Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I thought I was going insane today, Deef. I could hear my pulse in my ears. Wha the heck is that? Is that what you mean when you say you can hear your pulse in your head? Like its banging a drum in your ear?
Amen Jen!!! So sick of the phone calls and TV adds.Wonder how long it will take to tally all the votes. Don't know why they we all vote when it's the electoral college that makes the actual decision. Just think what could be done with all that campaign $$. Austin sorry to hear about your mom. Hoping we don't get too much of the white stuff on Wednesday night! Book, Poor you! Too bad they didn't keep your mom at the hospital for a few days. I hope all that OJ makes you feel better. Lildeb, Mom used to look for me all the time at the beginning. She would call me at work and tell me to come home because she couldn't breathe or whatever excuse sounded bad enough for me to go home. I was a half hour drive from home, so I would call my sister or sil to check on her. She would be fine, just having a panic attack. Now she is too far gone to notice if she is alone or not. Eldest daughter, a care giver is a care giver no matter how much or how little they have to do. It's still living with a very stressful situation. Let us know how you are doing. Stormy, definitely go easy on yourself. Give yourself time to feel better. Cat, Have a safe trip! Diane, sibs! The bane of our existence! My youngest brother showed up Sunday with his two kids, 5 and 11, and stayed for 4 hours. He bought lunch and that was good! But he also called the youngest of our sisters and she stopped by to see the kids and rile them up! By the time everyone left, Mom was in a state!!! Merry couldn't even get her to eat dinner. Too much activity and people for her to handle. By the way, my sister made a couple insulting remarks to me and ruined my day! Sorry you are dealing with that shit again! What a$$holes!! Jen, is it still cold there? Got the storm coming and it was in the low 40's with a good breeze today. Vacuumed out all the vents and turned the furnace on to make sure everything was okay. Got to finish cleaning up the yard and put the swing away before the storm, just on case! Talked to a former co-worker last night and we are meeting for breakfast tomorrow. I think! Bent down to get a pot to cook dinner and got really dizzy when I stood up. Still a bit dizzy and now I have a stiff neck! Sure hope I don't have to cancel tomorrow. Oh yeah, went into the cellar to cut some wood for my painting projects and used the compound miter saw to cut some pieces. Well, the blade was bad and the wood got shredded on the ends. Then I tried to use the scroll saw and the blade snapped! The blade holder went went flying across the cellar and it took me a while to find it. So I gave up and came back upstairs and did something else. Now I need to get a new blade so I can get going on my projects for the craft shows. Guess I should have checked out my equipment before now as I haven't used it since last year. Need to get all my saws and sanders cleaned up and oiled before I go any further. Tomorrow is another day! Bobbie!!!! Judy!!! and anyone I missed!!! Okay, bedtime for me. Still not sleeping well. Been hearing my pulse in my head when it's quiet, for the last couple weeks. Blood pressure is up a bit, but not too bad.
Hey everyone. Lildeb- what's going on with you with the medical tests? Did i miss a post or comment. I hope everything is alright, let me know. I do feel better. Alot better. Today has been the best day yet so far, keeping my fingers crossed that it lasts. Thank you for the advice. You take care ok? hugs stormy Book- sending you prayers that you will feel alot better tomorrow. Cat- still thinking about you and your family. I hope you are doing as best as you can in a situation like this. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Hugs Diane- Good to hear from you. hugs Well, i am finally feeling normal. And i am able to eat now. Sis says she thinks i had the norovirus. It's a different strain of the stomach virus, with headaches, achy body and it lasts longer too. But i am glad that mess is gone!!!!! I finally had some energy today like a normal person would. I went to dads and done all the duties and chores for him, picked up connor from school, helped him with his homework, cooked supper, ate, washed dishes, folded two loads of clothes and put them up, cooked some cookies, bathed connor, got him ready for bed and read him a book. I couldn't have done all of that if i wanted to before taking the thyroid meds. I would love to know how long i have had this thyroid problem. Well, i will talk with all of you later on. I hope everyone has a goodnite and a good tuesday. Love and hugs stormy
Book, where do u work in a mental ward? It is none of his busy n that is very personal stuff he was asking. Good for you letting him know in a calm fashion way n being able to ignore him too. You handle it better than I would. Dtflex, haven't heard anything from tbailey.
Book good for you what a jerk he is -you are a KAW for sure. Bobbie -people are still without power is some places-the next storm is due Wed-some rain and lots of wind are due-we were able to get gas ahead from CT for the generator and I am not driving very far until this next storm is over and the gas problem get solved the Gov. has promised to get more gas into the area-and since he live in this area that should happen.
Diane: Tell us what happened with the sibs when you feel like it. You are so too good for them.
Btw: I sent a facebook message to Tbailey. Haven't heard anything from her. I really wish her well. She is such a good person. I wish she'd pop in and let us know she's ok.
Stormy: Sending you love and hugs. Get better.
Lildeb: I am keeping you in my prayers and hoping your medical tests just show that a simple medication adjustment can put things right. I'm sending you a big cyber hug, a bunch of love and tons of white light.
Hi Crew, I'm just checking in to let you know I'm still alive. Right now I'm reeling from the latest punch from the sibs and trying to figure out how to proceed. I didn't want to make any of you worry.
Deef, that is pretty smart with the cameras so that u don't have to be right their under her. Smart thinking n I will keep that one in mind if I ever need it. Interesting that your mom is more calm when someone not distracting her for my mnl is NOT calm if I am not right in front of her still. it don't bother me as much anymore now that I know I am her comfort zone person so to say. However, she does go in her room for awhile just piddle paddle around as she say n she is fine I guess just knowing I am here. The Niece agreed that it would be better for her to stay over-night on Wed so we don't have to try n rush her at 4am for that is not going happen with her n I don''t blame her either. The cold is coming back I think from what is still left from Sandy. I will be glad when she gets done showing her ass n just blow back into the sea. eldestdaughter, just because u r not right their in his presence 24/7 you are still doing a lot of caregiver work for your dad n don't let anyone tell you different. ; )
JudyM, you r soooooooooo bad, donuts for the nurse, you little briber. lol. As for your friend all u can do is be supported for her n she has a very great friend to be their for her. Stormy, you need to focus on you getting better n staying better. If u go shampooing the carpet n crap u could have a relasp. Maybe get the sheets washed n spray the bathroom but all that other stuff can wait. Don;t over do it. Glad u r feeling a little better too. Austin, "One Step at a Time." You r in my prayers n Cat too.
Cat, you n your family are in our prayers n so sorry for your loss. Drive careful n we are here for you. Stormy, if you still feeling sick since last week n having trouble keeping food down, I think you need to go see your physician. I hope u can keep liquids down. Can you keep some Gatorade down n some juice form soup? You just need to focusing on getting better than play catch up alittle bit at a time n let us know how you r doing. I really still think u need to see a dr if you r not able to keep any solid food down n especially if u cannot with liquids. The mnl dr's nurse called to reschedule her appointment for he had a family member ER. We will find out for her x-ray next week. she didn't seem like she wanted to get out of the house anyway. Suppose to rain tomorrow n temp should drop in 40's.. Br...
Today at work, a male customer came in. He just talks and talks and talks. Finally, towards the end, he asked, "How many older men of of their late 50's do you know that is healthy?" I shrugged. He then asked me how old I was...I paused trying to figure out how to tell him it's none of his business. So finally he asked if I was under 40. Shook my head. Over 40? Nodded. How many years over? 6. He then asked me if I have any health issues. I replied, "Off and on." He asked what is my health problems. I really didn't it was none of his business.
Remember the time a few months ago, a customer got so personal and I asked how I could handle such future scenarios? Well, I applied it today. I looked him in the eye and said, "It's personal." He just wouldn't take that for an answer. I just kept repeating it until he finally gave up. Hmmm. That wasn't too bad! I felt so good that I was able to stand up and tell him that. Thanks, all...
Cat thank you for your concern-that was an event my mother actually saying thank you to me the night before she had her massive stroke. That hospital Leighi Valley Ceder Crest is an amazing place and allor almost all the staff were so great -some docs needed better people skills-but generally everyone went out of their way to be helpful.
Just a quick note...most of the details I posted is in the Caregiver - How are YOU thread. I took mom to the ER this morning. Arrived 930am - left 330pm. Mom has bronchitis. And I am now experiencing the full blown flu - sore throat, stuffy nose vs runny nose, coughing, sneezing, flu headache and just now - the body aches. Despite feeling like a bulldozer ran over me several times, I still came home, changed their pampers, made sure they had dinner, throw in 2 loads of laundry before I finally had my dinner. I'm really tired...so, I will keep this short..
Man! the bosses are going off-island on Thursday for the weekend! I need to really stuff myself with DayQuil. The only one I have on stock - expired last month. But I will still take it until I can go buy more tomorrow. Later!!
(You know, I can't stand OJ. But when I get sick, I drink that like it's water! It tastes sooo delicious. I keep drinking it until the day it goes back to tasting yuck. By then, I know that my body no longer needs it and I can stop drinking it.)
Hey Austin: Glad to see you on GO. You have been sorely missed. I'm so grateful to know that you have electricity now. I'm so sorry for all you have been through for the past 6 weeks or more. And the loss of your mom. You posted on my wall that she thanked you by name. That must have been a special moment. Tell us more when you have had a chance to rest and get caught up.
Thinking of you and sending white light. Love, Cat.
A preacher wa looking for a used lawnmower. He found one at a yard sale that the ownwer's boy, Jim, happened to be manning. "This mower work son?" the pracher asked. "Sure does," Jim said. "You have to pull hard on that cord, though." The preacher bought the mower. When he got ready to mow, he yanked and pulled and tugged in the cord, No luck. It wouldn't start. Back he went to the yard sale place. You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough," he complained. "Well," Jim said, "maybe I didn't mention that you need to cuss sometimes." The preacher was taken aback. "I haven't done that for many years!" he said Jim smiled. "Just keep yanking on that cord, Pastor. It'll come back to you."
A man is recovering from surgery when the nurse appears and asked how he's feeling. "I'm ok." says the patient, "but I sure didn't like those four- letter words the doctor used during surgery." "What didd he say?" asks the nurse ?" "Oops!"
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.
'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'
'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'
'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny.. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'
The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?'
The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold, you're slippery, and you have no balls...You must be a POLITICIAN.'
Hi -just trying to get caught up this last month is a blur first the wedding in Calif then home then back to PA then my mother died and the storm kept us in PA then on Thur the funeral-we got our power back yesterday and we have another storm due this week. I finally got on facebook today and heard from high school classmates for the first time since graduation in 59'.It will take me awhile to get caught up again with all of you great folks.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Austin sorry to hear about your mom. Hoping we don't get too much of the white stuff on Wednesday night!
Book, Poor you! Too bad they didn't keep your mom at the hospital for a few days. I hope all that OJ makes you feel better.
Lildeb, Mom used to look for me all the time at the beginning. She would call me at work and tell me to come home because she couldn't breathe or whatever excuse sounded bad enough for me to go home. I was a half hour drive from home, so I would call my sister or sil to check on her. She would be fine, just having a panic attack. Now she is too far gone to notice if she is alone or not.
Eldest daughter, a care giver is a care giver no matter how much or how little they have to do. It's still living with a very stressful situation. Let us know how you are doing. Stormy, definitely go easy on yourself. Give yourself time to feel better.
Cat, Have a safe trip!
Diane, sibs! The bane of our existence! My youngest brother showed up Sunday with his two kids, 5 and 11, and stayed for 4 hours. He bought lunch and that was good! But he also called the youngest of our sisters and she stopped by to see the kids and rile them up! By the time everyone left, Mom was in a state!!! Merry couldn't even get her to eat dinner. Too much activity and people for her to handle. By the way, my sister made a couple insulting remarks to me and ruined my day! Sorry you are dealing with that shit again! What a$$holes!!
Jen, is it still cold there? Got the storm coming and it was in the low 40's with a good breeze today. Vacuumed out all the vents and turned the furnace on to make sure everything was okay.
Got to finish cleaning up the yard and put the swing away before the storm, just on case!
Talked to a former co-worker last night and we are meeting for breakfast tomorrow. I think! Bent down to get a pot to cook dinner and got really dizzy when I stood up. Still a bit dizzy and now I have a stiff neck! Sure hope I don't have to cancel tomorrow.
Oh yeah, went into the cellar to cut some wood for my painting projects and used the compound miter saw to cut some pieces. Well, the blade was bad and the wood got shredded on the ends. Then I tried to use the scroll saw and the blade snapped! The blade holder went went flying across the cellar and it took me a while to find it. So I gave up and came back upstairs and did something else. Now I need to get a new blade so I can get going on my projects for the craft shows. Guess I should have checked out my equipment before now as I haven't used it since last year. Need to get all my saws and sanders cleaned up and oiled before I go any further. Tomorrow is another day!
Bobbie!!!! Judy!!! and anyone I missed!!!
Okay, bedtime for me. Still not sleeping well. Been hearing my pulse in my head when it's quiet, for the last couple weeks. Blood pressure is up a bit, but not too bad.
Lildeb- what's going on with you with the medical tests? Did i miss a post or comment. I hope everything is alright, let me know. I do feel better. Alot better. Today has been the best day yet so far, keeping my fingers crossed that it lasts.
Thank you for the advice. You take care ok? hugs stormy
Book- sending you prayers that you will feel alot better tomorrow.
Cat- still thinking about you and your family. I hope you are doing as best as you can in a situation like this. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Hugs
Diane- Good to hear from you. hugs
Well, i am finally feeling normal. And i am able to eat now. Sis says she thinks i had the norovirus. It's a different strain of the stomach virus, with headaches, achy body and it lasts longer too. But i am glad that mess is gone!!!!! I finally had some energy today like a normal person would. I went to dads and done all the duties and chores for him, picked up connor from school, helped him with his homework, cooked supper, ate, washed dishes, folded two loads of clothes and put them up, cooked some cookies, bathed connor, got him ready for bed and read him a book. I couldn't have done all of that if i wanted to before taking the thyroid meds. I would love to know how long i have had this thyroid problem. Well, i will talk with all of you later on. I hope everyone has a goodnite and a good tuesday. Love and hugs stormy
Dtflex, haven't heard anything from tbailey.
Btw: I sent a facebook message to Tbailey. Haven't heard anything from her. I really wish her well. She is such a good person. I wish she'd pop in and let us know she's ok.
Stormy: Sending you love and hugs. Get better.
Lildeb: I am keeping you in my prayers and hoping your medical tests just show that a simple medication adjustment can put things right. I'm sending you a big cyber hug, a bunch of love and tons of white light.
Love you all, Cat
Anyone hear from tbailey lately?
Take care everyone!
eldestdaughter, just because u r not right their in his presence 24/7 you are still doing a lot of caregiver work for your dad n don't let anyone tell you different. ; )
JudyM, you r soooooooooo bad, donuts for the nurse, you little briber. lol. As for your friend all u can do is be supported for her n she has a very great friend to be their for her.
Stormy, you need to focus on you getting better n staying better. If u go shampooing the carpet n crap u could have a relasp. Maybe get the sheets washed n spray the bathroom but all that other stuff can wait. Don;t over do it. Glad u r feeling a little better too.
Austin, "One Step at a Time." You r in my prayers n Cat too.
Stormy, if you still feeling sick since last week n having trouble keeping food down, I think you need to go see your physician. I hope u can keep liquids down. Can you keep some Gatorade down n some juice form soup? You just need to focusing on getting better than play catch up alittle bit at a time n let us know how you r doing. I really still think u need to see a dr if you r not able to keep any solid food down n especially if u cannot with liquids.
The mnl dr's nurse called to reschedule her appointment for he had a family member ER. We will find out for her x-ray next week. she didn't seem like she wanted to get out of the house anyway. Suppose to rain tomorrow n temp should drop in 40's.. Br...
Remember the time a few months ago, a customer got so personal and I asked how I could handle such future scenarios? Well, I applied it today. I looked him in the eye and said, "It's personal." He just wouldn't take that for an answer. I just kept repeating it until he finally gave up. Hmmm. That wasn't too bad! I felt so good that I was able to stand up and tell him that. Thanks, all...
Loved the jokes , Cuz.
Hope it's not a bad cry.
Austin! hope you are getting along ok up there.
lovbob
Man! the bosses are going off-island on Thursday for the weekend! I need to really stuff myself with DayQuil. The only one I have on stock - expired last month. But I will still take it until I can go buy more tomorrow. Later!!
(You know, I can't stand OJ. But when I get sick, I drink that like it's water! It tastes sooo delicious. I keep drinking it until the day it goes back to tasting yuck. By then, I know that my body no longer needs it and I can stop drinking it.)
Thinking of you and sending white light. Love, Cat.
These days about half of the stuff in my shopping cart say,
"For fast relief."
Good advice is something a guy gives when he's too old
to set a bad example.
Don't let aging get you down. It's to hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow
old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
Have a great night
luvCuz
A preacher wa looking for a used lawnmower. He
found one at a yard sale that the ownwer's boy, Jim,
happened to be manning.
"This mower work son?" the pracher asked.
"Sure does," Jim said. "You have to pull hard on that
cord, though."
The preacher bought the mower. When he got
ready to mow, he yanked and pulled and tugged in the
cord, No luck. It wouldn't start.
Back he went to the yard sale place. You said this
would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough," he complained.
"Well," Jim said, "maybe I didn't mention that you
need to cuss sometimes."
The preacher was taken aback. "I haven't done that
for many years!" he said
Jim smiled. "Just keep yanking on that cord, Pastor.
It'll come back to you."
A man is recovering from surgery when the nurse appears
and asked how he's feeling.
"I'm ok." says the patient, "but I sure didn't like
those four- letter words the doctor used during surgery."
"What didd he say?" asks the nurse ?"
"Oops!"
Anyone can have a body of a 21-year old,as
long as she buys him a few more drinks first.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also
my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the
wrinkles fill in.
I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose.
Some parts of my body are prone to swinging.
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffeemaker.
I think I have reached my sexperation date.
bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on
his twitchy little nose.
'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I
didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'
'That's perfectly all right,' replied the
snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm
blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal
are you?'
'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny..
'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and
find out.'
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he
said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and
a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny
rabbit!'
The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But
by the way, what kind of animal are you?'
The snake replied that he didn't know either,
and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished,
the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he
replied,
'You're cold, you're slippery, and you have no balls...You must
be a POLITICIAN.'
lovbob