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Diane: I am trying to picture you drowning yourself. Holding your head down in the bathtub and fighting back with the other hand. Tell your mom (this is a silent statement, not to be said out loud) to fuck off. Just say it on the inside and you are not really saying it to your mom, you are saying it to this person who has overtaken your life and is not able to be your mom anymore. Go sit in your car and just yell, FO!!!!!!!!!! Let it out an be assured you have every right to do it.
After a bit of screaming obscenities, see if you can ask God to have mercy and give you the help you need. Please don't drown yourself or anything else that might be hurtful to you. You will just live to regret it.
I'm really pissed about the Medicaid app. I thought your attorney said that was not a problem. When does your mom's long term care policy end and just exactly what is it doing to help your current situation? There has to be a way for you to get a break.
Diane: Remember when you had that person come in to see if your mom would qualify for some help? I don't remember what the program was, but you got turned down because you were doing such a good job. Remember when we suggested that your doctor write a letter so you could show what a tremendous strain you had been under and how desperate you were?
Would you please consider doing this; getting the doctors letter and trying to get the program to reconsider. You have nothing to lose. Just do it.
Hey everyone, I'm up too late. It's almost 1:30am. Got to go to bed.
Diane, I love you and hope something good will come your way. Don't stop pushing. You have to do it.
Mame-- if the dress looks pretty, and you don’t feel selfconscious about it PLUS your husband already found a Matching tie – It’s a done deal! You can always concentrate on the accessory to make that red pop out. Diane –- don’t apologize about not being upbeat and chipper. We all go through the cycles. When the humor hits, you share it, we all laugh. When you’re down, we commiserate, encourage and give advice. But, it’s best to share whatever news you have so that others who have gone through it can give their experiences to help you. Deef – -When you were describing feeding your mom, the wheelchair incident (feet, car, rigidness –in getting in the car and even when inside the car – she’s tilting!) – I couldn’t believe it. We went through that with mom too! But there was 2 of us – father and I – and that was frustrating. You – by yourself! Now that is what I call PATIENCE with All capital letters. Stormy -– we’re still fighting over mom’s milk! I was able to get him Real Food for 2 dinners in a row, then he wanted her milk the next day’s dinner. He refuses the Nutrition drink that I bought at Kmart. Still struggling. Can’t really cook a real meal here. Our gas stove – when you turn it on, - the gas fume or vapor flares out like a nuclear bomb. It starts in the middle and then you see it flare really fast WIDE. Scary. I asked bro-of-next-door to see what’s wrong. He TELLS me to check the thingy (he named it but I don’t know what the heck that is or where it is) in the gas stove that needs adjusting. So, I said that since he knows what that thingy is maybe he can go inside and adjust it. He didn’t. This all happening on our front porch. Sigh…..Don’t know if you’re familiar with my family dynamics. But if you were there on my Pre-meltdown, I was venting about it. I sure don’t want to go down that road again. So instead of stressing about his non-action, I went and bought a small electrical one-burner stove.
Jsome and Mame- Thanks for welcoming me here!!! Dt- I love your profile picture, that's how i feel most days like i am pushed and pulled in every direction and i just want to take off running and screaming.... I hope you have a better day tomorrow!!! Deefer- My Lord you had a nightmare of a day. Please tell me your mom isn't like this everyday. If she is, please tell me you have some help with her. I am sorry that you had such a difficult time with her today. I guess you just don't know what some people have to go through when caring for a elder. My dad has cancer and can still get up and go to the bathroom on his own. Thank God. Cause if he was not able to do that i don't know what me and sister would do. We are short in height and my dad is tall, like 6' 3 and he weights 206. I just don't think we could handle him. So i will be praying that your mom does a little better with cooperating with you while you are trying to help her. ((Hugs)) Hey Book- How's the situation with your dad's eating and your mom's milk going? My dad loves his starches: rice, potatoes, pasta, bread. I just have to cook them to death for him to be able to swallow them otherwise he just can't get them down. He really likes stewed potatoes with onions in it with butter. If your dad likes potatoes and onions maybe you could try it and see if he likes that. Well i will chat with ya'll later. Hope ya'll have a good day tomorrow. Hugs stormy
Jen, sent you my old e-mail address. Try it! Well, today was a long day for sure and I have a gross story a la old school on this thread. Morning was the usual haul Mom out of bed and wash from head to toe. Then powder, deodorant and diaper time. Tough getting the meds in and the dentures too as she will not open her mouth when you tell her to. Breakfast was a challenge also, because of the mouth issue. I would get the spoon halfway into her mouth and she would clamp it shut before the food was all in. Soooooo squishy, gross food oozing down her chin and onto her clean clothes. Went to daycare with a few stains. Next it's getting the sweater and jacket on as she tries to take them off at the same time. Now it's down the 2 back steps with the wheelchair and a short backwards ride to the car. Her legs are long and she won't pick her feet up off the ground, or keep them on the foot plates that come with the chair. Next it's lift her off the chair and turn her onto the car seat. Of course she decides to stiffen up and not bend at the waist, AGAIN, so I have to push and pull and prod to get her into the car. We get to daycare and she won't get out of the car now! Finally 2 of the girls come out and she sees them and behaves perfectly! Of course! She has an audience and after all, she is only demented when around me!! Ha ha! The day goes well and it's time to get Mom. Again, wheeling her backwards so as not to breaK her foot. Then it's a major battle to get her to sit in the car again! I get her home and do the lifting from the car to the chair and back up the 3 steps into the house. Check her pants and all is well. Give her the 3:30 meds and wait to see if she perks up and becomes a bit coherent. Not going to happen today! Extra drool all afternoon and no open mouth come supper time. Trie feeding her several times in an hour time period, but no go and she is losing it! I decide to get her ready for bed before med time and get her into the bathroom. Found out why she was so agitated. Had a cow patty in her pants that I didn't see her sneak out or smell. Now, it's stuck to her pull-ups and I am trying to get her on the toilet without making a huge mess, but she decides to be uncooperative and starts pulling on the pants and grabbing everything in sight!!! Okay, picture this, Huge cow patty on the toilet seat, a print of this on her thigh, and Mom lying on her side on the floor with her a$$ in the wicker waste basket!! As I am cleaning up the mess, she is lying on her side and dusting the floor with her hands, as if she did it like that every day!!! So, I had to clean up the mess and get her to stand up so I could get her onto the toilet. Well, that worked out just great! Twisted my already hurting back! And all Mom had to say was "Are you crazy!!!!!!!!!" You see, she thinks we are all crazy and she is the sane one. Who knows, maybe she is!!! All I know is that after almost 5 years of this, I won't be the sane one!
D hear you and hope you are having an easier time of it there at some point. man why does it all have to be so hard!
ANDF NOW THE GOD DAMNEd HAWWIANA MUZAC111god when does this end!?
Beh, turn on youttube stuff ears..
Know what you mean about hemorrhoids...just one more thing and alarmingly unpleasant too. sort of deep life altering pain, you see why the people squirm on commercial...least they go away eventually but really! i walked to the store to get the Prep H not gonna p.o. my mom by asking her for a ride for what six blocks?...
"Dignity always dignity..." Gene Kelly, Singing In The Rain.
I treat him with dignity and irrelevance he is already dead to me and he deserves it. I act like he is not in the room, cruel but safer...for everyone.
Hello newbies, hope you are not too worn out, but if you are here, good chance of it. hang in there that is ALL you can do really...
Hi Y'all, Just stopping in to say hello. It's been a rough few days with mom and her outburst of anger and telling me to go drown myself. I've stressed myself out into a mega headache and stomach pain. Feeling a bit defeated but trying to survive. Cat, I haven't done the medicaid application because I was told mom still wouldnt qualify because of her long term care insurance. I'm not sure I have a long term plan right now other than to get through each day. Sorry I'm not upbeat and chipper.
Hello All! I had written this long post and it got lost in never never land! Ugh! Anyway... Lildeb-so sorry for the roid problem! But I agree with Cat-the way you tell a story-it seem so funny! Maybe you should try stand up comedy! Hope you can get some relief! Hello to Stormy and Joy! Book-the dress I bought is a silky tan material and it has brown, black and deep red flowers. It is beautiful! I am fair skinned and blue eyed...and at the moment blond haha! So, I usually go for pastels and anything blue! So, it is a stretch for my mind-but I think it looks good and so do my mom and hubby. (When mom doesn't like somthing-she will out and out tell you, so the fact that she liked it at first glance makes me happy) It is very much a fall colored dress-so I do think it is appropriate. I am going to keep looking but I do think this is it. There is less red compared to the blacks ans browns so I am thinking of some jewlery to pull that out and make the red pop. Hubby already said he has the tie to wear wiht it! Imagine that! Lildeb-you are right, we are never satisfied with our bodies! I have been hiding my tummy for as long as I can remember-even when I didn't have one! I just thought I did. I recently saw a funny saying on facebook... "I hate it when my fat makes me look fat in these clothes"! I burst right out laughing. Anyway...The dress is comfortable and I don't feel selfconscious. I think it is a go. Mom is tired today. She gets worn out at daycare. She seems happy there. She tells me all the people are old and sickly there and she wants to take care of them. So cute. She will never truely retire from being a nurse. Well, I am procrastinating...I better go... Was supposed to be 80 degrees today-don't think it will make it. Too overcast and here at 2pm it is only 69. Frost this weekend-ugh... The changing leaves are gorgeous though...Nothing like upstate NY in the fall! Mame
Hi Cat- thanks, good to see you here. Joy- Yes, i know dad makes noises too when he eats and i still have a hard time eating over here, but i would never say anything to hurt him or embarrass him. He has had it rough the last few years and i don't know how he has made it through it all i know i could not have lasted this long cause i'm sure i would have given up. But he is a strong and determined man and that has been what has kept him going like he has. I am sorry about your dad i know you must miss him, well i got to get to doing stuff so i hope ya'll have a good day. hugs stormy
I understand how you all feel. My 95 year old dad lived with us and when he ate I had to leave the room because of the noises that he made when he slurped and chewed. My dad is dead now but I would give anything to be able to hear those noises from him again. I never said anything to him with the hopes of making him eat more quietly because I knew that if he could that he would. I would never dream of embarrassing or hurting him. My dad was always a very polite and well mannered man, and at age 95 I considered him lucky to just be able to sit in a chair and feed himself. Noises when eating and other unpleasant behavior by our elderly family members may be gross but remember that we may be "there" one day, and we will certainly want to be treated with dignity.
Hi everyone!!! Me and my sister have been taking care of our dad for the last 2 1/2 years. March will be 3 years since my dad got his trach put in. He had a thyroid tumor and it was rather large, 4 cm is what the drs told us. And he had to have a trach put in because of all the extensive surgery they had to do to his windpipe due to the tumor. It had grown into his windpipe. So now he has swallowing problems and breathing problems due to all of this and he has a feeding tube. My sister and i never thought that we would be taking care of him this long. We just thought that he would get the trach put in and he would go back to living on his own. Boy were we wrong. So our lives have been kinda in turmoil since then. And talking about the trach I never knew something would gross me out as much as that has. Well i will close for now. I hope everyone has a good day. Hugs stormy
Lil – I was laughing about the bathroom incident. I was going to suggest putting your shoe under the stall but you did that too! I would go crazy with that question! Sorry, that was all I could think of. Hemorrhoids. I also heard that even with the surgery, it comes back. I guess that depends on your body. My bro had that surgery. He said that it is very painful. Also, he can no longer hold his poop in until he gets home. When he needs to go, he goes. He no longer has control of it. When I strain hard, mine pops out. It gets very painful. If I sit all day, it hurts in the inside. I have found that when your inside hemorrhoid hurts, I pop inside it a Cold Prep.H suppository. When it goes in cold, I get instant relief. But I try not to get up I use it. Gravity will pull it down and pop out.
Mame, I forgot! We live in an island. So, even if we attend a wedding, we accessorize in colorful jewelry. I don't know you guys there in the states have a more "solemn" style! So, better go with what is expected of you. ;-)
Jen - regarding your mom, let's hope it's not dementia. You already have your hands full. I'm very, very forgetful. I keep telling myself that I'm not having early dementia - just forgetfullness due to stress of caregiving and lack of sleep.
Mame - what's the color of your dress for the wedding? Sorry, where I live, we only have rainy season and dry season and typhoon season. Fall for me -means brownish orange. Is that the color you have? Now, may I know what's your favorite colors? You see, my family knows me for my eye for colors. I can look at person and know if that color is good on them or not. I can blend colors to "match" or "contrast." I'm more to bright and contrast - which sis hates. I was wondering if you can provide me your dress color and your favorite colors, maybe I can offer a suggestion. MAYBE!!! Do you have an eye for colors? If you do, try your favorite colors to Accentuate your dress. To make the accessories "match" with the dress, keep the favorite color with the earrings, your necklace (even if it's just the pendant color or the nice small beads), bracelet too. Your accessories will match each other (cuz of same or same family color). These accessories can accentuate your dress or contrast your dress. Up to you!
I laughed at the separation anxiety because my mom is kind of the same only different. She is ok bemg alone a couple hours at a time if she's all set up. Toilet paper, coffee, ice tea, empty garbage, breathing treatment, candy bar, full belly, lint off floor (or at least out of sight). I only work 2 hours a day and I'm with her 2.5 hours before I go. I begin asking what she needs/wants 30 mins before I go. Continued reassurance that she is good to go until I have exactly drive time to get to work, and literally have the door open, then she remembers wat she needs! So glad my boss understands. I also take college classes. I live in moms basement apartment and her chair is positioned with view out front and back windows so she always knows what's going on, who's coming n going. She doesn't miss a beat! If she knows I'm home, she bugs me until I go upstairs but I can't concentrate on homework upstairs because I'm to busy readjusting things to perfection to appease her OCD. So I now have to do homework in my car. Ths will be increasingly more difficult as winter sets in. It averages 40 belw in he dead of winter here in Alaska. I can see me now trying to turn pages with mittens on and mom calling cell phone because she worries so! Gotta love EM! Smile everyone, we're in this together!!
Lildeb: You have my sincere sympathy. Now I don't know for sure if you intend to be funny when you are telling your situations, but I must admit I was LMAO. I wish I could laugh your 3 grape size friends off your butt, however I think it will require some medical intervention. Maybe someone here can address the string method of riding yourself of roids.
The bad thing is I realize how you have to weigh so many issues when you consider any kind of surgery. You have the diabetes to consider and also the rejection drugs. Ok, I'm not laughing anymore. Now I feel like crying for you.
You are such a wonderful person. I know you have a great sense of humor and your MIL bathroom stories are too funny. You have the patience of a saint and the heart of one too.
Book, I am with you on the Karma deal, yes!!! Why is it that some of these mens have no clue what they have until they lose it or going to lose it?
Tbailey, I hope u r doing okay and take "One Step at a Time." Look at all that you have done n learn just from being a caregiver. You will have no problem getting your license once you set your mind to it.
Jsomebody, I hope some of that rain we had comes toward your direction. Today was only 10% so I saw no rain. yeah.... I think the little birds r happy too.
Mame, I bet that fall color dress looks great on you n will look nice for your Neice's wedding. You know us women r never satisfied with r own body. ; ) Cricket, take pictures n show us on fb please. Today was okay day. I made my coffee n made mnl n I a pancake n for some reason she grabbing a steak knife. I asked her what she need that for n she said, "to cut it up." It's a pancake u can cut it up with a fork. She gives me one of those go-to-hell looks. So, I just told her, "Your welcome." n continue on with a positive mind-set as I gather her medicine. I put her fiber stuff in her water n now she thinks I am posion her or something, like oh please. I show her the fiber bottle n show where her name is on it n dr to re-assure her. She was at east after I showed her. I know its not her its the AD. What I don't understand is why she has to rush out of the pot-toliet when we go somewhere, for she takes forever at home? I even tell her to not rush for everytime she does we r going back about 3 more times within 10 -15 mintues. She states she that, "she is afraid I will leave her." I have told her several times I would never leave her in the bathroom. This time she had hurry so fast that I was still on the toliet myself while she is calling, "Debbie where u at?" R U kidding me! I told while sitting on the pot that I am still here n quit rushing for she dont get her doings all done. she just said she had to tinkle. No sooner after we left n caught up with hubby she had to go do #2! OMG! I am breathing in/out, counting to 20 as we have to rush to the opposite end of store to the bathroom for her. I again told her to take her time n of course that didn't happen. I don't know anyway else to re-assure her that I will be right in the same room where all the stalls r that I will wait. I even told her to look at floor to see if she can see my feet so she wouldn't rush. It don't work either. Anyway, after we get around corner it's my turn because I felt something from rear on me n sure as crap my roids r bleeding again. Those that don't won't to read about hemrroids don't continue to read. I have had two dr's telling that I need to get that taking care of. One mention a string tied to it n other said he would send me to a surgeon. Both sound painful. It also don't promise that they won't come back! So, I just wear a thin pad constantly for those painful suckers n use cream. One dr. said I needed to use what I call a butt-rocket suppostor rather than just treat the outside area. Yet, its too painful to even think of such. Because of my anti-reject meds, I get loose stools. so, I am pushing out my 3 grape size friends just about every other day. Warm sitz bath don't help but by the afternoon they do go down some. I guess, that will be another appt I will need to set-up. I use to be able to find Nuprcainel off the CVS shelf for the pain n use it with my proctolsol n sometimes tucks. However, you cannot find it no where now on the shelves n I am getting low. I guess I might have to start trying to find a caregiver that will be able to come to the house that no so expensive for the mnl for I need to go to the dentist still too. I feel like I am falling apart sometimes. Not to mention my son in NM with his wife n their troubles n the poor children r stuck right in the middle. I hope the Family Therapy helps them. Time will only tell.
Tbailey, I'm so sorry about Baby Bella Bean. It's truly heartbreaking. Also, about the whole experience you and your family has suffered. As far as your daughter goes, even though she told you she loves you already, give her a little time and she will figure things out. It's hard on kids when there are parents having problems. Heck it's hard on the Adults too. Just hang in there and stick to your guns. Get that license and job and tell yourself you will do whatever you need to do to figure it all out because you are worth it. I am so happy that you have that cousin to help you out. xoxo
Lildeb and anyone else, I wish I could pick you all up and take you to Cali with me!
Mom went to daycare today! And I found a dress for my nieces wedding! I am really excited. I am very fat in the middle and do not feel good in a dress-but this one is so pretty on the top (I hope no one looks down haha )and covers the middle up a bit, that I am hoping I look great! Gotta show it to hubby tonight. I hope he likes it. It is not really my colors but it is fallish looking so I think it is appropriate. I thought it would take forever to find a dress and this was my first time out! Anyway... Crickett-I am psyched you are taking classes! I wish I had an interest that I could take a class in... I just have no desire. Maybe one day. Also happy you will get a respite this month! Yea!! Bobbi-I am thinking of what you said, that we are "almost accomplishing the impossible" and have a picture in my head of a woman in a super hero suit and a cape! That's us girls!!! We are grateful for you Bobbi! Tbailey-I am sooooo sorry about your Bella. You are going through so much right now! We are with you! Praying and hoping for you! Bookworm-you are right-if only Tbailey's hubby had appreciated her-he wouldn't be in this mess! Lildeb-I love the birds too and think it is so sweet you offered them shelter! Jen-you are amazing giving a shout out to all of us by name! Welcome to the thread Kritini! Hello to everyone else! Making tacos for dinner! Yum! Mame
Hmm most significant person for me is my mom, who has OCD and is caring full time for her father, my grandfather...she is starting to show some dementia herself, but it could be the total stress of the care giving...combined with her aging process, she is 64 too.
No rain here could use some, beautiful rose sunsets from all the fires in WA state.
Hi to bobbie and cat and bookworm and dflex and rip and kiristini and lie, and Kathy (Thank You!) T Baily and rip, Christina if she is still looking in. SS and mame, maries' austin, cuz, cat and meanwhile.....
Tbailey, I hope it all works out. You need a license? AS in driver's license or business license? Well, whatever happens, just keep plugging. Be persistent and I hope you get the job. Take care!!
yep book worm you got it right on the nose and sil called me yesterday saying she is going to nursing home & she just dont see how she is going to get all this done . oh booo hooo hooo.. Blocked hubbys numb. this morning and got a i love you mom from my 21 year old so today looks better now I just need to get my lisence and a job... I know that will help.
Hi TBailey, sorry about what you're going through. Wow, reading your earlier post words to the one today, your husband has changed A Lot since he got the burden of caring for his mother. I'm going to be sarcastic now: What's wrong? Mom is stressing him? .... All I can say is, I love it when Karma comes knocking on the door. (Or what's goes around comes around.) Now he knows how much Stress, Work and Unappreciated You Must Have Felt. Of Course, he's NOT going to admit it to you! Instead, he blames you for all of this befalling him. Ha! It's HIS mother not yours. If he had only shown his appreciation to all you did for him.
Tbailey, just read your new post trying to play catch up. I am truly sorry that freak accident happen to your baby Belle. Sounds like a lot of emotional feelings going on with all the police n the accident. You are in my prayers.
Cat, you amaze me how you r able to find the right way to put words n meaning for other people. You have a gift n you use it well. Not sure if you ever check out the 'The Caregiver & Dysfunctional' post on this site but some of them over their could surely use your or someone else with experience some advice n words of wisdom if yall have the time. I try but my words get kind of scatter brain but I mean well for them. Tbailey, way to go girl, I am hooting n rooting for you letting the hubby n sil help out for a change. Cricket, did I just hear you right that your dad was shaving his stuff down their? omg! Sorry he is getting more agitated n I hope u can keep your sanity while trying. I am glad you r going to get a break, shoot a good 2wk break in Calif, to visit the kids. I have never been to Calif, I don't take much room can I go? ; )
I hope everyone else is doing fine. It has been raining for 3 days here n today was very nasty rain. I know this is going to sound stupid n they have been through this for years. However, today I could hear the birds out their while it was pouring so hard n long that they seem like they were crying for help. I looked outside in the front n back yard to find something to help give them some sort of shelter so they didn't get so soaken wet. I couldn't find anything to help except I did open the shed wide open so if they wanted to they could fly in their for a little dryness. I am pretty sure they didn't go in their but I had to do something. I don't know why I all of sudden started to think about that n I do listen to the birds out their everyday for they r so great to watch n hear sometimes. However, You do get one of those non-stop-sqaking talkers bird that u like to tell it to shut up for a moment or two. Son having marriage problems with his wife n its been going on ever since they moved back to her home town in NM. I know they both have faults but it sure seems she has changed since he is out of the military n since they moved closer to her family members. I finally got him to see a family therapy n she is suppose to go this Thursday n hopefully they can see their own faults to work out the kinks in their marriage. They have three children n they need to see if they can work it out or split for it is not good for the children. One of the children is not his n not sure about the second one but he loves n treats them all as if they are all his. My son is 29 n I think she is couple yrs older. We love all of them n want this to work for them n hopefully this family therapy will help them see more clearly to work on their marriage. I hate being dragged in middle n really nothing I can do except like I mention the family therapy n try not to take sides. ah!!! Wouldn't it be nice if life was simple. I think it stop raining for a bit at least I don't have to water the plants n grass. ; 0
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After a bit of screaming obscenities, see if you can ask God to have mercy and give you the help you need. Please don't drown yourself or anything else that might be hurtful to you. You will just live to regret it.
I'm really pissed about the Medicaid app. I thought your attorney said that was not a problem. When does your mom's long term care policy end and just exactly what is it doing to help your current situation? There has to be a way for you to get a break.
Diane: Remember when you had that person come in to see if your mom would qualify for some help? I don't remember what the program was, but you got turned down because you were doing such a good job. Remember when we suggested that your doctor write a letter so you could show what a tremendous strain you had been under and how desperate you were?
Would you please consider doing this; getting the doctors letter and trying to get the program to reconsider. You have nothing to lose. Just do it.
Hey everyone, I'm up too late. It's almost 1:30am. Got to go to bed.
Diane, I love you and hope something good will come your way. Don't stop pushing. You have to do it.
Love and white light, Cat
Diane –- don’t apologize about not being upbeat and chipper. We all go through the cycles. When the humor hits, you share it, we all laugh. When you’re down, we commiserate, encourage and give advice. But, it’s best to share whatever news you have so that others who have gone through it can give their experiences to help you.
Deef – -When you were describing feeding your mom, the wheelchair incident (feet, car, rigidness –in getting in the car and even when inside the car – she’s tilting!) – I couldn’t believe it. We went through that with mom too! But there was 2 of us – father and I – and that was frustrating. You – by yourself! Now that is what I call PATIENCE with All capital letters.
Stormy -– we’re still fighting over mom’s milk! I was able to get him Real Food for 2 dinners in a row, then he wanted her milk the next day’s dinner. He refuses the Nutrition drink that I bought at Kmart. Still struggling. Can’t really cook a real meal here. Our gas stove – when you turn it on, - the gas fume or vapor flares out like a nuclear bomb. It starts in the middle and then you see it flare really fast WIDE. Scary. I asked bro-of-next-door to see what’s wrong. He TELLS me to check the thingy (he named it but I don’t know what the heck that is or where it is) in the gas stove that needs adjusting. So, I said that since he knows what that thingy is maybe he can go inside and adjust it. He didn’t. This all happening on our front porch. Sigh…..Don’t know if you’re familiar with my family dynamics. But if you were there on my Pre-meltdown, I was venting about it. I sure don’t want to go down that road again. So instead of stressing about his non-action, I went and bought a small electrical one-burner stove.
Dt- I love your profile picture, that's how i feel most days like i am pushed and pulled in every direction and i just want to take off running and screaming.... I hope you have a better day tomorrow!!!
Deefer- My Lord you had a nightmare of a day. Please tell me your mom isn't like this everyday. If she is, please tell me you have some help with her. I am sorry that you had such a difficult time with her today. I guess you just don't know what some people have to go through when caring for a elder. My dad has cancer and can still get up and go to the bathroom on his own. Thank God. Cause if he was not able to do that i don't know what me and sister would do. We are short in height and my dad is tall, like 6' 3 and he weights 206. I just don't think we could handle him. So i will be praying that your mom does a little better with cooperating with you while you are trying to help her. ((Hugs))
Hey Book- How's the situation with your dad's eating and your mom's milk going? My dad loves his starches: rice, potatoes, pasta, bread. I just have to cook them to death for him to be able to swallow them otherwise he just can't get them down. He really likes stewed potatoes with onions in it with butter. If your dad likes potatoes and onions maybe you could try it and see if he likes that. Well i will chat with ya'll later. Hope ya'll have a good day tomorrow. Hugs stormy
Well, today was a long day for sure and I have a gross story a la old school on this thread.
Morning was the usual haul Mom out of bed and wash from head to toe. Then powder, deodorant and diaper time. Tough getting the meds in and the dentures too as she will not open her mouth when you tell her to. Breakfast was a challenge also, because of the mouth issue. I would get the spoon halfway into her mouth and she would clamp it shut before the food was all in. Soooooo squishy, gross food oozing down her chin and onto her clean clothes. Went to daycare with a few stains. Next it's getting the sweater and jacket on as she tries to take them off at the same time. Now it's down the 2 back steps with the wheelchair and a short backwards ride to the car. Her legs are long and she won't pick her feet up off the ground, or keep them on the foot plates that come with the chair. Next it's lift her off the chair and turn her onto the car seat. Of course she decides to stiffen up and not bend at the waist, AGAIN, so I have to push and pull and prod to get her into the car. We get to daycare and she won't get out of the car now! Finally 2 of the girls come out and she sees them and behaves perfectly! Of course! She has an audience and after all, she is only demented when around me!! Ha ha!
The day goes well and it's time to get Mom. Again, wheeling her backwards so as not to breaK her foot. Then it's a major battle to get her to sit in the car again! I get her home and do the lifting from the car to the chair and back up the 3 steps into the house. Check her pants and all is well. Give her the 3:30 meds and wait to see if she perks up and becomes a bit coherent. Not going to happen today! Extra drool all afternoon and no open mouth come supper time. Trie feeding her several times in an hour time period, but no go and she is losing it! I decide to get her ready for bed before med time and get her into the bathroom.
Found out why she was so agitated. Had a cow patty in her pants that I didn't see her sneak out or smell. Now, it's stuck to her pull-ups and I am trying to get her on the toilet without making a huge mess, but she decides to be uncooperative and starts pulling on the pants and grabbing everything in sight!!! Okay, picture this, Huge cow patty on the toilet seat, a print of this on her thigh, and Mom lying on her side on the floor with her a$$ in the wicker waste basket!! As I am cleaning up the mess, she is lying on her side and dusting the floor with her hands, as if she did it like that every day!!! So, I had to clean up the mess and get her to stand up so I could get her onto the toilet. Well, that worked out just great! Twisted my already hurting back! And all Mom had to say was "Are you crazy!!!!!!!!!" You see, she thinks we are all crazy and she is the sane one. Who knows, maybe she is!!! All I know is that after almost 5 years of this, I won't be the sane one!
ANDF NOW THE GOD DAMNEd HAWWIANA MUZAC111god when does this end!?
Beh, turn on youttube stuff ears..
Know what you mean about hemorrhoids...just one more thing and alarmingly unpleasant too. sort of deep life altering pain, you see why the people squirm on commercial...least they go away eventually but really! i walked to the store to get the Prep H not gonna p.o. my mom by asking her for a ride for what six blocks?...
"Dignity always dignity..." Gene Kelly, Singing In The Rain.
I treat him with dignity and irrelevance he is already dead to me and he deserves it. I act like he is not in the room, cruel but safer...for everyone.
Hello newbies, hope you are not too worn out, but if you are here, good chance of it. hang in there that is ALL you can do really...
Just stopping in to say hello. It's been a rough few days with mom and her outburst of anger and telling me to go drown myself. I've stressed myself out into a mega headache and stomach pain. Feeling a bit defeated but trying to survive. Cat, I haven't done the medicaid application because I was told mom still wouldnt qualify because of her long term care insurance. I'm not sure I have a long term plan right now other than to get through each day. Sorry I'm not upbeat and chipper.
Love to you all,
Diane
Lildeb-so sorry for the roid problem! But I agree with Cat-the way you tell a story-it seem so funny! Maybe you should try stand up comedy! Hope you can get some relief!
Hello to Stormy and Joy!
Book-the dress I bought is a silky tan material and it has brown, black and deep red flowers. It is beautiful! I am fair skinned and blue eyed...and at the moment blond haha! So, I usually go for pastels and anything blue! So, it is a stretch for my mind-but I think it looks good and so do my mom and hubby. (When mom doesn't like somthing-she will out and out tell you, so the fact that she liked it at first glance makes me happy) It is very much a fall colored dress-so I do think it is appropriate. I am going to keep looking but I do think this is it. There is less red compared to the blacks ans browns so I am thinking of some jewlery to pull that out and make the red pop. Hubby already said he has the tie to wear wiht it! Imagine that! Lildeb-you are right, we are never satisfied with our bodies! I have been hiding my tummy for as long as I can remember-even when I didn't have one! I just thought I did. I recently saw a funny saying on facebook... "I hate it when my fat makes me look fat in these clothes"! I burst right out laughing. Anyway...The dress is comfortable and I don't feel selfconscious. I think it is a go.
Mom is tired today. She gets worn out at daycare. She seems happy there. She tells me all the people are old and sickly there and she wants to take care of them. So cute. She will never truely retire from being a nurse.
Well, I am procrastinating...I better go... Was supposed to be 80 degrees today-don't think it will make it. Too overcast and here at 2pm it is only 69. Frost this weekend-ugh... The changing leaves are gorgeous though...Nothing like upstate NY in the fall!
Mame
Joy- Yes, i know dad makes noises too when he eats and i still have a hard time eating over here, but i would never say anything to hurt him or embarrass him. He has had it rough the last few years and i don't know how he has made it through it all i know i could not have lasted this long cause i'm sure i would have given up. But he is a strong and determined man and that has been what has kept him going like he has. I am sorry about your dad i know you must miss him, well i got to get to doing stuff so i hope ya'll have a good day. hugs stormy
Hemorrhoids. I also heard that even with the surgery, it comes back. I guess that depends on your body. My bro had that surgery. He said that it is very painful. Also, he can no longer hold his poop in until he gets home. When he needs to go, he goes. He no longer has control of it. When I strain hard, mine pops out. It gets very painful. If I sit all day, it hurts in the inside. I have found that when your inside hemorrhoid hurts, I pop inside it a Cold Prep.H suppository. When it goes in cold, I get instant relief. But I try not to get up I use it. Gravity will pull it down and pop out.
Mame - what's the color of your dress for the wedding? Sorry, where I live, we only have rainy season and dry season and typhoon season. Fall for me -means brownish orange. Is that the color you have? Now, may I know what's your favorite colors? You see, my family knows me for my eye for colors. I can look at person and know if that color is good on them or not. I can blend colors to "match" or "contrast." I'm more to bright and contrast - which sis hates. I was wondering if you can provide me your dress color and your favorite colors, maybe I can offer a suggestion. MAYBE!!! Do you have an eye for colors? If you do, try your favorite colors to Accentuate your dress. To make the accessories "match" with the dress, keep the favorite color with the earrings, your necklace (even if it's just the pendant color or the nice small beads), bracelet too. Your accessories will match each other (cuz of same or same family color). These accessories can accentuate your dress or contrast your dress. Up to you!
The bad thing is I realize how you have to weigh so many issues when you consider any kind of surgery. You have the diabetes to consider and also the rejection drugs. Ok, I'm not laughing anymore. Now I feel like crying for you.
You are such a wonderful person. I know you have a great sense of humor and your MIL bathroom stories are too funny. You have the patience of a saint and the heart of one too.
Sending you love and white light, Cat
Tbailey, I hope u r doing okay and take "One Step at a Time." Look at all that you have done n learn just from being a caregiver. You will have no problem getting your license once you set your mind to it.
Jsomebody, I hope some of that rain we had comes toward your direction. Today was only 10% so I saw no rain. yeah.... I think the little birds r happy too.
Mame, I bet that fall color dress looks great on you n will look nice for your Neice's wedding. You know us women r never satisfied with r own body. ; )
Cricket, take pictures n show us on fb please.
Today was okay day. I made my coffee n made mnl n I a pancake n for some reason she grabbing a steak knife. I asked her what she need that for n she said, "to cut it up." It's a pancake u can cut it up with a fork. She gives me one of those go-to-hell looks. So, I just told her, "Your welcome." n continue on with a positive mind-set as I gather her medicine. I put her fiber stuff in her water n now she thinks I am posion her or something, like oh please. I show her the fiber bottle n show where her name is on it n dr to re-assure her. She was at east after I showed her. I know its not her its the AD. What I don't understand is why she has to rush out of the pot-toliet when we go somewhere, for she takes forever at home? I even tell her to not rush for everytime she does we r going back about 3 more times within 10 -15 mintues. She states she that, "she is afraid I will leave her." I have told her several times I would never leave her in the bathroom. This time she had hurry so fast that I was still on the toliet myself while she is calling, "Debbie where u at?" R U kidding me! I told while sitting on the pot that I am still here n quit rushing for she dont get her doings all done. she just said she had to tinkle. No sooner after we left n caught up with hubby she had to go do #2! OMG! I am breathing in/out, counting to 20 as we have to rush to the opposite end of store to the bathroom for her. I again told her to take her time n of course that didn't happen. I don't know anyway else to re-assure her that I will be right in the same room where all the stalls r that I will wait. I even told her to look at floor to see if she can see my feet so she wouldn't rush. It don't work either.
Anyway, after we get around corner it's my turn because I felt something from rear on me n sure as crap my roids r bleeding again. Those that don't won't to read about hemrroids don't continue to read.
I have had two dr's telling that I need to get that taking care of. One mention a string tied to it n other said he would send me to a surgeon. Both sound painful. It also don't promise that they won't come back! So, I just wear a thin pad constantly for those painful suckers n use cream. One dr. said I needed to use what I call a butt-rocket suppostor rather than just treat the outside area. Yet, its too painful to even think of such. Because of my anti-reject meds, I get loose stools. so, I am pushing out my 3 grape size friends just about every other day. Warm sitz bath don't help but by the afternoon they do go down some. I guess, that will be another appt I will need to set-up. I use to be able to find Nuprcainel off the CVS shelf for the pain n use it with my proctolsol n sometimes tucks. However, you cannot find it no where now on the shelves n I am getting low. I guess I might have to start trying to find a caregiver that will be able to come to the house that no so expensive for the mnl for I need to go to the dentist still too. I feel like I am falling apart sometimes.
Not to mention my son in NM with his wife n their troubles n the poor children r stuck right in the middle. I hope the Family Therapy helps them. Time will only tell.
Lildeb and anyone else, I wish I could pick you all up and take you to Cali with me!
Love Cricket
Crickett-I am psyched you are taking classes! I wish I had an interest that I could take a class in... I just have no desire. Maybe one day. Also happy you will get a respite this month! Yea!!
Bobbi-I am thinking of what you said, that we are "almost accomplishing the impossible" and have a picture in my head of a woman in a super hero suit and a cape! That's us girls!!! We are grateful for you Bobbi!
Tbailey-I am sooooo sorry about your Bella. You are going through so much right now! We are with you! Praying and hoping for you!
Bookworm-you are right-if only Tbailey's hubby had appreciated her-he wouldn't be in this mess!
Lildeb-I love the birds too and think it is so sweet you offered them shelter!
Jen-you are amazing giving a shout out to all of us by name!
Welcome to the thread Kritini!
Hello to everyone else! Making tacos for dinner! Yum! Mame
No rain here could use some, beautiful rose sunsets from all the fires in WA state.
Hi to bobbie and cat and bookworm and dflex and rip and kiristini and lie, and Kathy (Thank You!) T Baily and rip, Christina if she is still looking in. SS and mame, maries' austin, cuz, cat and meanwhile.....
Tbailey, way to go girl, I am hooting n rooting for you letting the hubby n sil help out for a change.
Cricket, did I just hear you right that your dad was shaving his stuff down their? omg! Sorry he is getting more agitated n I hope u can keep your sanity while trying. I am glad you r going to get a break, shoot a good 2wk break in Calif, to visit the kids. I have never been to Calif, I don't take much room can I go? ; )
I hope everyone else is doing fine. It has been raining for 3 days here n today was very nasty rain. I know this is going to sound stupid n they have been through this for years. However, today I could hear the birds out their while it was pouring so hard n long that they seem like they were crying for help. I looked outside in the front n back yard to find something to help give them some sort of shelter so they didn't get so soaken wet. I couldn't find anything to help except I did open the shed wide open so if they wanted to they could fly in their for a little dryness. I am pretty sure they didn't go in their but I had to do something. I don't know why I all of sudden started to think about that n I do listen to the birds out their everyday for they r so great to watch n hear sometimes. However, You do get one of those non-stop-sqaking talkers bird that u like to tell it to shut up for a moment or two.
Son having marriage problems with his wife n its been going on ever since they moved back to her home town in NM. I know they both have faults but it sure seems she has changed since he is out of the military n since they moved closer to her family members. I finally got him to see a family therapy n she is suppose to go this Thursday n hopefully they can see their own faults to work out the kinks in their marriage. They have three children n they need to see if they can work it out or split for it is not good for the children. One of the children is not his n not sure about the second one but he loves n treats them all as if they are all his. My son is 29 n I think she is couple yrs older. We love all of them n want this to work for them n hopefully this family therapy will help them see more clearly to work on their marriage. I hate being dragged in middle n really nothing I can do except like I mention the family therapy n try not to take sides. ah!!! Wouldn't it be nice if life was simple. I think it stop raining for a bit at least I don't have to water the plants n grass. ; 0