Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Meanwhile: I have a garage and a couple of years ago I turned on the heater in my car and the fan made a terrible noice. Mice again. Got into the dashboard and made a nest and that was with the car in the garage. Little devils.

Lildeb: I have never had to contend with mice in the car before. All new ball game in our new home is Washington. I guess they like to keep warm.

Meanwhile: Are you getting snow where you live?

Cat

Cat, I once had to vacuum 3 cups of dog food out of the car's heater. Pack rats had filled the space up with dry dog food. We just have a carport, not a garage. Fortunately, they didn't damage any wiring. Have 6 cats around the place now though. Hope everyone is safe from the storm. Snow already! It was 78 and sunny in West TX today. Take care everyone.

Cattail, I am so sorry about your car n I have never heard such a thing to happen. That little sucker made a nest n mess up the wire, I still cannot get over that mess n $600 bucks too! I would be shitting too. so sorry....

Lildeb: Hope all goes well for your sister. Cat

All of you women are awesome!!!

Mame: Glad your husband's job is safe for now and hopefully forever. Glad mom is feeling better too. You are a love, Mame, and I appreciate all the kind words you give to everyone.

Linda: That was a good road trip. Thank goodness for the ice chest. Party in the van and a good pee on the interstate. You rock.

Stormy: Love and white light to Conner and all of you in the household. Praying you don't catch the flu.

Deef: You just keep rocking on. So happy to hear about the new insurance approval. Yeah!!!!!!

Well, a couple of days ago my warning lights on the dash of my car came on. My Honda is 10 years old and these guys are essentially bullet proof. Spent $1.400.00 earlier this year getting the timing belt changed and some other maintenance stuff, but that was needed and, at the same time, precautionary. I keep my cars for a long time. In fact, I've had 3 cars in 35 years, so you get the idea. I have an aversion to car payments.

So took the car to the dealership today and they just called to give me the news. Flipping mice built a nest in the engine and chewed throw some wires and other shit. I'm blaming this on the garage sale cause I've had to leave my car outside and couldn't put it in the garage. So now I can subtract $600.00 in car repair from my little sale profits. Grrrrr. Oh well, shit happens.

Prayers to all in the storm's path. Batten down the hatches and stay safe.

Love to all, Cat

My sister lives in VA n she just said that, they r getting snow n it starting to stick at top of the trees at the higher elevation area. Of course, they had to move on top of the mountain n she stated it was already 35degree n its only 6:30. They seem they will be fine except the extra snow coming their way.
Saying a prayer for those in the path of Hurricane Sandy n I hope everyone is able to get somewhere safe.

Stormy, you have been busy! Poor Connor. He's been catching it from all sides lately. Hope he feels better soon. All the kids are happy here. No school today and most likely not tomorrow either. Have to text my sister in Virginia and see how they are doing with the storm so close to them. Getting heavy wind and rain there right now.
Sharyn, hope your mom realizes she needs help soon. Calendar is a good idea, but keep hers simple. Too much info will confuse and agitate her. It's very hard for them to digest too much at once and she may get more confused if you don't keep it simple.
Glad to hear your husband's job is safe for now. Love those antibiotics! Mom just got done with cipro for a UTI. She also takes a maintenance antibiotic every night and has had less UTIs because of the low dose taken nightly.
Linda!!! Sounds like a fun road trip! At least you made the best of a bad situation and turned it into a good time.
Mail just got delivered and we now have letters of confirmation for our health insurance! Finally, some good news! I need to get new scripts and they will cost a whole lot less than under our old insurance. More money for fuel this winter!!!
Looks like mom could use a trip to the bathroom and a snack. Lunch took about a half hour, but she ate everything, eventually!

hang on and hangin there folks . windy day out !!!
jen- crank up ur rock n roll music . maybe rap music , that may make him more confuse as ever . jam it jenny girl !!! lalala .
dustin and cleanin here .
trying not to let my stress level hit too high .
sold pa s trailer and dealin with 9 kids to sign the deed . such a headache and fear some of them wanna start the drama shit , not letting it get to me . as i am jammin too and cleanin and pickin up and throwin away stuff that is nonsense to have ,
found loaded of louie s long hair and now its in my eye ! maybe soon i ll be sick ., cat hair and i dont get along too well .
went on a roadtrip sat morning , flashin sign said crash up ahead take a detour up on exit 53 , may take 3 to 4 hrs tp clear the interstate . ah hubby and i decided to stay on I 65 and ride itout , wasnt about to take no detour out in the mountains , i had to pee realy bad so i peed on the I65 , was happy that i got to make my markings . woo hoo . creep , shut the van off sat for a while , ahh start it up again and creep some more and shut er off . it went on for like 5 hrs !!! lucky we brought a cooler full of beer . thirsty we were so hubby and i partied like hell in the van . we had a blast ! for 4 hrs , then the traffic started to move so off we went and i took the next exit and stop to eat and sobber up and hit the road again . whew , the road trip was suppose be 4 hrs drive , well we got there 9 hrs later lol , .. the trip back home was boring and made it home in 4 hrs .
thanked the lord for a safe trip and a good memory to remmy forever .

deefer - the way u prescibe about ur mom is about the same way i handled dad lol . yes takes me forever to get pa all nice n clean , i had to shave him and i hated to shave him . fearin i would cut his skin , oh those were the days , cheerish it deef !
u all hang on and pray for the storm to fade away real fast . xoxox

Hey Mame! I'm in central Mass. and the town I live in is in a valley, so we will be spared the high winds and heavy rains. Keeping our fingers crossed that we don't lose power like last year.
No daycare today and no help, so it's just me doing everything for Mom today. She is still sleeping so I made a batch of corn muffins and just had one with coffee, so I'm ready to do battle! It will take me about 45 minutes to get Mom up, washed, dressed, medicated and fed, then I can collapse for a bit! It's tough for one person to get her ready in the morning as she doesn't help at all and is into everything within her reach if you don't have 10 pairs of eyes on her. I wonder why I can't lose weight with all the energy I use to deal with her.
I can see on the camera that she is starting to stir, so I guess the fun is about to begin. Hope all my east coast friends stay safe! I'll check in later.

Good morning! Well, hubby's job is safe for now. Thanks for your good thoughts and positive energy Book, Cat, Deef, Bobbie and all. It is soooo scary when there is no announcement and bam! People are let go...he said the whole place was sooo tense! Phew! (As if knowing layoffs are coming is better...haha)

Mom is doing well! The antibiotics are not wreaking havoc on her intestines so far-yogurt every day helps! I think we caught it just in time. She hates doing the nebulizer but will do it...She didn't get too whiney but that is what I was dreading...that is my least favorite thing too Meanwhile! My sister's Bday was Saturday and we had cake for her. Mom was right in there having fun with us! It is sooo funny-the things that she remembers... My sister recently had to have her dog put down...cancer...sad... Well, whenever I mentioned that it was sister's bday, mom would say-"we have to get her a present...I know what-a puppy!" She couldn't remember it was her birthday but knew what to get her when reminded! Maybe cause it is an emotional thing, mom remembers it...I don't know. I just find it interesting.

Yes Deef-I am in Central/Upstate NY! We are keeping a good eye on "Sandy". We expect some rain but local forcasters say we are not close to flooding here. Sounds like the big problem will be high winds-so we may lose power. The snow is predicted west and southwest of us...the worst wind and water-east in NY city...So it may just be a nuisance here. Just in case, we have water and food and I am just hoping we have enough oxygen tanks for mom till the power comes back on! Everyone this weekend was clearing the shelves at the stores of water, bread etc. It is kind of exciting. But I am glad we are where we are! My nephew recently moved down to NY City and we are a little worried for him and are hoping he is taking this seriously. His specific area has not been ordered to evacuate...I wish he would tho... I will keep you posted if I can! It's all about the power/electricity! I am glued to the weather channel Jen!

Flex, so glad you are getting the roaches taken care of. Dirty bugs. Ick. Glad you got half the $ from the garage sale for it! Wish you got it all!

Book-take care of yourself girl! I get lots of aches and pains that I blame stress on-but nothing as painful as you are getting...it is scary! Hope the (sexless) massage works for ya!

Deef-my hubby too eats all the candy so I have to hide it so there is some left to hand out on Halloween! I caught him last night with a mouthful-he is just like a little kid! But I guess that is why I love him. And Flex-like your James-my hubby can be a good house husband too. We are lucky! Bobbie-when hubby used to clean the cat box-I knew it was just cause he couldn't stand the smell. He has a very sensitive nose! Definitely not OCD like your boat angel!

Kuli, it was probably very good for you to go to cemetary and have a good cry. Cleansing. I am sure Dad is looking down on you-loving all you did for him and wanting what is best for you. Hugs to you.

Welcome Sharyn! Sounds like you have your hands full. Definitely get help in and don't take it all on yourself... Keep fighting for what you need and for what she needs without giving up yourself! Sounds like you have good instincts and you have come to the right place for advice and to see what can happen in many different scenarios!
Stormy-hope you are feeling better and that no one else catches Connor's tummy troubles!
Hey there Lildeb! Needing to hear a joke-where is Cuz? Hope Cricket is doing well. Hi Judy and Austin, Onlyme, Linda, SS, Sskape and and...all you others out there! Deef and you other East Coasters-stay safe! And where ever you are with all this weather the rest of you stay safe too!!!! I will get back on here tomorrow morning if we have power!
Love and Hugs to all! Mame

Can't sleep, it is very warm here tonight, plus many neighbors setting off fireworks in victory of the S.F. Giants winning the World Series, Lol!!

Cat~Mom can afford help, she just won't pay out of pocket. I like your suggestion and actually told my sis a week ago about doing a grease board weekly calendar for mom. My schedule changes each week so am going to buy 2 boards big enough to break down the 7 days with my schedule, appts. she may have, when I will be available, who will take her to appts, ect. I will keep 1 board here so I can fill it in when I get my schedule for the next week and just rotate the boards accordingly. We will see how this works out, what will need to be tweaked as we go along. Thanks again everyone, you have all been very helpful and I appreciate all the feedback and concern.
All you who live on the East Coast, I hope you are not without power for long and stay safe!! Keep us updated as you can...Hugs to everyone!!!

Hey all, well late last night Connor started throwing up, poor thing has the stomach virus. And he had such a good day yesterday and to end it like this. So we have been up for most of the night. I am hoping maybe he will sleep most of it off. I just hope me or hubby don't get this mess. Ugh..... later ya'll love and hugs stormy.

Sharyn: Thank you for explaining so many of the details. It's very helpful to all of us in understanding the situation. Now, let me ask you something. Is you mom willing to let someone (paid caregiver) help with taking her shopping or do shopping for her (groceries)?

As for your sister. Whatever relationship she chooses to get involved in is up to her and I can see why you say she and your mom are alike. Nevertheless, it's not your problem and you are not going to change your sis anymore than you can change your mom. I think you just have to make it clear to your sister AND your mom what you will and will not do. You have X amount of hours to help mom every week. If sis doesn't want to fill in, then a paid care giver is needed to fill in the gaps.

Correct me if I am wrong, but your mom does have the financial ability to have hired help. Is that correct?

If so, maybe you need to set up a weekly calendar that you can share with your mom and your sister. I don't know if your work schedule is the same every week, if so that's all the easier. Just make it clear, this is when I am available to help you, mom, and this is when I am not available.

Start working on it and see if you can make progress. Maybe your sister can add some time to the calendar too. Can you do it a month at a time, instead of a week?

Hoping the best for you Sharyn. You are in a difficult spot, but you can take some steps to let both mom and sis know what your time limits are. Hopefully other needs can be filled by a paid care giver or your sis.

Love and white light. Cattails

Thank you All for your responses. I am basing my mother being at stage 4 due to this article online: Moderate cognitive decline
(Mild or early-stage Alzheimer's disease)
At this point, a careful medical interview should be able to detect clear-cut symptoms in several areas:
Forgetfulness of recent events
Impaired ability to perform challenging mental arithmetic — for example, counting backward from 100 by 7s
Greater difficulty performing complex tasks, such as planning dinner for guests, paying bills or managing finances
Forgetfulness about one's own personal history
Becoming moody or withdrawn, especially in socially or mentally challenging situations
My mom can't balance her checkbook, she forgets info as soon as you tell her, she gets confused when explaining anything to her cuz it's too much info for her to understand, she confuses me and sis with each other, she thinks the message on my answering machine (it's my husband) is a real person and she talks to it, she even asked my sis if I had a boyfriend because some man answers the phone when she calls, Lol!!! This is what she can do: She can keep herself clean, the house clean, feed herself and lite cooking, feed her dog, minor lite yard work. She has notes all over her kitchen reminding herself of appt., reminders written on the calendar, she keeps the daily newspaper on her kitchen table all day so she can look at the front page to see what day, month it is. She does hide financial papers because she thinks my sister steals them, its because she forgets where she hides them. She is eating regularly, she knows when she needs a haircut, washes her clothes. Her hygiene is good. The problem is she becomes very confused when she gets phone calls, she thinks she needs to respond to all mail, political solicitations scaring her that she is going to lose her SS. So far she has not sent donations to them. She thinks my sis and I are not old enough to advise her on this mail so she will only listen to what people her own age tell her. The more I am around her, the more I see that she "show timing" for short periods of time plus the more I am around her, the more she depends on me which I think is normal under the circumstances but sis is not around her as much so mom is probably "show timing" when they are together.
Cat you are right!! The DPOA is written so that we can not step in to take control of her finances or make decisions for her until she is incompetent. This why her dr. is not much help, he has a copy. He is not even willing to be creative in administering a current memory test. As long as mom refuses he won't push it. He could have done one when he had to fill out the forms from DMV regarding her health which resulted in her license being revoked at month ago, but he wouldn't turn her in to DMV, we had to. Her attny. is only following mom's wishes which she had written up in 2001, when my dad was declared incompetent. She went by what he advised her regarding the "Springing DPOA". He told us a week ago that he would not let his children have control of his finances either. He said he can see the decline in her since he last met with her, then he challenged us as to whether we thought we would win a conservatorship case right now. He knows she is not legally incompetent, I know it too. She has electric stove, oven,etc. uses a microwave most often for frozen dinners. I cook food for her too so she can microwave it to warm up. Also, I understand my mother better than my sis does, maybe cuz they are too alike.
This man my sis is periodically seeing is a person she knew as a teeny bopper, had a crush on him back in the day. He is 62 yr. old, she is 59. He openly admits he is taking several meds for PTSD from the Viet Nam War, never been married, and is very involved in everything veterans. This is all fine and dandy except he is not (in my opinion) a good choice for a serious relationship. Sis falls in love easily, she knows it, but she is already considering themselves a couple. When my sis has a man in her life, she puts him first over all her other relationships and I will not listen to it when she gets hurt. Sorry for the long post, I have alot to think about with all the great input from all of you!! Thank you and I hope you all have a great week ahead!! Hugs to all

Hi everyone, i have been MIA, sorry about that. It has been a busy weekend for me. I had to clean up my house cause my cousin and her two little girls were coming over for trick or treating. We have it early in our little subdivision where we live. And i always ask her and the girls to come and go with me and connor. So i had to vaccum and shampoo my carpet. Whew that was a job. Plus all the other cleaning chores. So the kids got a bunch of candy last night. Then today was my hubby's birthday. I had that to do to. Gift wrapping and making cupcakes. We went out to eat at our favorite seafood restaurant for lunch today. Then connor's soccer game at 3. Then a trunk or treat at 6 at my cousin's church tonight. I am wore out. Too my activities in one weekend. And now i have got to get to planning connor's birthday party. It's in november right around thanksgiving. November is a busy month too. I will be glad when the holidays are OVER. And they haven't even started yet. I am sorry i haven't read the posts in a few days i will try to catch up this week. I hope all of you are doing ok. I am tired so i am going to bed. I will chat with ya'll later. Hugs stormy

Sharyn, Is anyone with your mom enough to know her eating habits? Does she look unkempt? Hair not clean, clothes not matching, Buttons missing, how about dirty undies in the trash? Is her bed clean? If she can't manage her bills, then other things are surely not right. They start to lose all sense of time, hours, days, the time of the year, the time to eat. You can ask her if she is eating and she will give you the answer you want to hear because people with mild dementia learn how to cover up mistakes and the little things that we start to notice not being quite right. If she has a gas stove, is she turning it off properly? Does she put foods in the freezer that belong in the fridge? Have you looked in her microwave or oven lately? Definitely check her trash! Mom used to through out bills, jewelry, and silverware. Once I caught her cutting the hems off of her towels and couldn't explain to her that what she was doing was wrong. I really feel that one of you should spend a few days with her, around the clock so you can see what is really transpiring. Tell her you have bugs and your house needs to be empty for a few days while pest control works it's magic. Or any dumb excuse you can find to spend whole days with her.
Not trying to alarm you, just trying to give suggestions to help you see if she is capable of being on her own. In my experience, anyone with dementia is not safe being on their own. Hope you can find some answers!

SharynMarie!

Whatever you do, don't quit your job!
That's what I did and the fact that I didn't 'work' (at a real job that had paychecks) is really playing havoc with my financials and future now. What should have been my prime earning years were spent caring for mom and now I don't have any of the benefits of having a steady income.
I agree with Deef and Cat and Book and lildeb about it all, and you know what you have to do as far as establishing boundaries and not putting up with any unreasonable behaviors from your sis.

Your mom's doc and lawyer are not very up to speed with Dementia and are actually hurting her instead of helping her.
It's one thing to say: 'It's her life she gets to live it the way she wants...' and it's a totally different thing to know that when your mom is 'living her life the way she wants' she is hurting herself, you, your sister and anyone else who may get in her way.
I do hope she is not driving because this is the time that innocent folks get killed because the lawyer, the doctor et al won't step up and pull the trigger to get someone who has this disease off the road. Just makes me shake my head.

Google elderly driving accidents and when you start to read the details of some of them you can't understand why the authorities don't recognize the symptoms of some kind of Dementia.

Good luck and keep writing! The caregivers on this site are brilliant and will help you in ways you haven't thought of yet!

lovbob

Lildeb, Deef, and Book~ Mom needs to meet the requirements of ADL to use her LTC policy: The specific definitions vary from company to company, but here are the general 6 ADLs:
Eating
Bathing
Getting dressed
Using the restroom
Transferring – moving in and out of bed/chair
Continence – controlling your bowel or bladder functions
If you can’t do 2 of these 6, you qualify for benefits.
Mom is in an in between stage regarding her cognitive understanding. She could get scammed over the phone. Those of you who are familiar with Alzheimer's, their physical abilities seem to be the last to go. Lildeb, I like what you said about telling sis off. I did, which is why she is being a snit. My mom's phone is a landline, I don't think they have prepaid but will check that out. Sis has her own health issues which I understand, but I am not going to let her put me in a position of doing everything when she is willing to put her needs on hold to go to S.F. to see a Jimmy Buffet concert, not getting home until 3am....All for a man. She has no common sense when it comes to men. I think what bothers her is the phone is in my name, giving me authority on the account and not her. She tried to change the account back to mom's name but can't since it's in my name. I will change it back, but sis will have to deal with it if mom messes it up again. Mom's dr. is aware of the situation, but mom is not legally incompetent so he won't help. He just says call APS. Her attny. is aware, he says, it's her life, she gets to live it her way. The only thing I can think of is to limit my availability forcing my sis to step up. I want to establish that boundary with her now so she knows I have a life with my husband and am not giving up my whole life. Thank you all, I am still learning my way thru all this.

Sharynmarie: Deef made some very good points. I know you realize this. What does your mom's doctor say about her condition?

I think you also have a difficult situation because you are not really in a position to take action to put your mom in a facility or get in home help without her approval. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't that part of the problem?

As for your sister, you are right to set some boundaries. You can not provide your mother with full time care or supervision and your sister is not going to fill in the care gaps. This is just the reality of the situation. If the two of you can't find a way to provide a safe environment for her, then maybe you and your sis should discuss the situation with Adult Protective Services.

Will your mom's doctor say that she is unable to live safely on her own? It might be helpful if you write a letter to your mom's doctor explaining your concerns for her safety, and your mom's refusal to allow her money to be spent on in home help (if that's the case). Ask if you and your sis can meet with him to discuss possible options. You and your sis should both sign the letter and include a copy of the POA. At least her doctor will be put firmly on notice that mom's safety is at stake. Written notice can be powerful.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but let us know more about the difficulties you and your sis face in dealing with mom. We want to support you.

Hugs, Sharyn, Cat

Deef, I hope the storm stay clear of your way or at least not too bad. Glad u got rid of your treats n I enjoy looking at all the little children dressed up for Halloween. They have some neat costumes n so cute too. I am just thankful they r not my children filled with all that chocolate n sugar, lol.
Book, I hope that physical therapist works out for you. Have u ever been check for Lupus sle? This can give u chest pain as well as different areas of the body. You would need to see a Rhematologist for lab work to get your ana blood work checked out. I would first see the physical therapist first for if u turn or twist the wrong way while u r lifting your parents n changing their pamps that u could had pulled something. Good luck n I hope u get to feeling better soon.

Sharynmarie, don't let your sister put that mess on your because u live closer for she is the #1 one as for the POA. My first instinct would to tell sis where she can go! Yet that is me. Book, that is a good idea with the prepaid phone. I would also see about if u need to be #1 on that POA if you will be doing all the leg work for y'alls mom. I wouldn't quit my job for then how would u manage your own life. Can u check n see what type of insurance your mom has n if u can get a person out their to help out? Maybe calling the Agent Agency on Aging could suggest some resources for you too. I hate to say this but it sounds like sis is only worried about the financial part of your mom n not your mom's best interest of her needs. She also owes u an apology too. I know u can catch more flies with honey than vinegar but I would had to told sis off! I hope someone else can help with some suggestion. Hang in their n please let us know how it is going.

Sharyn, Unfortunately Book is right! I am the second oldest of 7 and worked full time. Because I earned way less than sibs and lived in one of the apartments in Mom's 4 family house, I was asked to leave my job to care for her. She could no longer do her bills, had major depression and anxiety and confusion. There is no way that your mom should be alone at this point. I hope she doesn't drive a car! You need to get your sister to go with you and your mom to a doctor and see what they tell you. Maybe if she is there she will realize how important it is to get this matter under control as soon as possible. If mom has a personality disorder, it can and will make things worse.
It's obvious to me that if you know she has stage 4, you have already talked to a doctor. Did they not give you advice on what steps to take? Your mom is a danger to herself and possibly someone else. Please call her doctor as soon as possible. You and your sister need to make some very important decisions soon.
This is probably not what you wanted to hear, but your mom is only going to get worse and no amount of checking up on her is going to change that. She needs constant looking after before she does something that can't be fixed.
Good luck and keep us posted on what you decide.

Since I wanted my family's feedback on where I can find a decent reputable massage therapist, I asked in front of everyone on the porch with the table full of food. I asked, "Does anyone know a reputable massage therapist?"

Niece who is a teacher (age 26?) asked, "What kind of a massage are you looking for?"
Without even pausing to think of an answer, I blurted out, "The one who doesn't do sex!"
Everyone broke out laughing so long and loud. Poor niece was laughing and turning red. (Well,so was I.)

Niece said, "Aunty, I know how you are. I didn't even think about Those Kinds of massage parlors! There are all kinds of massage. What kind were you looking for? Full body massage, etc?" (family giggling again while she said this.)

I replied, "Oh...." turning red again, I mumbled about the news undercover reports on those massage places... got more giggles from the family. Well...I didn't think it was That funny when it happened. Everyone was laughing except me.

But, as I was changing mom's pampers, I was replaying our conversation. Then I started laughing so hard. I kept laughing (full blown) even when changing father's pamper. Not giggling but laughing where I was bent over holding my tummy. Boy, laughter makes one feel good, doesn't it? After that, I noticed my right side was not as painful as before. It still hurts but not as bad as before. Talk about delayed reaction….

Oh, I've decided that maybe it would be best to see if they have a physical therapist. I will check and make phone calls. Thanks for all the advice.

Sharyn, unfortunately, that's how it is - the reasoning of our siblings. If you happen to be the one closest to them, or don't have a full-time job, or don't have a Very Important Position with high paying job - usually that sibling is "volunteered" to keep tabs or take in the parent. Siblings will come up with all kinds of excuses to get out of it. Since you live closer, sis expects you to do all the leg work. I mean, really, you didn't expect her to drop everything for mom when you live close by, did you? Sigh....

I think the only thing that will help the situation to both your liking is to find someone to help with your mom. However, your mom thinks she's normal and will not agree with this. (Like my pointing to the poop on dad's top pamper and on his finger and tell him to quit touching. He indignantly gets angry of me accusing him of it...even when I point out the poop. He may look at it - but his brain will not accept it as truth. Same with your mom.) The more your mom's situation interferes with sis's life, the more angry she will become at you.

With the phone, I guess you just change it back to your mom. Can you do Prepaid services instead? You can just buy every month a $25 or $50 prepaid card. This way, there's no need for your mom to call and cancel it.

Hi All!!
I haven't posted here before but have read some posts from time to time. I have a question and would appreciate some feed back. My mother is in stage 4 Alzheimer's. She can't balance her checkbook, gets very confused with phone calls, doesn't know how to handle her mail...what is junk to be thrown away, what she should respond to. In other words her organization skills are gone. I work 24-32 hours a week and my days off are spent assisting my mother to the point where I can't get anything done at home. Mom doesn't live with me...she has a personality disorder also. Mom refuses to take any prescription medications for fear of side effects. My sis lives 45 min away, works full time but has so much vacation time built up, her employer is forcing her to take time off. My sister is the one who has authority on the DPOA with me being second. My sis recently has acted as though it is my responsibility to deal with everything with mom because I live in the same city as mom. Recently mom authorized Verizon to disconnect her landline. This is not the first time mom has made changes on her phone, then was unhappy with the results. I spend 4 days getting everything worked out with Verizon, losing one day off work, so I put the phone bill in my name so mom cant' make changes again. Now sis wants it put back in mom's name, which I understand for payment out of mom's account, however, I told my sis I am going to fix it again if she changes things again. I told sis, mom needs help daily due to her confusion and I need time to take care of my own home. Her attitude is that I live near mom, blah, blah, blah. I am trying to set a boundary with my sis NOW before mom gets worse because I do not want to be taken advantage of by my sis. She reluctantly agreed to take off work early Friday to take mom grocery shopping, deal with some things at mom's house. I worked Friday, today and tomorrow, and I work swing shift so I am up late and sleep later in the morning. My sis calls me this morning at 8am waking me up, I answered the phone, she says, "This better be good for you to wake me up!" I said excuse me, "You called me!" She says, "My caller ID says you called me!!" I said, "Because mom's phone number is in my name, it was mom who called you!" She said, "Go BACK to bed!" and hangs up on me????? Now that the rubber is meeting the road, I get the clear indication that sis is Not going to be much help because her time is more important than mine. Any suggestions??? Hugs to all!!!

Diane, I’m glad that your James is very helpful and doesn’t expect you to do the “womanly duties” and still care for your mom. Of course, I would do the same as him if it meant NOT doing the caregiving! Smart guy… ;)

Jen, maybe it’s time to change the music. I’d rather have sound than no sound at all and just hear father’s mouth (lecturing on and on and on.) Music or TV does wonder to Not Hear it.

Deef, I once went to the gynecologist for my yearly visit. While waiting for him, I had this terrible headache. I was undressed (prepped for his visit) and on the exam table. The pain was so bad, I went into fetal position. He came in and found me like that. He asked some questions and thought that I might have a dislocated disk on my neck. He tried to get the insurance to approve an MRI but they refused. MRI is over $1,000.00. But, based now on my current pain, I think I will research more on nerve problem (fibromyalgia?) or tendonitis. Yeah, just touching my shoulder and causing such excruciating pain was …Unusual. Research, Research, Research. Thanks for the heads up. …. Acupuncture. I’m scared that they might “shortcut” and I end up with some kind of disease. For now, I’d like to try a massage. It worked once long time ago. Maybe it will work again. But would a massage make my pain worse IF it is nerves?

Lildeb, at the moment, I’m beginning to think the doctors from that clinic I go to might start thinking I’m a hypochondriac. I don’t think I will ask for an x-ray yet. I’d rather research more before I present it to the doc. Thanks!

Diane, glad u got someone coming to help you with the bug problem for they can multiply like rabbits. You may want to take mom n yourself somewhere for a few hrs until they r done running n dropping down from the ceiling after they spray your house. I hope your yard-sale is a success.
Book, you ever get an X-ray to make sure u don't have a crack rib or something? U can be amazed how u can crack a rib or maybe pulled a bad muscle n could have muscle spasms n it make u feel pain all over your body.
Kuli, everyone is different when it comes to emotions when u have lost someone close. I don't think your dad would be mad but rather a bit upset for he would want u to go on with your life n he knows that you love him dearly. One year is not that long so it is understandable that you had a meltdown. I hope u r able to find peace within your heart n u r able to relax n enjoy life to the fullest. Your dad is watching over you now so getting on with your life doesn't mean forgetting.It just means that u love your dad n miss him. I think u need to do that boat time a little n come back n join us.

Hey there! Been trying to get things done around the house in case we are on the bad side of that storm. At least it is expected to be warmer temps here than when we lost power during that storm last year. Still have a few things to do in the yard tomorrow.
Had town wide "Trick or Treating" this evening. Got rid of most of my candy. Good thing because my husband eats it until it is gone!! Lots of cute little kids in costume. It was in the low 60's, so I just sat on the front porch for the 2 hours and enjoyed the kids.
Mame, keeping my fingers crossed for your husband's job. Mine lost his almost 2 years ago and was forced to sign up for Social Security after unemployment ran out. He was 64 this past Tuesday, so it is not easy to find work. my sil just got word that he may not have a job by March, due to his company's product line becoming smaller and smaller. He is young and already has other prospects. By the way, are you located in upstate NY?
Kuli!!! Go easy ion yourself!
Book, Cpuld you have nerve damage or tendinitis? That kind of pain I know and it sure sounds like what you are experiencing. Unfortunately, rest is the best thing. for it. In the meantime try icing the area for a bit, then heat. I'm having recurring problems with occipital neuralgia right now and I have sharp, burning pain over my ribs due to pulled muscles. as for lack of sleep, I was tested for sleep apnea years ago after a rheumatologist couldn't come up with an explanation for widespread pain all over my body. No sleep apnea, but major restless leg syndrome for years. My body never got any of the deep restorative sleep that we all need to keep our bodies healthy. I've been on medication for years and still have nights where I can't stop twitching, itching, and pacing. Mom usually is out for the night, I just don't sleep well. Once I have health insurance again, I'm going to look into acupuncture. Is that something you could try where you are? At least it is not a drug!
Diane, glad you made some $$ from your sale. Every little bit helps. Once again I'm wondering if your mom need a med change. My Mom cried for no reason and worked herself up over nothing before the dementia got really bad. She was on Lexapro and still crying. her anxiety was awful too. When she was given ativan, she went berserk and it took a week for her to stop seeing bugs on the walls. It didn't mix with her PD meds. This could be why your mom is so out of it. You said you gave her ativan to calm her down, but maybe it had the opposite affect. I would watch her carefully if you give it to her again. If she reacts The same way, don't give it to her again, and call her doctor. The only things Mom gets are Paxil for mood and depression and zanax to keep her calm. It would be worth a try if these meds would calm her down some. Also ask about seroquel to help her sleep through the night. Psych meds have to be changed and tweaked all the time as they lose their affect over time in most cases. mom has been on this particular combo for over 2 years and has been at her best with it. Good luck and I hope you can get some peace!
Bobbie!!! Split the short hairs!!! Wow! Boat sounds like she is getting more ship shape everyday. By the way, you can send boat angel here to clean my 3 litter boxes anytime!
Jen, Is it still cold there? looks like we'll have the milder weather again this winter while you get the cold and snow. I'll have to bring my grass skirt next time I'm in Washington, in honor of FP's Hawaiian music!!!
Hey there, Meanwhile, Judy, Stormy, Maxine, Cat and everyone else! My brain is ready for bed. Too much fresh air and yard work today!

Oh Jen,

Go and get rid of the music before you go completely nuts. Come back and tell us you did it!!

lovbob

He is humming along to it now I want to die....

I'm in the midst of the dementia twilight zone tonight. Mom is in another time and place than me. She has been pretty spacey all day. She insisted the new PAC was her long time friends from Jamaica and was asking her about her children. Of course the aid had no idea what mom was talking about.
The garage sale was ok. I really didn't have any big ticket items to sell, but I at least made enough to pay 50% of the exterminator costs. Next Saturday will start really early too. We have a trip, 2 buses, that leave at 5:45am so that means I hae to be there by 4:45am to help folks check-in. At least I can come home and take a nap unlike my co-workers that will be escorting the tour. For once I'm happy to stay home :)
Book, and all of you caregivers (post & present) please take care of yourselves. Those symptoms are definitely disconcerting to say the least. Yes, 8 hours of uninterupted sleep? What is that? One day I will know what that is like again.
Hey Bobbie, my James will actually clean the litter box too! James has been a terrific house husband. He cooks, washes & folds clothes, vacuums occassionally, mows the lawn. He has been a life saver!!!!! All so I can deal with mom's craziness and he can keep busy and away from it!

I see mom stirring so let me see what she is thinking of doing. Try have a good night everyone!

Love ya,
Diane