Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Amen, Bobbie. I kept this thread to myself while I was in the thick of things thinking noone would understand. Now I tell people that I doubt I would have survived without the support I got here from so many. While in the midst of the war of caregiving, my nerves and feelings were so raw all the time, I sometimes had to remind myself not to take too much to heart. I hope everyone here can take a step back and really think about this. Any relationship worth having has conflict from time to time but it never means anyone has to walk away. And, yes, Bobbie, I too will use the word love because any person in this world who cheers you on just when you don't think you can take another second, any person in this world who tries to get you to see humor in a very non funny situation, any person in this world who takes the time to write, to send hugs, to continue to come back to this thread, those are the people I feel love for. Love to all, Kuli
@bob I love your honesty and your straightforwardness. I am very new to this site only a few weeks and I have learned a lot so far. Don't be too hard on yourself. As caregivers we all have our moments and most of us know what and when those moments are. I tend to stop before I write and reflect so not to hurt anyones feelings either. We are all in this boat together some sailing faster then others and some just rowing the course. I just wanted to send you healing friendship and look forward to reading more from you. Blessings friends.
Rena, I am so sorry I made you cry. Truly. Thank you for accepting my apology.
Happy that you said something about it and once again I apologize for making another caregiver feel like crapola. We sure don't need that and I need to be a better person.
I do know that I have had a bad time recovering from it all and that I have been more than harsh in some of my responses to different situations. No excuse, I am just another worn out caregiver who needs to check myself before thinking that my answer is the only answer and that my issues are the only issues.
Thanks for being here you guys. This little thread of people is the only reason I am still alive. I would have succumbed to it all without you guys and that's why I say:
I love you all more than you'll ever know. Yup, there's that word. Love.
I just wanted to say that Ladee's last comment was uncalled for. That was plain mean and unnecessary! Thanks to all for your comments and input. Now let's ALL get back to the reason we are here, to help each other get through the day. Bobbie!!! I remember! Judy, hang in here. It will get better, it always does. As for my day so far, Mom got up okay and we had a bit of a struggle trying to get her to open her mouth for breakfast. Her new thing is holing water in her mouth and not swallowing. Of course she eventually chokes on the stuff and looks at me like it's my fault! Couldn't get her to focus until we hit the cold air! Got her into the car with much effort. She stiffened up and wouldn't sit. As I was backing the car out, X-mas was blaring and I noticed she was tapping her feet to the music! Did that the entire ride to daycare and was actually talking and smiling when we got there. Good start to my day for a change. On a different note, my neighbor pulled into his driveway as I got home. His mom is the one I spoke about a couple weeks ago. She is in the NH and dieing. He has 4 sibs and no help. Today he was going to the funeral home to make arrangements for when she passes. He's very tired and and totally disgusted with his sisters. The one that hasn't spoken to mom in over 10 years, still will not go see her. It's so sad that she will die knowing that, but that's on her conscience. He was with his dad when he passed about this time 2 years ago and is so afraid he will be there when his mom goes. Says he can't go through that again. He's like all of us in this. Getting no sleep, working, trying to clean out mom's small apartment and worried about all the hospital and NH bills. Of course I just had to tell him to put the bills in his sibs names!!! All they are worried about is where all the life insurance $$ is going! It's just amazing how we find more and more of us out there everywhere we turn! Okay, off to pay Mom's bills and get laundry going. Have a good day!
I joined in here a little while ago,and told my story from my heart, which was very hard for me. I got some wonderful. Loving ,helpful responses from Deefe,Jen, Ladee, and others. I guess I too am fragile, because one of the other responses was so harsh and didactive It made me cry. I have quit joining in since then. I have still been reading because there are some beautiful people here. Some of us need affirmation and companionship, but stress and self doubt I get enuf of that elsewhere.
We all feel different ways about the same things and that's just what being a human is all about. Next.
In the first year of this thread there was a woman who actually visited my boat and I broke my ass to make her comfortable and show her and her daughter a good time even though I was deep in grief because it was only a matter of 2 months after my mom died.
I listened to her go on and on about her problems and did things I didn't really want to do in order to make her feel good and to give her a chance to vent and decompress. I realized quickly that I wasn't allowed to vent or to have an opinion and I was just someone to make coffee, provide towels and listen to some outrageous shit.
After that woman returned to her home she trashed me on this thread, on the walls of so many and on other threads. Needless to say, it was upsetting and really hurt my feelings to think that that bitch stayed in my home and then betrayed me.
The reason I am bringing this up? I am still here. She isn't and I haven't thought of her in a few years but for the tempest in the teapot that erupted here over the last couple of days.
We are all passionate people and even though our situations vary from the insane to the criminal there is no need for us to attack each other and hurt each other's feelings so knock it off.
Hugs and kisses all around and if I could hug each and every one of you and tell you it was all going to be ok I would but I can't get to you all with anything except my words.
Caregiving is a tough, soul killing situation and it's not uncommon to see a caregiver overreact to external stress. It's part of the caregiving life so understand that and quit hammering and nitpicking yourselves and each other.
This whole thing is sickening. Book can ramble and be self absorbed in her health as some of us can. Sometimes people post too much information and take the microphone, so to speak, way too much. But everyone is supposed to be able to speak their mind here and be heard, not absorbed. Book won't leave the site. This is the way she gets upset. She threatens to leave. We all have our own way of being hurt. Cat spoke her mind. It wasn't a nice comment, but, the crap that ensued afterwards is just mental. Ladee, you hate Cat and have made no bones about that in your email. Cat hates you back. Woopdeefrikkindo. Who cares? I don't. I've been on this site since April, I think. Some threads, like this one, have turned into groups (or maybe I just realized) who side with each other or identify strongly solely with each other to the exclusion of others. Its groups of women who send emails and do the facebook thing and form cliques like the mean girls in high school and everyone else is just everyone else. I'm not saying its wrong for people to form bonds, its just very evident. We throw the word "love" around here like we're family. We're not family. This is pretty clear here.We don't treat lots of people like family. Maybe dysfunctional family and most of us have had our share of that and beyond. We're a bunch of f'ing sharks who circle around someone, or who just don't care about the "everyone else". If I had made the comment, people would be throwing me under the bus as well, telling me that my comments were hurtul in the distant past, telling me to quack like a duck. If a few others had made the comment, people would be rallying saying that forgiveness was in order You all know that there are people here that most of us would immediately cover for. We'd say that maybe she had a bad day or too many glasses of wine, etc., and people would put away their verbal razor blades. Cat has been a great friend to me. She's listened and given me great advice. I'm not throwing her under the bus for a comment that lots of us wish we'd made to someone or another lots of times. I won't be on this thread anymore. I've mostly left the YOU thread for getting myself butthurt over another issue and that thread has turned into a one man comedy routine now, that I love to read by the way, but its not much of an open thread anymore. Someone new even pointed that out. So far, Lisa's thread has been the nicest, least shark like, least territorial place to be and that's what I'll keep up on. Whew. Man. Jenn, thanks for the hug. I don't think it really blew over!
To everyone on GO, Ladee and I do not e-mail each other. My comments to Cat were my own and no one else was involved. It was something I needed tosay for a while now and losing Book put me over the edge. Cat, my intention is not to make you leave. You and your opinions count like everyone else. It's the jumping down on people that is not acceptable. I remember one of your very first posts criticizing a member for her grammar and lack of punctuation. I don't think she stayed with us for very long after that. There were a couple other instances too, but that is neither here nor there. The reason I am so close to Jen is because of people jumping down on her for making very strong and forceful comments like Book. To me it didn't matter what she said, but it sure burned me when they started to say rude and unkind things to Jen and forced her to leave. Eventually we were able to bring her back on board and encouraged her to say what she really felt when she writes. Book so much reminds me of this whenever I read her posts. Very fragile and in need of TLC and understanding from all of us. Her input is invaluable as she cares for both parents. We all have our ghosts to live with and some of us are better at it than others. I know a lot of you will have issues with what I said to Cat and know that everyone of you will put a different spin on it depending on how it reads in your mind. It was meant as constructive criticism and not to be mean. I just do not want to lose anymore people here! So many have left in the past 6 months and I know they are still reading posts and going through the same issues as we all are. I just hope that they will feel comfortable enough to come back and join us and add their input to this crazy life we are living! Time to get Mom up and off to daycare! Let's start today with a clean slate and get everyone, yes I mean everyone back on board and into the business of helping and supporting each other without the hurt!
The emails were pretty much the same approach you took with Jen and Book, and Cat, you seriously need to GET OVER what ever it is you have with me... I am NOT and never have emailed Deef, so maybe of two people call you a duck, you might need to quack...... I wish this was over.... and I am so proud of Jen, and my heart breaks for Book.... she is very fragile herself... so Cat if we can't agree to disagree, then I would appreiciate it if you would stop throwing your hate for me all over the place...in case you didn't notice... MY name was never mentioned in all this.... it was between the GO family here.. so if you can refrain from threatening me, I would really appreciate it.... Everyone has tried to move on... and we have to hear your feelings for ME?? Who cares, move on... it's over.... Jen is handling things like the champion she is, Book is gone.... and you and I never have to cross paths..... so let it go.... that would be in the best interest for everyone....
Jen, you are like a gold mine. Their might be dirt over the top of it, but when you dig down you find an amazing wealth. That's you, but you have to decide if you want to dig or not. What ever you decide, I will always support you,
Hey everyone. You have given me a lot to think about. Maybe my time on AC has come to an end. I'm not being a drama queen here, just thinking about how I have been perceived and taking a look at what I have to offer.
I haven't reached out and posted much lately to people who are in need. I think I have been kind of cooped up in my dad's passing, just a couple of months ago, and my nephews death in the past weeks.
The good thing is that my life isn't on line. I do have a life away from here and I am starting to enjoy it more every day. I thank God for that.
Diane and I had a chat on line tonight and somewhere in the conversation, I mentioned to her how much I worried about not being able to maintain this property with two hoses and property taxes and the debt we took on to get my folks up here. Thanks, Diane, I really appreciate your friendship and understanding. As I said to you, I don't care about the house, I would just miss the land and the animals. The peace of this area is such a balm to the soul.
So, as I said, I am seriously thinking about leaving AC. It's a personal decision, not based on the judgement of others, but more on my ability to do or say anything that is helpful.
I will thing about this, but my gut tells me it's time to focus on the life I have, I am so blessed in many ways.
I am so grateful for Cricket. Thank you God for that blessing. It would be worth everything I have been through on AC.
Blessings to everyone here. I so admire your courage and your determination to get through every day. I had such a hard time over the 7 years of parental care. Nevertheless, I can't imagine how you keep going every day. Deef and Diane, I wish you ever goodness,
I wasn't offended cat. it was blunt but honest and I can hear both points of view at least you give a shit eh/ I agree it is crazy to expect anything good from people who have Zero history of treating me good! I just need to come to terms with the past the future the fact I am not a helpless 14 year old or stupid and that I do deserve some happiness in life. And there is no possibility of that here in this place with fp upstairs and mom etc...
there is more to discuss but I have to clear out moms coming to bed her room...thanks everyone Love Jen!!!
Deef: I never realized you felt that way about me. Sorry to hear that. Ladee feels the same way and bombarded me with personal emails when my dad way dying. Gee, you would think a caregiver might have better timing. It gets worse from there, but why go on about it. It's not really all about me, right?
So here is the reason for my post to Bookworrm. Not saying I did things right, but here was my thinking. I was trying to give Jen a reason to see herself as powerful rather than being a victim again. Book took the other side, mostly in her last post to Jen. Maybe because I am still dealing with the suicide of my nephew, Book's post to Jen just really upset me. Not saying that's right, just saying it was what it was. I would hope for Jen that she can see this past disaster with her brother as an attempt on his part to admit to his wrong doing. Did he do it right, NO. Was his timing good, Hell no, but he attempted to make some amends. Jen surely doesn't have to accept anything he says. Weather it's his need for forgiveness or whatever. That's his problem.
I want to thank Jen for sending me a hug today. I was behind in the posts so didn't realize how ugly it had gotten here. You can read my post to Jen if you want, but the main thing I was trying to get across to her was that she is no longer that 14 year old girl. That girl does, however, live inside her, but Jen can protect her now. She is not alone anymore. My feeling is Jen has such amazing potential. Do you all remember that post she made about her neighbor who died. Jen has a gift and some of it may come from her past. Not a blessing, she probably always had that gift, but her heart is so open to the wounds of others.
I didn't respond well to Books comments in her last post to Jen and I'm not going to repeat them here because I just don't want to do that. I just found them as driving Jen deeper into the victim status that does nothing to help her.
Judging from your post, Deef, you got a lot of thumbs up. So maybe I am just a duck out of water here. Maybe you and Ladee email each other and you only hear one side of the story. Whatever. Maybe you would like to send me your email address and I will forward the sickening emails that Ladee sent me.
Believe me, I'm in no competition here. I just say what I feel and I don't like to see someone constantly reminded of her limitations rather than her strengths.
It's almost 1:00AM for me here and I just caught up with everyone's posts. I've been so busy! I am truly amazed at the family like dynamics we have going on here in this thread.. I say that because we all are like the family with 18 kids in the room, one sister spills her guts because she has to vent, then other sisters (bless their hearts) chime in and say how they see things from their perspective and then two of them (Book & Cat) have conflicting perspectives and the emotions start to run high and before we realize what is happening a fight breaks out, things are said in ways that are hurtful, feelings really get hurt, hurt bad. Everyone in the room is emotionally involved and some see both perspectives, others see one side or the other....Then Mama (Bobbie) enters the room and does what she can and tries her best to comfort everyone...Then enters Uncle Harv (Cuz) to tell all the girls it's okay to talk, vent, have differences, and gives a shout out to little sister who ran off crying because she was so hurt and says please come back in the room, we love you! Now I come in at the end and say.. Yes our other sister made a rude remark to little sister but she wasn't in her right mind at the time and her emotions got the better of her and she said to much, but now she is out back behind the watershed crying and beating herself up because of her mistake and all she really meant to do was offer her perspective to help and she needs forgiveness and understanding too. We all make mistakes and say things out of "emotions gone wild" (oh I like that hehe), if we haven't done it lately all of us have done it at one point or another in our past. So dear Jen, you needed to vent and I'm glad you did because we are your family now. Book, we all love you and want you to come back into the room with us. Cat, we all love you and forgive you for your "shut up" hurtful comment. Why? Because that's what families do! I have seen both Book and Cat spend endless hours here at the table trying to encourage everyone in the family and I know that in their hearts they are both true blue. I only ask two things of my family here. Soften your hearts and show compassion to one another. The other is Do we have to have Dr. Phil on the boat, can't we have Johnny Depp instead? *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Love & Hugsღ (1:16 now and only one hour of studying left to do) Then I will say Goodnight Mamma....night John boy.... Our family is like a diamond and every now and then we have to knock off the rough edges and shine it up.
Deef- HAHA..... Bleach, i bet he would shut up about the water after that. Linda- I'm sure a vacation to the rehab would be a welcomed relief for Jen. Gotta, go to bed now too. Hugs ya'll stormy
jen ! u also have a green thumb !! ur plant loves u too ! thanks for lettn me know about ur purtty plants , maybe FP will slip and fall in the bath tub and needs to stay in rehab after hospital , ummmm months ?? maybe he wont ever make it back home ummmm ..... xoxo
Amen, Stormy! Jen throw some bleach in that water. Maybe it will take away some of the stench!!! You know the next comment he makes will be "The water's too hot!!!!!"
Jen- I would pack his glad rags and let the home have him and mommy dearest could go with him too. I hope i didn't offend you. But that is what first popped out of my mouth when i read what you just wrote. Sorry if i did. Love and hugs to you stormy.
"The waters too cold..." ah yes bath time for fart pants, "You're not ready to get a bath you're not even ready to get in just get ready and I will come it and adjust the water..."
Old man please shut the fuck up! you have no idea the thin line here between you being here and going to a home tonight just please stop!
Hey everyone- I am unsure of what to say about what all has gone on here between Book, Cat, and Jen. You ALL are my friends and I do not want to see anyone leave, Ok book. Just take a break and come back. I am not taking any sides with anyone simply because i do not know enough about this situation with the abuse to do that. I am sorry though that Jen and Book had to go through some horrific times as children in suffering the abuse at the hands of someone that was their family member, and was suppose to be the ones to protect them from harm. Jen and Book- I understand that you two have to do things in your own time, when it feels right for ya'll. I can't imagine what the two of you have been through and have live to see the next day. I think you BOTH are STRONG WOMEN to have survived such ordeals. I don't think i would be that strong. But i wanted to let ya'll know what i was feeling. I really do hope things can get resolved between all of you because all of you are my friends and i would hate to see anyone leave the thread. Much love and hugs to you all. Stormy.
hey Linda, hope you are doing good glad to see you post....MY plant came back very strong...and is three feet high and in the corner and she knows NOT to touch it anymore!!!
Circumcised (this is priceless!) A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. 'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.' KIDS ; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM??
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Happy that you said something about it and once again I apologize for making another caregiver feel like crapola. We sure don't need that and I need to be a better person.
I do know that I have had a bad time recovering from it all and that I have been more than harsh in some of my responses to different situations. No excuse, I am just another worn out caregiver who needs to check myself before thinking that my answer is the only answer and that my issues are the only issues.
Thanks for being here you guys. This little thread of people is the only reason I am still alive. I would have succumbed to it all without you guys and that's why I say:
I love you all more than you'll ever know. Yup, there's that word. Love.
lovbob
Thanks to all for your comments and input. Now let's ALL get back to the reason we are here, to help each other get through the day.
Bobbie!!! I remember!
Judy, hang in here. It will get better, it always does.
As for my day so far, Mom got up okay and we had a bit of a struggle trying to get her to open her mouth for breakfast. Her new thing is holing water in her mouth and not swallowing. Of course she eventually chokes on the stuff and looks at me like it's my fault! Couldn't get her to focus until we hit the cold air! Got her into the car with much effort. She stiffened up and wouldn't sit. As I was backing the car out, X-mas was blaring and I noticed she was tapping her feet to the music! Did that the entire ride to daycare and was actually talking and smiling when we got there. Good start to my day for a change.
On a different note, my neighbor pulled into his driveway as I got home. His mom is the one I spoke about a couple weeks ago. She is in the NH and dieing. He has 4 sibs and no help. Today he was going to the funeral home to make arrangements for when she passes. He's very tired and and totally disgusted with his sisters. The one that hasn't spoken to mom in over 10 years, still will not go see her. It's so sad that she will die knowing that, but that's on her conscience. He was with his dad when he passed about this time 2 years ago and is so afraid he will be there when his mom goes. Says he can't go through that again. He's like all of us in this. Getting no sleep, working, trying to clean out mom's small apartment and worried about all the hospital and NH bills. Of course I just had to tell him to put the bills in his sibs names!!! All they are worried about is where all the life insurance $$ is going!
It's just amazing how we find more and more of us out there everywhere we turn!
Okay, off to pay Mom's bills and get laundry going. Have a good day!
I hope I wasn't one who hurt your feelings rena and if I was, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
Sux.
lovbob
Some of us need affirmation and companionship, but stress and self doubt I get enuf of that elsewhere.
Enough already.
No one has to leave and no one has to feel bad.
We all feel different ways about the same things and that's just what being a human is all about. Next.
In the first year of this thread there was a woman who actually visited my boat and
I broke my ass to make her comfortable and show her and her daughter a good time even though I was deep in grief because it was only a matter of 2 months after my mom died.
I listened to her go on and on about her problems and did things I didn't really want to do in order to make her feel good and to give her a chance to vent and decompress.
I realized quickly that I wasn't allowed to vent or to have an opinion and I was just someone to make coffee, provide towels and listen to some outrageous shit.
After that woman returned to her home she trashed me on this thread, on the walls of so many and on other threads.
Needless to say, it was upsetting and really hurt my feelings to think that that bitch stayed in my home and then betrayed me.
The reason I am bringing this up?
I am still here. She isn't and I haven't thought of her in a few years but for the tempest in the teapot that erupted here over the last couple of days.
We are all passionate people and even though our situations vary from the insane to the criminal there is no need for us to attack each other and hurt each other's feelings so knock it off.
Hugs and kisses all around and if I could hug each and every one of you and tell you it was all going to be ok I would but I can't get to you all with anything except my words.
Caregiving is a tough, soul killing situation and it's not uncommon to see a caregiver overreact to external stress. It's part of the caregiving life so understand that and quit hammering and nitpicking yourselves and each other.
Lovbob
Cat, my intention is not to make you leave. You and your opinions count like everyone else. It's the jumping down on people that is not acceptable. I remember one of your very first posts criticizing a member for her grammar and lack of punctuation. I don't think she stayed with us for very long after that. There were a couple other instances too, but that is neither here nor there.
The reason I am so close to Jen is because of people jumping down on her for making very strong and forceful comments like Book. To me it didn't matter what she said, but it sure burned me when they started to say rude and unkind things to Jen and forced her to leave.
Eventually we were able to bring her back on board and encouraged her to say what she really felt when she writes. Book so much reminds me of this whenever I read her posts. Very fragile and in need of TLC and understanding from all of us. Her input is invaluable as she cares for both parents.
We all have our ghosts to live with and some of us are better at it than others. I know a lot of you will have issues with what I said to Cat and know that everyone of you will put a different spin on it depending on how it reads in your mind. It was meant as constructive criticism and not to be mean. I just do not want to lose anymore people here! So many have left in the past 6 months and I know they are still reading posts and going through the same issues as we all are. I just hope that they will feel comfortable enough to come back and join us and add their input to this crazy life we are living!
Time to get Mom up and off to daycare! Let's start today with a clean slate and get everyone, yes I mean everyone back on board and into the business of helping and supporting each other without the hurt!
Everyone has tried to move on... and we have to hear your feelings for ME?? Who cares, move on... it's over.... Jen is handling things like the champion she is, Book is gone.... and you and I never have to cross paths..... so let it go.... that would be in the best interest for everyone....
Hey everyone. You have given me a lot to think about. Maybe my time on AC has come to an end. I'm not being a drama queen here, just thinking about how I have been perceived and taking a look at what I have to offer.
I haven't reached out and posted much lately to people who are in need. I think I have been kind of cooped up in my dad's passing, just a couple of months ago, and my nephews death in the past weeks.
The good thing is that my life isn't on line. I do have a life away from here and I am starting to enjoy it more every day. I thank God for that.
Diane and I had a chat on line tonight and somewhere in the conversation, I mentioned to her how much I worried about not being able to maintain this property with two hoses and property taxes and the debt we took on to get my folks up here. Thanks, Diane, I really appreciate your friendship and understanding. As I said to you, I don't care about the house, I would just miss the land and the animals. The peace of this area is such a balm to the soul.
So, as I said, I am seriously thinking about leaving AC. It's a personal decision, not based on the judgement of others, but more on my ability to do or say anything that is helpful.
I will thing about this, but my gut tells me it's time to focus on the life I have, I am so blessed in many ways.
I am so grateful for Cricket. Thank you God for that blessing. It would be worth everything I have been through on AC.
Blessings to everyone here. I so admire your courage and your determination to get through every day. I had such a hard time over the 7 years of parental care. Nevertheless, I can't imagine how you keep going every day. Deef and Diane, I wish you ever goodness,
Cat.
there is more to discuss but I have to clear out moms coming to bed her room...thanks everyone Love Jen!!!
So here is the reason for my post to Bookworrm. Not saying I did things right, but here was my thinking. I was trying to give Jen a reason to see herself as powerful rather than being a victim again. Book took the other side, mostly in her last post to Jen. Maybe because I am still dealing with the suicide of my nephew, Book's post to Jen just really upset me. Not saying that's right, just saying it was what it was. I would hope for Jen that she can see this past disaster with her brother as an attempt on his part to admit to his wrong doing. Did he do it right, NO. Was his timing good, Hell no, but he attempted to make some amends. Jen surely doesn't have to accept anything he says. Weather it's his need for forgiveness or whatever. That's his problem.
I want to thank Jen for sending me a hug today. I was behind in the posts so didn't realize how ugly it had gotten here. You can read my post to Jen if you want, but the main thing I was trying to get across to her was that she is no longer that 14 year old girl. That girl does, however, live inside her, but Jen can protect her now. She is not alone anymore. My feeling is Jen has such amazing potential. Do you all remember that post she made about her neighbor who died. Jen has a gift and some of it may come from her past. Not a blessing, she probably always had that gift, but her heart is so open to the wounds of others.
I didn't respond well to Books comments in her last post to Jen and I'm not going to repeat them here because I just don't want to do that. I just found them as driving Jen deeper into the victim status that does nothing to help her.
Judging from your post, Deef, you got a lot of thumbs up. So maybe I am just a duck out of water here. Maybe you and Ladee email each other and you only hear one side of the story. Whatever. Maybe you would like to send me your email address and I will forward the sickening emails that Ladee sent me.
Believe me, I'm in no competition here. I just say what I feel and I don't like to see someone constantly reminded of her limitations rather than her strengths.
We all have our opinions and our hurts.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Love & Hugsღ
(1:16 now and only one hour of studying left to do) Then I will say Goodnight Mamma....night John boy.... Our family is like a diamond and every now and then we have to knock off the rough edges and shine it up.
Linda- I'm sure a vacation to the rehab would be a welcomed relief for Jen.
Gotta, go to bed now too. Hugs ya'll stormy
Night everyone. Have to get up before 7 and it's already 12:30 Am here!
maybe FP will slip and fall in the bath tub and needs to stay in rehab after hospital , ummmm months ?? maybe he wont ever make it back home ummmm ..... xoxo
Jen throw some bleach in that water. Maybe it will take away some of the stench!!! You know the next comment he makes will be "The water's too hot!!!!!"
Old man please shut the fuck up! you have no idea the thin line here between you being here and going to a home tonight just please stop!
Jen and Book- I understand that you two have to do things in your own time, when it feels right for ya'll. I can't imagine what the two of you have been through and have live to see the next day. I think you BOTH are STRONG WOMEN to have survived such ordeals. I don't think i would be that strong. But i wanted to let ya'll know what i was feeling. I really do hope things can get resolved between all of you because all of you are my friends and i would hate to see anyone leave the thread. Much love and hugs to you all. Stormy.
luvCuz
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'
KIDS ; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM??