Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Dtflex, I haven' even begin to walk the surface of where u r at with your mom. I am so sorry that the disease has taken a toll on your mom n it has to be very hard on you. My mnl n I were never close n still not that much. She has admitted she would have no idea what she would had done without me. Then on the other-hand, I am the evil person trying to put her away. I tell her if that was so she would had been gone a long time ago. There again is where I need to get that book. I would suggest for you to at least check it out n see if it can help give u somewhat some comfort. I am hoping it will help me accept it so that I can make it alot easier as possible for all of us in this household. I have to get fasting lab tomorrow n have to drag mnl early with me. I sat out her some clothes along with the new thick sweater for she already wears a pull over sweater. Within 10-20seconds she is already going through the clothes I set-out n telling me that this sweater is too long n big. omg, I just reached out for it n she handed it to me for I guess she thought I was going to inspect it or something. However, I just put them away in another room for the wee early hours in the AM. I don't like doing fasting lab for no coffee until lab is over. Trying to be their by 8am. I just got both r medicine put together for tomorrow n after lab then we can eat n take r meds. I am going to be ill without my Caffeine. Maybe I should put a muzzle on my mouth n say a prayer to give me some patience for AM.
Everyone have a great night.

Lildeb, I may have to look up that book since mom's dementia is getting so much worse and she is just becoming so beligerent over EVERYTHING!!! She has no idea where she is most of the time. She keeps thinking I'm her mother-in-law, not her daughter. Its one thing to have to do everything for her physically (feeding, toileting, dressing etc) but its another to deal with the insanity and attitude all the time. She is so far out most of the day now. I might need to take up drinking to deal with this crap:) Then we can both talk shit and not care what the other is saying.

In guess that's my venting for the moment. I hope you all have as good a night as possible.

Love ya,
Diane

Okay, I lost all my crap again!!! Hopefully this will make it n Im not going to remember word for word what I had said either. aw.....
Book, you r so right about those bugs. I try to smack the sucker n run screaming n yelling for hubby to get it because it does seem like they go for you. Plus, it takes more than one whack for those flying ones. I think they have a shield on their back sometimes.
Deef, thanks. It just seem that Medicare n the Advantage only cover for the first 100 or 120 days of rehab so hopefully mnl will not have to ever go. jeannegibbs, suggested to someone a book called, "Loving Someone who has Dementia," by Pauline Boss. I think I need to grab that book n do some more education n understanding. It is just so hard to understand or more like to accept this Alzheimer's disease n what it does to our family members n how it affects some of us.
Today was a good day n bought the mnl two thick sweaters from the petite section n they fit her. We n I did say, "WE" normally have to shop in the children's department. It is hard to find clothing that don't have shining-sparkly-mickey mouse stuff on it. At least I was able to find something warmer when winter comes.

"Oh, what those 5 feet could do..."
I think that's right.
Good to see you back, Jen!

Cat! I'd love to have some boat time with you and Bobbie! Just because your sister doesn't have a working computer doesn't mean that one day she won't open her email from somewhere, right? I'm glad you warned her. Although, if you don't use an email account for a while, don't they become "inactive" and you lose it?

Took both parents shopping yesterday. My dad is very confused. I had to walk in front of him so that he'd have my fat ass to follow around the store. No missing that butt. My brother used to tell me that I should make money and rent it out for billboard space. Whatever. At least Dad could focus on it and follow it up and down the aisles. I shook it a few times for him too. Not sure he noticed. He was concentrating on pushing the cart and shuffling along with it. Mom was furious that he went with us. I'm going to urge him to come along every time now. Its good for him to get out and walk, otherwise he just stays in bed most of the day. And, if it pisses Mom off, it makes my twisted, undersized, blackened heart, very, very happy.

I'm still not getting any updates. Go figure? I can like and send hugs and post but never get any updates. Maybe it is my e mail security?

that poem is me with that song stuck in my head... five foot two... eyes of blue...has any body seen my gal?

Hi Everyone: I've been have a couple of goal oriented days. Doing some window washing and catching up on things I've let go. Got lots more to do. Sorry I've been absent. I've got up on the posts. You guys have been busy.

Mame: So glad you danced up a storm at the wedding and had a great time. I hope you will take some steps to find a good care giver who can come into the house and take care of mom a few hours per week. You need a chance to get out and have a little freedom. Sorry your sibs are such jerks.

I know the holidays can be difficult for most of us. We are all so tired and the idea of having more people to take care of it just too much. Plus, I think they make us remember how things use to be years back when life was simpler and families seemed close and united. Double Whammy there.

Stormy: I've been thinking about you a lot and hoping your body is adjusting to the new medication. Glad Book hooked you up with the hypo support group. I'll be waiting to hear about your scan today. Let us know asap. Do you have follow up appointments with your doctor to review how the medication you are taking is working for you?

Book: Sorry your vacation has not being as care free as you (and all of us) hoped. I wish you could go off island and get a complete physical at a good medical facility. Have all those issues you struggle with addressed and understood. Then get the required medical treatment. I hope you will consider this. For you, it would be a vacation and an opportunity to just focus on yourself. You deserve to have a team of good doctors involved in solving your medical issues. And you deserve time to put yourself and your health first. Your sibs can step in while you are gone.

Deef: So you will be home for the holidays and sharing them with your children and mom. I hope the kids help with the cooking, etc. Hope your craft work gets underway and brings you some additional income. Thanks for talking to Jen and letting us know she's ok.

Jen: Hello and I'm thinking about you. Hope you come and vent soon.

Bobbie: Glad the boat is coming along. Judy and I both have boat time now. We may show up dockside together and surprise you. Hope the boat angel in doing ok. Always saying a prayer for you.

Linda: The bonfire and food sounds great. We have a fire pit and I may just do the same. My husband would love to sit there with me, but I've never really had an interest. Well, really, just didn't have the option of being out of the house during this time of year. I do now and I think I'll suggest it. Thanks for reminding me. Just a nice simple thing of life that is enjoyable.

Judy, you didn't tell us how old your aunts lived to be. You are keeping us in suspense here. By the way, you are always in my thoughts. You are such a loving sister and mom. So what will you be doing this Thanksgiving?

Meanwhile: Glad you had a good day on horseback. How's the pedometer working for you?

Cricket: Hope you are having a blast and look forward to you coming back to share with us.

TBailey: Where are you???? You've been absent too long and need to check in. Even if you went back to live with your husband, we understand. All our advise and comments are meant to be supportive of you, but we don't walk in your shoes. Let us know how you are doing. I'm missing you.

Sskape: Glad you are on the road to finding your way. Moving to San Diego must be a big change. I hope you give yourself a good year to get use to the new environment and all the changes that have taken place in your life. Wishing you happiness and I hope you stay in touch.

Diane: I hope things work out for Thanksgiving, but if they don't just take some comfort in the fact that you tried. Hang in there and stay out of the black hole.

Oh, here's a little story you might enjoy. You may remember a while back when I had a big vent and rant about my sister who would not come to see my dad before he died. I was so hurt for my dad and was so pissed at her. I don't remember if I confessed this, but I sent my sis a short email and told her how disappointed I was that she wouldn't visit dad; how much it would mean to him, that she never came to see mom at the end either and thanks for all the support.

Well, I started feeling bad about the email and I hadn't heard anything from her for a while. I had to call her about something else and while I was talking to her I said, "Hey, you know that nasty email I sent you?" And she said, "What nasty email? My computer died a couple of months ago." (Insert foot into mouth, take it out and insert other foot) So, of course I had to answer and downplayed it, but dang.

I'm sure I have missed a few. Just know that I love you all and hope everyone is doing as well as they can.

Love and white light. Cat

Mame, my brother sits in a big electric wheelchair, I'm sure I told you this. He has partial movement of his right arm. If we place a utensil in his hand splint (the hand doesn't work), he feeds himself. At family dinners, he sits off to the side of the table to leave room for the rest of us who can use the table, and it tears me up. I usually sit right next to him, otherwise, he can't hear the conversation and its so sad, and I'd rather sit next to him than anyone else anyway! One of the aides that took care of him, years ago, used to fix his dinner and set the plate in his lap and leave him to eat alone. I loathed her for that. Didn't even know it was going on until I walked in on it one day. Sorry for being a sap. Just struck a cord. Weird how certain things can stab you in the heart. You sound like you do such a good job with your mother - with love and compassion. I'm in awe. She must've been a good mom to you for you to take such good care of her. As for me - I think I mentioned on a thread somewhere that I actually checked my two aunts' online obituaries to see how old they lived to, so that I could judge how much longer I have to deal with my mother! My karma is soooooo bad! Have a goal oriented day - I'm trying to do the same - you've inspired me! xx, J.

Judy-I don't know if my brothers can't take eating with her-she isn't too bad (altho poop isn't bad to me anymore!) or if it is the conversation-same things over and over etc...I see it (her mental capacity or lack of) every day and have learned to accept each day as it comes...some good, some not so good... I used to send out emails warnging them that "this morning mom didn't know me when she woke up and I had to remind her..." OR-"she didn't know who SHE was this morning..." I don't even bother to send the emails any more unless it is something major. I thought it would prepare them but I don't think they want to be prepared or have anything to do with it! That Easter dinner made me realize that. One bro did go and eat with her finally-I went in the other room by myself-no one even noticed I wasn't there. And when she had to pee-they all looked for me! UGH. I agree that meal time is a social time and we have always eaten at the table as kids and with my own kids...I don't know, siblings can be so wierd. I can't understand how they can't see what they see and say "How does Mame do this day after day???" And then help me out more! At least on the Holidays! Ya know-at my nieces wedding last weekend, the grooms family paid a caregiver to bring Grandma to the wedding and wheel her around, feed her, take her to the bathroom so the mother of the groom could enjoy her son's wedding. It was so nice. The caregiver was so nice and made sure Grandma had a front row seat at the wedding-literally moving chairs so her wheelchair would fit, made sure G'ma was in on all the pictures and at the family table for the reception/dinner. I am going to remember that when either of my son's get married. But a family Holiday dinner-well, family should eat and converse with her-I don't think I will pay someone to care for her for those. I know many of us have "selfish siblings" and can relate...I just wish it was different... She still has feelings...and tells me stuff-and many times I am glad she later forgets... Sorry my story made you cry-you are very empethetic! Probably a prerequistie for a caregiver! You are sweet Judy! Thanks.

Oh, Mame, that part of your comment when you said your mom was sitting alone eating at your sister's house made me cry. Big, gaspy sob. I hate to see people eat alone. Eating is such a social activity. I know elderly people can be so gross when eating, but to leave her to eat alone? I'm glad I don't have mascara on yet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for warm weather for you! We sure have it here. Wish I could send some.

Deef-you could give them a lump of something else in those gift bags!!! I gave up the huge Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners too AND the summer party I have had every year! Too much work-and when my sister isn't here-I have to take care of mom all day too. C'mon boys! Give me a break! Last Easter, mom was sitting alone at the table at my sisters house-eating all by herself! What the hell?! So, I just stay home with my hubby and boys and mom and make a nice dinner here. It keeps mom calm and more on schedule so it is easier for all. People can come over and visit if they like...and I don't hold my breath! Like you said Book-it should be something to look forward to and it definitely isn't anymore!
Stormy-praying for a good outcome and some quieting of your anxiety! I completely understand why you are anxious tho. Hugs girl!
I decided yesterday that I need to set some goals of what I want to get done around here this winter. Since I am stuck in the house most days-maybe I can get a room or 2 cleaned out or something. I know if I have a sense of accomplishment, I feel better about everything. I also know that I get stir crazy in the winter...so I am hoping this will keep me from going crazy. My neighbor brought me a book she says is really good so I will start that soon. Rain and foggy here today in the 50's. They say it may be in the 80's tomorrow if we get some sun! Indian Summer I guess...Upstate NY where the extreme weather changes can happen overnight! It will probably be snowing this weekend!!HAHA.
Have a decent day all! Mame

Good luck Stormy!
Book, I started a new tradition last year. I have done X-mas dinner for the family for over 30 years. Two years ago I asked my sister to do it because she has a new house with lots of room. Of course I still had to bring food and Mom and gifts. No one offered to help me and my sibs left me to deal with Mom while I was there. So last year I opted to stay home for a quiet dinner with my husband and the kids. I called my sister and told her she could have Mom for the day. My cousin Sue called and offered to pick up Mom on her way and I didn't even have to leave the house. It was great!!! Later I found out that only one of my sisters went with her daughter. Guess they had a quiet X-mas too!
So I guess the days of big family dinners are over. Mom used to do Thanksgiving and I always did X-mas, then both when she wasn't capable anymore. I miss all the people and catching up with everyone, but I don't miss the cooking, the cleanup, and all the $$ it cost to feed everyone.
Every year I do gift bags for all the sibs and spouses, my sil and her 4 kids and spouses, and make sure all the nieces and nephews get one too. They usually have a jar of my homemade jam,fudge, and coffee or cocoa and a hand painted ornament. I always get a little something for all the little ones too. This year, the sibs just might get a lump of coal in a dirty old stocking!!!

Judy – regarding tapeworms. I saw a TV show on how people would order online or at the mom & pop stores on these lose weight herbal supplements. Well, the people did start to lose weight and kept losing it. Finally, went to the clinic. They had tapeworms inside. So, the documentary warned us to be careful of these lose-weight herbal pills…. I read your comment about Googling your aunties’ obits. I started laughing. I guess that means bad news, huh?

Diane – your mom crying – she’s depress. She can’t express it verbally due to her illness but she’s still experiencing the depression. I wonder if these times when she’s crying – if she’s Really Aware of Her Real Situation. The 2 times my mom became “mentally aware of the NOW”, she tried to kill herself. So, I wonder if your mom is aware of her situation and is crying. For truly, why else will she cry? My guess….

Bobbie, I agree with Lildeb. You have to have a thick flipflop to kill it. Anyway, when you’re chasing it with the flipflop, the roach turns around and runs straight at you – never fails!! I think they’re attracted to movements – and fly towards it.

Deef, I don’t celebrate holidays. But, I can see from other people’s point of view that it’s these major holidays that is family time. When caregiving for a parent, it should be something to look forward to. And it would be a time for you to relax and for those who don’t do the caregiving – to pitch in and help. Unfortunately, that is a fairy tale story. Real life doesn’t work that way. So, when I read here how much it means to you all, I just feel so bad for you. Deef, if the family really, really wanted to - they can cook the Thanksgiving dinner and bring it to your home. If space is not big enough, then, I guess that’s not even an option. Worry, about hygiene, then you all can pitch in and sanitize the rooms. If mom doesn’t wear Depend, then for once, have her wear one – while you have company. Have her wear those suspender stuff so that she can’t dig in and pull out her poop. ….OR…. you split the Thanksgiving day in half. You can go to their apartment in the early to late afternoon, and associate with everyone. Then you go back home to care for mom, while whoever was babysitting her, can go to the apartment and finish off their Thanksgiving there. Just saying that it doesn’t have to black or white. There can be an in-between option where you are not excluded from it. Remember, this a day for giving thanks. You will just have to start a New Tradition.

Hi everyone. I wanted to thank all of you for the support, concern and comments on my ultrasound that i am suppose to have done tomorrow. I am really nervous but trying to keep it together. If the thyroid cancer and goiters did not run in my family i don't think i would be so scared, but they do. So that just makes this that much harder to have to deal with. I called my sister tonight just to talk things out, cause of course i was freaking myself out. She did help to calm me down. But i am sure i will be ready for a straight jacket by in the morning. They can just go ahead and bring the little men in white coats to the hospital tomorrow. And tote me off. My appt is at 12:30. Ya'll say a prayer for me? Thanks. love and hugs to you all stormy.

Okay, it's late and I'm really tired, but if I wait until tomorrow I'll never catch up.
Lildeb, Mom has Massachusetts Medicare Blue Cross PPO. It's pretty good about paying most things after deductible is met, but she is in the donut hole on meds right now and just paid $800 for her refills. Listen to Bobbie about bathroom issues. I've been taking Mom for the past 3 years. not my favorite thing for sure.
Judy, Thanks for pasting my note about Jen! We hung up about 12:30 AM my time and I was pretty out of it due to little sleep the night before. Didn't get much last night either! Fried, whole belly clams!!!! Yes sir!! My favorite too! Going out to dinner this weekend for my husband's 64th b'day and I think that's what I will get!
Book, Your poor head!!! My neck and head are acting up again. Too much lifting Mom and not enough rest. I have 2 craft shows coming up and need to start cutting wood pieces and painting. As for meds, I have reactions to lots of them. My biggest is the sodium fillers that are in most over the counter and prescription drugs. By the third day, I end up retaining fluid and have trouble breathing. I have put on 5 pounds in fluid in just 3 days from a multivitamin!!! And like you, I take half a dose with most meds. I sure hope you get an answer for your head pain and feel better.
Linda!!!! Bonfire sounds good right about now!
Meanwhile, Most days, by the time I get Mom up and running, I'm to tired to do anything for a couple hours. So I sit with am coffee on the porch, or watch TV, or play games on the computer, just because! Glad you had a great time at the wedding!
Susan!! California and your sons! Nice! I'm sure it is a shock after Mass., but proud of you for getting up the courage to get out of here, especially with winter coming! Good luck and keep us posted!!
Stormy, glad Connor is better and hope you get the answers you need from your cat scan.
Oh yeah! Gross for the day here! Went to get things ready in the bathroom for Mom this evening and picked up her water cup to fill it. there was still water in it from when Erin got her ready this morning, and there was stuff floating in it and dried goo on the side. I almost lost mt supper when I started gagging. That mouth stuff again!! Gets me every time!!
Diane, Sounds like a really bad evening for you! I know how it is!!! as for getting everyone together for Thanksgiving, I know I won't hear from anyone in my family. Sibs won't dare call for fear I will drop Mom off to spend the day with them. My daughter and sil make dinner for themselves, my husband and I, and mu 2 cousins. Merry spends the holiday with her family of course, so that means I'm in charge of Mom and some of the cooking. Last year we could still get her up the stairs to my daughter's apartment, but this year that isn't going to happen, so I will probably be spending the day with Mom while everyone else enjoys themselves! I have asthma too and yard work sets me off as well as dust and mold, etc. mask might work for you.
Bobbie!!! Keep making that boat beautiful!!
Jen, A poem just for me??? Thank you so much!! Fun talking to you as always. Next time I will do it earlier, for me! I'm too old to be up that late!!
That being said, I'm going to shut this baby down and head to bed!
Night everyone!!!

Dflex, OMG! I hope your okay n that was a wimpy rubber trash-can with nothing in it. My mnl is not seeing or hearing things that r not their right now n she can do a lot for herself pretty much like feed her-self, bath though I get it ready, n she can make her own sandwiches n get her snacks that I sat out for her. However, she has always had a nasty attitude n stubburness. I feel for ya Dtflex.

Stormy, just gross us away n u get a Ace for that one. Gee thanks! I guess that's called, payback. lol. It was funny that u had to 'bribe' your dog from some slimy wadded up tissue. I hope u past your test on the neck n your son is doing much better. I know you have to feel a little better since he is feeling better.

Bob. gee thanks a lot n especially the part of, ' It's not fun because everything revolves around food going in and coming out." I guess I needed to hear all that for it is the truth but it is so hard to accept it sometimes. We do have a few laughters n I try to cherish those moments when ever they do happen or when ever I try to help it happen. Thanks for being honest. However, if I was to tell the mnl that if she forgets that I would remember, lets just say she will go off on me big time! She don't accept having AD and she was diagnosed in 2010. She just makes it hard sometimes to even help her yet, I continue to try.

Getting late again n I need to go check on everything n the animials before turning in tonight. I hope everyone is able to get some rest........ With a brighter positive day tomorrow.

This is just me venting!!!! I'M SICK OF MY MOTHER TREATING ME LIKE HER F'ING SLAVE!!!!!!!!! Her dementia has made her a mean old woman, so unlike the person my mother was.

Lildeb, my mom just got very upset with me and had picked up the garbage can to throw at me! She thought the house was on fire and nothing I did could get her to calm down. I popped her 1/2 an ativan and she seems to have calmed down. Never a dull moment around here.

JudymW, thanks for the frugal gourmet cheesecake for it sounds deliouse. I don't even care about the flushing part anymore as long as she can put it in the toliet bowl I will be happy. Karma may bite u back but I know it don't take much for my mnl to get pissed off too.
Bob, those flip-flops r not quite sturdy enough to kill these flying bugs. Didn't you know that our state bird is the Mosquito in GA.
Ingesting tapeworm just sounds so insane to me n Ew!

Hi ALL, I woke up with the darn headache! I will need to go to the store and buy a stronger painkiller. Extra Strength Tylenol is just not cutting it. I refuse to spend my vacation laid up in bed with this darn headaches! I will be buying Motrin- scary stuff eats a hole in your stomache.

Stormy, you don't know this island. No one is sent to the hospital for tests. They first need to get approval from the insurance for any procedures. Then you get sent to the cancer building and get the procedures done - one test at a time. Insurance don't approve a blanket of tests. It's a long slow process. I have a mass in my lower right belly which the ultrasound says is Not kidney stones. Radiologist suggested the next test to be done and the insurance refused further tests on it. I don't know what's in there.

I think the head catscan will not show up with anything. I've had one done a few years ago because of the headaches that I was having for 2 weeks - woke up with it and went to sleep with it. Like I'm Experiencing Now. It came back as negative. See? I've had to deal with medical issues most of my life since middle school. I've learned to take life one-day-at-time.

Stormy, don't sweat the big stuff. Go and do the catscan. Just face each obstacle as much as you can with strength and dignity. But do show some worry so that maybe the radiologist will feel sorry for you and give you a heads up on the result. I don't know about the states, but depending the radiology technician, they will tell you the small stuff. If it's something really bad - they won't say anything. They will leave it up to your doctor to break the news. I've had both happen to me. These techs know that we will worry. So if it's a small problem, they will tell you right then and there so that you're worries be no more. But, I think from a medical standpoint, anything major must be relayed to your doctor.

Also, we all are pulling for you! So, go knowing that we are anxious to hear what's up. Have to go now. 7am and time to do caregiving, etc...

Just getting caught up here! I am squirming in my chair from all the bug talk! And I thought the tick I had a couple weeks ago was bad! I still keep checking all over my body feeling like I have another one stuck in me somewhere! Hope you can get one up on those roaches Felx! Heebie Jeebies!
The weekend was terrific! The dress was a real hit! Everyone loved it! The wedding was beautiful-outside-which was really taking a chance but worked out beautifully for my niece. It had sprinkled before the wedding and just as it was about to start there was the most beautiful rainbow! Everyone was in awe. The reception was so much fun and I danced my feet off! The DJ did this awesome dance where all married couples came out on the dance floor and he had you leave the dance floor by how long you have been married-so the longest married couple was the last one on the floor-it was sooooo cool! My in-laws were that couple at 52 years married! I want to remember that dance and have them do it when my boys get married. What a tribute!
It was wonderful to get away-but as I have possibly said before 1-I always seem to pay for it...mom is getting a cold and talk about phlegm or however you spell it! YUCK and 2-sometimes I think getting away just makes me yearn for my freedom that much more! But, I am trying to be thankful for it-cause it was wonderful and not go negative with it... My 2 brothers did a great job with her and didn't call or text me at all! That shocked me. SO, now that I know mom can be left for a whole weekend-without my sister having to always be the one to do it-maybe I will have to take advantage of this...Not sure unless it is a huge event like this wedding that I will be able to get them here-but it is worth a try! Lildeb-thanks for asking about the wedding! I will be remembering the fun for some time to come!
Cat-so glad you had time with your son at the garage sale! So nice you can cherish that moment. He sounds like a great guy. And no more lugging the bed around! Yea!
Stromy-glad Conner is feeling better and hope you can get some relief soon from all your symptoms and worries.
Bobbie, Kuli and Ted-amazing the things you went through and write about...you know so well what we are all going through. I almost feel like you are writing from my perspective. When Ted said that about “the hours of waiting with my coffee to listen for signs of life from Mom's room”...it touched a chord with me bigtime. Some mornings, I just sit here with my tea...unable to get anything accomplished while I wait...and then feel guilty for that "wasted" time. Looking around the house at all that needs to be done...and I just can't muster up the energy... And Bobbie, so many posts of yours-I have wanted to copy and paste in an email and send to my siblings and say-"See?? See what this is like and what it is doing to me-and mom?"
Bookworm-scary stuff going on with you and the stress of this caregiving life definitely has its ramifications! I understand your resolve that the money isn't there and you have to care for them-but where would they go if you weren't there? I am asking seriously-cause-that is a big question for me too-They have to be taken care of-right? Mom always says she is glad she had me-I am the last of 7 children...what if I wasn't born? Or made different life choices and wasn't taking care of her? Where would she be? I don't really know that answer...but there has to be one right? I see my husband and I living under a bridge at 85 and our frozen bodies being found in the dead of winter...spooning with eachother trying to keep warm and failing... I have babbled too much...And Book-those thoughts are about my line of thinking about my life and your situation just brought it out...Sorry…
Judy-congrats on Boat time! Glad you had fun in Mass and enjoyed the clams!
Flex, after all you have been through with the siblings and you are brave enough to try and get everyone together for your mom-wow! You are an amazing woman. What a big heart you have. I hope something good can come of it for your sake. You have extended your hand to them-I hope they take it. Maybe there will have to be ground rules or maybe it will just work out on its own-but wonderful of you to give it a try.
Linda-I want you to cook for me! Pork chops and onions and taters sound delish!
Deef-my husband would be having a blast in that wheelchair! He wouldn’t let mom in it! Worth the price I am sure!
Renarad-constant state of anxiety is the way I describe my life too…and like others said-I learned as I went along…and certain things make sense…so you just do it. At first I was so afraid of making a mistake too-and now, I say to myself-I am doing the best I can with the knowledge I have from experience and from the doctor etc…and I am ok with that. Puts a little less stress on myself… Hang in there and just know you are doing your best.
Good God, I have written a book! Hi to Crickett and Jen-just saw your post! Hi to Mama, Juju Rip, Meanwhile. Sskape-glad you are building a new life… Sorry if I left anyone out! Praying for us all!!! Esp for Stormy and Book-may your tests come out well! Love you all-Mame

Book- I wish there was more that could be done to help you with your parents. I know it all just seems like a dead end. I am assuming that the mass in your stomach was benign? I know you are scared of the C word. I am too. I am worried about tomorrow and the ultrasound that i have got to have done. Lord, i hope they don't find anything. I will be singing praises if they don't. I know i will be wreak in the morning. I've got to find out when i can get the results or maybe i can talk to the person doing the ultrasound and see what i can get out of them. I'll just worry the shit out of them until they tell me something. Can't deal with this wait and see game. Not for me. I just want to make sure nothing is swelling or growing in there.

Oh i forgot to thank you for giving me the information on the hypo forum. I finally had a few responses and i have made a couple of friends there. Don't worry i am not leaving ya'll here. Just trying to find out as much as possible about this hypo mess. Love and hugs stormy

sk- so happy youre out an about . movin on with ur life . keep in touch dear .
yes i was thinkin about austin too . mmm wheres our maxine ? hope shes good and out runnin around .
bobbie i read ur post about u and ur mom . very touchin . glad u knew what to do and of course we could never yell at our parents , dementia sucks and so does alz ,
my mil has alz and it is sooo sad . she think she has to pee all the time . god bless this lady .. always lookin for bathroom . if she realy does have to go she ll drop her pant and do it . she made a markin on my new couch .
mercy ,,,
bobbie - the boat is what keeps u going and the puretty sights u wake up to every morning , loved it when it was cold up here and there i was out on ur dock with coffee and barefeet , had me gigglin and laughin , aww i love it !!! i was in the whole diffrent world .
boat time yes its time for u to go to bobbie s boat :-) ..

jen !!! same with me i dont get mail from agincare much anymore . i notice when theres bunch of commets then i get email from agincare . maybe once every two weeks . so i always keep my last email that way i can get on and read n weep or smile ... thanks for letting us all know ure ok ..
you all have a wonderful day . xoxox

Hi everyone, wanted to check in and see how you are doing. It's been a hard time since my Mom passed on Aug 16. After living in her home for 8 yrs ,I moved out so the house could be put up for sale. I rented a room from one of mom's CNA's who I had become friends with, which was very comforting, and then decided to move closer to my sons in San Diego. Now I'm struggling with "culture shock" . From living on the water in Mass to the hills of southern CA.
I am trying to get the momentum to do practical things like change my drivers license, look for work, decide where I can afford to rent , etc. I'm staying with my son, but it's a temporary thing.
I noticed Ted's post and was encouraged by his positive message. Thanks for posting , Ted. And thanks, Bobbie, for keeping this thread going. When I'm feeling lonely, I can read thru posts here and relate.

Hey all sorry I have been vacant, have been...also, has anyone else not been getting there updated thread notices. I have not gotten any since mid October. wonder if they changed something?



Five Foot One
Star Sign Sun
Heart Of Gold
Lots Of fun

Has anybody seen my Deef...

Hey nice talkin to ya Monday D....

Hope everyone is doing Ok, head too sore to re-catch up but I will soon. Stay safe all...

Stormy, I would not get mad at you! I have been through so much in life. I don't sweat the big stuff at all. But, I do know, that my caregiving parents will kill me. I've researched enough to know this. My doctor has repeatedly told me that I'm a high risk for heart attack. I've adviced family but.... they don't care ... until it happens. THEN they will realize that they will now have to take over the parents. Not enough $$ for nursing home - $4000-some/month.

1….When I went to the ER in 2007 for severe lower abdominal pain, we patients sit together waiting for our diagnosis. The ER doctors go up and tell you – with no privacy. We all can hear it. My ER doc, touched my shoulder and took me to a small room for privacy. My first thought – I’m dying. He breaks the news that I have this huge mass in my stomach and it requires major surgery He pauses and waits for my reaction. Since I already researched for weeks, I knew my options. So, I didn’t fall to pieces like he expected me to. I just nodded and said, okay, what do we do now?

2….My first major surgery, I was in severe pain prior to that. I had to be on Tylenol with codeine because I was in constant pain. But then my body was adversely reacting to it so I stopped using it. Couldn’t walk far or sit up too long. Moaning in pain in my sleep (but Not moaning while awake.) Doc asked when I would like to have the surgery, my response: “I want this thing Out Of Me! The sooner the better!”

Stormy, this was the year, where patients were dying left and right from our hospital. Nobody was willing to have surgery here because people were dying after the surgery. At this point of my pain, I just didn’t care if I died or not. I just want the thing that was causing me pain to be taken out. Family were all nervous and wanted me to fly off-island. Sorry – I was in so much pain – even lying down (the mass was pushing my internal organs) and I did NOT want to fly 7 hrs to Hawaii! I went in calmly and siblings were so obviously worried. Got to the point, I was beginning to get nervous. When the nurse asked me if I wanted my siblings with me in the pre-op surgery room, I said NO! They’re making me nervous!

I take things that are thrown at me. I usually first hide my head under the sand. But when I can no longer ignore it, I research ALL that I can so that I know what I’m facing. Then despite the obstacles that need to be overcome – I am aware of these and am not scared stiff of the unknown.

I researched that test he had me do. The doc had me stand up, raise my hands in front with the palms up, close my eyes and then look up. At first, I was fine. But the longer that I stood there, I started to feel my body begin to sway a bit. It just kept swaying. When done, he said that “it’ was mild. So, I Googled it. So far, nothing bad from what I’ve read.

Well, I'm going to eat 2 toasts, then take another painkiller so that I can sleep well and wake up ...hopefully better. Then tomorow, I do 3 calls to find the answer about mom's replacement trache. Need to update the surgeon's nurse on my search for the trache. Sigh...what a vacation!

Book- I am worried about you..... When do you go for a catscan? Soon, I hope. I know you must be out of your head with worry. Book- have they checked you for diabetes? I know that you are under a enormous amount of stress and i think that shows also in your weight. 100 lbs? Have you always weighted this little? Book- please don't get mad but i am only worried about you. I think it is high time you start looking for placement for one or both of your parents. I am just scared that if you keep this up, it is going to really hurt you in the end. Please think about some other options concerning your parents. Again, please don't be mad at me. I just am scare for you. You have gone far beyond the call of duty with your parents. No one would blame you for placing them. Or finding another option for them. You have got to think about yourself now. Please.... Sending my love and hugs to you sweetie... Stormy

Jeeze Bookworm, I hope you feel better. Ow Ow Ow.
It does amaze me that your doctor doesn't even consider the physical and mental burden of caregiving and why it might be having a terrible effect on you.

Ya, Judy, we started handing out Boat Time at any post ending in 00. It's just a way to say that there is a life after caregiving and something, even the thought of coming over to my boat to spend a few days, is something to think about instead of the daily grind of being a full time caregiver.
Boat Time can represent anything that makes you happy. If you hate boats it might be 'Ranch Time' and you can think of Meanwhile and how she rides her horses and lives out on her beautiful property.
It could be 'Bonfire Time' with Linda. Anything that will put you in your Happy Place.

Thanks for bringing us up to speed on Jen. A relief to know that even though she is down she is not out.

Juju! Welcome to the thread and I hope you keep posting. Sorry about your sibs but man oh man you are in great company. So many suffer because of their idiot siblings.
Flex's sibs regularly orbit Planet Idiot and she copes the best she can. It's not acceptable at any level and I wish everyone would just do what they need to do to support the one who is the active caregiver. Stop with the games already!
I guess getting idiot siblings to 'get it' will occur right around the same time as World Peace.

OK, I have a guy outside working on the deck so need to go and do a check.
Love you guys and here's to as good a Tuesday as we can have.

lovbob

Judy, you get "boat time" because you were comment # 24,900. The next "boat time" goal is 25,000. Congrats! :)