll be in lala land . so thats good . not too happy about the idea of going up in my ass . its gotta be done im 50 lala .
deefer - no i havent even started shopping yet . realy cant afford cmas . damn it . am hopin to get pa s money from trailer it wont be much cuz theres 9 of us lol . the trailer is sold ... geeze wait long time to get a check . hopin it ll come before cmas ....
deef my sis in law made a snowman it is soo cute ! big one with 3 diffrent sizes of boxes , large is bottom med is middle and small is top , when ure done with it for the holiday u can stack first 2 boxes into the 3rd one , save spaces !!! realy cool ! sis wanted 3 for her 3 boys , she jump right in and made her 3 boxes already , says its little bit smaller than mine . she sells em for 45 bucks and people do buy em ! shes pretty busy makin em now ...
yip fullmoon !!! poopie laughin days oh lord do i remmy em . love it when theire eyes changed and lord behold WATCH OUT !! heeheheeeeee .
you all have a happy evening . xoxoxox
I think that's pretty good and I thank you for being here.
The first person that posts some jokes gets boat time even if it's only in our dreams~!
lovbob
I got up feeling nasty this morning, so went back to bed for a bit. I stupidly let Tut sleep with me last night and paid for it by having him walk all over me at 3 AM. Mind you, he is the size of a small child. So not much sleep at all. Mom went to daycare in a good mood and came home a bit tired, but happy. She is watching Judge Judy while we wait for dinner to finish baking.
I called the wheelchair company and talked to a guy in the service department and he thinks there may be a kink in the cable that is similar to a brake cable on a bicycle. He thinks it may need an adjustment or a replacement if there is actually a kink in the wire. So Mom is sitting in a semi-reclining position until Friday. He says someone will come between the hours of 9 and 5. Go figure! I just want it fixed.
Got all my "cat" parts machine sanded before Mom came home. This time I only sanded off 2 fingernails! No skin this time. The paw pieces are only an inch long, so very hard to hold onto when machine sanding.
Husband going out to play cards tonight, so I can get everything hand sanded and maybe base coated. Nothing like last minute.
Judy, we got some snow finally! Not too much, but the hills looked like beautiful icy lace this morning. Love it!
Stormy, How did Connor's birthday come out? Bet he loved the cake.
Lildeb, Mom is such a handful, I keep her home. In the NH they would dope her up to keep her down. I understand this because they can't use restraints and never have enough staff for all the work. At least here she can be belted into her chair and be as alert as she can be. She's at home for now and I have had outside help because of her LTC, but that is running out the end of this year. So I will have to cut back the hours of outside help and do more myself. And you are right, the extra 30 lbs helps keep me on my feet when she is struggling to get away.
Mame, I will get to work on that idea as soon as the holiday madness is over. We need to decide on a color, bright or neutral? What do you think?
Linda, you have all your shopping done for the grand kids?
Austin, Are you all tied up in yarn, or busy with holiday stuff?
Kuli!!!! How's it going?
Jen, More red birds today. Didn't have a chance for picture taking though.
Diane, any more family drama? Hope mom is calming down some.
Good beginning Cat!
Cat, thanks for being part of a good crew. Help us get Bookworm back.
Maybe she needs to hear from you.
Grief takes many forms and there's plenty of room on this boat.
lovbob
Mame: I appreciated your post about the anger and Bobbie I appreciated yours about the grief.
Oh, and Judy, I appreciate you saying what you said. Thanks.
And Linda, your full moon and all was so funny. Thank you for making me smile.
Cat
Ahhh... A day in the life!
Don't think I will eat for a bit.
Any how, I managed to spend a couple hours in the cellar and cut out 8 cat bodies, 8 faces, 8 muzzles, 8 tails, and 32 paws. Phew!!! Now I have to machine sand all the tiny pieces and then hand sand them so I can start to paint. I'll let my husband do the hand sanding. At least I accomplished something besides laundry.
Oh yeh, Mom's brand new $7500 wheelchair will not go back to the full upright position. Go figure!!! Now I have to call and see if they can come to the house tomorrow and service it.
Man, I smell you know what. Better check my shoes and clothes to make sure I don't have any on me!
Back later. Husband looking for dinner!
i tried to get him in the van he goes in head first and feet a danglin , oh gawd !! plz help me . pull and tugg and boy i paid for it the next day ...i was sore !!! thats when pa stayed in bed till i recovered my body back into health , oh for jesus christ as he would always said , never cussed but would say jesus christ !!
now im saying it ....
dont kill urself deef ! if mommy cant get up then she stay in bed , i find it much easier to care for pa if i just have him stay in bed , brought him bfast in bed lunch in bed and even supper . he would say i gotta poop , i roll him over and told him to go for it . he didnt feel right i had to explain to him that it is ok to do it cuz my back is out of whack i cant get him out of bed . so he did , bless his heart ....
i love my daddy ,,,, xoxo
Now on the other side, You can lend those 30lbs for me for if my mnl starts to need help with me lifting her, I am going to need every extra pound I can get. Didn't anyone tell you that fresh spilled, squashy food is great for the hair n skin?
All bs aside, I wish I could give you some suggestion on how to get your mom to eat without spitting or spilling or clamping down on her teeth but I have no clue for I have not walked in your shoes.
Deef n Detflex n all those going through this similar situation with a family member, I feel so sorry n my heart weeps for you all during these struggling times n I wish I could be helpful yet all I can do is say a prayer.
Deef, I don't know where u r able to find the time to do the craft but all the power to ya n Yes, a bracelet sounds great with natural stones! That just reminds me of what Mother Nature has to offer n how powerful it can be n how we need to appreciate it everyday rain or shine. : ) Go feed your birds n I got to go feed the squirrels here n check on mnl for she is too quite n her room.
Lildeb, I have thought about creating a bracelet for care givers with it's own particular color ( I like using natural stones) and a relevant charm that would signify a care giver. Guess I should get working on that again after the holidays. I would also like to start a website to sell crafts, artwork, anything that is created by at home care givers to make some extra $$ as most of us aren't able to work. Some of us are very talented with our hands and others are great with words or picture taking, etc. Wouldn't it be a great thing to do!
Diane, at least Mom is so far removed from reality that she does not get frightened by the hallucinations anymore. They amuse her more than anything. Also, she is confined to the wheelchair, so easier to watch. We get her up for bathroom visits, but that's about all she can handle. Also she hasn't tried to get out of bed in well over a year and will rest until I get her up in the morning. She likes to dust the bed rail with the sheets! But it is very difficult to get her to take meds and eat now and fights us when we are getting her washed and dressed. I swear she tries to stand up off the toilet once every 2 or 3 seconds when we are cleaning her up! Gotten really good at holding her with one hand and washing her with the other.
Meanwhile, I shudder to think of the things Mom has ingested over the past year. They finally stopped giving her craft things to do at daycare when they were finding beads, styrofoam and other things in her mouth. I know she chews my fingers every night when I take her dentures out!
Mame, It will be good to have your mom back in daycare for sure! mine is sneezing and has a runny nose today, but I think it may be the dry heat. Of course one of my helpers had a cold 2 weeks ago, so it could be she has one starting up too. I sure hope not. Still not sure of a UTI or if it's the full moon. Both would definitely be a challenge to deal with.
And, it is SNOWING here!!! Pretty and already melting. But the cardinals are out in full force and Jen, I will get some pictures of them for you later!
Okay, I have to go and get that saw blade and a bag of bird seed. They seem to eat 3 times as much when it is snowing!
You bring a nice vibe and I like all the different perspectives as well.
When I saw a therapist (1 visit when mom was diagnosed and evaluated) I thought I was angry. I overreacted to different things and would really get wound up.
The therapist was almost dismissive, but not in a bad way, just in a 'I've seen this over and over way' and said:
You're not angry, you're grieving.
Man oh man, it ebbs and flows.
lovbob
(summer) work so she can come over and stay with mom while I go out. Thank God. Have to see my counselor tonight and I have no desire to go. Usually when I don't want to go-it is when I have the most need!
Flex, had to laugh at your previous post where mom was mad at you for wanting her to sit ON the toilet and not miss it and end up on the ground...My mom wants to pull her pants down WAY before she is ready or in place to sit and then she pees all down her legs and pants etc...and she doesn't want to sit cause the seat is cold! Good God! I feel like I am yelling at her cause I am saying quickly and strongly-"sit down before you pee on everything!" Or, "It'll warm up quick-just sit!" as I am moving her into place. More pants for the washer...
And Deef-I wear the same clothes all the time and live in sweats. When I had the nieces wedding to go to-I spent so much money cause I bought myself new underware and bra as well as the dress and shoes! Tooooo much $$$ was spent-but I never get dressed up and it was sooo nice!
Bobbie-thanks for starting the thread. Been a life line for me!
What I like most on the thread is that sometimes you guys say something I never thought of before. To me it is like counseling. When I started so many year ago with counseling-I was angry. I thought that was just how it was. My counselor told me that anger is a choice. What a revelation! I just felt anger and went with it-I seriously had no idea that I could choose it! If he hadn't told me that, I would still be an angry person today. My point is that we may not agree with things eactother say-but it is a different perspective and maybe some ppl need to hear a different perspective... We have the choice to hear it or not or act on it or not, but if we never hear it-and never realize there is that choice out there...well, I know in my case that would be sad. So, I thank all of you for your perspective. Keep posting and venting!!! Please!
Well, she is calling-"Is anybody out there?" so I gotta run! Mame
I hope everyone can have a "good" day whatever that may mean in your daily life. Love ya, Diane
Getting harder to get her to sit down in the car without pushing and pulling. She crosses her feet constantly and that makes it very difficult to get her up from the wheelchair and onto the car seat. And on top of all that, she bends at the knees and won't stand up straight so I have to lift her body up to get it into the car or back into the wheelchair. Just waiting for the day my hip, or shoulder, or back just gives out. My right shoulder is the worst because of the surgery I had over 3 years ago. Didn't get any help from my sibs and had no outside help at the time, so it never had the proper time to heal. One of the main tendons ruptured, so now if the one that's left lets go, I will not be able to use my right arm without major reconstructive surgery. The life of a care giver is so damn glamorous I can't stand it. My hair is always done, I shower twice a day, makeup is impeccable and my clothes are always perfectly matched and clean and ironed! I'm a perfect size 8 and don't look my age at all. You know, perfectly perfect like all of you care givers out there!
All kidding aside! I'm 30 lbs. heavier than I have ever been. My hair is turning white and doesn't always get washed. I shower when I can. I used to iron all my clothes before I put them on. Now my iron sits and collects dust until I need to iron an outfit to go out. Oh yeh! I forgot! I don't go out anymore. Well, I can dream can't I?
Shoot! Mom is holding her breath again and puffing out her cheeks like they are full of nuts! Better go stick my finger in her mouth to open it and turn her on her side for a while. More fun than watching a good movie!
Book, sorry you feel the way you do n don't understand what happen or what didn't happen or some misunderstanding. . I have had a few times things that were said that hurt my feelings but I did NOT leave for I know this site has useful help for me as well as I can sometimes help others. I learned a little by some of those post n some, very little was a little harsh n it made me a stronger person. We all have r up/downs n we ALL Our just HUMAN-Beings... So can everyone just please get along... It must be the holidays or the weather coming around the corner? If you must leave, you will be missed but that is your own decision to stick it out or leave.
BettyB, Good Grief! The Fil won't wear his depends.What if you put a pair of boxer shorts over the depend before he puts them on. Maybe tape it to the boxers shorts? I haven't hit that road yet so, hopefully someone here can give some useful advice. Giving u a big cyber hug.
Its 10:30 n having trouble holding my eye-balls open. Got go take my pm shot n get ready for bed. I hope everyone is able to get some rest.
Bob, Tell Dr. Phil to take my worries away please.. Thanks..
love to all xoxo
ladeeda - uve been with us for a longtime and moved on to another thread with jam . thats good cuz u and jam have click , just like others click with who ever . yes it hurt me deeply cuz i have always like jam and i like ladeeda too . i dont have time to go to both threads , so i stick with one i have started out . then jam removed me off as her friend on facebook , i thought well ok whatever . knowing deep inmy heart i didnt do anythang wrong ..
life goes on and on and on ..... damned if u do damned if u dont , so whatever ....
i have had people drivin by and insultin one to another , thats bullshit , i honeslty believe if u cant say anything nice its best not to say anything . i have had people stand behind me and push me over and stand in front of me when someone started bad mouthin at me . my heart grows fonder of them all ! they re my true friends ... dont mess with my linda hearts as christina would say ... i am not the only one that s been talked down to , there has been others also .
we become family . cricket !! u said it so true !! we are all brothers and sisters but not by blood . just from the heart . IN GODS EYES WE ARE .
wheres austin ? think shes havin puter pblm . hope she gets em fix soon or maybe santa will bring her one for cmas lala .
remmy we shall not judge . it creates heart aches , everyone has thier rights to vent and cry or laugh or get drunk and start blabbin away on here like i have in the past and holy shit i sounded like shitofranic as someone ask me if i was . i could never forget that , im still grinnin , my family backed me up and said hell yes we all are shitofranic . wiping elders ass !! that made me feel better . i was a drunk shitofranic lalala ,
bobbie - i think i have what u have , knockin down on drinkin now . waaaaaaaaaaa.
love ya all . smile lets be good,,, santa s comin soon !! xoxo
on the bright side I can use them as a sail....
I don't want anyone to leave either. All the different personalities and perspectives are what makes this such a great place to be. I know it won't last, but can we all forget the last few days and play nice?Let's all get off our duffs and go put our big girl panties on!!!
Kuli!!! Good to hear from you!
Someday we will all meet on the boat and grab a drink with one of those little umbrellas and look back and laugh at all the stupid sh!t we all said and did while being in the trenches of care giving.
Yes, LOVE is the key word here!!!
I'm sorry words were sharp and feelings were hurt, but each and everyone on this thread is important. I don't want anyone to leave. I sign off on most of my posts "love ya". These are not words I say easily and they are meant sincerely. This thread is why I have survived this long, I joined in March 2010, very close to the begining of this thread. As we have all shared our experiences we have become friends. The Facebook page was created to offer us another option to share photos and such with each other. It is open to anyone who would like to join. Cricket is much better at adding people to the group, so just email her with your info and she will add you. Ladee, if you hadnt been on FB back in May, I probably would not be alive today. ALL OF YOU ON THIS THREAD ARE WHY I'M ALIVE TODAY. For some of the newer folks on here, I tried to commit suicide on May 5th because the pain caused by my family was unbearable. A lot of days I regret that I wasn't sucessful, but I read the posts for each day and think "it's not so bad" and keep going. Bobbie I've stressed you out to the max in the past by texting you saying how disgusted I was with life and I wanted to end it. My point for rehashing this is to try bring focus to the fact that we are all fragile and need, if not loving, then compassionate words.
Thats my two cents and I hope everyone will have as good a day possible.
Love ya,
Diane
Thanks Crystal.
Wow 2!
Thanks Kuli.
Now I'm sitting here on this boat with cold feet but a warm, fuzzy feeling in the cavity where my heart is supposed to be.
I also have a big case of perma grin.
Hey!!! I forgot!!
CUZ!!! Boat Time!! when ya coming?
DEEF!! I dunno, just like saying Deef!!
Jen, I just recalled that you wrote about being off topic. Our precious Jen! You could never be off topic!
Jen is one of our original crew and great voices. Keep on venting Jen! We don't care over what, just keep writing, please.
Sometimes venting takes the shape of shouting in someone's defense which I think is all we have going here with Cat and Book. They're hurt and beat up caregivers and they are shouting out in Jen's defense.
I can relate to saying stuff that was hurtful and all I can do is pick up and own my behavior, apologize and move on. That's all that any on us can do. No one has to leave or ride off into the sunset.
Linda! hey stuff! Ya, I know we stay away a little and then realize that we have made real friendships here and we wonder how our friends are doing.
And just like real friendships, not everybody clicks with everybody else.
This thread and its crew have grown way past where and why we all started and I welcome all of us back to the home of Vent and Live.
lovbob