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Kritini: Time away is such a wonderful experience, especially for those who are so stressed with care giving. I wish we could all give Diane a week off; Deef too.
I have to tell you about a vacation we took. It sounds really grandiose, so I apologize for that, but it was pretty cool. My mom died in 2008 and my cousin in Wales had been wanting us to come visit. Her mom is my dad's sister and my dad had another brother in Wales also. We had enough miles to pay for our airline tickets and my brother was kind enough to buy my dad's ticket. (We had asked my dad if he wanted to go with us and he said yes.) He was well enough to do so at that time.
Anyway, the big highlight was that hubby and I took 5 days and went to Paris all alone. (My dad was with his sibs.) We took the high speed rail from London to Paris. I had found a vacation site on line that had Paris apartments for rent and we rented a studio that cost us $150.00 per night. Had a kitchen, washer/dryer. We had a blast and saw everything we could in the time we had. I would cook dinner to save money, but I love to cook and loved the markets. We would pack lunches sometimes, like when we went to Versailles. Of course we loved eating out at times in the cafes. Oh, it was so much fun. My hubby, affectionately known as Map Head, had mastered all the transit systems before we left home and he got us everywhere with no problems. Lots of great memories backed into those 5 days. Then it was back to London and train to Wales. We stayed with my cousin, so no cost there. It was a great trip. We were going to go to Ireland with my cousin, but my dad got sick and we came home early. Still, it was a really fun time. Lots of family get togethers. Very special.
I love to go someplace that has a good public transportation system. Make life so much easier.
Hi everyone: I had such a good day today. My plan was to go through the house and set out things that I want to put into a garage sale that I HOPE to have organized for next weekend.
My husband's plan was to put on his wading suit and go into the pond and try to dig out cattails (my name sake) that have been spreading. We were really shocked to see how much space they have taken up. We've just not been paying attention for the past 2 years.
I only got a tiny bit of my plan done because I took the dogs to the pond to check on hubby. Aww, he had such a hard job and her was tossing the cattails, as he was digging them up, close to the bank, but they were still in the water. So I got my gloves and a long polled 3 prong hoe and started pulling them out of the pond and putting them in a big pile on land.
Hubby was happy that he could concentrate on digging and that I was out there, keeping him company, and dragging tons of cattails and their roots out of the pond. We worked on this together most of the day. It was perfect fall weather, dry and cool. Just great to be out of doors. I was a muddy mess by the end of the day, but I really enjoyed myself. Love to watch the dragon flies. My red wing black birds were not too happy, but there are plenty of cattails left for them and if they need more they can fly their lazy asses down to our other pond that is filled with cattails and solely for them. I think they love this pond because it is close to the house AND the bird feeders. I saw what looked like a hundred on them swoop into the cattails yesterday.
And....oh this is so perfect....(Background info) We are going to sell our old sleigh bed in our garage sale. It is so massive. Really beautiful and very ornate, but I am tired of dusting all the carved pieces, plus it is so heavy that it takes 4 people to move it and it's so hard to clean under it. We disassembled the sleigh bed when my dad took over the MBR and stored it in his garage. So we have our mattress (sleep number bed) currently on the floor in the MBR.
So here's the good news. We found another bed and I just love it. It's through Restoration Hardware and they have a store in Seattle. I got an email from them about their sale which is 20% off, but you have to order online. Well, I just so happen to have an $800.00 store credit there that dates back to 2009, together with the 20% off, I am saving $1100.00. OH BABY, I am so excited. I believe I will make enough from selling the sleigh bed to cover the difference. Yowser!!!!! Yowser!!!!! Yowser!!!!!
The only thing is we have to go to the store to order the bed. Have to give them the receipt for the store credit and then they will order it for us. That's ok. We'll drive to Bainbridge Island, leave the car and take the ferry to Seattle. The store is within walking distance. This is the only way to visit Seattle, traffic and parking are a nightmare. Taking the ferry and hoofing it in the city is really a lovely way to go.
So our son will come tomorrow and help us move a bunch of stuff from hubby's shop up to our garage. This is all garage sale stuff. Several table saws and stuff Warren doesn't use. I will work on the other things that go to the sale. Then Sunday we will go to Seattle and order our bed.
It feels so good to be getting things accomplished. Sending you all love, Cat
Dtflex- I got away to Seattle for 1 glorious week this past July. 1st time anywhere in 19 years and 1st time away from mom for more than 8 hrs in 6 years. Just me and my husband, it was heavenly. Of course I called mom every morning and very night. She did fine while I was gone and think she appreciates me more for what I do since I got back. She is totally immobile with end stages copd but her mind is still good. I am more a maid, gopher, hygeine, servant, and companion? I i can relate with all of you in so many ways but have no clue in others. When I get frustrated I read your posts and realize how easy I have it. I wish I could give each and everyone of you a vacation. It does a body good! I have decided I am looking into LTC ins. for myself. I will be 50 soon, I just don't want to burden my own kids. I read all the posts but can't keep focused enough to respond individually. I have been a lot less irritable and more patient since joining here. Thank you all so much. Your wonderful
Cricket thank you love advice keeps me stronger.. I swear he has blamed me and having him feel at my lowest making me think i was worthless... but now im gone he is trying to b nice one minute & boy later he goes crazy with fb txts or txting my cousins phone so i think im starting over start a new fb page since i never included my maiden name anyway.. and yes start privacy settings... I THINK he is the one with problems...love u all
Definitely, Deef post is point for point example of "Do you have what it takes to be a Care Giver?" If any of this irks you or makes you want to light your own head on fire....do not contemplate Care Giving....
Cat, my mom's LTC insurance does help. If covers 6 hours of care a day for mom which allows me to work. I guess I am just whinning, but I really would love to have a week to myself without a single person wanting something from me. The last vacation that I had was 5 years ago and even that was spent giving mom a big 80th brithday party.
Best Board on here with are Hero leader Bobbie... Wow 103 How long has she needed the full care? Sorry Just A nib shit I am.. The girls just told while back info on fb page Hope they relist it again I know its a group & you have to be accepted I think at that time I was immersed in caregiving my MIL with NO help & a ASShole for a husband & just left the situation... Speaking of that My daughter 21 that has been moving back home through all this had asked me to come help her pack up her apartment today and so I did then it came a storm and so the lady at the complex told her she could wait till Monday Well her dad was suppose to come get stuff when we were done I at that time was going to take advantage to grab some more needs from the hell house & so as we load her car with as much as we can her dad calls & informs us MIL moving in NH today. YEA good ole me Gave her her shower got her all dressed up and we sat & talked whole time her asking 50x where am I going I didnt know what to say I just said well all I know somewhere w your daughter then my daughter said mom they have told her. SIL gets there says mom u remb. your new little apartment... YES ladies she is telling her she is taking her to her lil apartment Wonder how that goes ...Fill you in later Love u all!!!!
Hi, i've only commented on this site a couple times, but I lurk and read every day. I am totally immersed in caregiving to my mom who is 103 and going strong. I used to belong to Ted's board---by the way, how is he doing? I'd like to be involved on your Facebook page, if you'll have me.
Hi everyone, Welcome to all the new ones here. It's nice to have a safe place to come to vent! Tbailey, Good for you! Sounds like your Doctor had just the right words for you :) You know if you want to be able to stay on FB you can remove your husband from your friends list (boot him) and change your settings to "friends only" and he would not be able to post to you. If he sends you a message you just delete it. But hey you do what works best for you. Getting away from your Husband has probably been the best thing you could have done for yourself. There is nothing worse than giving your power away to someone else and good for you for taking it back, you rock!! Deef, the last long post you made describing your day with Mom should be on the poster board for those considering caregiving! Diane, your posts describing your experiences could be put on that same poster board! I have only been checking in here every few days since putting up the Facebook private group for us. I really like it because it's fun being able to post positive links and pictures and still chat and vent if we need to. I will be leaving in 9 days for my trip to Cali (can't wait) and will be back Nov. 1st for my Husband's Birthday. I've just about have everything setup for when I leave. Around the middle of November I will talk with Bobbie and perhaps we will setup a Pajama Party webinar event so we can all chat live and have some fun! For the new ones here if you want to get invited to the FB group Caregiver's Connect just let others here know and anyone in the group can invite you.
Dad update: He's forgotten the Hugh Hefner robe routine for now and there's been no more razor cutting incidents. Now he's eating constantly and leaving food prints all over the kitchen. This morning I went to get a spoon for my tea and found his morning cereal in with the utensils, things spilled all over in the frig. and nothing had the lids put back on, LOL I am grateful for everyday that I don't have to deal with urine or poop! I daily count my blessings. After seeing how bad it gets through the eyes and experiences of those of you here, combined with my own experience, I am pretty sure when I get to the point where caring for Dad means sacrificing any life of my own, I will be looking for outside care. Life is to short and I would never ask or expect my children to give up their lives for mine so I don't think my Dad should expect any more from me. And if he does, well then he will have to adjust his thinking or adjust to the change. I will always be attentive to him and his needs and let him know I love him but I won't be a martyr. I value my own well being and sanity to much for that. But until that day comes I continue to do the best I can and so far it is good enough. Being a member on this thread has really helped me to face this issue before it happens so I am prepared. Understand that this is just the decision I have made for myself and I wouldn't even think to tell anyone else how to decide for themselves. It's all to personal, but I really felt like sharing my feelings. Thanks for listening. Love to every one of you. *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Oh Stormy-enjoy these days with your little boy! He sounds adorable! Book-you sound like you got some good help in there! I really have to start looking around more. I tried this one service and had bad luck-mom was a little more care than they could give-but didn't give that impression in the first place...so for now it is just day care 2 half days a week-when she will go. She didn't go yesterday and I guess I am glad cause one of the brothers stopped in. I am glad she had a few minutes with him...even if I did have to keep reminding her that he had come. She reacted happily each time I reminded her. Tomorrow I get to go see my son at college play football! I can see how the injury from 2 weeks ago has healed. He go the stitches out Wed. He sent us a picture and it doesn't look so great. I hope it doesn't get opened up again! I would have quit the game by now-with all the injuries! Mom was so cute-I try get her prepared that I am going away on Saturday (long drive to college games) and she asks over and over who will stay with her... last night she just said-well, I know you will take care of gettin someone to be here with me. And that was all! I love the trust. In her crazy mind, at least there is that. I hope everyone can get a moment to themselves this weekend. Football season I set up a schedule for the sibs to sign up for a Saturday. It is like pulling teeth with some but so far so good. Once football season ends-they stop-like I would have no other reason in the world to want to get away on a Saturday besides Football! Clueless. Trying to think happy thoughts and enjoy the time I do have away! Deep breath! Ok, anyway-hope everyone gets thru the weekend alright! Love that you are all here for me!!!!! Mame
Hi everyone. I hope all of you are doing ok today. Yesterday, me and my husband had to go to a parent/teacher conference for our little boy, named Connor. He is 5 yrs old. He will be 6 in november. So this is his first year at school (kindergarten). The teacher said that he was doing really good in all the aspects and subject matters of school. So my husband and i were really pleased about that. My little boy, Connor has this little girl in his class and he has a crush on her, I can say her name and he just starts smiling from ear to ear. Even if he is mad at me or his dad about something all i have to do is say this little girls name and i can turn that frown into a smile. I think it is so cute!!!! Well we were on our way to the school and Connor tells his dad, Mattie lives down that street. Hubby's response was, Well you're just the little stalker aren't you? Picking with connor. I started laughing and i told hubby, I told him where mattie lived at. It was funny. Oh well i guess it is time to head over to dads and get the day started and hopefully it will go by fast today. Love and hugs to all. Stormy
Hi Justmek, I’m so sorry that you’re going through the “poopy” stage. That’s My term for what my father’s going thru. I think he didn’t last long enough on the “urine” stage where he wets the bed all the time. Two nights ago, as I was putting on the good waterproof pad under him, my gut told me that he was going to soil it tomorrow morning. Sure enough, 4am onThursday, I Smelled It. I did my best Not to do my usual reaction to this Poopy stage. I tend to shut down and just stand there staring, just wanting to walk out and say I quit! and really, really Not wanting to even go Near it. Sigh…He is soooo fortunate that I work and have No Time for Shut Downs. (Justmek, my reaction to his poop was sooo extreme, I thought I must have had a childhood trauma having to do with poop and that’s why I keep shutting down. Fortunately, Everyone here said it’s NORMAL reaction!) So, I just wanted you to know – I know just how you feel!
Have you tried calling around for programs that can help you with your mom? My mom and father have meals-on-wheels from Mon-Fridays. We also have caregivers come Mon-Friday to sponge bathe my 2 bedridden parents – 4 washings per person a week. I’ve been a caregiver for about 23 years I’ve only twice sponge bathe my mom in this whole time. They are also on a Caregiver’s Respite program (which I’m their client) who gives me $90 for supplies (pampers, wipes, etc..) and $60.00 for Me (I chose the credit card to be used at the mall- no expiration date on the credit card) All these were done by my father before his stroke. When he found out that mom had Alzheimer, he retired (did not assume that us kids would care for her) and started making phone calls. The sponge bathing was suppose to be only once a week. He fought for twice a week. Then, for more. Now we have 4 times a week. I hope this helps you or gives you an idea. Also, when making calls, it doesn’t hurt to ask the person if they recommend another place for you to call (other programs.)
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"
"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our honey moon hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
Deef: I'm sorry I didn't send you a shout out. (Hate that expression) I don't know how you keep going. Do you still have Marie to help? Does your mom's long term care help with that? I'm just wondering why Diane seems to get so little benefit from her mom's long term care policy. I guess they are all different, but any light you can shed might be helpful.
Hang in there Deef. Sending you love and white light. Cat
I hear ya Jen didnt back in old days you took over the parents big house and they like took the shack in back and helped you out & no modern medicine so they kinda lived long but didnt seem like they expected as much as these parents now or wait maybe I seen that bullshit on a amish book I read once about how they live. Also I love your post keep them coming trust me they make me smile everytime and say a small prayer for your sanity love it Justmet oh lord IM laying here and reading well my 10 year old has lived with a nutty granny 4 a year read your post and laughed out loud and said give that poor thing a hug.....lol HUGS!!!! She is a old soul helped more than anyone when when I was home caring for MIL .....I apologize alot for even having her there cause she is like mommy too big of a heart. Love u all.......Hope everyone has good evening and no crazziness...
Kritini, Can you get time to do homework at the college library? Alaska is too cold for me. Cat, you have to laugh at my situation because it is a mess. I don't mind or I wouldn't had put it on here for everyone to read. It is a bit personal but hey, it goes where ever I go just like the mnl. ; ) I guess when I get brave enough I will set-up that appt for my personal roids for I have the okay with Piedmont Transplant Center. Well, at least the mnl isn't complaining about her past bottom. UI can thank one of my guardian angles from yesterday for It was around 8pm n got mnl meds ready then my dog. Yes, he takes seizure meds n I had forgotten that I had just check my sugar n it was 64 so I am going on getting stuff done n setting a timer for me to take my meds later for its to be 12 hrs apart. The next thing I notice, I feel terrible, can hear my heart beating,sweating like a stuck pig, n my mouth started to feel numb. I check my sugar n it a low 36! I forgot to treat it.. Crap! I yell at hubby I need some juice n he understood. It took almost 2 hrs get it back to normal. It should had not dropped in first place. My carb ratio might have to be adjusted. You get these bad headaches afterwards n its my own fault not treating it in first place. ug! I guess I may have killed a few brain cells from what I have left. I am back kicking n strong except the stress. It must be the changing weather?
Justmek, We know. It sux and you are probably at the end of your rope. Keep coming back and Vent and Live. We're here and most of us have either been through it, are coping with it now or are like me and dealing with the aftermath.
I still advocate either 24/7 home care or placement of some kind. Know that you cannot do this alone and anyone who tells you differently is an idiot.
Tbailey: Blessings to your doctor. How perfect that she has a history with you and your MIL and can give her perspective on the situation. I'm so happy she could validate your feelings and was good enough to be straight upfront with you.
I agree, stay away from hubby and his hateful comments. Hope you get your license soon and get that job you need.
I'm so grateful you have your cousin. Sounds like your daughter is learning. You keep taking those positive steps to build a life that makes you happy.
Thank you BOBBIE If it wasnt for you I wouldnt have this support.. YOU are my hero.. & Mame I just had to deactivate my acct from facebook he has a business acct kinda to pedal and so he kinda keeps his clean but he has been msg. me on there and ugh I don't know why I let him treat me that way for as long as I did & I still love him or who he once was and all but hopefully get my drivers lisence ( have to pay fine & reinstate because hubby didnt do it like he said) & then get a job... That will help i have friends and family but really cant vent to no one but you girls cause right now I trust very few or just being private.. love u all...
Tbailey-Sooooo happy the Doc validated your feelings and all you are going through and took away any doubts your hubby may have tried to plant!!!! Hoooray!!!! Sounds like you have done everything to make things work in your family...and it sounds like now you see you can't do it all alone...and if hubby can't see all you have tried he doesn't deserve you!!! You deserve a happy and safe life. You deserve a spouse who will work with you and understand you-not accuse you of some disorder. I hope he doesn't try and make your life hell-be strong! Is there a way to keep him from posting to your Facebook? He has lost control of his life and may say some hateful things-know that is his problem and not yours!!! Stay far away if you can. MAYBE someday he will look back and see how nasty he was...and maybe not...but again-that is his problem. Keep movin on girl!!! Mame
Thank all you ladys for support Ive needed it Ive looked around on other forums to see if i can find one where wemon are leaving there husbands or anything I am a caregiver though & you are my friends... UPDATE on my crazy life yesterday I went to dr. She laughed out loud when I told her about my husband saying I was bi polar and he thought i was un safe for my own good she said when she see's people like me after leaving there symptoms are chronic pain deppresion stomach problems and more or less described what i have been feeling for at least last 6 months she said DONT GO BACK and I want to see you in 3 months come back in here feeling alive and loving yourself. Then she proceeds to tell me she seen me slipping for the last year her being my MIL family DR. she said why did you do it? I told her I thought I did it for my mom who had cancer and passed and thought it was only right to be there for husband when MIL needed him she said well where has your husband been for last year when you dragged her in here or called me ...I said well & she said Dont answer that and GET Strong. Love yourself...She dont recommend people caring for alzheimer but, when family decides to she gives them a shot and ussally there in a nursing home with in 3 months... He just wont quit though he is being nasty now and msg. me on fb saying well if you wont come over and take care of me Ill go find another whore who will WOW I love those msg. Just reminds me why I left. SIL calls me last night about how MIL is going to NH on Monday. Im sure he will have extra time on his hands then to make my life hell please keep me in your prayers he has his 2 face on for his family & our kids but kids are seeing right through it My daughter called last night talking to me about how she has to get out of there and she cant stand him or people he has coming to help with his mom & she is soooo sorry for being mean to me and she understands why I said some things I said when I said them but no more I have kept my mouth shut and not even mentioned him around my kids...love you all THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
Deefer-I thought getting my mom out was exhausting! (and it is!) but what you describe is sheer hell! I find I am more tired the days she goes to daycare and I am sure it is the stress of getting her there. I understand what you are going through and am sooooo sorry! Can you talk to the ppl at the daycare and have someone come out with you everytime you get there and leave so she will at least be good for those transitions for them? I know the daycares are staffed with a ton of ppl but maybe they could help you. I always get in the car after dropping her off and take a huge deep breath and heavy sigh...one day-I just let myself fall over into the passenger seat and layed there! Winter is coming and with it snow, I don't know how I am going to do it. My bro found a website for veterans that he thinks takes care of spouses of vets and have affordable transportation so I need to look into that. It is just sooooo much work to get her anywhere and I see it is even more work for you. Was your dad a vet? If I find out anything good-I will let you know. Dtflex-please hang on! We are here for you and all praying/sending positive energy for you and your situation. My question is this-what is the Long Term Care insurance for? Can't it help for now till it runs out and then medicaid can kick in? I am confused about the insurance situation. Why pay onto LTC for all those years and not get any help??? You need answers and help! Like Cat-I remember the ppl coming to your house and saying you are taking good care of her...show them a bad day!!! Show them your raw nerves! There has to be a way to get help or get her into a home-keep pushing! I know you probably don't have the energy-but please keep trying. You are worth it. We all love you here and want to see you keep keepin on! Jsomebody-Muzak! haha-hate it tooooo! You treat fp better than he deserves-and keep yourself safe from him at the same time... We do what we have to do!
Yesterday, I tried really hard not to fall to the bottom of the well...After my moments of happiness about the dress and typing to all of you-mom had the great diahrea! My favorite! NOT! As I was cleaning her up, I kept thinking that I always pay for a little bit of happiness.... It started to really get me down and angry but I resisted the urge and tried to shake it off. Later she was having stomach pains and headache, I am thinking she may have picked up a bug. We will see if she goes to daycare today! Well everyone-stay afloat!!! Head above water!!!! Love to all! Mame
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I have to tell you about a vacation we took. It sounds really grandiose, so I apologize for that, but it was pretty cool. My mom died in 2008 and my cousin in Wales had been wanting us to come visit. Her mom is my dad's sister and my dad had another brother in Wales also. We had enough miles to pay for our airline tickets and my brother was kind enough to buy my dad's ticket. (We had asked my dad if he wanted to go with us and he said yes.) He was well enough to do so at that time.
Anyway, the big highlight was that hubby and I took 5 days and went to Paris all alone. (My dad was with his sibs.) We took the high speed rail from London to Paris. I had found a vacation site on line that had Paris apartments for rent and we rented a studio that cost us $150.00 per night. Had a kitchen, washer/dryer. We had a blast and saw everything we could in the time we had. I would cook dinner to save money, but I love to cook and loved the markets. We would pack lunches sometimes, like when we went to Versailles. Of course we loved eating out at times in the cafes. Oh, it was so much fun. My hubby, affectionately known as Map Head, had mastered all the transit systems before we left home and he got us everywhere with no problems. Lots of great memories backed into those 5 days. Then it was back to London and train to Wales. We stayed with my cousin, so no cost there. It was a great trip. We were going to go to Ireland with my cousin, but my dad got sick and we came home early. Still, it was a really fun time. Lots of family get togethers. Very special.
I love to go someplace that has a good public transportation system. Make life so much easier.
Love, Cat
My husband's plan was to put on his wading suit and go into the pond and try to dig out cattails (my name sake) that have been spreading. We were really shocked to see how much space they have taken up. We've just not been paying attention for the past 2 years.
I only got a tiny bit of my plan done because I took the dogs to the pond to check on hubby. Aww, he had such a hard job and her was tossing the cattails, as he was digging them up, close to the bank, but they were still in the water. So I got my gloves and a long polled 3 prong hoe and started pulling them out of the pond and putting them in a big pile on land.
Hubby was happy that he could concentrate on digging and that I was out there, keeping him company, and dragging tons of cattails and their roots out of the pond. We worked on this together most of the day. It was perfect fall weather, dry and cool. Just great to be out of doors. I was a muddy mess by the end of the day, but I really enjoyed myself. Love to watch the dragon flies. My red wing black birds were not too happy, but there are plenty of cattails left for them and if they need more they can fly their lazy asses down to our other pond that is filled with cattails and solely for them. I think they love this pond because it is close to the house AND the bird feeders. I saw what looked like a hundred on them swoop into the cattails yesterday.
And....oh this is so perfect....(Background info) We are going to sell our old sleigh bed in our garage sale. It is so massive. Really beautiful and very ornate, but I am tired of dusting all the carved pieces, plus it is so heavy that it takes 4 people to move it and it's so hard to clean under it. We disassembled the sleigh bed when my dad took over the MBR and stored it in his garage. So we have our mattress (sleep number bed) currently on the floor in the MBR.
So here's the good news. We found another bed and I just love it. It's through Restoration Hardware and they have a store in Seattle. I got an email from them about their sale which is 20% off, but you have to order online. Well, I just so happen to have an $800.00 store credit there that dates back to 2009, together with the 20% off, I am saving $1100.00. OH BABY, I am so excited. I believe I will make enough from selling the sleigh bed to cover the difference. Yowser!!!!! Yowser!!!!! Yowser!!!!!
The only thing is we have to go to the store to order the bed. Have to give them the receipt for the store credit and then they will order it for us. That's ok. We'll drive to Bainbridge Island, leave the car and take the ferry to Seattle. The store is within walking distance. This is the only way to visit Seattle, traffic and parking are a nightmare. Taking the ferry and hoofing it in the city is really a lovely way to go.
So our son will come tomorrow and help us move a bunch of stuff from hubby's shop up to our garage. This is all garage sale stuff. Several table saws and stuff Warren doesn't use. I will work on the other things that go to the sale. Then Sunday we will go to Seattle and order our bed.
It feels so good to be getting things accomplished. Sending you all love, Cat
I have decided I am looking into LTC ins. for myself. I will be 50 soon, I just don't want to burden my own kids.
I read all the posts but can't keep focused enough to respond individually. I have been a lot less irritable and more patient since joining here. Thank you all so much. Your wonderful
The girls just told while back info on fb page Hope they relist it again I know its a group & you have to be accepted I think at that time I was immersed in caregiving my MIL with NO help & a ASShole for a husband & just left the situation...
Speaking of that My daughter 21 that has been moving back home through all this had asked me to come help her pack up her apartment today and so I did then it came a storm and so the lady at the complex told her she could wait till Monday Well her dad was suppose to come get stuff when we were done I at that time was going to take advantage to grab some more needs from the hell house & so as we load her car with as much as we can her dad calls & informs us MIL moving in NH today. YEA good ole me Gave her her shower got her all dressed up and we sat & talked whole time her asking 50x where am I going I didnt know what to say I just said well all I know somewhere w your daughter then my daughter said mom they have told her. SIL gets there says mom u remb. your new little apartment... YES ladies she is telling her she is taking her to her lil apartment Wonder how that goes ...Fill you in later Love u all!!!!
Tbailey, Good for you! Sounds like your Doctor had just the right words for you :) You know if you want to be able to stay on FB you can remove your husband from your friends list (boot him) and change your settings to "friends only" and he would not be able to post to you. If he sends you a message you just delete it. But hey you do what works best for you. Getting away from your Husband has probably been the best thing you could have done for yourself. There is nothing worse than giving your power away to someone else and good for you for taking it back, you rock!!
Deef, the last long post you made describing your day with Mom should be on the poster board for those considering caregiving!
Diane, your posts describing your experiences could be put on that same poster board!
I have only been checking in here every few days since putting up the Facebook private group for us. I really like it because it's fun being able to post positive links and pictures and still chat and vent if we need to. I will be leaving in 9 days for my trip to Cali (can't wait) and will be back Nov. 1st for my Husband's Birthday. I've just about have everything setup for when I leave. Around the middle of November I will talk with Bobbie and perhaps we will setup a Pajama Party webinar event so we can all chat live and have some fun! For the new ones here if you want to get invited to the FB group Caregiver's Connect just let others here know and anyone in the group can invite you.
Dad update: He's forgotten the Hugh Hefner robe routine for now and there's been no more razor cutting incidents. Now he's eating constantly and leaving food prints all over the kitchen. This morning I went to get a spoon for my tea and found his morning cereal in with the utensils, things spilled all over in the frig. and nothing had the lids put back on, LOL I am grateful for everyday that I don't have to deal with urine or poop! I daily count my blessings. After seeing how bad it gets through the eyes and experiences of those of you here, combined with my own experience, I am pretty sure when I get to the point where caring for Dad means sacrificing any life of my own, I will be looking for outside care. Life is to short and I would never ask or expect my children to give up their lives for mine so I don't think my Dad should expect any more from me. And if he does, well then he will have to adjust his thinking or adjust to the change. I will always be attentive to him and his needs and let him know I love him but I won't be a martyr. I value my own well being and sanity to much for that. But until that day comes I continue to do the best I can and so far it is good enough. Being a member on this thread has really helped me to face this issue before it happens so I am prepared. Understand that this is just the decision I have made for myself and I wouldn't even think to tell anyone else how to decide for themselves. It's all to personal, but I really felt like sharing my feelings.
Thanks for listening. Love to every one of you.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Book-you sound like you got some good help in there! I really have to start looking around more. I tried this one service and had bad luck-mom was a little more care than they could give-but didn't give that impression in the first place...so for now it is just day care 2 half days a week-when she will go. She didn't go yesterday and I guess I am glad cause one of the brothers stopped in. I am glad she had a few minutes with him...even if I did have to keep reminding her that he had come. She reacted happily each time I reminded her.
Tomorrow I get to go see my son at college play football! I can see how the injury from 2 weeks ago has healed. He go the stitches out Wed. He sent us a picture and it doesn't look so great. I hope it doesn't get opened up again! I would have quit the game by now-with all the injuries! Mom was so cute-I try get her prepared that I am going away on Saturday (long drive to college games) and she asks over and over who will stay with her... last night she just said-well, I know you will take care of gettin someone to be here with me. And that was all! I love the trust. In her crazy mind, at least there is that.
I hope everyone can get a moment to themselves this weekend. Football season I set up a schedule for the sibs to sign up for a Saturday. It is like pulling teeth with some but so far so good. Once football season ends-they stop-like I would have no other reason in the world to want to get away on a Saturday besides Football! Clueless. Trying to think happy thoughts and enjoy the time I do have away! Deep breath! Ok, anyway-hope everyone gets thru the weekend alright! Love that you are all here for me!!!!! Mame
The teacher said that he was doing really good in all the aspects and subject matters of school. So my husband and i were really pleased about that. My little boy, Connor has this little girl in his class and he has a crush on her, I can say her name and he just starts smiling from ear to ear. Even if he is mad at me or his dad about something all i have to do is say this little girls name and i can turn that frown into a smile. I think it is so cute!!!! Well we were on our way to the school and Connor tells his dad, Mattie lives down that street. Hubby's response was, Well you're just the little stalker aren't you? Picking with connor. I started laughing and i told hubby, I told him where mattie lived at. It was funny. Oh well i guess it is time to head over to dads and get the day started and hopefully it will go by fast today. Love and hugs to all. Stormy
Have you tried calling around for programs that can help you with your mom? My mom and father have meals-on-wheels from Mon-Fridays. We also have caregivers come Mon-Friday to sponge bathe my 2 bedridden parents – 4 washings per person a week. I’ve been a caregiver for about 23 years I’ve only twice sponge bathe my mom in this whole time. They are also on a Caregiver’s Respite program (which I’m their client) who gives me $90 for supplies (pampers, wipes, etc..) and $60.00 for Me (I chose the credit card to be used at the mall- no expiration date on the credit card) All these were done by my father before his stroke. When he found out that mom had Alzheimer, he retired (did not assume that us kids would care for her) and started making phone calls. The sponge bathing was suppose to be only once a week. He fought for twice a week. Then, for more. Now we have 4 times a week. I hope this helps you or gives you an idea. Also, when making calls, it doesn’t hurt to ask the person if they recommend another place for you to call (other programs.)
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"
"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our honey moon hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
Hang in there Deef. Sending you love and white light. Cat
Justmet oh lord IM laying here and reading well my 10 year old has lived with a nutty granny 4 a year read your post and laughed out loud and said give that poor thing a hug.....lol HUGS!!!! She is a old soul helped more than anyone when when I was home caring for MIL .....I apologize alot for even having her there cause she is like mommy too big of a heart. Love u all.......Hope everyone has good evening and no crazziness...
Cat, you have to laugh at my situation because it is a mess. I don't mind or I wouldn't had put it on here for everyone to read. It is a bit personal but hey, it goes where ever I go just like the mnl. ; ) I guess when I get brave enough I will set-up that appt for my personal roids for I have the okay with Piedmont Transplant Center. Well, at least the mnl isn't complaining about her past bottom. UI can thank one of my guardian angles from yesterday for It was around 8pm n got mnl meds ready then my dog. Yes, he takes seizure meds n I had forgotten that I had just check my sugar n it was 64 so I am going on getting stuff done n setting a timer for me to take my meds later for its to be 12 hrs apart. The next thing I notice, I feel terrible, can hear my heart beating,sweating like a stuck pig, n my mouth started to feel numb. I check my sugar n it a low 36! I forgot to treat it.. Crap! I yell at hubby I need some juice n he understood. It took almost 2 hrs get it back to normal. It should had not dropped in first place. My carb ratio might have to be adjusted. You get these bad headaches afterwards n its my own fault not treating it in first place. ug! I guess I may have killed a few brain cells from what I have left. I am back kicking n strong except the stress. It must be the changing weather?
We know. It sux and you are probably at the end of your rope. Keep coming back and Vent and Live. We're here and most of us have either been through it, are coping with it now or are like me and dealing with the aftermath.
I still advocate either 24/7 home care or placement of some kind. Know that you cannot do this alone and anyone who tells you differently is an idiot.
lovbob
I agree, stay away from hubby and his hateful comments. Hope you get your license soon and get that job you need.
I'm so grateful you have your cousin. Sounds like your daughter is learning. You keep taking those positive steps to build a life that makes you happy.
Love and Hugs, Cat
Mame
tbailey, you are my hero.
lovbob
He just wont quit though he is being nasty now and msg. me on fb saying well if you wont come over and take care of me Ill go find another whore who will WOW I love those msg. Just reminds me why I left. SIL calls me last night about how MIL is going to NH on Monday. Im sure he will have extra time on his hands then to make my life hell please keep me in your prayers he has his 2 face on for his family & our kids but kids are seeing right through it My daughter called last night talking to me about how she has to get out of there and she cant stand him or people he has coming to help with his mom & she is soooo sorry for being mean to me and she understands why I said some things I said when I said them but no more I have kept my mouth shut and not even mentioned him around my kids...love you all THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
Dtflex-please hang on! We are here for you and all praying/sending positive energy for you and your situation. My question is this-what is the Long Term Care insurance for? Can't it help for now till it runs out and then medicaid can kick in? I am confused about the insurance situation. Why pay onto LTC for all those years and not get any help??? You need answers and help! Like Cat-I remember the ppl coming to your house and saying you are taking good care of her...show them a bad day!!! Show them your raw nerves! There has to be a way to get help or get her into a home-keep pushing! I know you probably don't have the energy-but please keep trying. You are worth it. We all love you here and want to see you keep keepin on!
Jsomebody-Muzak! haha-hate it tooooo! You treat fp better than he deserves-and keep yourself safe from him at the same time... We do what we have to do!
Yesterday, I tried really hard not to fall to the bottom of the well...After my moments of happiness about the dress and typing to all of you-mom had the great diahrea! My favorite! NOT! As I was cleaning her up, I kept thinking that I always pay for a little bit of happiness.... It started to really get me down and angry but I resisted the urge and tried to shake it off. Later she was having stomach pains and headache, I am thinking she may have picked up a bug. We will see if she goes to daycare today!
Well everyone-stay afloat!!! Head above water!!!! Love to all! Mame