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A few years ago, oldest sis and her daughter were struggling - one of them had to get a job (federal program requires that they become self-sufficient.) Per her daughter, oldest sis just stays in her room and won't get a job. So, daughter's father (sis' ex-husband) told his daughter: "Send your mother back to her family." Sis moves in. At first she was helpful. Then she slacked off. She would only cook for herself - with the food that I paid for! She would see me struggling with mom's pamper changing but she would just walk by and not offer to help. There's only so many times that I can keep asking for help. She should know already. I mean my 17-yr old niece once dropped by while I was in the middle of changing mom's pamper. I asked for her help. After that, whenever she drops by and sees me changing the pamper, she just automatically helps. This is from a 17yr old. So, any way, sis became completely unhelpful...but eating our very limited supply of food (bills get paid first, then supplies, and food is last.) So, father called up her daughter and ordered her to come and get her mother. That he's already caring for his wife. And he told her that her mother is HER responsibility, not ours. And ordered niece to come and get her.....
Sis will end up doing it again when she moves in. Already, with the current situation, she's dumping her trash in the sink and not in the trashcan. She's home all day, but when I get home at 630pm, the sink is a mess, and I have to always empty the drain strainer because it's packed with food.
Oh, her daughter is getting married. She told me that "she has to live her own life now." Her mother is not part of that new life. So, sis is moving back home either the end of this month or next month. I try not to think about it much. Just take it one day at a time....
Are you familiar with my house? I had written about it on one of the threads about how we have "spirits" here. Sis sees them and talks to them. The last time she moved in, she would do a lot of laughing in the bedroom. Eventually, everyone (even the Catholic social service workers) notice she was blank faced. I know our people view these spirits as our ancient ancestor. As a child, I have always been afraid of them. See, Hear no evil attitude - was what I had. I did my darn best to ignore them. I still do. My nephew sees them too. Let's just say...my family are "sensitive" to these spirits. So oldest sis' daughter does NOT want her mom to move back here. We all saw how she changed the last time. This place is Not a Good place for oldest sis. It would be okay if she can PRETEND and IGNORE them...but...I don't think she's mentally strong to resist them. All of the family is worried...but bro-of-next-door did not offer his place..so she's moving in here.
Renarad, I can add you to the FB group but we need to be FB friends first. Send me a friend request and then I will add you to Caregivers Connect. I am Sherry Emery who lives in Port St. Lucie Florida, profile picture is a face shot of me (silver hair, wearing a black and white striped shirt. Wow your Mom is 103! I want those genes! :) *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Book- Why is your sister moving in with ya'll? And when she does i would put her tail to work with helping with your mom and dad. Hell, i think i would let her take care of the dad and i would take care of mom, especially since they like each other. But if you don't want her moving in with ya'll, what about her moving in with the bro-next-door? But i would make her help, with taking care of your parents. Love and hugs to you. Go ahead vent all you want, love stormy
Well, Judy, I hope it wasn’t me. I first read Cat used the word “shout out.” Niece was here when it was mentioned again today. So, I asked her what it means. Anyway, I don’t think I will use that word. I still think shout out means yelling really loud.
Stormy, you have a very good memory. Even before father’s stroke, for years, I would remind him that I won’t care for him in his old age. I’ve repeatedly reminded bro-of-next-door that the reason I’m still here is because of mom. They all know it.
Father has complete control of oldest sis. But, I think she’s more afraid of me than him. I rarely talk disrespectfully to her because she’s my elder. But, darn it! I tied the darn screen door to the wall so that the medics can take mom out thru the door with ease. After they took her out, and we were about to board the medic transport, sis was Untying my tie! I snapped at her in anger to leave it alone. She said that dad told her to untie it. I snapped back, “I don’t give a damn about what he says! We ARE coming back!” Then, I muttered to SIL, “Damn, he tells her to jump and she jumps. No backbone! No common sense! Hello? We’re coming back, and then I have to re-tie it?” And sis has not yet moved in! Sorry, Stormy….Had to vent here. I am sooooo not looking forward to her moving in. Once she moves in, she will really slack off. Can you believe when she empties a can or milk, she leaves the can or carton in the sink? I mean, why in the sink? Doesn’t it belong in the trashcan???? You all will start to hear me venting about her when she moves in. One thing I will need to emphasize to her that there is No Smoking allowed at all in the house. She’s a very heavy smoker. I’ve heard from her daughter that she has burned her room once. We can’t afford that here with 2 bedridden persons. Sis won’t listen, though. She will do it sneakily. Don’t know how I’m going to handle it. Most likely have to have bro-of-next-door straighten her out if she Does smoke in the bedroom.
Diane, Deef – sorry about your financial struggles. My older had that problem before he became financially stable. It was winter time and they were going to have their power cut. He ended up going to Red Cross (?) for assistance. It’s a never-ending cycle of bills, bills and more bills. Especially when you have to buy supplies for the parents. Parents go through $60 worth of pampers a week. And that’s just pampers.
Diane, you are not alone! I've never had to battle depression, but lately I find myself shutting down more and more. Sometimes it's just easier to give in to the black hole for a while. It's hard to upbeat when it feels like you don't have a prayer in Hell! At least the LTC pays for help so you can work. I just had to contact the insurance company again as they were behind 6 weeks in reimbursement checks. They once again said that they never received 2 weeks of Merry's payroll. So we had to fax copies to them once again, and then had to wait 3 more weeks for them to process the check from the 1st 2 weeks of August!!! So I was holding my breath that there would be enough $$ to pay for help. If I had put mom in the NH in 2008 after her second stay in rehab, the $$ would have lasted less than 2 years. I'm talking $92,000!!! I have managed to spread this over the last 4 1/2 years. Of course I have been told by the doctors and counselors that she would not have lasted the first 2 months. She was never a very social person and because of the PD and her increasing dementia, they would have had to medicate her heavily in order to keep her from falling. She is very OCD and tries to stand up constantly and they cannot use physical restraints like I can at home. So my choice was to leave her there and let her be doped up until she gave up and died, or take her home and let her happy and comfortable in her own surroundings. I thought with help being paid for by her LTC and 3 days of daycare, I would have plenty of time to have a life. Unfortunately, here I still am since May of 2008. I have no $$ and my debt has doubled. my husband has been out of work for almost 2 years and is now collecting social security. We are still waiting to here if we have health insurance through the state. As for life insurance, we paid for that for 35 years and lost it because we had no $$ to keep paying the premiums. I'm 30lbs heavier than I have been in my entire life, my acid reflux is so bad right now, I sleep on 2 pillows to keep the acid from coming up into my mouth when I lay down. My back is out again and my hips aren't in much better shape. I'm tired all the time and sleep , well, lets 'just say I don't remember the last time I was able to sleep 8 hours. My youngest sister(POA) stopped by on Thursday and spent the whole hour talking about herself and the trips she's been on and going to Jamaica in February. I stopped listening after the first 10 minutes. It's just really rude of her to talk about what she is doing when I can't afford the time or $$ to leave here for a few days.I could put Mom in respite for a week and go somewhere if we could afford it, but then I would have to come back home to the same crap and it would take me weeks to straighten out Mom. I'm seriously contemplating an overnight at the beach in New Hampshire, but first have to think about the $800 property tax that is due on the 1st and we should be getting both an oil and gas delivery by the end of this month. Anther $1500 that will probably mean a NO for the beach. Mom's new custom built wheelchair is on order and she needs to pay $650 for a co-pay. the chair is $5000 and is being built to her specifications. It will recline and also have movement, so when her PD movements get really bad, the chair will move with her and supposedly calm her down. Keeping my fingers crossed on that! It will also have a tray built onto it. This will keep her sitting upright and isn't considered a restraint. Took my Requip and am now feeling nauseous, so I will say good night and finish this post tomorrow!
Hey Book- Just read your last comment and i was just thinking about what your dad said about your mom and wanting you in there with her. This is my take on it. Your dad doesn't want your mom to die cause he knows that if that happens then his son is going to have to start taking care of him. I recall you saying one time that if your mom died then your brother was going to get the task of caregiving for your dad. And i would let dear ole' brother have him!!! Love and (((((BIG HUGS))))) to you Book!!! Love ya sweetie. stormy
Hi everyone- I hope all of you are having a good weekend as good as it can be anyway with our situations with caregiving. Well, tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better one for all of us. We can always hope, right? Mame-Thank you, yes i am cherishing these memories with my little boy, and he is my heart. I hope you had a great time at the football game!! Cricket- I love the design you put at the end of your comments, it is so cute. I hope you have a great day tomorrow. Renarad- How long have you been taking care of your mom? And she is 103, wow. Dtflex and Kritini- I think i read where you two got to take a vacation, I hope i read that right. And i hope ya'll had a great time. Meanwhile,Beck, and Judy- I wish that the meditation would work for me too. I always have too many thoughts running through my head to be able to clear my mind. I've never had any luck with it either. Bookworm- I am glad that connor is doing good in school too. I am glad also that he likes school. Hope you are doing alright. Cat-Still thinking of you and keeping you in prayer. I know that was so awesome to be able to spend some time with your hubby and enjoy the outdoors for a change. So happy that you were able to do that. Lil'deb- I'm glad to hear that your dad is doing better. I hope you are doing alright these days. Well, i am sure i missed someone and i am sorry if i did. I am still trying to learn everyone and who they are caring for so just please bare with me. My sister sent me a text today telling me that she found her cat outside in the backyard dead. She was so distaught and i felt so terrible for her, she doesn't know what happen to her cat and she could not go out there to her because she has this thing about dead things, she just can't take it. We have our dear brother to thank for that, he terrorized her as a child with dead squirrels, birds whatever and ever since then she just can't take seeing them. So she called our nephew to come and bury her cat. It is so terrible when you lose a pet, you just get so attached to them. I've got 2 cats and a dog, lord him me when i lose one of them. Well i will chat with ya'll later. (((hugs))) stormy
Judy....now u've got me worried...so i took Cat's idea, an lashed myself with a wet dog toy, jst in case im guilty!!!! LOL
Renarad....wen i read ur post, i got stuck on the sentence that ur mother is 103, n going strong!! That can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how nice she is to u.!!....My mother always reminds me that if she hasnt passed away by age 85.....i'm suppose to "take care" of that!! She'll b 84 in Dec. She's a piece of work. I think it's amazing that ur mom is still going strong...God Bless her..hugs to u
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart.. covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.. At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.'
Hi Diane – Is your mom’s health so bad that you cannot leave the house for a few minutes? I mean, like my mom needs constant suctioning. So, I need to spend MOST of my days/nights in the livingroom with her. If I’m not around too long to suction, her phlegm can clog her trache and she starts choking to the point she can’t breathe but her body is still trying to cough it out and her face gets super red. If too long, I’m forced to push the suction tube way down to break up the clogged trache from the thickened/backed up phlegm. But, I still go out and do things. I just pop in once a while to see if she’s still breathing and not choking. Yes, my father gets angry but…how does he expect the laundry to be washed, and the meals be cooked? So, is your mom like my mom where her health is very critical that you must always be in the house? I still sneak out to scythe the vines around the house. If I don’t, I swear our house would be covered with those scary creepy vines. I do what needs to be done. Like I tell father when his mouth goes on and on about my time away from mom – I say, “Well, if mom dies, she dies.” What I’m getting at is that when I do these chores, I’m not that long away where mom dies. It’s just my father’s way of controlling me. Sometimes, I can handle his verbal abuse and other times I can’t. You can tell when I can’t because I come on here and post it. He has told me several times how I’m a bad daughter and I’m trying to kill them. Most times, I can handle it. Then, when I’m stressed, his barbs hit home and I start falling to pieces. I come here, and you all help me. What I’m trying to say is – when I come here saying that he’s telling me a bad daughter is not the only time he says it. He says it all the time but when it Hits It’s Mark, I come here. I just don’t tell you all Every Verbal Abuse he dishes out to me. You need to figure out for yourself how much freedom you deserve. And how willing you are to fight for it. And trust me, Diane. Once you make this decision, you will constantly have to fight to Maintain that small freedom. Parents want 100% control of Your life. Up to you to decide how much you will give to them. I would prefer that you put aside a few minutes a day for YOU. Get one of those baby monitors with long range. Carry it with you to do the garden. Up to you Diane. I hope you give yourself a break from your mother! HUGS!!!
I am just dropping a line that I made an appointment with my dentist this Wed. Still trying to talk to my son n his wife about their marriage problems n all I can do is offer suggestions. It driving me crazy.. I do have some good news to be thankful for n that is that, I called to check on my aunt that is helping take care of my dad at their place. I told her if she needed a break to let us know for one of the boys could go get dad a few hrs to give her a break. She said she was fine right now but did seem tired. Now, dad is eating great n making jokes n gaining some weight n trying to walk with his cane. He did say he cannot stand to long for he gives out. Still that is great news n has not dranked a drop of u know what. The stepma is supposely eating better n trying to get around too so that is great news n I really needed to hear some today. I am so glad that I called my daddy today for I forgot last wk. He did say he was getting worry about me for he had not heard from me. I almost cried just hearing him saying that n I told him how proud I was he is doing better n that he sounds great too. He thanked me n u could hear it in his voice he was happy. Well, I hope all is doing well n r able to get a restful night sleep. zzz
Judy: I just lashed myself with a wet dog toy. Tell me who the other person was that stepped over you and I will do the same to them.
Diane: When I was working on cattails at the pond yesterday, I thought of how impossible it would have been for me to have this day if my dad was still at our home. I looked at our two dogs, laying in the shade of a tree, and felt so grateful to just be there with my hubby doing this task.
I so understand how you feel. So much of my garden and outside time was not available to me last summer or this summer and our summers are short on the peninsula so they are very special to me.
Your situation is so difficult and I realize that your personal options are so limited. I don't know how you manage and there are few moments when I don't think of you and wish your life was easier.
Many of us have encouraged you to get a letter from your doctor and recontact that program that could have given you extra hours of care. Do they even begin to understand that keeping your mom at home means you need help? Please attempt to recontact them and truly explain the needs you both have.
We all want your life to be better. You deserve so much better. I am keeping you in my prayers, Diane. Sending you love and white light. Cat
Thanks for twice the love, Cattails, my friend! I could use it. (Gotta face that sis of mine tomorrow.) And, you owe it to me anyway for just stepping right over me a few days ago. Someone else just did that to me the other day too. Renarad, we need to stick together. I get ignored and your comment got buried. We need to make more noise!
Book & Renard, Ted is one of the few male caregivers that we have had on this thread. His mother passed away a few months ago and he is trying to get his life together. Unfortunately his sibling are too busy trying to screw him over. The next blow for Ted was the death of his beloved cat Idabell. Ted, if you're lurking, love and hugs to you. Book, if I had two parents to care for like you, I don't how I would manage. Mom has been mean and hateful today. She laid such a guilt trip on me and complained so much that I wasnt caring for her good enough that I had an asthma attack. My suicide attempt in May was driven by the bs from the sibs, but my mother is trying real hard to push me over again. I swear todays performance was because my b/f and I actually got to go out lastnight. I had won tickets to a charity benefit called Art in the Garden. We had a good time for the few hours that we were free. I know I keep being told its the dementia but I swear she deliberately manipulates me. Cat, the weather is beautiful here today and I would love to go work in my garden. Unfortunately I'm stuck inside watching mom sleep in her recliner. The minute I walk away she starts with her "dying" routine again. My gardening was my therapy and mom has stolen that time from me too. Everything I do from the time I wake up (and when I try to sleep) everyday is all about mom. I feel like I'm a fing machine, All I seem to do is bitch but I am just so unhappy with my life. I'm tired of everyone else walking away and leaving it all on me. I thought about my major depression this afternoon. It is a disease just as diabetes, parkinson's or cancer. Yes cancer, because it's just as deadly. Because it's a "mental" disorder no one seems to recognize you are buckling under the 24 hour pressure and grasping to keep holding on.
Tbailey, you keep doing what is right for YOU!!!!! I made it out of a verbally abusive marriage and had a wonderful life prior to being mom's caregiver 5 years ago. Self respect is the best thing you can teach your girls!
Judy: I'll get a hold of Cricket so she can invite Renarad. I missed your post and grumble about my not giving you a shout. Well, I am sending you twice and much love as I usually do to make up for it. Cat
P.S...the only good thing about Gmail - is that when you Sign Out, they stop tracking you. FB - never stops tracking you. Their excuse? They want to know U better by tracking where you visit and then they better serve you by sending said advertisers that you might be interested in their products. Hmmm... Really? I don't think so... For FB users - best to use your Smartphone to do your online banking. Or like Clark Howard recommends - get a separate computer just for all your online banking.
Oops! We are in the GROSS page! I gotta drink more of my ice coffee! Sorry! In a hurry. Time to change parents' pampers and get them breakfast. And drink MORE coffee! Sigh...spent almost Every Hour this morning (and half hour) getting up to suction mom. Really tired. Hope niece comes this Sunday morning. Maybe I can go to my room and take a nap.
Renard, I Think I heard someone mention Ted in the ...GROSS thread? Cricket just mentioned again about the FB just a day or 2 ago..again with invitations. I'm like Judy - no FB. Until FB stops invading your privacy, I refuse to join. Latest news is that FB keeps track of ALL your computer activities - including when you log in to your bank accounts and credit card accounts, etc... I don't see WHY they need to track All your non-FB activities. Maybe worse than the Fed Govt because FB has a habit of giving your "private" info to advertisers. Nope, until the govt comes down on FB and Gmail companies, I aint going near either one! ...Renard, if you want immediate invite, please go to the GROSS page and see if you recognize anyone? And ask?
Hey, I think a comment by Renarad got buried. Yesterday, there was a comment that asked about Ted. I'm newer than Ted, so can someone reply to Renarad? Also, she/he would like to get involved with the Facebook page. I don't do Facebook, so can someone help Renarad out? Renarad... your mom is 103? Oh, my gosh!!! I hope she's sweet. If my mother lives to 103, I'm going to need a straight jacket (for me, not her).
Meanwhile....i find meditation very difficult, as well. My mind keeps thinking about the things i should b doing, or the things i forgot to do...it becomes more of a frustration to me than relaxation...N i have a terrible time sitting in that "meditative" position, bcuz it hurts my back, so then my mind starts thinking about that!!! I think i'll jst down a beer next time..lol... Have a good weekend....hugs
Tbailey, your husband sounds like he is bipolar. Stay away from him. You deserve so much better. Cat loved your vacation stories. I haven't taken a vacation in 5 years. Diane, I so know how you feel. Bookworm, sorry you are dealing with the poop monster still. Such a nightmare. Welcome to all the new people. Sorry I haven't been posting much. Sort of depressed lately. Trouble sleeping again, and just trying to get out of bed. So, I'm trying to take some time for myself. Take the dogs for a walk. Still trying to learn meditation. Just seems like my mind is always going a hundred miles an hour. Hope; everyone has a quiet peaceful weekend.
Stormy – glad to hear that Connor is doing good in school. Mame – I hope you enjoy your son’s football game. Even when I was in high school, I could never understand/comprehend football. Plus, it drives me crazy when I see the ball flying, then where I THOUGHT it landed, some guy is over there running with the ball! It just drove me crazy that I had a difficult time following that ball! Cricket – I agree with your sentiments about getting outside care for your father. It will be soooo worth it!! Tbailey – It takes 2 to make a marriage work. If one person is doing all the work (giving) and the other is just benefiting (taking), sooner or later, the marriage weakens. Like the Bible says, the man may be the head of the household but he still needs to show respect/honor to his wife. Action speaks louder than words. Take care! Kritini – no problem with keeping track with all of us! I also worry in case I forget someone. But, after a while, you will get the hang of things. Plus, I got my trustworthy notepad (on desktop) to respond to everyone. In the past, I had Several Times mixed up people with events. Embarrassing! So, I stopped relying on my memory. Cat – That was a wonderful experience of yours. I like to travel but I also love hearing people’s stories. It can be about growing up, their family dynamics, their work dynamics and even their travels. People always said that when they talk, that my whole attention is on them – that they know that I’m really listening to what they’re saying. I just find a lot of things fascinating. I just don't have patience if I already heard it once, then it's enough. (Maybe that's because of father's repetitive stories throughout the years.) Anyway, thanks for the memory trip.
Kritini: Regarding the romance of Paris, I think who you are with makes all things better. It's really two different subjects. Paris was just a beautiful place. The old architecture, the fresh markets with different places for fruits and vegetables, cheese, pasty, meat, bread. That in itself is an experience that one could call romantic in that it just connects you to your food in a different and more personal and social way. Is Paris romantic, OMG yes, but so are many other experiences.
We would probably have not taken this trip if my dad had not wanted to visit his remaining brother and sister in Wales. So for us it was a pilgrimage in some ways, but the opportunity to have 5 days to ourselves in Paris was such a great experience and one I will always treasure.
There's so much to see in the US. My husband and I took two major motorcycle trips, both being over 4500 miles each. We camped out, and traveled much of western Canada and also covered numerous states. It was just as romantic, just in a different way. Wouldn't trade those trips for the world. In fact, I would say those trips were better than Paris, but probably because they were longer and we saw such beautiful scenery, the Canadian Rockies and so much more, plus it was kind of a close to the bone experience. Dealing with the elements. When you travel my motorcycle you feel and smell everything. That alone, aside from the destination, is an amazing experience. We were in our very early 40's then. When we went to Paris, I was 60 and I was pretty ok with public transportation. Would not want to drive there. Still the experience was just a freeing for us.
No matter where you go, if you go with an open mind, you will be ok. Somethings take more planning than others. If you are on a motorcycle, it pays to know where your next gas station is, how many miles you want to cover in a day and where you want to camp. If you are in Paris, you will benefit from understanding the transit system and doing things to help keep your costs down.
We took a trip in our car once, with no reservations and no plans. We were in our late 30's then. We went up the California Coast into Oregon and went through some tremendous storms. At times we had to get out of the car and move redwoods out of the road so we could continue. I mean it rained and it blew. Eleven inches in two days and that's a lot for the West coast, but we did not care in the least and had such a great time. It was November, so no reservations required. We made it to Seattle with many adventures along the way. Was it romantic, Oh Yeah. Everything is romantic when you are free and when you are free everything is spontaneous.
Cattails, sounds fantastic! While I would love to see other parts of the world, I really am content with exploring my own country first. I think the best part of our Seattle trip was being spontaneous. We made no plans or reservations other than a rental car. We drove until we wanted to stop and crash. Went into Oregon and I cried as I dipped my toes in the ocean. Didn't think I'd ever see it as an adult. (had been with parents as a child). My mother wants to be cremated and spread in ocean in Delaware where she grew up so my plan is to be here for her and then deliver her to final resting place. We will drive cross country and tke the scenic route, visit daughter/grand kid in new Orleans along the way. I'm hoping taking mom with me will help with closure. Is Paris really as romantic as it seems? Or is it mainly who your there with that makes the romance?
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Sis will end up doing it again when she moves in. Already, with the current situation, she's dumping her trash in the sink and not in the trashcan. She's home all day, but when I get home at 630pm, the sink is a mess, and I have to always empty the drain strainer because it's packed with food.
Oh, her daughter is getting married. She told me that "she has to live her own life now." Her mother is not part of that new life. So, sis is moving back home either the end of this month or next month. I try not to think about it much. Just take it one day at a time....
Are you familiar with my house? I had written about it on one of the threads about how we have "spirits" here. Sis sees them and talks to them. The last time she moved in, she would do a lot of laughing in the bedroom. Eventually, everyone (even the Catholic social service workers) notice she was blank faced. I know our people view these spirits as our ancient ancestor. As a child, I have always been afraid of them. See, Hear no evil attitude - was what I had. I did my darn best to ignore them. I still do. My nephew sees them too. Let's just say...my family are "sensitive" to these spirits. So oldest sis' daughter does NOT want her mom to move back here. We all saw how she changed the last time. This place is Not a Good place for oldest sis. It would be okay if she can PRETEND and IGNORE them...but...I don't think she's mentally strong to resist them. All of the family is worried...but bro-of-next-door did not offer his place..so she's moving in here.
Renarad, I can add you to the FB group but we need to be FB friends first. Send me a friend request and then I will add you to Caregivers Connect. I am Sherry Emery who lives in Port St. Lucie Florida, profile picture is a face shot of me (silver hair, wearing a black and white striped shirt. Wow your Mom is 103! I want those genes! :)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Stormy, you have a very good memory. Even before father’s stroke, for years, I would remind him that I won’t care for him in his old age. I’ve repeatedly reminded bro-of-next-door that the reason I’m still here is because of mom. They all know it.
Father has complete control of oldest sis. But, I think she’s more afraid of me than him. I rarely talk disrespectfully to her because she’s my elder. But, darn it! I tied the darn screen door to the wall so that the medics can take mom out thru the door with ease. After they took her out, and we were about to board the medic transport, sis was Untying my tie! I snapped at her in anger to leave it alone. She said that dad told her to untie it. I snapped back, “I don’t give a damn about what he says! We ARE coming back!” Then, I muttered to SIL, “Damn, he tells her to jump and she jumps. No backbone! No common sense! Hello? We’re coming back, and then I have to re-tie it?” And sis has not yet moved in! Sorry, Stormy….Had to vent here. I am sooooo not looking forward to her moving in. Once she moves in, she will really slack off. Can you believe when she empties a can or milk, she leaves the can or carton in the sink? I mean, why in the sink? Doesn’t it belong in the trashcan???? You all will start to hear me venting about her when she moves in. One thing I will need to emphasize to her that there is No Smoking allowed at all in the house. She’s a very heavy smoker. I’ve heard from her daughter that she has burned her room once. We can’t afford that here with 2 bedridden persons.
Sis won’t listen, though. She will do it sneakily. Don’t know how I’m going to handle it. Most likely have to have bro-of-next-door straighten her out if she Does smoke in the bedroom.
Diane, Deef – sorry about your financial struggles. My older had that problem before he became financially stable. It was winter time and they were going to have their power cut. He ended up going to Red Cross (?) for assistance. It’s a never-ending cycle of bills, bills and more bills. Especially when you have to buy supplies for the parents. Parents go through $60 worth of pampers a week. And that’s just pampers.
I'm 30lbs heavier than I have been in my entire life, my acid reflux is so bad right now, I sleep on 2 pillows to keep the acid from coming up into my mouth when I lay down. My back is out again and my hips aren't in much better shape. I'm tired all the time and sleep , well, lets 'just say I don't remember the last time I was able to sleep 8 hours.
My youngest sister(POA) stopped by on Thursday and spent the whole hour talking about herself and the trips she's been on and going to Jamaica in February. I stopped listening after the first 10 minutes. It's just really rude of her to talk about what she is doing when I can't afford the time or $$ to leave here for a few days.I could put Mom in respite for a week and go somewhere if we could afford it, but then I would have to come back home to the same crap and it would take me weeks to straighten out Mom.
I'm seriously contemplating an overnight at the beach in New Hampshire, but first have to think about the $800 property tax that is due on the 1st and we should be getting both an oil and gas delivery by the end of this month. Anther $1500 that will probably mean a NO for the beach.
Mom's new custom built wheelchair is on order and she needs to pay $650 for a co-pay. the chair is $5000 and is being built to her specifications. It will recline and also have movement, so when her PD movements get really bad, the chair will move with her and supposedly calm her down. Keeping my fingers crossed on that! It will also have a tray built onto it. This will keep her sitting upright and isn't considered a restraint.
Took my Requip and am now feeling nauseous, so I will say good night and finish this post tomorrow!
Mame-Thank you, yes i am cherishing these memories with my little boy, and he is my heart. I hope you had a great time at the football game!!
Cricket- I love the design you put at the end of your comments, it is so cute. I hope you have a great day tomorrow.
Renarad- How long have you been taking care of your mom? And she is 103, wow.
Dtflex and Kritini- I think i read where you two got to take a vacation, I hope i read that right. And i hope ya'll had a great time.
Meanwhile,Beck, and Judy- I wish that the meditation would work for me too. I always have too many thoughts running through my head to be able to clear my mind. I've never had any luck with it either.
Bookworm- I am glad that connor is doing good in school too. I am glad also that he likes school. Hope you are doing alright.
Cat-Still thinking of you and keeping you in prayer. I know that was so awesome to be able to spend some time with your hubby and enjoy the outdoors for a change. So happy that you were able to do that.
Lil'deb- I'm glad to hear that your dad is doing better. I hope you are doing alright these days.
Well, i am sure i missed someone and i am sorry if i did. I am still trying to learn everyone and who they are caring for so just please bare with me.
My sister sent me a text today telling me that she found her cat outside in the backyard dead. She was so distaught and i felt so terrible for her, she doesn't know what happen to her cat and she could not go out there to her because she has this thing about dead things, she just can't take it. We have our dear brother to thank for that, he terrorized her as a child with dead squirrels, birds whatever and ever since then she just can't take seeing them. So she called our nephew to come and bury her cat. It is so terrible when you lose a pet, you just get so attached to them. I've got 2 cats and a dog, lord him me when i lose one of them. Well i will chat with ya'll later. (((hugs))) stormy
Renarad....wen i read ur post, i got stuck on the sentence that ur mother is 103, n going strong!! That can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how nice she is to u.!!....My mother always reminds me that if she hasnt passed away by age 85.....i'm suppose to "take care" of that!! She'll b 84 in Dec. She's a piece of work. I think it's amazing that ur mom is still going strong...God Bless her..hugs to u
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even
short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he
did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge
heart.. covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service
as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy,
the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed,
sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever..
At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all
eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my
own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.'
The priest fainted.
Diane: When I was working on cattails at the pond yesterday, I thought of how impossible it would have been for me to have this day if my dad was still at our home. I looked at our two dogs, laying in the shade of a tree, and felt so grateful to just be there with my hubby doing this task.
I so understand how you feel. So much of my garden and outside time was not available to me last summer or this summer and our summers are short on the peninsula so they are very special to me.
Your situation is so difficult and I realize that your personal options are so limited. I don't know how you manage and there are few moments when I don't think of you and wish your life was easier.
Many of us have encouraged you to get a letter from your doctor and recontact that program that could have given you extra hours of care. Do they even begin to understand that keeping your mom at home means you need help? Please attempt to recontact them and truly explain the needs you both have.
We all want your life to be better. You deserve so much better. I am keeping you in my prayers, Diane. Sending you love and white light. Cat
Book, if I had two parents to care for like you, I don't how I would manage. Mom has been mean and hateful today. She laid such a guilt trip on me and complained so much that I wasnt caring for her good enough that I had an asthma attack. My suicide attempt in May was driven by the bs from the sibs, but my mother is trying real hard to push me over again. I swear todays performance was because my b/f and I actually got to go out lastnight. I had won tickets to a charity benefit called Art in the Garden. We had a good time for the few hours that we were free. I know I keep being told its the dementia but I swear she deliberately manipulates me.
Cat, the weather is beautiful here today and I would love to go work in my garden. Unfortunately I'm stuck inside watching mom sleep in her recliner. The minute I walk away she starts with her "dying" routine again. My gardening was my therapy and mom has stolen that time from me too. Everything I do from the time I wake up (and when I try to sleep) everyday is all about mom. I feel like I'm a fing machine, All I seem to do is bitch but I am just so unhappy with my life. I'm tired of everyone else walking away and leaving it all on me.
I thought about my major depression this afternoon. It is a disease just as diabetes, parkinson's or cancer. Yes cancer, because it's just as deadly. Because it's a "mental" disorder no one seems to recognize you are buckling under the 24 hour pressure and grasping to keep holding on.
Tbailey, you keep doing what is right for YOU!!!!! I made it out of a verbally abusive marriage and had a wonderful life prior to being mom's caregiver 5 years ago. Self respect is the best thing you can teach your girls!
Try have a good evening everyone.
Love ya,
Diane
...Renard, if you want immediate invite, please go to the GROSS page and see if you recognize anyone? And ask?
Renarad... your mom is 103? Oh, my gosh!!! I hope she's sweet. If my mother lives to 103, I'm going to need a straight jacket (for me, not her).
Sorry I haven't been posting much. Sort of depressed lately. Trouble sleeping again, and just trying to get out of bed. So, I'm trying to take some time for myself. Take the dogs for a walk. Still trying to learn meditation. Just seems like my mind is always going a hundred miles an hour. Hope; everyone has a quiet peaceful weekend.
Mame – I hope you enjoy your son’s football game. Even when I was in high school, I could never understand/comprehend football. Plus, it drives me crazy when I see the ball flying, then where I THOUGHT it landed, some guy is over there running with the ball! It just drove me crazy that I had a difficult time following that ball!
Cricket – I agree with your sentiments about getting outside care for your father. It will be soooo worth it!!
Tbailey – It takes 2 to make a marriage work. If one person is doing all the work (giving) and the other is just benefiting (taking), sooner or later, the marriage weakens. Like the Bible says, the man may be the head of the household but he still needs to show respect/honor to his wife. Action speaks louder than words. Take care!
Kritini – no problem with keeping track with all of us! I also worry in case I forget someone. But, after a while, you will get the hang of things. Plus, I got my trustworthy notepad (on desktop) to respond to everyone. In the past, I had Several Times mixed up people with events. Embarrassing! So, I stopped relying on my memory.
Cat – That was a wonderful experience of yours. I like to travel but I also love hearing people’s stories. It can be about growing up, their family dynamics, their work dynamics and even their travels. People always said that when they talk, that my whole attention is on them – that they know that I’m really listening to what they’re saying. I just find a lot of things fascinating. I just don't have patience if I already heard it once, then it's enough. (Maybe that's because of father's repetitive stories throughout the years.) Anyway, thanks for the memory trip.
We would probably have not taken this trip if my dad had not wanted to visit his remaining brother and sister in Wales. So for us it was a pilgrimage in some ways, but the opportunity to have 5 days to ourselves in Paris was such a great experience and one I will always treasure.
There's so much to see in the US. My husband and I took two major motorcycle trips, both being over 4500 miles each. We camped out, and traveled much of western Canada and also covered numerous states. It was just as romantic, just in a different way. Wouldn't trade those trips for the world. In fact, I would say those trips were better than Paris, but probably because they were longer and we saw such beautiful scenery, the Canadian Rockies and so much more, plus it was kind of a close to the bone experience. Dealing with the elements. When you travel my motorcycle you feel and smell everything. That alone, aside from the destination, is an amazing experience. We were in our very early 40's then. When we went to Paris, I was 60 and I was pretty ok with public transportation. Would not want to drive there. Still the experience was just a freeing for us.
No matter where you go, if you go with an open mind, you will be ok. Somethings take more planning than others. If you are on a motorcycle, it pays to know where your next gas station is, how many miles you want to cover in a day and where you want to camp. If you are in Paris, you will benefit from understanding the transit system and doing things to help keep your costs down.
We took a trip in our car once, with no reservations and no plans. We were in our late 30's then. We went up the California Coast into Oregon and went through some tremendous storms. At times we had to get out of the car and move redwoods out of the road so we could continue. I mean it rained and it blew. Eleven inches in two days and that's a lot for the West coast, but we did not care in the least and had such a great time. It was November, so no reservations required. We made it to Seattle with many adventures along the way. Was it romantic, Oh Yeah. Everything is romantic when you are free and when you are free everything is spontaneous.
Cat
Is Paris really as romantic as it seems? Or is it mainly who your there with that makes the romance?