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Mame, I hope the wedding turns out beautiful n go ahead n be selfish all the way, you deserve a freaking break! I know this post was 4 days ago n I am still trying play catch up from being sick but hey, I am here. When I get caught up I will know how the wedding went n how u r doing as well. Hopefully, you had tons of fun.
I just woke up and decided to check on here to see wassup and saw a new thread about how well Paul Ryan treats his mom. Couldn't help but respond and it wasn't a nice one. That will teach me to look at this thing before coffee. lovbob
Hi everyone: Well we had the garage sale today. Deef, I was able to sell that Sleigh Bed. Yeah. It was late in the day and I was resolved to the fact that I would have to put an add in the paper for it. But as luck would have a woman drove in and went nuts over it. She hadn't even seen the add for the garage sale. Her friend saw our sign and called her and then they showed up. She gave me a deposit and is supposed to come back Monday with her son and a truck to pick it up. I was happy and she was ecstatic.
Of course everything didn't sell, but most stuff did. So we will make decisions on what gets taken to Good Will and get that done next week. Then we can put our cars back in the garage.
It was a fun day because our son had brought a ton of stuff for the sale. He and his girlfriend both have their household items, furniture, etc. and they have been living in a large log cabin, but recently moved into town in a smaller condo. So it was perfect timing for them to unload things they really didn't have room for and make some decisions.
The fun part was that we spent the day together and it was fun. I feel like I'm getting back some of my old self and I'm not even sure what that means except I get these glimmers of happiness. I'm just in the moment, you know? When we were out there today, I would hear my son talking to people and it would just make me smile. Sometimes it would make me laugh out loud. He has such an engaging personality and he is so nice to people and yet he has such a wit about him.
So it was just a nice family day. There wasn't the tension that I so often feel from just feeling stressed and wanting to be somewhere else. I was just glad to be here.
I'm glad I'm getting some of time and feeling back. It started to feel like winter today and I actually caught myself thinking about how fun it would be this Thanksgiving and/or Christmas to spend it with Nick and his girlfriend, Karen. I didn't feel that way last year. It was just another job to do.
I know someday that NIck and Karen will move away from here. They both want to live in a warmer climate and with their professional backgrounds, it will be easy for them to relocate. So I'm grateful that we can have some quality time together before that change takes place. I'm going to cherish every moment.
Diane and Deef: It's been a long 7 plus years for me and I know you both have it worse, but hang in there and believe. It will get better.
I'm feeling very grateful this evening. Love you all, Cat
Diane and Book, ooh!! Sorry about the roaches and other creatures! Right now I have mice coming in because of the cold weather, but my cats take care of that problem. Butter catches them and the other three keep an eye on him while my husband and I grab the mouse from his mouth and dispose of it. Old house and foundation make for easy access to mice. Glad I'm in New England. Bugs don't get too big here and no scorpions, that I know of! Book, Mom's insurance paid for most of the cost of her wheelchair. We only needed to kick in $675, and I will get that from my absent sibs!!! She seems to be more comfortable and less agitated in the new chair. When she is having a PD spell, she sticks her legs out straight and throws her head back. Also, when we are feeding her, or giving her meds or a drink she will throw her head back. Now it can only go so far because of the headrest. Makes life easier for us! Juju, Oh yeah!!! Hate the mouth stuff here too!!! My least favorite things are vomit, snots and drool! the first being the worst! Doing her dentures makes me gag too! Mama, been wiping Mom's butt for 3 years. First she couldn't do it well, then she forgot she has to, and now she wouldn't know how if she tried. Ted!!!!! Where have you been? so good to hear from you. Miss our conversations on CGL. Sorry that went by the wayside. It was a great idea. Glad to see you are moving on. Don't let those sibs get the best of you. You are a much better person than either of them could ever be! Wow, going back to school, sounds great! Thanks for giving us an update and so glad you are back on your feet. It will be my turn some day, and I will look to people like you and Bobbie who have been through hell and back like the rest of us. Good luck and don't be a stranger! Bobbie!!!!! How's the boat? Let me know when you are ready for an onboard chef! Jen, where the hell are ya?
Hey Ted: Didn't meet you during your time on GO, but caught you in a media connection with Cricket. I just want to say I'm truly happy for what you have come through and for the good things that are to come. Blessings, Cattails
Ted, it is so good to hear from you! I'm glad that you are getting your life on track again. You said something in your post that really hit home for me "The lack of support, no, the SUBTRACTION of support from my siblings (Mom's and my only family) had a very negative effect on the whole experience for me AND for Mom". I think this has been the most difficult part of the caregiving process. Like you I've learned that my real support came from the folks on this thread and a few very good friends. Stop by and say hello again. We would love to here how you are progressing!
I just wanted to check in with everyone and give a little update on what has been going on with me. When I was in the trenches with Caregiving for Mom, this was where I got some strength. Actually this is where I got whatever strength I could claim. I hope you all are still staying strong.
Since Mom died in May, I've been through hell, (PLEASE check into 'Complicated Grief' now, just a heads up.) then I was alright, then back to hell, and lately, if I'm not speaking too soon, I feel as if I just might be able to ... not regain my life, but start again and continue A life, although it certainly won't be anything like what I was living pre-caregiving. I know that, and that's OK.
So I wanted to stop by just to let those who might remember me, and those who don't, that after however many years of dedication to my Mom, I actually am still alive! And looking forward to happiness. I've been accepted to a school in a field that I have always loved but never even considered turning into a career. When I wake in the morning, I no longer dread the hours of waiting with my coffee to listen for signs of life from Mom's room. I wake thinking of MY life, and I'm eager to get up and live it.
Those who might remember me might also remember that my time as a caregiver came real close to being too much for me, I'm still not completely sure if I've made it through"OK" and I realize that I will always carry the effects of being a Caregiver with me, but I DID make it through. And I credit this thread as being the one thread I could hold on to when I (honestly) was just about ready to let it all go.
The lack of support, no, the SUBTRACTION of support from my siblings (Mom's and my only family) had a very negative effect on the whole experience for me AND for Mom. It took a handful of absolute strangers from the Grossed Out thread to keep me focused on the job at hand, the Health, Happiness and Well-being of Mom for which I was her only chance, and to consistantly remind me that MY OWN Well-being was just as important to someone, somewhere (BOAT!).
I know I was damn lucky to stumble into this thing, and damn lucky to find the support here that I did find. A huge THANK YOU to all my all GO buddies (didn't we used to give each other hugs or something? WINE! That was it! We gave each other WINE!)
Yes, Mom died, and only with the surprisingly strong and constant support (and Laughter and even some 'Tough Love' every now and then) from people I would have never met without this thread (I love you Bobbie), I did not die.
So listen. This is to say that yeah, there will be life after death. There will be renewal and there will be change, there will be excruciating heartbreak, there will be fear and guilt and pride and confusion, and there will be the knowledge that you were and are loved, there will be TRUE hope. And there WILL be life again, Yours.
Hi Juju! Yep, yours wins hands down with the grossness. I still get disgusted touching mom’s phlegm or her saliva by accident. As for the groaning/growling, my father used to make this clicking noise. It just drove me crazy. I finally blew up and told him to knock it off! He did. He does it once in a while but not for hours and hours, day after day. That clicking noise sounds like what the construction workers do when they see a female. Not the whistling kind but the clicking of the tongue kind.
Judy, we live in a Pacific island. But Macys, Kmart and Ross are selling Winter clothes! I’m trying to find thin (but NOT see through) short-sleeve blouses. But they have some very pretty winter coats! I actually used my Macy’s Gift card to splurge on a pink raincoat. I tried it on and it’s not going to make me sweat like crazy because of the inner stuffing is not thick at all.
Mama – good for you on thinking of doing that! My father’s “regular” time to go is at night time. Unfortunately, because it’s night, I don’t change his pampers/Depends. So, in the morning, I always hope he hasn’t Touched it. Sigh… Wishful thinking.
I think I solved the pooping problem. My partner would have a movement and then try to wipe himself and it got all over his hands, toilet seat, clothes, sink, towels, etc. I finally said, "do not go to the bathroom without telling me you're going." Now I go with him and clean him before he has a chance to get messed up. Boy, does that solve a lot of aggravation!
Oh, Juju, how gross. I can take poop and even vomit, but boogers and phlegm? Ugh. I grimaced while reading your comment. My heart goes out to you.
Book - the scorpions are evil. I couldn't live here without my bug service. The night we moved in, we found 7 scorpions in the kitchen/family room. I was hysterical. The previous family didn't treat the place, and the scorpions were pretty comfy here. Even with monthly treatment, I always shake shoes upside down to make sure they're empty and I never, ever stick my hand under the couch or anywhere that I can't see clearly. Those stings HURT. Plus, they're just gross critters. Taking my middle boy out for a winter coat and boots. His university is in the mountains and it can get below zero there with lots of snow. It seems so funny to be shopping for winter things when its 90 outside. He'll go back to school tomorrow prepared for the cold though. I hope everyone has a good day.
And she groans/growls while breathing. when we are relaxing together...sometimes I just wanna stick a sock in her mouth...the constant repititive and pitch of it is so irritating, it's like nails on a chalkboard sometimes! i often do ask her to try to control it but it is only momentary and I feel really GUILTY bout the whole issue I have with it!!
Well old topic but new comment...I just saw this title and had to investigate...apparently I am not to bad off yet but mother makes me crazy...grosses me out...although I keep a box of tissues rite next to her 24/7 She coughs up flem and wipes it wherever she feels like it...often when i am tending to her I get a nice suprise-stick my hand in it. no warning its almost invisible reletively small and oderless so it always gets me ughh just typing this makes me wanna gag! Thanks for the vent!
Hi Cat, I hope your garage sale is productive and able to get rid of most of your stuff. ... I'm really, really scared of cockroaches. They a big and stinky and flies fast. I go beserk when it flies and I see a bit of it and then WHACK it lands on me! I'm screaming with my mouth shut, jumping up and down swishing my clothes trying to get it off me. Because the cockroaches flies and runs straight to you, I've learned as a child to Not Scream with my mouth open. I was always scared that the cockroach will view my open mouth as a cave and think of it as safe haven. And will fly into it. UGH!! So, I rarely scream with my mouth open. Most likely, we kids must have watched a horror movie when something flew into the screaming lady's mouth. Where else would an elementary kid come up with THAT reasoning. I can smell A cockroach. I walk in the bathroom, I can smell it and I KNOW there's one roaming. I look all around and find it. Same with the kitchen. I walk out, and I can smell it. I go and get my handy Raid/Black Flagg (strategically placed near bedroom door and outside the bathroom door, and near the kitchen door.)
Most of my sisters and nieces are more scared of lizards than cockroaches. We have outside lizards that are black or green. We also have inside lizards that are white (not pure white but dirty white.) The lizards like to stay on the wall near the light (bugs hang out there). Lizards can also fall off the ceiling to the floor (so avoid walking uder a lizard on the ceiling.) And ...the lizards Jump and if you happen to be close by, it will jump on you.....sis/niece can scream their heads off Loud and Long - as if they saw a rat - but it's ONLY a lizard! I keep telling them not to scream with their mouth open because the lizard - scared from the screaming - might think their mouth is hiding place. ... Oh, my brother used to work at the hotel years ago in housekeeping (he worked his way up to cooking and then to accounting.) He said that he received a call from 2 Japanese female tourists. They kept repeating "crocodile." He was wondering, "Crocodile?" And then they pointed to the wall. It was a lizard. We thought it was funny! They thought the lizard was a small crocodile! But people from the mainland and other countries do freak out about the indoor lizards.
Deef - my eyes opened wide when you mention the cost of the wheelchair. But when you started describing it's features - now I see why.
Hey, Judy, I would also pay the pest control guy to come monthly if I have scorpions as the native bug.
Book! We get those giant roaches here in Arizona too - and I've seen them fly! They're like something from a horror movie. I've never had one in this house, but in my mother's neighborhood, I've seen them. I had one fly at me in her kitchen before. She'd get one in her house a few times a year and she'd freak out. After she had it treated for termites, they disappeared. I've got enough to deal with, with the scorpions. I don't need another bug type critter. Diane, I think you need a bug service. I know it sucks, but I have my house treated every month to keep the scorpions at bay. We pay $42 a month, and the guy comes and sprays the yard and then dusts the inside of the house with something non toxic. By the time you buy the sprays and whatever else, you just might be paying as much as getting a bug man. It sounds like you're fighting a losing battle. With the bug man, if I see a scorpion at any time between services, I call, and he comes back out again and "re-treats" for free.
Diane, you need to find the eggs. You can keep killing the live ones, but one egg contains a LOT of cockroaches in it. I watched that show in which that punky looking guy (I think he's too old to go around looking like a goth punker) pest-guy reality show. He's uses a special vacuum to suck up those gross roaches. Then they put some kind of bait on all the places that the roaches gather (like behind photos, fridge, etc..) The roaches eat it and then go back to their nest - and infects the nest. As for me, I just keep spraying those buggers with Raid or Black Flag. I keep forgetting which one is the GOOD one. One of those sprays - I have to spray a lot to knock out one big roach (about 1 1/2 inches). The other one, I spray one time - and it kills that sucker. Spray and Run! The roaches here flies - fast, too.
Hi Y'all, It's been another crazy day! Since I forgot mom's appointment yesterday I called the Coumadin Clinic and they were able to squeeze her in today. Since I was home early I thought let me get some calls made to the various medical facilities I still owe money to. THat was a waste of time since all the offices seemed to close early because it was Friday. So I guess this task get put on my list again for Monday. Deef, that sounds like one spiffy wheelchair. Mom so far is able to sit upright, but she does lean over to the right. Luckily mom doesn't scour the floor for imaginary things when she is in her wheelchair, but she does it when she is in her recliner. Thats when I really need to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't fall on her face. At least she ate pretty good tonight. She was even able to feed herself once I got the food on the fork. We made it back to the recliner in the living room. I asked James to put about 2 gallons of gas in the gas can so I could mow the lawn tomorrow. Mom got it in her head that I was going to put gas on the walls. I guess that was a short circuit in her brain since she say me using a insecticide in the kitchen. For some reason my kitchen has been invaded by roaches! It is absolutely disgusting!!!! WHen I first saw them in May I called the pest control company and had them spray. That didn't do anything to kill them off. I use Raid and the roaches laugh at me. Now I have one of those home pest control sprays that is supposed to last 6 months. It doesn't seem to be making much of a difference either. I tried boric acid, no success. Anyone have any suggestions? I was going to use a fogger in the house but don't have anywhere to take mom while it goes off and I clean up afterward. At least I'm not afraid of roaches, but I am disgusted by them. You would think they would go after the cat food. No, the decide to set up house in my phone base, the back of my refridgerator, the coffee maker. WTF? James got the night off from the fair, but he has to work 12 hours tomorrow. I feel so bad for him since he is really suffering with his feet and legs from standing 8 - 10 hours straight. He hasn't worked since last November, so he is out of practice. His old job he was on his feet all the time. Well I'm going to watch these crazy brides say "yes to the dress". Hell the money they pay for a wedding dress I want as a down payment on a house! First I would tell them, dont get married. If they insisted, I'd tell them to elope. Can you tell I'm a little put off by marriage? When I see these controlling fiances that won't even let the bride select their own dresses I really feel like saying, run while you can!!! I guess Im rambling on here. Have a good night everyone!
Well, Mom's new $7500 wheelchair is here! It's a beauty, but can't see where it would cost that much!!! Bad news is they had to measure with her in the chair, to get the specs right for the tray, so I still have to tie her shoulders back with a gait belt, or she is leaning down to reach for things on the floor. the rep adjusted the seat back and head rest once he got her in the chair. the good news is I can tilt her back with one finger on this little lever. this gets her feet off the floor and she can no longer push herself backwards into everything in her path! Also, the foot rests are close together, so no gap to wedge her feet between. And there are stopper wheels on the back so she cant tip the chair over. Now all we need is the tray to keep her from bending forward. She's been sitting ion it for 3 hours and seem pretty content. It has some give between the seat and the frame, so when she moves, it has some movement too, so she isn't getting as frustrated and agitated. She has already tried to pull the arms off and has released one of the wheel brakes. the brakes on her original chair are shot from her pulling on the levers like they were a car shifter!. I sure hope she doesn't find a way to destroy this chair! Judy, I love the ocean too! First time i ever saw it, I was 14 years old. I went for a week ti Salisbury with a friend and her family, and fell in love!! It's been 3 years since I have seen the Atlantic and I miss the sights, sounds, and smells too. you can keep your desert! I'm sure it's beautiful, but I hate the heat! and I love snow! Almost time for Mom's pills and then bed for her. Yay!!! Been a real nasty, gloomy, rainy day here, but the temps have been in the 60's all day.Off to get Mom ready for bed!
Hey ya'll thank you for the comments about calling the dr. I did not get around to doing that but i probably will monday. I didn't post yesterday cause connor got sick late yesterday afternoon. He started running temp. so i was trying to keep it down. It freaks me out everytime his temp goes up cause when he was 3 he had a high temperture and he had a seizure at dads, yes this was while i was looking after dad and was having to carry connor over there with me alot. Anyway i do the lukewarm bath, rotate from motrin to tylenol, popicles, cold drinks anything to get his temp down. I was up late with him last night and then he woke up later in the night running temp again. So he stayed out of school today, he is feeling better but still has a bad cough. I am still having the choking feeling at times( not all the time). I am just ready to get this damn ultrasound done on my thyroid (wednesday) and then get the results. Actually, I am thinking about going to the hospital thursday or friday and see if they have the results in and maybe i can pick them up from the hospital. There's no telling how long i will have to wait for the results. My energy level is picking up some and i have lost 4 lbs so far since taking the meds. I am trying to eat better, drink water all the good stuff. So i am guessing this is going to have to be a new way of eating/living for me. Well i got to get off of here. I got to run to the store and get some cat food before hubby leaves for work tonight. Take care all. Love and hugs stormy
Stormy = How are you doing today? Any improvement from yesterday? Deef, Diane = I remember when mom took longer and longer to feed. I remember getting frustrated that I was still feeding her breakfast – 2 hrs later – and this was pureed food! When she started choking on it, father decided to get her the stomach feeding tube.
Rena – as for the actual caregiving of the parents – I learned from the paid caregivers. I watch how they sponge bath mom (don’t think I can do it – need lots of patience), etc. I may be very shy, but I’m also very curious. When I used to work part-time so that I can help father with mom, I asked the gov’t caregivers questions about feeding tube, bedsores, etc.. They will tell how it starts, how to prevent, how to clean, etc… If they tell stories of their other clients (no name given), I listened and would ask questions. So, now, I have an idea of how to care for mom, what to expect, etc… When she goes to the hospital, I pay attention to what the nurses do. Judy = I made hate the beach waters, but I sure do miss sitting on the beach and just watching the waves. It’s very relaxing isn’t it?
Deef! The trip to Mass... it had its good times and uncomfortable times. I absolutely loved walking the beach. If I lived by the ocean, that's what I'd do every day. I picked up shells and sea glass and just tried to take it all in - the sounds, smells, sights. The leaves were changing color too. Nice! Thanks for asking! My mother was a giant pain in the ass, but I expected that. And... I got a big plate of whole fried clams - my absolute favorite food in the en-tire world. With lots of tahtah sauce (tartar for non New Englanders). xx, J.
Funny, Bobbie...Just yesterday, I was telling mom's Home suppliers that if I die, know that my father killed me. I sure hope I'm not predicting my death. I'd much rather die in my sleep, thank you.
Rena, the only reason we sound like we know what we are doing, is the years of struggling to get it right! When Mom first started having anxiety attacks and bouts of depression we thought it was her zanax script and that she was addicted to it. We actually had her sign herself into the psych ward at a local hospital to try and straighten her out. Little did we know, she had a UTI both times. this combined with her Parkinsons was a bad combination. She was having hallucinations that people were in her room at night and hiding in her closet or under the bed. She would get out of bed and fall and not be able to get up. We didn't know that she was heading into dementia as a result of the PD. So, a lot of mistakes were made and we went through many different meds to find the combination that worked for her. the last 2 years that I was still working, she would call me at work all the time and tell me she was sick, or needed to go to the hospital or any other excuse to get me home. When we finally got the diagnosis of dementia, my sibs asked me to leave my job and stay at home with her. So here I am, almost five years and a million mistakes later. There is no easy way. You learn as you go. I'm 61 and my husband is 64 and we are stuck in this life for a while yet, as Mom,s physical health is very good. She is definitely declining lately and losing weight little by little. In the meantime she is in her own home and clean and fed and comfortable. I know the day will come when I can no longer handle her and will have to place her, but for now I'm hanging in there. She is in daycare from 9-3 3 days a week and I have help on the other 4 days, so we can get out, just not overnight. I have 6 sibs, but rarely see any of them, so basically I'm alone like you. My dad passed away over 30 years ago at the age of 54. So really, I have been taking care of Mom for that long, as she never drove, and was like your mom in that she was not a joiner, or very social. You should check your local elder services and see if there are volunteers that sit with the elderly in your area, or see if they know of an adult daycare program she can attend a couple days a week. Even a few hours away helps! Good post Bobbie!! Where's Jen? Judy, did you enjoy your visit to Mass? Okay, falling asleep here. talk to everyone tomorrow1
Just got finished rinsing off the boat and now I am down here in my cabin writing to you guys.
Rena, you got some good advice there and I will add my take and you can tell me to go pee up a rope later.
You and your husband will never get these days, weeks, months and years back. Figure out a way for your mom to live somewhere and go live your life. She's had her turn for crying out loud. Save yourself.
My mother was never happy with anything and wore me out. Incidentally, the reason I have written more about my background is that there are new people here. I have written a lot of this out many times as new readers come along so they understand why I take the positions I do.
My position on placement is actually getting more strident because I see the same struggles and stresses on more and more women that the entire family drops their load on. Not right and it will continue until YOU decide it's enough.
Something to consider: You won't change the situation until it hurts more to stay the same.
Book: If your dad tells you he can't eat don't argue with him. Let the SOB starve. Please be very careful and I'm sure you know about elder rage. (I did read that same book but the author drove me nuts with her constant movie references.) There are more and more news stories coming out about old people who snap and hurt or kill their caregivers. I know that he is bedridden, etc but just watch out for anything sharp he might get his hands on. Rage increases adrenaline which can give someone a burst of strength you wouldn't expect.
Remember crew: They're demented. Demented. Insane. It is a disease but it's a dangerous disease.
I truly don't like being this kind of messenger but I hear your struggles again and again only with different names. It is NOT ok for any of you to be abused, verbally or physically, by a parent. InverseIy it is not ok for you to abuse, verbally or physically, your parent. If you are getting mean and going down that road it is way past time for placement.
OK, end of rant.
Diane: good to see from you and I love the smell of corndogs in the evening.... reminds me of cotton candy! Now that you have mentioned that they have killed off some of the grey's anatomy characters I am interested! Don't tell me which ones! I will watch on Hulu. That'll teach those actors to try contract negotiations in a down economy!
Love you guys and stay safe and try to stay sane. lovbob
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I just woke up and decided to check on here to see wassup and saw a new thread about how well Paul Ryan treats his mom.
Couldn't help but respond and it wasn't a nice one.
That will teach me to look at this thing before coffee.
lovbob
Of course everything didn't sell, but most stuff did. So we will make decisions on what gets taken to Good Will and get that done next week. Then we can put our cars back in the garage.
It was a fun day because our son had brought a ton of stuff for the sale. He and his girlfriend both have their household items, furniture, etc. and they have been living in a large log cabin, but recently moved into town in a smaller condo. So it was perfect timing for them to unload things they really didn't have room for and make some decisions.
The fun part was that we spent the day together and it was fun. I feel like I'm getting back some of my old self and I'm not even sure what that means except I get these glimmers of happiness. I'm just in the moment, you know? When we were out there today, I would hear my son talking to people and it would just make me smile. Sometimes it would make me laugh out loud. He has such an engaging personality and he is so nice to people and yet he has such a wit about him.
So it was just a nice family day. There wasn't the tension that I so often feel from just feeling stressed and wanting to be somewhere else. I was just glad to be here.
I'm glad I'm getting some of time and feeling back. It started to feel like winter today and I actually caught myself thinking about how fun it would be this Thanksgiving and/or Christmas to spend it with Nick and his girlfriend, Karen. I didn't feel that way last year. It was just another job to do.
I know someday that NIck and Karen will move away from here. They both want to live in a warmer climate and with their professional backgrounds, it will be easy for them to relocate. So I'm grateful that we can have some quality time together before that change takes place. I'm going to cherish every moment.
Diane and Deef: It's been a long 7 plus years for me and I know you both have it worse, but hang in there and believe. It will get better.
I'm feeling very grateful this evening. Love you all, Cat
Book, Mom's insurance paid for most of the cost of her wheelchair. We only needed to kick in $675, and I will get that from my absent sibs!!! She seems to be more comfortable and less agitated in the new chair. When she is having a PD spell, she sticks her legs out straight and throws her head back. Also, when we are feeding her, or giving her meds or a drink she will throw her head back. Now it can only go so far because of the headrest. Makes life easier for us!
Juju, Oh yeah!!! Hate the mouth stuff here too!!! My least favorite things are vomit, snots and drool! the first being the worst! Doing her dentures makes me gag too!
Mama, been wiping Mom's butt for 3 years. First she couldn't do it well, then she forgot she has to, and now she wouldn't know how if she tried.
Ted!!!!! Where have you been? so good to hear from you. Miss our conversations on CGL. Sorry that went by the wayside. It was a great idea. Glad to see you are moving on. Don't let those sibs get the best of you. You are a much better person than either of them could ever be! Wow, going back to school, sounds great! Thanks for giving us an update and so glad you are back on your feet. It will be my turn some day, and I will look to people like you and Bobbie who have been through hell and back like the rest of us. Good luck and don't be a stranger!
Bobbie!!!!! How's the boat? Let me know when you are ready for an onboard chef!
Jen, where the hell are ya?
I love you too Dude!
lovbob
Cheers ~
Rip&Pets
sans Sir
Stop by and say hello again. We would love to here how you are progressing!
Love and hugs,
Diane
I just wanted to check in with everyone and give a little update on what has been going on with me. When I was in the trenches with Caregiving for Mom, this was where I got some strength. Actually this is where I got whatever strength I could claim. I hope you all are still staying strong.
Since Mom died in May, I've been through hell, (PLEASE check into 'Complicated Grief' now, just a heads up.) then I was alright, then back to hell, and lately, if I'm not speaking too soon, I feel as if I just might be able to ... not regain my life, but start again and continue A life, although it certainly won't be anything like what I was living pre-caregiving. I know that, and that's OK.
So I wanted to stop by just to let those who might remember me, and those who don't, that after however many years of dedication to my Mom, I actually am still alive! And looking forward to happiness. I've been accepted to a school in a field that I have always loved but never even considered turning into a career. When I wake in the morning, I no longer dread the hours of waiting with my coffee to listen for signs of life from Mom's room. I wake thinking of MY life, and I'm eager to get up and live it.
Those who might remember me might also remember that my time as a caregiver came real close to being too much for me, I'm still not completely sure if I've made it through"OK" and I realize that I will always carry the effects of being a Caregiver with me, but I DID make it through. And I credit this thread as being the one thread I could hold on to when I (honestly) was just about ready to let it all go.
The lack of support, no, the SUBTRACTION of support from my siblings (Mom's and my only family) had a very negative effect on the whole experience for me AND for Mom. It took a handful of absolute strangers from the Grossed Out thread to keep me focused on the job at hand, the Health, Happiness and Well-being of Mom for which I was her only chance, and to consistantly remind me that MY OWN Well-being was just as important to someone, somewhere (BOAT!).
I know I was damn lucky to stumble into this thing, and damn lucky to find the support here that I did find. A huge THANK YOU to all my all GO buddies (didn't we used to give each other hugs or something? WINE! That was it! We gave each other WINE!)
Yes, Mom died, and only with the surprisingly strong and constant support (and Laughter and even some 'Tough Love' every now and then) from people I would have never met without this thread (I love you Bobbie), I did not die.
So listen. This is to say that yeah, there will be life after death. There will be renewal and there will be change, there will be excruciating heartbreak, there will be fear and guilt and pride and confusion, and there will be the knowledge that you were and are loved, there will be TRUE hope. And there WILL be life again, Yours.
Stay Strong, Ted.
Judy, we live in a Pacific island. But Macys, Kmart and Ross are selling Winter clothes! I’m trying to find thin (but NOT see through) short-sleeve blouses. But they have some very pretty winter coats! I actually used my Macy’s Gift card to splurge on a pink raincoat. I tried it on and it’s not going to make me sweat like crazy because of the inner stuffing is not thick at all.
Mama – good for you on thinking of doing that! My father’s “regular” time to go is at night time. Unfortunately, because it’s night, I don’t change his pampers/Depends. So, in the morning, I always hope he hasn’t Touched it. Sigh… Wishful thinking.
Book - the scorpions are evil. I couldn't live here without my bug service. The night we moved in, we found 7 scorpions in the kitchen/family room. I was hysterical. The previous family didn't treat the place, and the scorpions were pretty comfy here. Even with monthly treatment, I always shake shoes upside down to make sure they're empty and I never, ever stick my hand under the couch or anywhere that I can't see clearly. Those stings HURT. Plus, they're just gross critters.
Taking my middle boy out for a winter coat and boots. His university is in the mountains and it can get below zero there with lots of snow. It seems so funny to be shopping for winter things when its 90 outside. He'll go back to school tomorrow prepared for the cold though.
I hope everyone has a good day.
J.
Most of my sisters and nieces are more scared of lizards than cockroaches. We have outside lizards that are black or green. We also have inside lizards that are white (not pure white but dirty white.) The lizards like to stay on the wall near the light (bugs hang out there). Lizards can also fall off the ceiling to the floor (so avoid walking uder a lizard on the ceiling.) And ...the lizards Jump and if you happen to be close by, it will jump on you.....sis/niece can scream their heads off Loud and Long - as if they saw a rat - but it's ONLY a lizard! I keep telling them not to scream with their mouth open because the lizard - scared from the screaming - might think their mouth is hiding place. ... Oh, my brother used to work at the hotel years ago in housekeeping (he worked his way up to cooking and then to accounting.) He said that he received a call from 2 Japanese female tourists. They kept repeating "crocodile." He was wondering, "Crocodile?" And then they pointed to the wall. It was a lizard. We thought it was funny! They thought the lizard was a small crocodile! But people from the mainland and other countries do freak out about the indoor lizards.
Deef - my eyes opened wide when you mention the cost of the wheelchair. But when you started describing it's features - now I see why.
Hey, Judy, I would also pay the pest control guy to come monthly if I have scorpions as the native bug.
Deef: The wheelchair sounds awesome. Hope it makes things much easier.
Diane & Book: So sorry about the roaches. OMG.
Judy: I can't imagine scorpions.
I'll be back later. Got to go for now. Lots to do.
Love you all, cat.
Diane, I think you need a bug service. I know it sucks, but I have my house treated every month to keep the scorpions at bay. We pay $42 a month, and the guy comes and sprays the yard and then dusts the inside of the house with something non toxic. By the time you buy the sprays and whatever else, you just might be paying as much as getting a bug man. It sounds like you're fighting a losing battle. With the bug man, if I see a scorpion at any time between services, I call, and he comes back out again and "re-treats" for free.
It's been another crazy day! Since I forgot mom's appointment yesterday I called the Coumadin Clinic and they were able to squeeze her in today. Since I was home early I thought let me get some calls made to the various medical facilities I still owe money to. THat was a waste of time since all the offices seemed to close early because it was Friday. So I guess this task get put on my list again for Monday.
Deef, that sounds like one spiffy wheelchair. Mom so far is able to sit upright, but she does lean over to the right. Luckily mom doesn't scour the floor for imaginary things when she is in her wheelchair, but she does it when she is in her recliner. Thats when I really need to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't fall on her face. At least she ate pretty good tonight. She was even able to feed herself once I got the food on the fork. We made it back to the recliner in the living room. I asked James to put about 2 gallons of gas in the gas can so I could mow the lawn tomorrow. Mom got it in her head that I was going to put gas on the walls. I guess that was a short circuit in her brain since she say me using a insecticide in the kitchen. For some reason my kitchen has been invaded by roaches! It is absolutely disgusting!!!! WHen I first saw them in May I called the pest control company and had them spray. That didn't do anything to kill them off. I use Raid and the roaches laugh at me. Now I have one of those home pest control sprays that is supposed to last 6 months. It doesn't seem to be making much of a difference either. I tried boric acid, no success. Anyone have any suggestions? I was going to use a fogger in the house but don't have anywhere to take mom while it goes off and I clean up afterward. At least I'm not afraid of roaches, but I am disgusted by them. You would think they would go after the cat food. No, the decide to set up house in my phone base, the back of my refridgerator, the coffee maker. WTF?
James got the night off from the fair, but he has to work 12 hours tomorrow. I feel so bad for him since he is really suffering with his feet and legs from standing 8 - 10 hours straight. He hasn't worked since last November, so he is out of practice. His old job he was on his feet all the time.
Well I'm going to watch these crazy brides say "yes to the dress". Hell the money they pay for a wedding dress I want as a down payment on a house! First I would tell them, dont get married. If they insisted, I'd tell them to elope. Can you tell I'm a little put off by marriage? When I see these controlling fiances that won't even let the bride select their own dresses I really feel like saying, run while you can!!!
I guess Im rambling on here. Have a good night everyone!
Love ya,
Diane
She's been sitting ion it for 3 hours and seem pretty content. It has some give between the seat and the frame, so when she moves, it has some movement too, so she isn't getting as frustrated and agitated. She has already tried to pull the arms off and has released one of the wheel brakes. the brakes on her original chair are shot from her pulling on the levers like they were a car shifter!. I sure hope she doesn't find a way to destroy this chair!
Judy, I love the ocean too! First time i ever saw it, I was 14 years old. I went for a week ti Salisbury with a friend and her family, and fell in love!! It's been 3 years since I have seen the Atlantic and I miss the sights, sounds, and smells too. you can keep your desert! I'm sure it's beautiful, but I hate the heat! and I love snow!
Almost time for Mom's pills and then bed for her. Yay!!!
Been a real nasty, gloomy, rainy day here, but the temps have been in the 60's all day.Off to get Mom ready for bed!
I am still having the choking feeling at times( not all the time). I am just ready to get this damn ultrasound done on my thyroid (wednesday) and then get the results. Actually, I am thinking about going to the hospital thursday or friday and see if they have the results in and maybe i can pick them up from the hospital. There's no telling how long i will have to wait for the results. My energy level is picking up some and i have lost 4 lbs so far since taking the meds. I am trying to eat better, drink water all the good stuff. So i am guessing this is going to have to be a new way of eating/living for me. Well i got to get off of here. I got to run to the store and get some cat food before hubby leaves for work tonight. Take care all. Love and hugs stormy
Deef, Diane = I remember when mom took longer and longer to feed. I remember getting frustrated that I was still feeding her breakfast – 2 hrs later – and this was pureed food! When she started choking on it, father decided to get her the stomach feeding tube.
Rena – as for the actual caregiving of the parents – I learned from the paid caregivers. I watch how they sponge bath mom (don’t think I can do it – need lots of patience), etc. I may be very shy, but I’m also very curious. When I used to work part-time so that I can help father with mom, I asked the gov’t caregivers questions about feeding tube, bedsores, etc.. They will tell how it starts, how to prevent, how to clean, etc… If they tell stories of their other clients (no name given), I listened and would ask questions. So, now, I have an idea of how to care for mom, what to expect, etc… When she goes to the hospital, I pay attention to what the nurses do.
Judy = I made hate the beach waters, but I sure do miss sitting on the beach and just watching the waves. It’s very relaxing isn’t it?
So, a lot of mistakes were made and we went through many different meds to find the combination that worked for her. the last 2 years that I was still working, she would call me at work all the time and tell me she was sick, or needed to go to the hospital or any other excuse to get me home. When we finally got the diagnosis of dementia, my sibs asked me to leave my job and stay at home with her. So here I am, almost five years and a million mistakes later. There is no easy way. You learn as you go.
I'm 61 and my husband is 64 and we are stuck in this life for a while yet, as Mom,s physical health is very good. She is definitely declining lately and losing weight little by little. In the meantime she is in her own home and clean and fed and comfortable. I know the day will come when I can no longer handle her and will have to place her, but for now I'm hanging in there. She is in daycare from 9-3 3 days a week and I have help on the other 4 days, so we can get out, just not overnight.
I have 6 sibs, but rarely see any of them, so basically I'm alone like you. My dad passed away over 30 years ago at the age of 54. So really, I have been taking care of Mom for that long, as she never drove, and was like your mom in that she was not a joiner, or very social.
You should check your local elder services and see if there are volunteers that sit with the elderly in your area, or see if they know of an adult daycare program she can attend a couple days a week. Even a few hours away helps!
Good post Bobbie!!
Where's Jen?
Judy, did you enjoy your visit to Mass?
Okay, falling asleep here. talk to everyone tomorrow1
Just got finished rinsing off the boat and now I am down here in my cabin writing to you guys.
Rena, you got some good advice there and I will add my take and you can tell me to go pee up a rope later.
You and your husband will never get these days, weeks, months and years back. Figure out a way for your mom to live somewhere and go live your life. She's had her turn for crying out loud. Save yourself.
My mother was never happy with anything and wore me out. Incidentally, the reason I have written more about my background is that there are new people here. I have written a lot of this out many times as new readers come along so they understand why I take the positions I do.
My position on placement is actually getting more strident because I see the same struggles and stresses on more and more women that the entire family drops their load on. Not right and it will continue until YOU decide it's enough.
Something to consider: You won't change the situation until it hurts more to stay the same.
Book: If your dad tells you he can't eat don't argue with him. Let the SOB starve.
Please be very careful and I'm sure you know about elder rage. (I did read that same book but the author drove me nuts with her constant movie references.)
There are more and more news stories coming out about old people who snap and hurt or kill their caregivers. I know that he is bedridden, etc but just watch out for anything sharp he might get his hands on. Rage increases adrenaline which can give someone a burst of strength you wouldn't expect.
Remember crew:
They're demented. Demented. Insane. It is a disease but it's a dangerous disease.
I truly don't like being this kind of messenger but I hear your struggles again and again only with different names. It is NOT ok for any of you to be abused, verbally or physically, by a parent. InverseIy it is not ok for you to abuse, verbally or physically, your parent. If you are getting mean and going down that road it is way past time for placement.
OK, end of rant.
Diane: good to see from you and I love the smell of corndogs in the evening.... reminds me of cotton candy!
Now that you have mentioned that they have killed off some of the grey's anatomy characters I am interested! Don't tell me which ones! I will watch on Hulu.
That'll teach those actors to try contract negotiations in a down economy!
Love you guys and stay safe and try to stay sane.
lovbob