Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Cat, Your post about getting a new bed stuck in my head, so I went back to read it again.
Wow, a sleigh bed at a garage sale! Would definitely like to see the neighborhood you live in. Around here we see "Free" signs on used furniture in front yards. My bedroom set is 40 years old. Bought it when we got married. The mattress and box spring are hand-me-downs from my younger sister. My original one was stuffed with old towels so the springs didn't stab me in the butt. The used one has now been on my bed for 15 years and needs to be replaced. Husband would like a Tempurpedic, like that's gonna happen any time soon! Sounds like a good deal on the new bed. Guess one can only dream! My living room set has it's fifth cover set as we bought that in 1979. I'm not complaining though. I'm pretty happy with what I do have and grateful that in these hard times I still have my possessions and a place to live. I know so many that have so much less and have had to sell their treasures just to survive. When the grocery store has a buy 1 get 2 free sale, I stock up on what I need and give the 2 free to my friends who are less fortunate.
It's quite obvious to me that the government is not concerned about the millions of citizens who are doing without these days. I guess it's up to us to help each other get through these bad economic times.
Sorry! Got off on a tangent after just talking with another friend who is losing their home to one of the big ass banks!
Mom has behaved very well today and is eating when I feed her. It's almost time for supper, so I have to cook something for her and get her ready for bed. Then I can deal with our meal.
On a gross note, hehe! Took her to the bathroom to pee and ended up helping her get a huge BM out! She does not have the know how to do it herself anymore and most times it just falls out without her even knowing. This time she needed a bit of help. That's my gross story for the day, I hope!!! The night is young!!!!!

Rena,
Talk to us... I am so sorry about your cat. I have as cat and just about everyone here has an animal or 2 or more. Like DEEF!!

Just write what you are feeling. Vent and live. Rant and live.

When I had to put my cat to sleep in the 80's, I freaked out and tried to have her stuffed. I am not kidding, my grief was so bad I didn't want to let her go. I called all over and found a taxidermist that worked with pets, since not all of them do, and he was doing what was then a new thing called 'freeze dry'. He told me to get her in the freezer fast and so I picked her up from the vet in an Abbott Pharmaceutical box and popped her into the freezer on top of the fridge. Under a trout.
Figured she'd like that.

I worked through my grief and a few months later was able to bury her. Even with all of that I still can't imagine your pain and how isolated you must feel.
This is a great website and this is a wonderful group of people here.

Glad you have your husband and I hope he is good comfort for you tonight when your pain over your kitty's loss will be so hard felt.
Rainbow Bridge time sweet reenie. I believe we'll see them again.

DEEF!! I dunno, just like saying: DEEF!!
Have you tried an oven timer with your husband?
Set for 15 minutes and announce Quiet Time.
Hey quit laughin! It might work!
Back it up with the Texas Flyswatter.

Welcome to new folks and all folks and I spoke to Ted this am and he is doing better and still handles his issues with courage. He is an inspiration.

It is so good to read everyone's story and see the journey that everyone is on. We know that we are not alone, from an amazing woman in the South Pacific to incredible women in the Pacific Northwest and all through the States and up into New England and all the way down to Florida. From Ireland and from Italy, beautiful warrior women have hung out on this thread and on this site. We are not alone.

Ted and Cuz, you are now honorary warrior women. It's like being 'one of the guys' but better.

Love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
Wonder who will get Boat Time?

lovbob

So sorry to hear about your kitty! I have 4, all rescues, and still very active and healthy, but one is about 15, so our time with him is very special as we only took him in 2 years ago. Pets are so special and so important to care givers. Sometimes they are the only good part of our day.
My father in law just turned 102 in July and is still living alone and doing most things for himself. It so great when they can be that old and still have their minds.He has amazing stories to tell about all he has seen and done in his life.
I wish my husband had work! He was let go from his job in Feb. of 2011 when a new company took over the business he worked for for many years. He will be 64 this month, so getting a job is not really an option. He just started collecting Social Security when his unemployment ran out. I am never alone and going crazy listening to his voice 24/7. He calls himself retired and pretty much doesn't do a whole heck of a lot to help out here. I keep threatening to run away from home!!! At this point I'm not sure what's worse, having him home and underfoot all the time, or taking care of Mom for the last 5 years!
There are lots of good people here and it's a great place to vent and talk and trade gross stories! I've been a part of this thread for about 3 years and am just get back into the swing of things. I was absent for a while and recharging myself. Glad you have decided to join the crew!

Ok, I'm finally posting here. I've been reading all your stories for a while, and it's time for me to talk. Everyone's story is so personal, some inspiring and others heartwrenching. Thanks all you guys for being so welcoming. I see so much intelligence and creativity in you gals. Deefer, I remember you, Beck , Judy, Cricket, Cattails, and every one of you have you burdens and joys(?) My heart is crying right now, my 19 year old cat is dying in the livingroom. Have to put her to sleep today.
Mom is 103, a healthy 103. She climbs the stairs to her room, and walks with a walker. I was a Parent Education teacher, teaching young mother about parenting. Now I am home with Mom. I can leave her for a few hours in the daytime, she is scared to be home alone at nite. I am going crazy. She is very depressive, and it's hard for me to deal with that. My husband is great, but he has work, and I have Mom. I feel very isolated and lonely. Thanks for listening. I need to go check on my kitty. Rena

Morning everyone! Mom is still snoring so thought I would pipe in. No daycare today:( Closed for the holiday. Faythe was supposed to come for a few houes to relieve me, but she had to cancel her son's b'day party on Saturday, due to rain. So she was going to rush everything along today so she could be here later, but I told her to just enjoy her day with the boys. So now I'm looking forward to a very long day alone with Mom.
Guess I'll do the apple pies tomorrow. Mom would be reaching into everything and making a mess. It's cold here right now. Was in the 30's when I got up. But at least we are not using the furnaces yet.
Suctioning!!! GAG!!! That would send me right over the top! I can clean shit all day long, but anything out of Mom's mouth gags me to no end. She threw up a couple times in the last 2 years and I was alone with her. Nearly did me in for good. Never could deal with mouth stuff! If I see some man spit on the street, I gag! Some mornings I have trouble with Mom's dentures and have to leave them out until her stomach settles. You ladies are amazing for doing what you do! Mom's skin is perfect and she has had no problems with bed sores. She had a few stitches from falls a couple times on her chin and the back of her hand for a skin tear. Of course they didn't last long because she picked at them until they were gone. They used glue, but I told them to stitch to because of her constant picking.
Stormy, you have your hands full but seem to manage everything and still be a great mom. Here is my fritter recipe!
2-3 apples cut in quarters, peel and slice into 1/4" slices
Batter
1 1/3 cups flour
2 tablsp sugar
2 teasp baking powder
1/4 teasp salt
1 egg
2/3 cup milk
whisk together dry ingredients then add egg and milk and whisk until smooth. If too thick, add a bit of milk. Coat apple slices and deep fry in heated Crisco. Test 1 slice, if it floats to top, crisco is ready. Let one side brown then turn to cook other side. Drain on paper towels. Roll in sugar or cinnamon and sugar before you eat. Good plain too! Enjoy
Oops! Mom is stirring and I still have to fill her pill box for the week. Hope you all have a quiet day!

Oh Cat you've got me crying here. Thank you so much for the wonderful words!!!! I think i am going to like it here.
Thanks cat and book! Love you girls. Gotta run now. Will talk later. Hugs stormy

Cricket -– thanks about the info about my sis maybe having deep depression. When we have time to talk privately, I will check with her. She’s very introverted. She changed a lot since her nervous breakdown years and years ago. Please enjoy your trip to CA!!
Deef – -we have a lot of spirits all over the island. Unfortunately, most of the islanders believe in them and hence, makes it stronger here. Quite prevalent. I will admit that I once stepped off the sidewalk to someone’s property, and I just wanted to turn and RUN. That place had something that was very bad (or maybe it didn’t like me.)
SWClancy- – your mother is a smart woman. She must know that it’s time to go to the NH. At least she’s not going there kicking and screaming. Have you had some quiet time with her and asked Why she thinks it’s time to go NH?

Lildeb – -trust me, I did that throat thing kicking and screaming (okay, more like, I paid my nephew to clean her trache every night for 2 years before they finally quit doing it.)
Stormy - -I have my quarterly blood test to do (was suppose to be on September but never got around to doing it.) So I will do that this Saturday. When the clinic calls me to schedule a follow-up visit due to the blood test, I will let the doctor know. He will just tell me: Exercise, exercise, exercise. That is his solution to my whole medical problems for years now. ..I’m still working on it… The Dead room is the one that I always feel unwanted in there (sis is moving in here). The scary room (the boys) is just plain scary – this is the room that sis would “talk” to them. My niece (age 21) refuses to go thru that room. She says it just plain scares her. Ever since father had his stroke, both rooms have now felt “normal.” When I mentioned this to my nephew-who-sees, he said that the house spirits now accept me as “the head of the house.” So, now the whole house welcomes me. Ugh!! As long as they don’t TALK, or MOVE OBJECTS or anything that is NOT normal, I’m fine. (shivering here)….
Cat – I’m glad that you’ve had a great day today. ;) ….And I’m also glad that Stormy’s posting here.

lillyvalley – I have known women who treated their daughters like “nothing.” but spoil their sons. My sis and I saw this with our 2 sister-in-laws (SIL) and their daughters. Those poor nieces did their best to try to get their mother’s love.

May I ask you a question? Your mother is in a nursing home (NH). Why do want to take her out? So, let’s say you succeed in getting her out? Who is going to be watching her in the daytime? Nighttime? Would she be willing to accept those persons? If she doesn’t – who will care for her? You? Because, right now, she’s verbally abusive to you. How bad will it get if she’s in the privacy of her own home? Can you handle it? Every minute, every hour, every day, and night – her abusive words. Trust me, I KNOW she will do this. My father is both physically and verbally abusive to me – even when he’s bedridden. He treats me like this because he says that I have nowhere to go. I’m here for my mom – not him. Most times, his barbs bounces off me. But, when I’m too stressed, my armor is weak and his barb goes thru and hits it’s mark. So, I ask you, Lillyval, why do you want to get your mother out of NH?

I think you and your siblings need to really stop, and look inside yourselves. WHY do you want her out. Because from what I read, she has no desire to leave NH. Do you all want her out for Your reasons and not for hers? If you can honestly look inside, and if it’s truly for her benefit, how is it beneficial if she’s at home vs. at NH? Are you all able to care for her needs like the NH does?

I understand that you’re venting but maybe you can drop off one subject to vent by deciding if she really must leave NH. I just feel so bad for you that you want so badly to get her out of NH. But, I will really really feel bad for you when you do, and the reality hits you when you’re caring for her abusive person day after day after night after night. I just sooooo worry about you because it sounds like you would end up the one caring for her full-time. I don’t require an answer. I just asked these questions for YOU (to know what’s really in your heart.) HUGS!!! (Please forgive me if I have offended you. I just truly worry about you.) Bookworm.

Well, this thread is buzzing and I love that.

Deef: You are an inspiration and your advise is so solid. I don't know how you continue, but you do and you also have compassion for others and just keep going on.

I had a great day today and I will post more later. I want to respond to everyone and can't do it just now because it is late and I am tired.

I just want to say how happy I am that Stormy is with us. She is such a good person and trying to balance so much at such a difficult crossroads. I know her from a different thread and my heart goes out to her. Not many of us have to deal with so many family demands while trying to be a mom to a precious child that has been so planned and wanted. As we all know, life just jumps up and turns things upside down and we scramble to try to adapt and care for those we love.

I'll write more later, but did I mention how much I love you all. Oh yeah, I think I did, but it's worth repeating.

Love and white light to each of you, Cat.

Meanwhile- My uncle has horses and goes horseback riding and he loves it, i can see where it would be relaxing and peaceful. Have fun.
Deef- i would love the recipe for your apple fritters, they sound yummy.
Swclancy-prayers for you and your mom and welcome aboard.
Cricket- i hope you have a good time in calif.
Judy- how awful for your brother and for you for having to see him like that in pain. I am sorry. It sounds like he is a wonderful person and very wise, Judy. It sounds like ya'll are very close. ((hugs)) Thank you for sharing his story with me.
Book- I know you hardly have the time for this, but have you been to see a dr for your blackouts? I do wish you would see someone. Just worried about you. And the suctioning, i understand all about that. However dad just one day decides he doesn't want us to suction him so he has been coughing up the mucus on his own. Drs say he has a good cough reflex i guess with all the reconstructive surgery they did on him from the tumor. Does your mom have a plastic or metal trach, dad has a plastic one. But one of his drs seem to think that dad would do better with a metal one. Oh and don't worry about the ghost stories i can understand where u would not want to get them stirred up. yikes. You freaked me out when you said that you get a feeling like they are saying that they don't want you in the room. That's enough for me and i would let them have whatever room they wanted. Love ya Book!
Cat- thinking of you dear friend and hoping that some peace will come to you in the days ahead. Love ya Cat! Love and hugs to all stormyyy

Stormy- my brother broke his neck in a car wreck 32 years ago (he wasn't driving and was wearing a seatbelt but it was an old truck with just lap belts, no shoulder strap). He can partially move one arm but not the hand. I learn something from him all the time. He tells me to find the positives in things and if I can't find anything positive, then know that whatever it is, could be worse. He says to appreciate every day and that days are like gifts, and like some gifts, some days just suck, but they're gifts just the same. His health is failing and he's in some wicked pain every day, and he still smiles at me. I could rave on and on about him. He's sweet and smart and funny and so handsome.

Book, you know that u r NOT a bad daughter n dear mean ole dad is just talking out of his head or you know where else. Don't let his barb-wires stick to you, just slap it off n find somewhere to go. I think I would had already told dear grumpy dad to hire someone to come to the house if u were doing such a bad job! I would be scared to death myself if my mnl was going through what you mom is going through n that you have to do the throat stuff too. I think it the choking sounds that scares me. You r much much stronger than you think you are n you r a great person.
Cuz, OMG!! Those two stories were too funny. lol. thanks.

Meanwhile, I can just smell the leather from the saddle. I hope your horseback riding is fun as you ride with the breeze.
Deef, u can say that again for it is a job just to get things ready for someone in order to to take a mini break from caregiving. However, it is worth it to me except when I have to come back n be the caregiver.
Cricket, don't forget I don't take much room. ; ) I do hope you r able to get ready n have time to breathe n relax while u r in Calif.
Deef, I bet those apple fritters were deliouse being they were home-made n that u made them. Let us know how the apple pie turns out.
Book, you have your hands full of caregiving n you work too. Plus you r having to get up in middle of night n wee am time sounds like you are not getting enough rest. That probable why your brain is going blank for its being work so hard that it needs some rest. I guess some sleep is better than no sleep. I am trying to find a positive side for you. I don't see how you do it n I know if u don't then who will.
SWClancy, welcome to the site. It does sound like your mom minds is bright for she has put herself on the waiting list at the NH. As for the butter, I heard someone else that use butter for hairballs. Not sure if it works but it does work sometimes when u have to give them a pill.
I hope everyone had a relaxing somewhat day today so that we can face the music all again tomorrow. ; )

I'm caring for my 89 year old mother in my home and I have to admit she's pretty good considering........I try to overlook a lot of things that go along with the aging process because I know I'm going to be there someday myself, and I know how these limitations bother her as much, if not more than they do me......sooooooo I do a lot of muttering to myself, but try not to include her in these private conversations....She's a retired RN and has had to care for a lot of people in her time that had sufficient limitations and had to overlook a lot of unpleasantries......she has recently stated that she put herself on the waiting list at the Nursing Facility where my father passed away a couple yrs ago.....I was unable to bring myself to do that as I feel her mind is still very sharp, although her balance and eyesight are dwindling....(by the way, she has occasionally given a little butter to her cats long before she became a senior citizen.....probably helped them with hairballs...)

Quick drive by since it’s Monday morn and need to do parents, feed them breakfast and rush to work. Yes, we work today. It’s not our work holiday.

Stormy – no more scary stories from me. I can’t remember which thread when I brought up the scary doll/stuffed monster/my dolls. I brought up a lot of the paranormal stuff. I do my best to ignore them. Don’t want to give them power over me to start doing those things that Judy mentioned about her friend. Our home is not like that bad. But we have the creepy feeling, the “I don’t want you in this room” feeling, the church bell ringing (no church nearby), etc…Sorry, you will just have to go search it. Most likely it was either here or YOU thread in maybe August or Sep.

Judy, my dad’s a Catholic. He’s had the priest bless this house twice. If you read my previous posts on this, we have 2 kinds of spirits here. My nephew is more familiar with them but he did give me a reason why I go crazy about the outside ones. He says that the inside spirits are protecting us. The outside spirits are trying to come into the house. I must help the inside ones (since the outside ones just creep me out completely.) I’ve experienced one that compelled me for days to cut the creepy vines. When I finally did, I was cutting it like a madperson – real fast, left,right, etc.. He told me that I need to keep cutting the vines because that’s where the outside ones are strong and trying to take over the house. I didn’t know WHY I hated those vines and WHY I fear it so much. He told me. (He sees them on the side of his eyes and in mirrors.) The KEY is to avoid denying or acknowledging them. Just do like those 3 monkeys do: See no evil, hear no evil, speak to no evil. Something I relied on when I was in elementary age.

Hopefully, when I come home from work I can post more on all. Yesterday was a very tiring day for me. At 10pm, I was changing father’s pampers. While doing it, my brain got fuzzy and I blanked out. Forced myself back, my body was weaving and my hands were still changing him. Brain kept blanking out. I was able to shower, and I slept with wet hair by 1130pm. That’s early for me. I was so tired, I didn’t wake up at all to suction mom until 4am. After that, it was constant getting up to suction – several times each hour. By 545am, I just laid there and listened to her cough and choke on phlegm. Too tired to get up. Finally got up when she sounded so bad. Gotta go!

Judy, sorry your son is sick, and always on a holiday weekend when the doctor's office is closed! Hope he is feeling better soon. Too bad you are missing your brother. Manomet is a little over 2 hours from here. I'm in central Mass. in the small town of Ware that borders the Quabbin Reservoir on the east side. We're hoping to get to Hampton Beach N.H. for a night soon. That's a lot closer to Plymouth. Hope you have a great trip!
Lily, your situation sounds like a tough one, but at least your mom doesn't single out one of you. If she is so into her boys, maybe they could get together and sweet talk her into signing some paperwork so that everything is settled. Good luck!
Book!!! Spirits in the house!!! My house was built in the early 1880's and was a boarding house for mill workers for years. I've lived here my entire life and have had many strange things occur. Although it can be spooky, it is also interesting and a great conversation starter.
Cricket, California, how nice for you! Hope you have a wonderful time after you get through all the preparations we as care givers have to go through if we leave the nest for any length of time. That's one of the many reasons I don't go anywhere. It's just too much work to get everything ready, organized and set for someone else to take over. Heave a huge sigh of relief when you get your butt into that airplane seat! Then order a nice alcoholic beverage to relax!
Diane, as I'm sure you well know, PD just makes anxiety and depression even more unbearable along with the hallucinations that are worse from the PD meds. Mom was a train wreck for the first 3 years I was home. Crying, drooling, hyperventilating, constantly!!! She had Lexapro, Risperdol, Comtan and many other drugs, but until her geriatric doctor started her on 10 mgs of Paxil, nothing worked. He slowly put her up to 30mgs in the AM and along with her 2 0.25 zanax 3 times a day. she became much calmer and more relaxed. She sleeps well at night because we give her 2 seroquel. She had something else before, but that no longer worked. Seroquel is not something she can have during the day due to it making her too groggy to handle. I know of the side affects, but the dementia is so progressed, the benefits outweigh them. And yes, Mom would have to be medicated to the point of being comatose in order for her to stay in a NH. I'm not ready to do that to her when she can still enjoy being in her own home. It may sound like she is on a lot of meds, but really, the most she takes is her PD pills and Namenda and aricept, both of which she could not function at all without. I know how hard it is to get a doctor to change meds, but I kept calling and pushing until they realized how bad she was. At that point they were willing to ween her off one and try another. I know everyone can't tolerate the same combinations, but it may be worth a try for your mom to get on Paxil and see if she improves at all. I know that lost feeling you have right now and I wish there was more I could do for you. Just keep doing the best you can. That's all any of us can do
On a different note, I made my first batch of apple fritters for the season, this morning!!! Yummmmmmm. Apple pie tomorrow! Okay, working in the yard and trying to get the pool cleaned up so we can cover it this week. First my neck was out, then my back. Now everything is better, so time to get everything closed up and cleaned up for what lies ahead!

The sun has come out, the fog has lifted, I'm going to saddle up a horse. Bye. Love you guys

It's Sunday already! I hope everyone is doing okay. Bookworm, perhaps your older sister is mentally ill. Just reading about her inability to work and provide for herself or her lack of desire to do so sounds very much like a deep depression. If that is the situation perhaps she can get some help outside of your house. Just an idea. I feel really bad for you that just because you don't want her to end up homeless you are the one bearing the brunt again. :( I hope there is a solution for both of you.
I'm getting ready this week for my trip to CA, I leave next Sunday. I have so much to do to get everything set up here before I go that I'm not sure if I will be able to get on much or if I do I probably won't be able to comment much. If that's the case everyone please know that you are all in my prayers and in my thoughts daily. Now to go work on my To Do list.... overwhelmed. Love you all.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

Just want to vent! My mom never says a kind word to my sisters. We travel over (75) miles to see her on the weekends. She never says how are you all doing? She only sits there and insults us by any means she can. Making disparaging remarks about our clothes, jewelry, makeup, our hair and she attacks personally with her insults and painful remarks. But the minutes our brothers walk into the dinning room of the nursing homes. She lightens up like a light bulb. Laughing, smiling and singing to them. Sometimes I think some mothers just hate their daughters and love their sons. This is what we have been experiencing and going through nearly one year now. It has been a very painful journey. Our mother rejects every good thing we are trying to do for her. Even the good things we are trying to do for her are in her own best interest, she rejects them. We are backed up against a brick wall. We can't help our mother because our mother will not allow us to help her to find the most reasonable way to get her out of the nursing home. We can't get her to cooperate. We have done the best we can, because she is not declared mentally incompetent, their are things dealing with her finances
we have no control over. Because our elderly sick mother refuses to sign a power of attorney, or a durable power of attorney or a medical directive. We have nothing to stand on if she get worst. I am just venting and I think Almighty God for AgingCare.com.

Hey Judy- It's good to hear from you too!!! I am so sorry that your son is sick. How old is he? I can certainly understand why you do not want your brother around any sickness. My goodness he doesn't need anymore on him. What happened to him? If you don't mind me asking. Maybe ya'll can reschedule a date to see each other at your house when your son gets to feeling better and everyone can enjoy each others company.
Connor gets his red hair from his dad, his grandmother (hubby's mom) and my uncle (mom's brother) they all had red hair. Hubby's hair is strawberry blond now but it was red when he was in high school. Connor has green eyes and he gets that from his dad too. Connor looks like his dad. Well nice chatting with you. I got to start doing stuff cause we got to carry connor to his soccer game today. Wish us luck that he scores some goals. He scored 3 last sunday!! Love and hugs stormy

Book, I'm fine - thanks for the worry though! Have you thought about getting your house cleansed? My friend just had a psychic come over and do a "cleanse", burning sage in every room, and walking around the outside of the house too, and she feels better about living there. She had some weird stuff going on - lights going off and on, phone ringers being changed, dog barking at nothing, her kid talking to someone no one else could see, that kind of thing - very creepy. She says its better. Everyone can't be mentioned in each post, and I was really just trying to give Cat some guilt about ignoring me, and the wet dog toy lashing is proof that it worked. Thanks, Cat, and I just love you to bits. And, Beck, your lashing is appreciated as well. (I feel like I should be wearing black leather panties and carrying a whip here - enjoying women lashing themselves). Beck, you're always doing something for me...even smoked a few cigs for me last week. Maybe you were walking into the slider for me too. I'm the clumbsiest person alive.
Deef, I'm going to be in MA for 5 days this month to bring my mother to a family reunion. She's 86 and thinks this is the last time she'll be able to see her younger sister who doesn't travel. I'm dreading this. Looking forward to staying in Manomet with my cousin, but dreading the trip, the time with Mom, the time away from my youngest and the expense. I'm my mother's indentured servant but I had to pay for my own ticket AND the rental car. OMG.
Stormy, I got so excited when my daughter was born and I saw some coppery fuzz on her head. Thought I was going to have a redhead. A week later, it all fell out and was replaced by the whitest blond hair. So, I didn't get the coppery red curls for her that I wanted, but I got some platinum blond. I always wanted one of the kids to have brown eyes too, but seeing that my husband and I are both blue eyed, a brown eyed child might've been a bit hard to explain. So nice to see you on this thread, btw. Smiled when I saw your name. Love the Connor updates.
Was up several times last night checking on my youngest. He had a high temp (103.7) and a bad headache that made him lie still and not want to move. All I could think of was meningitis. Headache is better, not gone. Temperature is down, but I need to check it in a few hours. Ibuprofen brings it down and he sleeps. But, my quadriplegic bro has never been to my house. He's had a rented van this past week and wants to come visit me today. But, I have a sick kid. My brother needs to stay away from sick people. Even a cold can kill him, and its not an easy way to go - it'd be like suffocating. He can't cough (and he can't yell, due to the paralysis, he can't breathe deeply). The closest he can get to coughing is to have someone push down on his chest while he clears his throat. He's lucky in that regard though. A higher neck break would've had him on a respirator. The van has to be returned on Monday. I'm so bummed he won't get to come over.
Done rambling!

We love you too Cattails... (((Hugs))) Stormy

Book-You have spirits in your house? Tell me more...... I have always been interested in hearing spirit or ghost stories. Although i don't know if it is a good idea for your sister to move in there if she is going to be contacting these spirits and talking and laughing with them. But if she has no where else to go i guess she has to go back home. I am sorry you are having to deal with this too on top of everything else with your mom and dad. I really don't know how you do it all. Hugs Stormy

Can I just say that I love the people on this thread. Cat

Deefer- Thanks, I hope i am doing a good job raising connor. He is our only child and the light of our lives. He has red curly hair and my mom always wanted one of her kids to have red hair but no such luck. Then my mom died in 04' and in 06' i had this little baby with red peach fuzz on his head. Me and my sister always say that our mom had a hand in that one, that she was determined for somebody in our family to have red hair, and boy has he got it. I just wished she could have met him. Me and my mom were very close, she was a wonderful mother and my best friend. I miss her. Thanks for the response. hugs stormy

Stormy!!! I knew I missed someone. You sound like a great mom. I have one daughter who just turned 32. Somehow I managed being her best friend and could still be a good mom without crossing the line. I'm very lucky to have her and my sil living in the apartment above us. Take care of that boy of yours. He sounds like a good one!!

Book, my mom's greatest problem is her mental state, dementia. She has Parkinson's and spinal stenosis that make walking/standing very difficult. She wants my full attention ALL the time. I try to walk in the garden or sit on the front porch for 5 minutes and she is hollering for me. She also has panic attacks and gets frightened that she is dying. I can even sit on the toilet without her hollering for me. When I am with her she is usually dozing and not talking to me anyway. When she does talk it is to say "I'm not feeling well" or bitching that I'm not taking good care of her. Work is an escape to a degree, but there again I feel like I'm drowning in demands. I have a full time work load on a part time schedule. I'm just waiting for me screw something up there too. Deef, I know exactly what you mean about the money for a NH or in-home care. A NH here in SC is $7000 a month plus meds and supplies. I also know that they would need to medicate mom heavily. Maybe that's my mistake, I don't want her to be knocked out all day. Mom isnt OCD, but her anxiety attacks are driving me crazy. Mom's movements are extremely slow due to the PD. Every sensation to her is very extreme. She swears I scratch her back up every night when I change her for bed. My nails are cut so short they hurt. Cat, mom's doctor nor my doctor can get any help for me. I don't know of any other resources to seek. I will try get my respite weekend scheduled again since I had to cancel last time.
So much for my griping. Thank you for listening and making suggestions.

Love ya,
Diane

Kritini, Merry has been helping me care for Mom for the last 3 1/2 years and was born and raised in Alaska. The Aleutian Islands was her home. She still has family there and visits when she can. You are lucky your mom still has her mind. It makes all the difference in the world when care giving. As for Delaware, it's a beautiful state to visit. Hope you get your mom back there to rest.
Justme, Mom's mind is too far gone to do the crazy shit stuff, but cannot tell us when she does go, so many messy pants to clean here!
Mame, keep sending your mom to daycare! It's such a break for you. I know all the hard work it takes to get them there and back, and sometimes I just go home and collapse for a while, but it's still worth it. Gets really tough here in the winter when there is snow and ice, so I'm hoping for a mild one like last year. As for help at home, ask around for out of work CNAs, that's how I got Merry. She had been let go at the NH due to budget cuts and was very grateful to get work watching Mom.
Tbailey, You are a real tough lady!!! Keep up the good work and get yourself healthy again so you can move on with your life. We all know the damage done to our health as care givers.
Renarad!!! I remember you on Ted's site. How are you???
Meanwhile, Definitely take time for yourself and sleep all you can. Rest is the best medicine there is!
Hey Judy! Do you think you will ever get back to Mass?
Lildeb, good news about your dad.
Bookworm, I don't know how you do it!!
Cat, nice to hear one of us is finally able to get on with the business of living.
Diane, What can I say? Just do the best you can and stop beating yourself up over things you can't change. If your mom can't get out of bed or her chair by herself, then walk away for a while and let her stew! Even though she has PD and the dementia that comes with it, she is still capable of manipulation. Do you have an MP3 player with earphones? Play music in your ears when sitting with her and give her an occasional "uh huh" so that she thinks you are listening.
Mom is still sleeping, but today is shower day, so I need to get everything ready. I hope I included everyone here and do apologize if I didn't! Hope we all have a positive day!
Jen. I will try to call you later!!!

Cat, I can live on my own. One paycheck can pay for rent and utilites. 2nd paycheck towards my car loan. Why would bro invite her? He's having his own problems with 2 of his 3 kids slacking and not wanting to get a job. He doesn't need another one.

Niece doesn't want her mother in her life. I can see my sister being one of those people out in the streets. I'd rather she be here "safe" with a roof over her head. Unfortunately, sanity-wise, this is not a good place for her. She is not afraid of "them." As for bro - as long as someone is watching the parents - he's fine with it. Most likely, he would send one of his sons to move in. Parents' care would definitely suffer. Unfortunately, bro's children don't understand that when you have a child, that you need to feed them 3 x day. Their kids get fed when and if the parents feel like eating. One of my niece (age 2) saw pizza and screamed her head off trying to get to it. The whole family thought it was funny. I didn't. It was 11am and that child did not have any breakfast. She was starving. All of my siblings (except for fave sis) raised their kids that way. My niece that died - one time I dropped by for a quick visit - she was like 6 yrs old and was looking in the fridge for lunch. Her mom and my sis were still sleeping. I mean, who sleeps until noontime? It's not as if they had a job that tired them out. They are living off the federal program.

I think my main plan is to just have to learn to speak up with oldest sis. I need to overcome my upbringing of respecting your elder. We will see... But, once she starts talking and laughing to nobody in her bedroom (she's moving in the room that I call the Dead Room. I'm more afraid of this room than any of the house) - I will have to call her daughter and let her know. Up to both of them if she wants to still stay here and become more and more mentally unbalanced due to "them." Who knows in the end, my sis will end up out on the road. We will see....

Book: Why can't you just say to Bro of next door and oldest sis that she is not welcome in your home? You know that the spirit thing is an issue and that oldest sis will not help and cost you money. Why can't you tell them no? What if you said that you would leave if older sis moved into your home. I think bro next door would not want that to happen.

Book my heart goes out to you. Could you afford to live on your own?

Love to you, Book. Cat